“We’re going to go upstairs, if that’s okay,” Miranda interjected, tucking herself closer to Kent.
“Sure.”
He watched them leave the kitchen, knit together both in body and spirit. He tried not to remember being that age with Sherri, already married and raising a family. Miranda as a sweet little toddler in his and Sherri’s cramped apartment, the two of them with no money and rapidly dwindling patience. It seemed like so long ago.
By the time Evan collapsed on the sofa next to Matt, his entire body ached. Caught between memories and today’s exhausting level of emotion, Evan was beat. He slid down in the cushions, faintly registering the football game playing in the background, the murmurs of conversation. Matt twined his fingers with Evan’s. Head tilted back, Evan let himself drift off, even as his mind babbled at him.
“Hey, Dad?” a soft voice whispered, a hand on his knee shaking him gently.
Katie.
He woke fully with a start, surprised to be awake when he hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep. Blinking, Evan looked around. It was dark, and the room was all but deserted.
Katie smiled at him. “Come on, time to go to bed. It’s almost ten.”
For a second he thought he was dreaming—wasn’t it Thanksgiving? Didn’t they have guests?
“Helena’s taking us to the mall for Black Friday stuff, but it starts at midnight, so we’re leaving now,” Katie rambled. “Can we take Elizabeth and Danny? Kent and Miranda are coming, and Shane, and that’s, like, mostly adults—we’ll take care of them.”
Evan sat up fully, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Did you need money?”
“Nope, Matt took care of it.” She grinned. “Go to bed. We’ll be home in a few hours.”
He frowned. “No, I’ll stay up….”
“Fine, stay up, but do it in bed. Jeesh.” She checked her watch and humphed impatiently. “What are they doing? We’re going to bum-rush a sale—why do people have to wear lipstick?”
Evan stretched his arms over his head. His back bitched about the slumped position and the couch—bed was a good idea. “Is your phone charged? I want to be able to get in touch with you guys.”
“Dad, we’re going with a cop,” she said patiently.
“Right.” Evan yawned, shook his head. “Still….”
“Phone is charged, the twins won’t be allowed out of my sight, and we’ll buy you preeeesents,” Katie wheedled.
“Fine.”
He stood up, giving her the stern-father look until she threw her hands in the air.
“A cop!”
“Have fun.” Evan kissed her cheek.
At the top of the stairs, he encountered the twins, who got similar lectures about responsible behavior, staying with Helena and Katie, and not blowing Matt’s money on stuff for themselves, and then Kent and Miranda, who just got smiles. The guest bedroom’s door was closed, so he assumed Blake and Cornelia were spending the night.
He supposed he could speak to Cornelia in the morning.
Or maybe just hide until they left.
He opened the bedroom door and was hit by a blast of cool air. The ceiling fan and air-conditioning were on. In the adjoining bathroom, he heard the shower going. Matt had started his nightly routine without him.
Evan stripped down completely. He threw everything in the hamper, and after a considering glance at his dresser, he dropped into bed naked.
He knew what his boyfriend was going to assume when he came out of the shower, and Evan decided he wasn’t going to dissuade him.
The sheets were cold and refreshing. Sleep didn’t claim him again as he rolled onto his stomach. He rubbed against the softness, letting his skin pucker in the breeze.
“Wow, that’s a pretty picture.”
Evan turned his head toward the bathroom door where Matt stood, toweling off. Naked, of course.
“Same.”
“Aw, you.” Matt winked as he ran the towel over his hair. “Everyone gone?”
“Yeah. I heard the cars pulling out.”
“The young lovers seem to be on track.” He went back into the bathroom. Evan heard the water run and the clank of the mouthwash bottle.
“Hmmm.” Evan pushed his face into the mattress, breathing in the fabric softener.
The light clicked off and the bed tilted slightly as Matt sat next to him. “Let me guess, you’re horny,” Evan said to the sheets.
Matt snickered. “Always, baby.” He trailed fingers down Evan’s spine, ending with a slap to his ass that echoed loudly in the room.
Evan’s hips twitched.
He turned to look at Matt, who was naked and hard and looking at him like he was the first steak dinner he’d seen in twenty years.
“We have guests.”
“They can’t hear anything—plus, you know, noisy fans.”
“You’re a genius.”
“Mmmm.” Matt rubbed the inside of his thigh, pushing Evan’s legs apart. “Do we have to talk about things?”
Evan considered this. “We’re good.”
“I know we’re good.” Matt leaned back to get a better view. A much dirtier view.
“It’s okay.” Evan rolled up onto all fours, then pushed up to kneel. Now he was looming over Matt, whose smile morphed into something hazy and wanting. “It’ll be fine. But right now I just want to put this day behind me.”
Matt smirked. “You can put me behind you.”
Evan shook his head. “Shut up and lie down.”
“Huh, so that’s how it’s going to be.” Matt sat up, then leaned forward, dropping a kiss on the meaty part of Evan’s hip. He flicked his tongue over Evan’s rapidly hardening dick, running a damp trail from root to tip. “Feeling bossy.”
“A little.” Evan stroked his fingers through the thick mop of Matt’s hair. It was damp and going in all directions, and it felt so good to dig his hand into.
“Taking back control.” Matt opened his mouth, teasing before he closed his lips around just the head, enough to pull a needy groan out of Evan’s throat.
Matt was gorgeous when he did this. Evan loved to give—it was his dirty little secret how much—but Matt was stunning, the way his mouth pursed and his eyes fluttered with pleasure. Evan let him suck and tease, gripping his hair tighter and tighter as the pleasure grew.
He let Matt have his turn, slow and lazy licks until they were both trembling, until the hazy edges of orgasm teased at the base of Evan’s spine.
When he pushed Matt away, there was no surprise. They could read each other well enough to know when the teasing was over.
“How do you want me?” Matt asked, his voice low and husky as he wrapped his arms around Evan’s waist. He sucked and bit at Evan’s hip, distracting him from his answer.
Because the answer was always Every way I can get you.
“On your back,” Evan whispered, rubbing the broad expanse of Matt’s shoulders.
“Ohhh.” Matt kissed his way down Evan’s legs, then rolled over to his back, splayed out like a centerfold, a teasing smile on his face. “My favorite.”
“’Cause I do all the work.” Evan no longer blushed when he opened the bedside drawer to get the lube, but there was always a weird moment of alienness as he closed his fingers on the small tube.
Then he looked at Matt and forgot what the questions were.
Chapter 14
MATT WALKED into the kitchen, flicking on the light before checking the time on the microwave: 3:12. There were new dishes in the sink and crumbs on the counter—apparently the weary shoppers had snacked when they returned from their trip. For about five seconds, he debated cleaning the table, but sleepiness and thirst set that plan aside.
He’d make the kids do it in the morning.
A sound caught his attention midway through pouring iced tea into a tall glass. Footsteps, and definitely not Evan. Or the kids.
Cornelia stuck her head into the doorway. “Sorry. I uh—saw the light.”
“
No, it’s fine.” He gestured with the pitcher. “Iced tea?”
She shook her head. “Water and some pain reliever? I thought I brought some, but no.”
“Not a problem.” Matt saw she had changed into a pair of black yoga pants and an oversize red pullover. She looked pale and drained. “Need anything to eat or…?”
Cornelia considered this for a second. “Maybe some bread, if you have it handy.”
Matt gestured toward the table and went to work pulling together what Cornelia needed—a leftover roll from dinner, a tall glass of water, two aspirins. He brought everything to where she was seated, then dropped down in the chair across from her.
“Rough night.” It wasn’t a question.
She took the pain reliever and drank most of the water very quickly. “Yes.” The glass clinked on the table. Cornelia set to ripping the roll in several big pieces. “I saw Kent earlier—he seems to be doing better.”
“Yeah.” Matt rubbed lines in the condensation on his glass. “I’m glad they worked it out.”
Cornelia didn’t say anything to that, sliding small bits of bread into her mouth.
“Kids, you know? Everything is so dramatic.”
She swallowed. “Not just kids.”
“True. But Miranda’s, she’s just… it’s always been a big deal. Whatever the issue. That’s how she manages stuff. Me? I tend to downplay.” He watched her, the nervous hands and aborted movements, and knew she was struggling with more than just guns in the house.
“Kent is like his father. Locks everything down until there’s an explosion. A muted explosion, but still.” She gave him the briefest of smiles. “I haven’t seen him this upset in a long time.”
“Well, that sucks.” Matt drummed his fingers on the table, feeling the slight stickiness of a too-quick cleanup. “Not what you were expecting this holiday to be like.”
“No, not at all.”
They sat in silence for a few moments.
“This is his first serious girlfriend. We met her briefly a few weeks ago, for dinner. Everything was fine. Pleasant. She told us about coming here for Thanksgiving and Kent seemed so… excited. Hopeful. We didn’t want to express any doubts just yet….”
“But you had them?”
“They’re young. Too young, and I don’t mean anything you can measure in time.” Cornelia gave him a wry look. “What were you like at twenty-two?”
“Already walking a beat.” Matt thought back to his young self and imagined his disdain for rich kids like Miranda and Kent, who had it easy.
“I was starting my master’s degree in botany with a four-month-old in a sling.” The memory seemed to register more pleasantly than their conversation. Her smile expanded until it lit up her entire face. “Blake had two jobs. Landscaping during the day and pizza delivery at night.”
Matt chuckled. “Ate a lot of it, I’m sure.”
“So much! I couldn’t look at it for years afterward. But we thought—that’s what you did. Other people our age were working technology, making huge amounts of money, but neither of us could bear to be inside all the time. We wanted to work with our hands. We wanted to raise our child into something other than a spoiled consumer.” She sighed, pushing the glass between her hands. “Hippies, about twenty years out of date.”
“Kent seems like a nice kid. I don’t think you should be beating yourself up.”
“He’s a great person. Really. I’m so proud of him—his heart, his intelligence. But shields—I forgot about those.”
“Shields.” Matt repeated the word, swirled it on his tongue like a fine wine. He knew about those, how they barricaded you from the world, keeping damage and heartbreak at bay. And of course things like love and true friendship and contentment and peace. A body at war doesn’t truly know rest—and a person doesn’t realize that until long after the bombs stop going off.
“He just loves with his whole heart, throws himself into everything believing that it’ll all work out.” Cornelia’s smile was long gone. “He thinks he can fix things. And he’s shocked when he can’t.”
“That’s tough. It’s also sort of amazing.”
“You really think so?” she scoffed. “It just ends in heartbreak.”
“Sure. Or it ends with making something better that no one else was willing to give a second glance.”
“I raised an idealist.” She didn’t sound happy about it.
“I wish I had been raised an idealist,” Matt laughed. “Being a pessimist with a mountain of shields hasn’t kept me from my bouts of disappointment and bitterness.”
And drinking and loneliness and self-destructive behavior that lasted decades.
“Hmmm.” Cornelia drank the rest of her water, seemingly contemplating what Matt was trying to say. When the glass was empty, she gave him a side-eyed look. “I’m a little overprotective.”
“Me too. So don’t fight with my boyfriend anymore, please.” He winked.
She covered her eyes with her hand. “I was horrendously out of line. I have to apologize.”
“That’s what breakfast is for. Redemption with maple syrup.”
“You’re an awfully nice man.” She lowered her hand to look at him.
Matt shrugged, then collected her glass and his. “I used to be an angry, lonely prick. Then I met a guy with four amazing kids and more issues than the Sports Illustrated back catalog, and boom—happiness.”
“Boom, happiness?”
“Okay, boom. Boom. More booms. A mushroom cloud. Then happiness.” He got up to bring the empties to the sink.
“I’m still not comfortable with the guns in the house.”
Matt turned around. “Fair enough. In the morning I can show you the gun safes where we keep everything. Might reassure you we’re not storing them with the extra toilet paper in the hall closet.”
She regarded him for a moment, then nodded. “Thank you.”
Matt looked at the clock and sighed. “I don’t know about you, but I’m old and need more sleep. The kids will be down early scavenging—the noise level escalates quickly around here.”
“Good idea.” Cornelia got up. She walked to the doorway, pausing and turning back before she walked through. “Thank you, for the talk.”
He gave her a little salute.
Back in the bedroom, Evan was starfished across the bed, snoring into the pillow. Matt enjoyed the view for a few moments before climbing in next to him. It was a herding of limbs and rearrangement of linens, but finally he found his comfortable place, tucked around his boyfriend, their heads sharing a pillow.
He fell asleep with a feeling of contentment.
Chapter 15
A SCATTER of knocking gave Evan about ten seconds to pull the covers over him and a still-sleeping Matt before the knob turned.
“My eyes are closed! Mostly!” Helena called, poking her head in.
“Hey,” Evan whispered, going up on his elbows to greet his partner.
“Breakfast is ready in about ten minutes.” She leaned against the door, casual as he’d seen her in a while, in NYPD sweats and a big smile.
“Thanks.” Evan looked at her in the dim light of the room. “What’s up with you?”
Helena couldn’t contain her happiness. It threatened to explode off her face at this rate. Her eyes shone with a light that seemed to be coming from the inside.
“Good shopping trip?”
Then she giggled, and Evan almost fell off the bed. “What?”
More shocking than the giggle was a bounce, followed by a handclap. “Ten minutes, breakfast. Hurry, hurry!”
And with that she was gone, slamming the door behind her. Matt twitched hard, then woke up with a start. “Whu?” he grumbled, rolling over to grab at Evan’s middle.
“Breakfast. And Helena is being weird.”
“Bad weird?”
“Good weird.”
“Thank God.”
They skipped morning showers and just crowded into the bathroom to brush their teeth. Evan assume
d everyone would be in sweats, but the thought of it made him itchy—and Matt would tease him if he wore “real clothes”—so he settled for old jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt.
Matt opted to go with a pair of shorts he wore running and a hoodie he’d recently worn to paint the garage. Evan gave him the stink-eye when he came out of the bathroom.
“Really?”
Matt responded with a huge yawn, and then Evan got a good view of his back, leaving the bedroom.
Downstairs, the dining room was bustling and the smell was fantastic. Everyone was in one place, no one was pouting, and Evan felt a tentative peace rumble in his chest.
Or that might be hunger.
“How’d the shopping go?” Evan asked as he sat down between Miranda and Katie.
“Really well. We picked up some stuff for friends and a few other people who shall remain nameless,” Miranda said, passing him the carafe of coffee.
“She got me Uggs!” Elizabeth said from across the table.
Matt scowled as he dropped into a chair next to Shane. “What color?”
“Black.”
“Okay, then.”
“Wooo! I’m getting two pairs!”
Matt reached behind Helena to pull Elizabeth’s ponytail playfully. “Or Santa will bring you coal. He hasn’t decided yet.”
“Santa loooooves me,” she said, batting her eyelashes at him dramatically.
He sighed, reaching for the plate of bacon. “How many pairs do you want?”
The twelve-year-old lifted her hands over her head in victory.
Evan couldn’t help himself. He looked at Miranda while the little banter between Elizabeth and Matt was going on. And when he saw the longing behind the slight smile, he thought about reaching under the table to squeeze her hand.
And then he saw Kent doing just that.
The boy was seated on the other side of her, clearly comforting his girlfriend, perhaps for the same reason Evan thought about doing it.
It shocked him. Saddened him, a little. His daughter was growing up. Starting adult relationships and finding her own way. He could promise to help ease her pain over her mother’s death, but ultimately, this was the point where she started figuring it out on her own.
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