‘Don’t you do yourself down,’ Rose declared. ‘You were meant for better things than skivvying. You hold your head up high when you walk out with this Mr - what d’you call him?’
‘Pringle-Davies.’ Kate blushed.
‘Aye, Pringle ...’ What was it about the name that was familiar? Rose struggled to remember. It did not matter now. Having Kate hold on so affectionately was weakening her resolve to let her daughter go.
With difficulty, Rose pulled away. She would not break down in front of her daughter. She had not stayed strong for her all these years to betray herself as weak now. Rose gulped back the tears in her throat. How she wanted to protect Kate!
‘You’re right,’ Rose said hoarsely, ‘don’t let him come here. If you’ve a chance of happiness, lass, take it. By God, you take it!’
They looked at each other, both shaking with the cold and the emotion that clawed at their insides. Kate reached forward to touch her again, but Rose drew back. She did not trust herself to embrace the girl again; she would not have the strength to let her go.
‘But whatever you do and wherever you go,’ Rose added stoutly, ‘don’t you ever be ashamed of who you are! You’ve had good parents - God-fearing parents who’ve brought you up to do right, however poor we’ve been.’ She raised her hand and lightly touched Kate’s cheek as if in farewell. ‘Remember you were born a Fawcett - you were your da’s favourite. I’ve given you that, so be proud of it. Make me proud of you, lass.’
She withdrew her hand swiftly and turned away.
‘Mam,’ Kate rasped, ‘don’t go!’
But Rose kept on walking towards the cottage. They both knew that in that moment of truth when Rose had laid bare her feelings, she was also letting go. Rose did not look back; she could not in case her resolve wavered. She would rather her daughter went back to Lamesley and never saw her again, disowned her family, if it meant a chance at happiness with a man above her station who could give her security. Although the pain of separation would be raw, she would give up her daughter for William’s sake - for her beloved William’s memory!
As she reached the door, Rose heard Kate sob, ‘I will, Mam - I’ll make you proud!’
Rose glanced round and gasped to see Kate’s face caught in the golden light of the winter sunset. Her tear-stained face looked beatific. There was no other way to describe it. At that moment she had the face of an angel.
The long ago words of a gypsy whom John had riled at a fair rang in her ears. The woman had predicted the sorrows and upheavals of the past years, but also a ray of hope, that at the end of her life Rose would be blessed with an angel child. Kate would give her that angel child, Rose was certain of it. Kate was her chosen one. She would carry on where Rose could not. In time she would bring her greater joy. Rose smiled at her daughter, then opened the door and went inside.
Kate was left trembling in the dark, weeping at the weight of responsibility she felt pressing upon her. She had seen it in her mother’s eyes, heard it in the way she spoke of Kate’s real father. Her mother had freed her from her stepfather’s dominance, but in return there was a price to pay. Rose expected the world from her.
Kate looked up into the late afternoon sky, already dark. There was just a glimpse of a new moon hanging over the copse, lifting like the sail of a ship. A new beginning. Kate took heart from the omen. She turned and looked behind her, to the south where Ravensworth and her other existence lay.
‘Oh, Mam,’ she whispered in the frosty stillness, ‘I wish I had as much faith in myself as you do - and as stout a heart.’
Then she thought of the man she loved, the man with auburn hair and glinting eyes that danced with dangerous merriment. The man with the deep voice that flattered and teased and told her she was beautiful. The man of a hundred tales, who claimed his mother had been a Liddell who had eloped with the coachman Pringle. The man who tempted her to recklessness too.
‘Alexander.’ She whispered his name tentatively, blushing at her daring. A wave of tender longing swept over her.
‘Alexander!’ she called out more boldly, as if she could conjure him to her. ‘Soon we’ll be together again.’
Then, before facing the others and putting on a cheerful facade, she blew a kiss in the direction of Ravensworth. For after today, Kate knew more than ever that was where her heart and her destiny lay.
Chapter 22
1905
Throughout the spring, Alexander came to court Kate. Appearing on her fortnightly day off, he would take her out for walks or trips to town. Sometimes she would manage to change her day to a Wednesday or Saturday so that they could go to a music-hall show. He bought her chocolates and flowers and small gifts on a whim; a pair of lace gloves to match her hat and a brooch of lapis lazuli to wear at her throat.
‘It matches the blue of your eyes today,’ he smiled, ‘the blue-green of a tropical sea.’
Kate laughed with embarrassment and delight and let him pin it to her high-necked blouse. She wore it when Alexander took her to have her photograph taken in a Newcastle studio. She was bashful and did not look the camera in the eye, but Alexander seemed delighted with the results and kept one for himself.
‘To remind me of my wood nymph,’ he teased. ‘I’ll carry it at all times.’
The mood at the inn was disapproving. Bram Taylor was nervous at the attention his barmaid was attracting, but hid it from his well-to-do visitor, for he spent generously at the bar. It did not stop him issuing warnings to Kate.
‘You watch yourself, lass. Men like Pringle-Davies don’t go marrying their maids. It can’t come to anything.’ On another occasion when Kate returned late, he said angrily, ‘You’re getting above yourself, lass. Old man Davies would never have you in his family in a month of Sundays. I’ve heard Pringle-Davies is as good as betrothed to some squire’s daughter.’
‘I’ve done nothing to be ashamed of,’ Kate said indignantly. ‘He’s a real gentleman.’
‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ Taylor grumbled.
Mary was even more scornful. ‘You’re making a spectacle of yoursel’, our Kate! Everyone’s laughing at you behind your back - being all hoity-toity with that man. You don’t fool the regulars. They all know you’re just a common lass from Jarrow.’
Kate was hurt by her harsh words, but dismissed them as jealousy. They did not know Alexander like she did or understand that social differences meant nothing to him. He was a free spirit. Besides, it was not unknown for people to marry across the social class. Look at Lady Ravensworth and James Wadsworth - the gulf between them had been even greater. And hadn’t her mother told her to hold her head high and be proud she was a Fawcett?
In truth, Kate was so deeply in love with Alexander now she could not pull back. She was content with the occasional days together, however brief, just so long as she could carry on seeing him. She pushed aside Taylor’s warning about some squire’s daughter; he was just trying to put her off.
With early summer and longer days came the chance to go further afield. Kate and Alexander took the train to the seaside and strolled along the promenade to watch a troupe of travelling players and buy ice cream from a barrow. It was Kate’s first taste and she enjoyed it so much that Alexander insisted on buying another.
‘You can have as much as you want,’ he decreed, enchanted by her childish delight.
As the day cooled they caught the train inland, the smell of the sea lingering on her skin and clothes long after he departed.
Another time they took the pony and trap deep into the hills and Alexander untethered the horse from its shaft.
‘I’m going to teach you to ride,’ he declared.
‘How do I get up there?’ Kate stifled a laugh.
He showed her how to grab the horse’s mane while he made a stirrup with his hands.
‘You’ll have to ride it like a man
, not side-saddle,’ he said, heaving her on to its back.
‘It’s very high up,’ she said in alarm, gripping on tight, and self-conscious at her show of leg. He laughed and swung up behind her, encircling her body as he held the reins.
‘I’ll keep you safe,’ he murmured into her hair and snapped at the reins. Her heart hammered as much from the closeness to Alexander as from fright. The horse began to trot forward.
Kate clung on half laughing, half crying in excitement and fear as they headed up a bracken-covered track. The breeze was stiff, buffeting clouds above them. They passed a deserted shepherd’s hut and a small copse of wind-blasted trees. She was exhilarated. The view from the top of the hill was breathtaking, the world dropping away from them into a pearly blue haze. It made her feel weightless and dizzy, like a bird in flight.
‘It’s beautiful up here,’ she gasped, and felt Alexander’s arms tighten around her.
‘I knew you’d like it. It’s one of my favourite places. Not a soul about. Just north country earth and heaven.’
Then quite suddenly he bowed his head and began kissing her neck. Kate’s pulse throbbed in her throat, she could not speak.
‘You’re shaking,’ he said in surprise. ‘Are you cold?’
‘Y-yes.’
Without another word, he steered the horse south, dropping down from the top along an overgrown sheep path. Kate noticed a straggle of bushes and could hear running water though could see no stream. They rounded a flank of hillside and abruptly were on a sheltered plateau surrounded by a ring of fallen stone.
‘It’s an old iron-age fort,’ Alexander explained. ‘Lord Ravensworth brought me here as a boy. Used to pretend it was my castle.’
They halted and Alexander swung down. He looked up at Kate, eyes narrowed against the glare, and held out his arms.
‘Come, we’ll rest here for a bit.’
She leaned down and let him lift her clear of the horse. Alexander held on to her a moment, then led her over to one of the large slabs of fallen stone. She sat down as he secured the reins to a gorse bush. Leaning against a mottled stone, Kate found it warmed by the sun. Alexander flopped down close beside her.
‘Kate,’ he said, slipping an arm round her waist, ‘I’m in love with you.’
Before she had time to respond, he pulled her gently to him and kissed her on the lips. Her heart thudded. Drawing back slightly, he stroked loosened strands of hair away from her face and ran a finger down her cheek and neck, making her pulse race. ‘Do you love me, Kate?’
She looked into his vital eyes and saw his uncertainty.
‘How can you doubt it?’ she whispered, shaking with emotion. All she craved was another taste of his warm mouth.
But he dropped his hand from her face and looked away. ‘Oh, Kate,’ he said in a despairing voice, ‘what are we to do?’
‘What do you mean?’
He pulled distractedly at the mossy grass at his feet.
‘There’s nothing wrong, is there?’ she asked nervously. He avoided her look, so she forced herself to ask, ‘Is there someone else? Are you promised to someone else?’
He shot her a suspicious look. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘N-nothing. It’s just silly gossip. I don’t take any notice.’
Suddenly he leant back over her, clutching her arm, his look intense. ‘What do they know? It’s you I love, Kate! You do believe me, don’t you?’
‘Aye, I do,’ she gasped. He searched her face as if he did not quite trust her. She reached up and touched his strong jaw. ‘I love you an’ all, Alexander.’
She trembled at her own daring, uttering such intimate words to anyone.
In an instant his arms were around her and his lips on hers. His kisses were generous and passionate. Kate was intoxicated. Gently he pushed her back and began to loosen her jacket, caressing her and kissing her all the while. She thrilled at his touch. Then he tried to unbutton the bodice of her dress and she felt sudden alarm. No man had ever touched her body. She knew little of how babies came about but knew it was something to do with intimacy between a man and a woman. Her mother’s bitter allusions to the marital bed and her stepfather’s crude teasing were hints of how it was done. The thought of John’s leering face was enough to break the spell.
She grabbed Alexander’s exploring fingers and pushed them away.
‘No, please, not that,’ she panted and sat up.
He was breathing fast, his look perplexed. ‘But you love me, Kate?’
‘Of course I do.’
‘Then show me!’
‘But we mustn’t—’ She broke off, flushing with embarrassment.
He rolled away from her with a sigh of impatience.
Kate’s eyes stung with sudden tears. She had spoilt the moment, made him angry. It was all so confusing. She wanted his love, yet feared it. What should she do? Kate bowed her head, trying to hide her distress.
Alexander stood up. What had possessed him? He was heady from the scent of her skin, the touch of her soft cheek, the adoration in her blue eyes with their long dark lashes. Here in this haven of moss and old stone, ringed with bright gorse, he had thoughts for no one but her. He wanted her with a sick yearning, wanted to make love to her and be loved back.
Why had he brought her here? He had intended to be honest this time, tell her of his father’s insistence he propose to Polly at the June county ball. Jeremiah’s patience had run out. There was no future in his romance with Kate. In his head he knew that, yet his heart cried out for the freedom to love her.
He looked down at her bowed head of thick luxurious hair and felt a pang of guilt. He knew she loved him, would probably give in to his pleadings in time. Men of his class treated women of hers with such casual thoughtlessness all the time. Enjoy them, then cast them aside. How could he do that to Kate?
Alexander stooped down and caressed her hair. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken advantage like that. Will you forgive me?’
She looked up and he saw her tears.
‘Oh Kate,’ he groaned, bending quickly to pull her into his arms. ‘I never meant to upset you like this. Forgive me, my love.’
Kate clung to him, too overcome to speak. She longed for him to kiss her again, but all he did was hold her and stroke her hair in comfort. After a while he broke off and stood up.
‘It’s time we went,’ he said with a quiet finality, and turned to untie the horse.
They said little on the journey home. The sun disappeared and the wind increased, chilling Kate to the bone by the time they reached the inn. She tried to hide her shaking as they said goodbye.
Avoiding her look Alexander said, ‘ I sail for Hamburg in July; I’ll be gone a month or so.’
Kate’s heart sank. ‘Will you call before you leave?’
‘I’ll try, of course.’
‘It’s still only early June.’ She tried to smile.
‘Yes.’ He gave her a look of regret.
‘Will you come in for a drink before you go?’
He shook his head. ‘Not tonight.’
Kate swallowed hard, her insides leaden. ‘Goodbye then,’ she said, climbing down from the trap.
Suddenly he was jumping down and helping her to the ground. His hands were warm on her shaking ones. His look was desperate.
‘I will come before I sail for Germany, I promise. I couldn’t go so long without seeing you!’ He kissed her quick and hard on the lips. Then he dropped his hold on her and swung up into the carriage again.
A moment later he was gone down the lane at a brisk trot and Kate was left numb and baffled by his erratic behaviour. One moment he was covering her in kisses, the next he was brooding and aloof as if something troubled him deeply. Was it because she had pushed him away and stopped their lovemaking? Or was there
something else that he had not told her? All through the afternoon she had the impression he was about to tell her some confidence, but could not bring himself to do so.
Kate traipsed wearily into the inn, too exhausted with the emotions of the day to ponder any further. She felt wretched that she might have angered him in some way, but clung on to the promise that he would come and see her before June was out. With that thought to comfort her, Kate returned to the humdrum life of the inn.
June wore on and her next day off came. Kate made ready, although no word had come from Alexander. She paced up and down the lane, pretending to pick flowers from the hedgerows, but he did not appear. In the end, Mary came out to fetch her in.
‘Haway, he’s not coming.’
‘Maybes he’s sick,’ Kate fretted. ‘He gets these bad nosebleeds. Or maybes he’s had an accident on the way.’
‘Or maybe he’s never set off,’ Mary said flatly.
Kate swallowed tears of disappointment. ‘He said he loved me,’ she whispered. ‘No one else - just me.’
Mary’s scornful look softened. ‘Likely he does, but he’s got another life in another place.’
‘But he promised he’d come before July.’
‘Maybes he still will.’ Mary put an arm around her in comfort. ‘But you can’t expect a gentleman like that to be at your beck and call. Haway, let’s gan up to Aunt Lizzie’s for a cup of tea,’ she cajoled.
Kate sniffed and tried to smile. ‘Aye, let’s.’
Mary linked her arm through her sister’s as they walked. ‘I told you nowt good would come of courtin’ a nob - Suky said the same. Fancy silks and common serge don’t mix in the poss tub.’ Mary did not seem to notice the way Kate winced at her bald words. ‘No, he’ll not be back. Best you forget all about him, I say.’
Chapter 23
Alexander lay in the gloomy room with its blinds drawn for an eternity. The bleeding had come on a few days after his last visit to Tyneside; sudden, heavy and debilitating. For a week or more he drifted in and out of consciousness, unaware of what went on beyond the limpid light of his bedroom. His head throbbed and his limbs ached, all energy drained from his body.
A Child of Jarrow Page 19
