by Debra Kayn
She followed him out of the room. In the great room, they stood at the door looking through the window. He reached over and flipped the light switch. She gazed up at him. He'd spent hours working on the cabin to make sure she had one light outside. She never asked him to do the job, and until he came over, she hadn't realized how much she needed a security light. But then again, she hadn't known Caiden would be living in Federal and become her most frequent visitor.
"Jolene." His mouth softened. "You need to look out the window to see the light."
Caught staring at him, she looked out and smiled. "I can see the whole yard."
"That's the point of the light." He flipped the other light switch, and the main part of the cabin went dark. "If someone approaches the cabin, you can turn off the inside lights, and the outside light will act as additional protection. They won't be able to see you standing in the window watching them."
"How can it be more beautiful outside with the light on than it is during the day." She put her hand on the glass. "Look at the way the falling snow sparkles."
He'd given her a way to enjoy the snow at night. She opened the door and walked out onto the porch. Cradling her elbows in her hands, she shivered against the cold and looked up at the sky. She had missed everything when she'd moved away.
The snow. The cabin. The quiet. Caiden.
Her face tickled and she swiped her hand across her skin, surprised at the tear wetting her cheek. Tonight, couldn't have been more perfect.
With Caiden in the house fixing the wiring, she'd settled into working, losing time. There was something so soothing about knowing he was near. It was as if the years they were apart had disappeared.
"I don't think it has stopped snowing since you got here." She moved to the edge of the porch.
"I should get home," said Caiden.
She looked down at the steps and two out of the three were covered completely with snow. "There's almost a foot of new snow. You can't drive this late at night. The plow stops at six o'clock on the main road. It's too dangerous."
"I'll make it." Caiden stepped beside her. "I have chains and four-wheel drive if the studded tires aren't enough to get through."
Determined to keep him at the cabin, she faced him. "Stay. Don't risk your life. Wait until it's daylight and the plow has come through. You can sleep on the couch. Or, I'll sleep on the couch, and you can have my bed."
"Jolene..."
"Seriously, Caiden. You should stay." She walked back in the house and waited for him at the door. "I'll make up the couch. Besides, I made you a Rueben sandwich for dinner because I knew you liked them, but you never came out of the crawlspace to eat. You can eat now and relax before you go to sleep."
He looked away from her. At that moment, she knew deep in her heart, he wouldn't stay. That the weather wouldn't keep him from going. That whatever she said wouldn't be enough. That the contentment she'd found while he worked on the electricity wasn't shared.
"I'll stop at Bantorus clubhouse and bunk down for the night." He brought his gaze back to her. "About what you did for my mom. Taking care of her and the plaque. Thank you."
His change of topic came out of nowhere. She nodded. One day, she hoped he'd realize she'd spent the money to have his mom taken care of for his sake. Because she had a feeling, tonight's visit, bringing her a gun and putting in a floodlight, was meant to pay her back.
He stepped toward her.
She reached for him, and he bent over and picked up the toolbox on the floor next to her. Lowering her empty hand to her side, she moistened her lips. "Please, be careful driving."
"Will do." He walked off the porch. "Remember to lock your door."
"I..." She frowned when he kept walking. "Will," she whispered.
He hadn't even stopped to hear her answer or look back at her. She leaned against the doorframe. His changing moods had never bothered her before because time was always on her side and eventually, he always came back around and talked to her about what was going on inside his head.
Until their time together ended when he was arrested, she'd taken their relationship for granted.
Losing that connection with him only made her more determined to get it back.
CHAPTER 15
Living in dreams of yesterday, we find ourselves still dreaming of impossible future conquests. — Charles Lindbergh
The car heater blew warm air in Jolene's face. She pulled out of the grocery store parking lot onto Main Street. Bitter cold temperatures hit after the snowstorm leaving clear skies. The change in weather made coming and going from the cabin easier.
She drove slower than normal over the packed snow. After three trips, she'd found driving in the snow easier if she stayed below the speed limit, but not too slow her tires had to find traction. She actually loved the drive up into the mountain to the cabin. The slow and steady ride was absolutely beautiful with the heavily snow-laden trees, and she found herself making excuses all week to go driving.
She pulled into the gas station. Or, maybe she drove around trying to burn gas so she could make another trip to the gas station in hopes of running into Caiden.
Looking in the rearview mirror, she pulled her stocking cap down and fluffed up her scarf. She rubbed her lips together, contemplating if she should apply more lipstick or if that would appear too obvious if Caiden came outside.
She jerked away from the mirror, realizing if he knew she was here, he was watching her right now.
She stepped out of the car with her debit card in her gloved hand. The wind blew snow off the ground that tickled her cheeks. She ran the card, picked premium gas, and inserted the nozzle in the tank. While the pump ran, she peered around, keeping the front door of the station in her peripheral vision.
It wasn't as if she was desperate to see him. She dug the toe of her boot in the snow. She was concerned about him. He'd left her cabin two nights ago in a weird mood. One minute showing interest and the next, he couldn't get away from her fast enough.
And if she was honest, she was going a little stir-crazy without anyone to talk to day after day. She wouldn't mind seeing him, but she wasn't at the point where she'd knock on his office door.
The pump clicked off. She hung the nozzle, grabbed her receipt, and got back in the car. Not wanting to wait around and draw everyone's attention, she drove back through town and stopped at Rail Point Bar for an early dinner. She wanted to make it back home before sundown.
Inside the bar, she stomped her boots on the rubber mat, took off her hat, scarf, and coat, then walked up to the bar. Taking a vacant stool at the counter, she watched the woman at the cash register. She seemed familiar.
Last time she'd eaten here, she'd thought the same thing and couldn't place her. Twenty years ago, she'd known most everyone in town, if not by name, by face, but people changed over time. Even her.
The woman, making her curious, approached her. "Would you like a menu?"
"I don't think I'll need one." Jolene pushed the sleeves of her sweater up her arms. "I'd like a Reuben sandwich with fries if that's possible."
"Anything to drink?"
"Diet Pepsi would be good," she said.
"Coming right up." The woman stepped away, repeated the order to the cook, and filled a glass with ice and pop. Returning to Jolene, she said, "I have to tell you that Caiden mentioned your name when he paid for your bill last time you were in. I remember you from Federal High."
Jolene leaned forward. "I'm sorry. I thought you looked familiar, but I can't place you."
"Desiree Carlyle." She grinned. "I kept to myself, mostly. But, everyone knew you because you'd snagged Caiden and disappointed a lot of girls who were trying to get him to notice them."
Jolene groaned. "I was such a nerd."
"Nah." Desiree laughed. "A little intense on getting good grades, but I remember you being shy."
"Extremely." Jolene wrinkled her nose. "I moved back to Federal thinking nobody would remember me. I bought a cabin outside of town."
"There's quite a few people who graduated around the same time we did who still live around here." Desiree planted her hand on her hip. "But, don't worry. Everyone will let you live your life without intruding too much."
"In some ways, the town hasn't changed at all during the time I was gone," said Jolene.
"Where did you move to?"
Jolene pulled her drink closer. "Colorado."
Desiree set silverware and a napkin on the counter. "Will it be too nosy if I ask what you're up to now?"
"I'm a jeweler." Jolene held up her wrist. "This is one of my bracelets and two rings that are available at most major retail merchants on the west coast."
"Wow." Desiree held Jolene's hand and looked at the two rings and bracelet. "I'm impressed, and your work is beautiful."
"Thank you."
"It always amazes me that others can make beautiful things from only an idea. You've got talent and good taste." Desiree tapped the counter. "I better go help other customers. It was nice seeing you again."
While Desiree was older than her and never ran with the same crowd, how could she not recognize others who were a part of her years growing up in Federal, and yet remember every detail about Caiden like it was yesterday?
Her dinner came, and she ate while listening to conversations going on around her. Most of the talk had to do with the weather, Mrs. Wilkes—who she remembered as the older woman working at the library—and was now living in a nursing home, and how the Sterling Building was a bordello museum ran by Risa and Kurt Ramchett. No surprise there, considering Federal was a mining town, and its history was in bordellos, taverns, and silver, in that order. And, Bantorus Motorcycle club owned a lot of the buildings in town, leasing them out to others.
A chill swept through her. She shivered and picked up a French fry. Every time the front door opened a rush of cold air swept into the old building.
A man stepped up beside Jolene. "Hey, Desi. Beer at the back table, honey."
Jolene glanced over and found two men, both older, wearing Motorcycle Club vests. When they both looked at her, she put her head down and picked up the last bite of her sandwich. They left her in peace, and she finished all the food on her plate and half her drink.
Desiree brought her receipt. "Anytime you're ready, I can help you here or at the register."
"Great." Jolene wiped her hands on the napkin. "I'm ready to check out now."
"I hope the guys didn't scare you off." Desiree whispered, "One is my husband, Merk, and the other man with the cane is his friend, Cam. You'll see them a lot if you make it a habit of coming in and eating."
Jolene glanced over her shoulder, found the men again, and turned back to Desiree while removing her wallet out of her purse. "Are they members of Bantorus?"
Desiree shook her head. "Moroad. Do you remember the old Molly B'Damn Motel outside of town?"
"Sure." Jolene put fifteen dollars on the counter.
"Moroad Motorcycle Club owns the motel. When you lived here, they never hung around town, so you probably never got used to seeing them like you did with the members of Bantorus." Desiree counted out the change and Jolene waved it away.
Jolene slid her coat on, remembering something else from her past. "You were related to Pop, right?"
"Yeah." Desiree smiled. "He was my grandfather. He passed away about fifteen years ago. I took over running the bar when he was gone."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Jolene reached across the counter and squeezed Desiree's hand. "Like all the kids who grew up here, I have fond memories of Pop when coming in here to eat or have ice cream."
"He was the best." Jolene raised her brows. "I better get back to work. Be careful driving out there and make sure you come back again. I bet I could find some ice cream for you next time."
Jolene smiled. For a little while, the conversation and being in town, brought her comfort. A contentment that still felt alien to her, but good. Really good.
Things were going to work out here. She had the best of both worlds. One where she could come to town to find a friendly face and a cabin to escape into her world of creating.
Pulling her hat on and wrapping her scarf around her neck, she walked outside and braved the cold getting into her car. She'd stayed longer than planned and would be lucky to get home before dusk ended and full-on night came, which seemed to get earlier every day.
The drive to the cabin took all of her concentration, and when she pulled up to the house, she failed to notice Caiden's truck until she opened the car door and got out.
She looked up at the porch and found Caiden stacking wood beside the front door. The sight of him stopped her in the path. He looked good.
Not only in jeans, boots, and a thick flannel coat, but he fit into the atmosphere. The cabin was as much his dream as hers. Their desire to live here was a mutual want. A fantasy they'd created together, to be shared with each other.
"Are you going to walk up on the porch?" he asked.
She snapped her gaze off the front of his jeans to his eyes. "What are you doing?"
"Moving wood from the side of the house to under the porch, and I split some more kindling for you. The box was getting low."
She stepped onto the porch. "Oh, well, thank you."
"That's not why I came over," he said.
"It's not?" She stood in front of him, breathless over imagining him waiting for her when she came home. There was something so right about that visual, she ached inside.
"I saw you at the gas station, but an employee needed my help, and you'd left before I could talk to you." He tugged her stocking cap down to her eyebrows, covering her ears. "I want you to come with me."
"Where?"
"Out for the night."
What kind of answer was that? She wanted to be with him, and she gave no more thought to questioning him. "Should I change my clothes?"
"No." He brushed off the front of his jacket. "Do you need anything out of the house?"
"Oh, shit." She turned around and hurried down the steps. "I have groceries in the trunk of my car I forgot about. I stopped for dinner at Rail Point, and the food is probably frozen now."
Caiden stepped off the porch. "Unlock the house and then throw me your keys. I'll get the groceries."
"Okay." Following his directions, she opened the door and tossed him the keys.
Knowing he'd want to leave once the food was brought in, she rushed into the bathroom and brushed her teeth while going pee, then washed up and went into her bedroom to put a nice sweater on and spritz perfume on her.
"Table or counter," said Caiden from the other room.
"Counter." She blew out her breath and went out to the kitchen.
Caiden glanced at her twice. She ignored his curiosity and put the groceries in their proper place. Her stomach quivered. He seemed overly attentive.
"What?" She wadded up the plastic bags and put them in a drawer.
"You smell the same."
She laughed. Lux always made fun of her for sticking to the same perfume she wore in high school when the rage was to go scent-naked as a courteous to others who were sensitive to smells.
"Is it too powerful?" she asked.
He leaned over, putting his face close to her shoulder and inhaled. "Perfect."
That word. That gravely whisper. That closeness. She ducked around him, grabbing her purse. "I’m ready."
Caiden's mouth tightened, and he walked with her to the door, flipping on the outside light. She remained quiet as they climbed into the truck, trusting him to take her and bring her home safely. Wherever they were going.
CHAPTER 16
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. — Buddha
Behind the high Cyclone Fence, the Bantorus Motorcycle Clubhouse lit up the hillside. Caiden opened the passenger side door of his truck. Jolene continued to sit on the seat, staring up at the building.
"Ready?" he asked.
"I'm not going in ther
e." Jolene held on to her seatbelt.
He gripped the top of the truck with both hands and leaned in closer to her. "Why not?"
She'd been all for going out tonight back at the cabin when he asked her. What kind of problem did she have with the members of Bantorus?
"You know why not." Her eyes welled up with tears. "How could you think I'd want to come here after what happened to you?"
When she'd questioned him about going back in the ring, she'd made her opinion perfectly clear. He wanted to take the guilt away that she continued to carry from that night. She needed to know boxing was a sport, and he was the one who was responsible for his lack of control and immaturity to see the risks he put on others.
"I'm not boxing." The tension in his neck made his shoulders ache. "Since I've bought the station, I've only stepped inside the ring with Kurt, to spar and keep in shape. He trusts me. I don't let myself go full out anymore, Jolene."
"I'm still not going in there and watching others box." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "Don't make me."
He undid her seatbelt. "It's Thursday. Boxing is only done on Fridays. Tonight, we're going inside and having a couple drinks and relax. That's it."
"I'd rather go into town. There are three bars we can choose from. We could go to any one of them."
It was time for him to own up to his past. "I want to take you out, but I won't take you to town where you'll be uncomfortable."
She finally looked at him. "And, you think I'll be comfortable here? In a biker clubhouse? Where I witnessed a man drop dead the last time I was inside?"
He stepped away from the truck and blew his breath out, creating a spray of white mist in the freezing air. There was never a time in his life where he made excuses for who he was, and he wasn't going to start now.
"I left Federal a killer and returned ten years later a killer. People don't forget, and I don't make it a habit of eating out. I spend as little amount of time as I have to with the public." He turned toward her.
"But, I saw you at Rail Point Bar," she said.
"The owners, Merk and Desiree, belong to Moroad Motorcycle Club and welcome everyone inside. Unlike Bantorus, you have to be a felon to be a member with Moroad. They're in no position to judge me." He stepped closer to her.
