As I drive off, I can’t help but wonder if we really are going to keep doing this.
If we’ll drift in this limbo forever.
If it’s ever going to be more than just sex.
If it ever was just that.
***
Hailey
When I get to school, I no longer feel the heavy burden of having to deal with my mom’s boyfriend. After that cry-party last night, I feel much stronger, and I know I won’t let him stomp all over me again. He can come get me himself if he wants, but I’ll greet him with a fucking shovel.
In class, I can’t keep my eyes off Thomas. He’s always so cocky, and he always exudes an aura that makes people look at him. He radiates power—but not the bad kind, the noble kind. When I said I was falling head over heels for him, that was an understatement.
His class is pretty much the only one I pay attention in, mostly because of his face and that smile.
After class, I wait until everyone is gone and then follow him to his office. He picks up a stack of papers as I close the door, the noise making him look over his shoulder.
“Hailey.”
I jump in his arms and smash my lips onto his, surprising him.
When our lips unlatch, he smiles and shakes his head. “Okay, what did I do?”
“Nothing,” I muse. “I just wanted to do that.”
“Hmm … do it again.” He licks his lips, and I lean forward for another peck.
“Are you feeling better?” he asks.
“Yeah, much better. I had a bit of a headache earlier because of the apple martinis I had, but I took a painkiller, and it’s gone now.”
“Good …” He grabs a sheet of paper and holds it out to me. “Now that you’re here, I wanted to give you this. It’s a test so you can see if you’ll pass the actual test.”
“So it’s a cheat sheet?” I say, frowning.
“No, these are different questions,” he says, smiling. “Hey, I would never abuse my power.”
I narrow my eyes at his witty comment. “Right …”
Suddenly, the door slams open. I turn my head in shock, dropping almost everything in my hands.
“Natalie?” Thomas’s voice sounds much higher than normal.
Natalie.
That woman … She’s the one I saw him with when she drove him to school that one time. The one Lesley was talking about. Oh, god.
“Come with me,” she says, holding open the door like some bulldog with a face that matches.
Thomas doesn’t even protest. He just takes a deep breath and walks right past me.
“Thom—Sir?” I say, quickly catching myself in the act of being unprofessional.
“He won’t be here for a while, so it’s better if you just go home,” Natalie says, and she places her hand on Thomas’s back as she escorts him out.
A chill runs up and down my spine seeing her walk with him.
I go out after them, but when Thomas glances at me over his shoulder with a look that predicts thunder, I know I can’t go with him.
***
Thomas
I stand in the middle of the room as she slams the door shut and sits her ass down on top of the desk in the corner. I cross my arms when she gazes at me with a criticizing look.
“I told you to quit doing what you were doing,” she says. “It’s not just rumors anymore now. I just heard from a student that he saw you in a girl’s dorm room.”
My stomach turns upside down, and I suck in a breath to keep myself together.
“Is it true? You’re sleeping with a student?” She makes it sound like it’s disgusting.
I nod, frowning.
“Jesus, Thomas …” She sighs and rubs her forehead with her palm. “Goddammit. Why’d you have to do this?”
There’s no point in denying it now. “It just happened, okay? We met in a club. I didn’t know she was a student.”
“Yeah, well, you blew it. You should’ve quit it as soon as you found out, and now, I discover you’ve been fooling around with her behind my back?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Yes, it is,” she snaps. “It’s time you stopped denying it and faced what you did. After everything I did for you … this is how you repay me?”
“This has nothing to do with you.” My hand balls into a fist.
“Yes, it does because now I’m faced with a dilemma I don’t know how to solve. Don’t you realize you’ve gone too far? You can’t fix this anymore, Thomas. It’s too late.”
Fuck. I swallow away the lump in my throat. Is she doing what I think she’s doing?
“Sit down,” she says.
“No …” I shake my head. I can’t believe it.
After all the trouble I went through to hide my affair with Hailey, it still got out.
“You know there’s no other option.”
“Fuck that,” I say, refusing to acknowledge what’s happening. “I’m outta here,” I say, turning around.
“Wait! We’re not done talking yet.”
“I am,” I growl.
I storm out the door before she has a chance to say another word.
I don’t want to hear it.
I don’t want to know.
I don’t want to realize that I fucked up … and that there’s no going back from here.
***
Hailey
As I walk through the school building, more people are looking at me than usual. I mean, I get that a red bob draws attention, but I’ve never had this many eyeballs on me. Could it be the earrings? Just in case, I take them off and tuck them in my pocket. Still, people are looking at me, and not just that … they’re whispering too. And laughing.
Someone bumps into me and giggles when she sees me, exchanging looks with her friends.
One of them whispers into her ear, and I can just catch a few words.
“She’s that girl.”
That girl?
I walk past them only for more stares to find me in the cafeteria.
It’s as if everyone suddenly knows who I am.
Or worse.
They know something I don’t.
I hurry to the vending machine and get a Snickers before running off again.
While I walk, I still hear them talk behind my back.
“Look, it’s her.”
“Who?”
“That girl they’re talking about.”
Who is they? Is it everyone? Why? What do they know?
Panic zaps through me as I walk fast, trying to get away from the people who seemingly know me for no other reason other than rumors. I don’t even know what’s going on or how they all suddenly found out.
I go into the bathroom to try to escape it all. That’s when I run into Lesley.
“Hailey, oh my god, have you heard the rumors that are being spread around?” She grabs my arm and pulls me aside.
“Yes, but I don’t get it. What are they saying?” I ask.
She looks around to see if anyone’s snooping before leaning in and whispering, “Everyone knows about your fling with Mr. Hard.”
“What?”
My throat clamps up, and I struggle to breathe.
“Listen, someone found out. They saw him leaving our dorm room, and then rumors started spreading. It’s been going on since this morning, but most of it is about Mr. Hard.”
My heart beats in my throat.
“They all know it’s me …” I mutter.
“Some girl found out who was living in our dorm room, and at first, they thought it was me, but then one of them remembered they’d seen you two together an awful lot lately. They put two and two together … and well, the whole school is talking about it.”
“The whole school is talking about it?” I repeat.
“I’m sorry, Hailey.”
“Everyone knows I’m screwing my professor?” I say, tears welling up in my eyes.
“I’m really sorry.” Lesley pulls me in for a hug. “God, I wish it never happened. But you should’ve
been more careful. Why did you invite him to our home?”
“I don’t know … so many things happened. My mom’s boyfriend called. I needed him,” I say, still not getting to terms with the fact that everyone knows.
But then it hits me.
If they know about me … they know about him, as well.
Thomas.
“Oh, god.” I slap my hand in front of my mouth.
“What?” Lesley asks as I pull myself out of her embrace.
“He’s gonna lose his job,” I mutter. “Shit. Shit!”
“Calm down. What do you mean lose his job?”
“He’s a professor. I’m his student. Everyone knows,” I say, pacing around in the bathroom.
“Oh … damn. I hadn’t thought about that. His reputation will be ruined.”
“Exactly.” I run my fingers through my hair. “And it’s all my fault.”
She cocks her head and sighs. “Don’t say that.”
“It is. I practically seduced him to continue with our affair. He wanted to quit, but I wouldn’t let him.”
“He agreed on his own. He’s a grown man. He’s responsible for his own mistakes,” she says, but I’m not listening anymore.
I feel so guilty.
So bad.
I just have to go to him.
“I’m gonna see if he’s in his office.”
“He’s not. I already checked.” She clears her throat when I look confused. “When I heard the rumors, I wanted to go tell him, but he wasn’t there. Do you think he’s gone home? Maybe he knows too.”
I take a deep breath and sigh. “I don’t know, but I’m going after him.”
“What? Wait,” she says as I open the door. “And then what? What are you gonna do when you get there?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, but anything’s better than staying here where everyone’s talking about me. I’m now that girl.”
“That’ll blow over. You know they don’t remember this shit,” she says as I walk out.
I glance at her over my shoulder. “Still, I fucked up. I have to go talk with him.”
“All right … well, just take care of yourself, okay? I’ll be in our dorm room if you need me,” she says.
“Thanks,” I say, smiling at her, but it’s all fake.
On the inside, I’m burning. Burning with rage.
Burning with regret.
If only I’d been more careful.
Then it wouldn’t all have gone to shit.
***
Thirty minutes later
As I run up to his apartment, I hear voices yelling from afar. For a second, I contemplate leaving again, but my curiosity is too strong to deny. I wanna know what’s going on, so I sneak up to the door and listen in on a conversation I know I shouldn’t be hearing.
“Please, just leave me alone,” Thomas says with a low, defeated voice.
“No. I followed you here for a reason. You might think you’ve gotten off easily by storming off like that, but I don’t accept it.” It’s the woman’s voice.
“I never said I had it easy or that I want it to be easy! I just want it to be over.” His voice fluctuates in tone.
“Tough shit, Thomas. You should’ve told me what was going on. Should’ve been honest with me.” It sounds like her, the woman that came to his office. Natalie.
“It’s none of your business,” he growls.
“Yes, it is! And you know damn well why!” She sighs out loud. “You’ve been acting so strange lately, and now, I know why. I told you to get your shit together, to stop drinking and finally pick up your life, and what do you do? You fuck it up with one of your own fucking students.”
“I know!” I hear glass shattering, and it makes me jolt against the wall. I almost lose my balance, but I catch myself on the doorpost. “Dammit, don’t tell me what I already know.”
“Then you also know you have no right to be pissed off at your own mistake. I’m the one who should be pissed off. You slept with a student. How am I supposed to think that’s right?”
“You don’t,” he says.
“Of course, not! Goddammit … After everything I did for you.”
Everything she did for him?
“This is how you repay me?” she adds.
“Please … just leave me alone,” he mutters.
“No. I need an explanation.”
“I don’t have one, okay?” he yells. “It just happened. We fucked. A few times. It didn’t mean anything.”
Didn’t mean anything?
Tears well up in my eyes again, but I blink them away.
My heart is breaking slowly.
And when I thought it couldn’t break anymore, she opens her mouth again.
“It’s done. You’re done. I’m done. Over. I quit.”
She quits.
They’re done.
With trembling hands, I release the doorpost, only to stagger forward.
I thought it couldn’t be true, but apparently, it is.
Without thinking, I peek through the open door and look at the both of them, stampeding through his room. He’s rubbing his face while hers reminds me of thunder and lightning.
I suppose it’s only fitting … for an angry girlfriend.
Because that’s what it’s always been.
Right?
That’s what I was afraid to see. Afraid to admit.
That moment when she dropped him off, I should’ve believed Lesley. Shouldn’t have ignored that looming feeling of betrayal.
Because damn … what a sad thing to find out that you’re not the only one.
That it’s all just been a fling.
And I fell for it.
All along, I could’ve known. I could’ve asked, but I didn’t.
I let us stay in limbo. And now, I pay the price.
With tear-stained eyes, I stand in front of his door, not giving a shit if either of them sees me.
When they look up and see me, their faces turn cold with sweat, and his eyes grow big.
I stand strong, even though I feel weak and broken.
But I refuse to let him see.
I refuse to be his victim.
I will stand as he falls.
And when his lips part, I turn away and run.
Run as fast as I can, away from his apartment, for the last time.
Chapter 24
Thomas
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
“Hailey!” I yell, but she’s already disappeared from view the moment I step out my door.
“Let her go,” Natalie says, and she places her hand on my shoulder. “It’s not worth it.”
“Dammit, she heard everything,” I say, shaking her hand off. “I knew it. I knew I never should’ve let you in. Look what happened.”
“That’s all on you,” she says. “You should’ve dealt with it when you had the chance.”
“It? Her name is Hailey.”
“And now her name is ‘gone-girl,’” she jests. “It’s too late, Thomas. She won’t come back, trust me.”
I look out the window, but I can’t see her anywhere, not even in the parking lot. Fury makes me slam my fist into the wall. “Fuck!”
“Calm down,” she says. “It’s not gonna help you.”
“I have to go after her,” I say.
“No, don’t. You’ve already ruined your career. Don’t ruin her too.”
“But she hates me,” I growl.
“Then it’s only easier for her to let you go. It wouldn’t have worked out anyway.” She rubs my back. “I mean, look at you two. She’s young; you’re not. You have a job; she doesn’t. You already have a whole history behind you. She’s only just starting out. She’s different than you are. Your lives don’t match. It could never have been more than a fling.”
I hear her words, but they don’t register because I don’t want them to.
Part of me wants to cling to the hope that I can salvage something. And a part of me just wants to give up the fight.
<
br /> “Let her go. If she hates you, then that means at least you won’t have to break her heart when she loves you,” she says. “It’s easier to hate than to love.”
“And now, we’re both broken beyond repair,” I mutter, resting my head against the window.
“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you played with her heart,” she says, turning away. “You gambled, and you lost. It’s time to admit your defeat and rescue whatever you can.”
“I can’t. I’m already fired.”
“Hmm … true.” She takes a deep breath as she walks to the door. “But at least you can now focus on something worthwhile instead of a young girl who would never be happy with you anyway.”
As she walks out the door, I glance over my shoulder and say, “You’re wrong. You’re wrong about her. And about me.”
She pauses but doesn’t reply. Then she closes the door behind her and leaves behind a gaping emptiness that makes me howl with pain.
***
Hailey
A few days later
I totally screwed up the test I had today.
I knew I was going to fail it the moment I sat down to pen my answers.
I hadn’t studied.
I hadn’t even tried.
Well, I did, but I couldn’t get past the first page without sobbing uncontrollably.
I can’t do anything for shit, and I hate it.
I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling betrayed.
But most of all, I hate Thomas Hard.
He ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it in front of the entire school.
I’ll never forgive him.
At least, that’s what I tell myself. That I can hate him forever, even though I know I can’t.
All I want is for this deceit to go away. For it to have never existed in the first place.
Bad Teacher Page 18
