by David Hare
Esme Oh I see, and you mean you’ve done so much better …
Amy No …
Esme You’ve lived your life so much better than me? This control you’re so keen on – oh yes, you’ve mastered the rhetoric – sure, the rhetoric’s easy! – but I’ve never noticed you actually exert it yourself. My God, you live with this man, this child, this figure who you think merits your love – and you let him run off with a slice of teenage Scandinavian charcuterie and even then – forgive me! – you don’t even leave.
Amy Do you think I don’t want to? Do you think I don’t want to leave him today?
Esme Then please explain to me, tell me what’s stopping you?
Esme smiles at the obviousness of it.
Is it the children or what?
Amy No. No, it isn’t the children.
Esme What is it? Is it just dogged persistence? Is it because of Amy’s famous view that love conquers all?
Amy No, it’s not that.
Esme Then tell me what is it?
Amy What do you think it is?
Suddenly Amy is in real distress.
Because I can’t face admitting you’re right.
Esme stops, stunned.
Why do you think I’ve not called you? Why do you think we’ve not spoken for six months or more?
Esme I don’t know.
Amy Because the moment I realised that I was in serious trouble with Dominic, then guess what? I realised I didn’t want to speak to my mum.
Esme is silenced, shocked.
You never gave him a chance. There’s a side of Dominic that you never saw. That you never wanted to see. From the very first day you were determined to judge him. And now you’ve got what you want.
Esme That isn’t fair.
Amy Isn’t it? Do you think I haven’t wanted to ring you? Every day I long to ring up the best friend I have …
Esme Oh Amy …
Amy But every day I think I can’t stand that moment, that look of pure triumph which I know I’m going to see in your eye!
Amy smiles bitterly.
You kept saying you looked down on Dominic. He worked in television, that’s what you said …
Esme All right!
Amy You hated television because its values were poison …
Esme That’s what I thought then.
Amy Oh, you’d have nothing to do with it …
Esme What do you want? I have to live somehow …
Amy But don’t you see it’s all so unfair?
She suddenly laughs outright.
You talk about your bloody TV show. Have I seen it? Have I seen it? I have. But only by wearing dark glasses, and with earplugs stuck in both ears!
Esme turns away.
It’s so typical. You lay out your principles. ‘The theatre!’ Oh, and television’s such a low form …
Esme Very well.
Amy And I swallow this stuff! And then your principles turn out to be much more like prejudice …
Esme All right! Isn’t that true of everyone?
Amy But because I believed it, I actually suffered.
Amy shows sudden satirical relish.
At least with Dominic, there’s something discussable. In what he does, there’s something there you can like or dislike. But Nurse Banstead … my God, Nurse Banstead exhibits almost no human features.
Esme Now Amy …
Amy The show’s beyond anything you can actually debate. You stand there seriously arguing about whether an operation’s hygienic. Whether the show is authentic or not. That doesn’t depend, you know, on medical procedure. It depends on whether anyone has learnt how to act!
Esme It’s not bad. It’s not badly acted. Some of the scripts are a little bit weak.
Amy ‘Nurse, I think I need an immediate tonsillectomy!’ ‘Doctor, I’m losing my amniotic fluid.’
Esme Now, Amy, this is just needlessly cruel.
Amy Is it?
Amy is kind now, quieter.
You never saw it. Dominic was funny and gentle. Ambition’s destroyed him, that’s all. Because he thinks that the world of the media matters. He actually thinks that it’s real. So it’s been harder to talk to him … for years it’s been harder to reach him. It’s true. So he’s gone off with someone who cares about photos in magazines, and opinion columns, and all of those dud London things. But that doesn’t mean the man was always contemptible. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have been with him at all. It just means … Oh look … the odds were against us. But I happen to think it was well worth a try.
Amy’s anger has turned to distress, the tears starting to run down her cheek.
Of course I knew … do you think I’m an idiot? I always sensed: one day this man will trade up. He’ll cash me in and he’ll get a new model. I always felt it would come. These men, they wait. They wait till they’re ready. You make them secure. Then of course when you’ve built the statue … that’s when they kick the ladder away. But I did know it. I did it knowingly. It was my choice.
Esme looks at her a moment.
Esme And are you parting?
Amy Why? Would you be satisfied?
Esme No!
There is a silence.
Amy You want us to part because then you’re proved right.
There is a second’s pause. Evelyn stirs and lets out a cry in her sleep. At once Esme gets up and tries to move to Amy.
Esme Oh Amy, Amy, please come and hold me …
Amy No, Mother …
Esme Amy, please, Amy …
Amy I can’t …
Esme has reached her, wanting to put her arms round her, but Amy is backing away.
No …
Esme Come on, darling, you’ve always held me …
Amy I know …
Esme Since you were a child you’ve hugged me …
Amy I know but …
Esme Please come and hold me …
Amy I can’t …
Amy has moved away. Esme, not really knowing what she’s doing, pursues her.
I can’t even sleep, I can’t think, I’m in agony …
Esme Amy …
Amy What sort of mother? I want a mother who I can ring up.
Esme Please. Please come and hold me.
Amy Who I can call, who won’t judge me …
Esme Amy, please stop this!
She has now put her arms round her, but Amy is struggling. For a moment the two women seem to be fighting, Esme holding on to her, Amy trying to escape her embrace.
Amy All you will say, all you’ll ever say to me, ‘Well guess what, my darling? I was right all along …’
She suddenly shouts.
I can’t! I can’t do this! Please let go of me.
Esme Amy!
Amy Please let go of me! Please!
It is suddenly shocking to both of them. Amy has thrown Esme violently off and stands, shaken by the passion of the moment. Evelyn stirs, groaning. Amy starts to gather up her stuff.
Now I have to go …
Esme Please stay …
Amy No …
Esme Please stay.
Amy I’m sorry, Mother, I can’t. Not tonight. I have to go back to London.
Esme I beg you, Amy, please stay.
Amy I can’t.
Amy looks, still unable to go near her.
Esme Please stay. Just tonight. Just stay here and comfort me.
Amy I can’t. I have to get back. I have to … I have to just try and be steady. I have to.
They are rooted to the spot.
Please let me. Mother. Please let me go. I have to.
Then Frank opens the door, and at once Amy moves quickly back towards the veranda.
I’ll see you. I’ll call you.
Esme Amy. Amy …
Frank I heard shouting. I heard you shouting downstairs.
Amy Goodbye.
Esme runs out towards the veranda and disappears, calling out.
Esme (off) Amy! Amy!
Frank What’s hap
pening?
There is a silence. Then the sound of a car starting outside. Its headlights sweep through the room. Frank stands helpless, just waiting. After a few moments Esme returns. She does not look at him, but walks past him to go upstairs.
Esme Good night, Frank. Please lock the place up.
She is gone. Frank stands alone.
End of Act Three.
Act Four
London. 1995. The backstage of a small Victorian West End theatre. A small dressing room with a row of mirrors framed in lightbulbs. Esme has not done anything to decorate it at all, so the effect is painfully bare. There is just a stool and a surface for all her make-up. There is a small sofa and a screen. Some period costumes hang on a rail.
As the act begins, Toby Cole is already appearing. He is in his early twenties, rather tousled and blithe. He has a Walkman round his neck, and a T-shirt, but he has not taken off his period breeches nor his dark make-up, so the effect is quite curious. He approaches the dressing room door nervously and calls in.
Toby I’m sorry. Do you mind?
A pause.
Am I disturbing you, Esme?
A pause.
Are you sleeping?
Esme (off) If only.
Esme appears from behind the screen. She is now in her late sixties. She has been resting, with her face covered in white cream so that it makes a mask. She looks like a kabuki player. She wears a pink dressing gown. She seems withdrawn, as if she has retreated into herself. She goes to the door and opens it to let Toby in.
Oh Toby, do you want to come in?
Toby I thought you might like a sandwich. I’m going to get a sandwich, that’s all.
Esme smiles to say no, then goes to sit at her stool to begin getting ready for the next performance.
You never eat anything.
She throws a smile at him. Toby doesn’t want to leave.
I was wondering what you thought of the matinee?
Esme Oh …
Toby I was pleased. It felt pretty good. I think I’m beginning to get the hang of that last scene. The rhythm. You always bang on about rhythm. And I thought this afternoon … well, actually the rhythm wasn’t too bad.
Esme No.
Toby In that first scene, I wanted to ask: when we come from the shipwreck, do I look too eager when you give me the apple?
Esme No, I think you do it just right.
Toby is hanging around the door, at ease.
Toby Did you hear the director’s coming this evening?
Esme No.
Toby I’ll be interested to hear what he thinks.
Esme says nothing.
I still can’t believe it. It’s incredible. I was thinking, I mean really … this honky little show. I stuck my nose out in the alley just now. There’s already a great long queue for returns. I mean no disrespect to anyone, but it is quite amazing. Isn’t it? I’m not being offensive, but I never imagined it could happen to us.
Toby smiles artlessly.
I didn’t dare tell you. I was telling my mother – this was weeks ago – you were going to star in this play. When she came to see it, she said – I didn’t like to tell you – well, she said it was the best thing you’d ever done.
He holds a hand up to avoid offence.
You were always her favourite actress, I mean, not to be rude, but when she was young …
Esme It’s all right.
Toby But she said … well everyone says this … it’s like now you’ve got something extra.
Esme Perhaps.
Toby You should have heard her. She really meant it. She was really laying it on …
Esme carries on preparing.
Esme Do you get on with your mother?
Toby My mother? Oh sure. I mean, my mother? Yes, absolutely. She’s more … well, I never think of her as being like a relative. In fact I don’t think of her as being my mum. You know, perhaps I’m lucky. Perhaps it’s my generation, but to me my mum is more like a mate.
Esme Hmm.
Esme is thoughtful a moment.
Toby Lately, you know, I’ve taken to watching you …
Esme I’ve seen you …
Toby I know. I just watch. When I’m not on, I stand in the wings and observe. I think … I don’t know … it may be presumptuous but I feel I’m beginning to understand your technique.
Esme Good.
Toby You never play anything outwards. I’ve noticed, you keep it all in. So you draw in the audience. So it’s up to them. And somehow they make the effort …
Esme Yes.
Toby They have to go and get it themselves.
Toby is embarrassed by his next question.
What I don’t know is, how do you do that? This sounds stupid. Do you learn it? Is there a secret? Some particular thing.
Esme No, I don’t think so.
She looks down a moment.
It comes with the passage of time.
Toby Yes.
Esme You go deeper.
Toby Exactly.
Esme You go on down to the core.
She shrugs slightly.
There it is.
Toby I wish … I don’t know … there were some way that we could all do it. Just do it, I mean.
Esme I shouldn’t worry. I promise, for you it will come. Come here.
Esme is very casual, but she has invited him over to kiss him lightly on the cheek.
Maybe a small cappuccino.
Toby Of course. No really, this one’s on me.
She has reached into her purse, but he is already on his way out. Esme goes out to her small bathroom beyond the screen. As Toby goes he passes Dominic, who has come into the corridor outside. Dominic is nearly forty. His boyishness has gone, and his manner is more sober. He has thickened out to fill the smart, dark blue coat he is wearing. He is carrying a parcel the size of a shoebox, wrapped in brown paper. As he enters the room, Esme comes back, a slip showing underneath her untied dressing gown.
Esme Dominic …
Instinctively she wraps the dressing gown tight round her, holding herself.
Dominic I’m afraid I wandered in from the street. You seem to have no security.
Esme No. I think he goes off for a drink.
Dominic Ah.
Dominic shifts.
I’m aware you don’t want to see me. I’ve been hanging around for an hour. Just plucking up courage. I brought you a present.
Esme What present?
Dominic This.
He puts the parcel down on the side. It is tied with string and sellotape.
Esme I need to prepare for the show.
She sits down at her desk to start taking her mask of face-cream off and to put on her make-up.
Dominic Actually I came to the matinee …
Esme Oh really?
Dominic Yes.
Esme No doubt you found it ridiculous.
Dominic Well …
Esme When did you last see a play?
He shrugs.
Dominic Oh …
Esme I didn’t hear you shout out ‘Fast forward!’
Dominic No, to be honest, I was kind of intrigued.
Esme Just kind of? Not wholly?
Dominic Plainly the writer’s so young.
Esme Yes, he is.
Dominic That means it’s absurdly pretentious. But then in a way I quite like that. I liked the play’s youth.
Esme So do I.
Dominic That scene when you talk to the stars.
Esme throws a quick glance at him.
And somehow it’s become this extraordinary phenomenon. Out of nowhere, it seems. Is that the appeal of the theatre, in fact? This weird arty evening …
Esme Yes.
Dominic No one could ever predict it. And yet they fight to get in.
He smiles at her a moment.
What do you put it down to?
Esme What, this one?
Dominic The success of this particular play.
Esme Well, you’re right, it
’s pretentious, it’s true. And it’s young. But I knew when I read it, it had something special.
Dominic You saw that?
Esme People like it because they feel it’s sincere.
Dominic shifts, knowing he must somehow get past her coolness.
Dominic The children were saying you’re in a small flat now …
Esme Yes.
Dominic You’ve moved back to London.
Esme looks at him sharply.
Esme But you knew that.
Dominic I did.
Esme You’ve sent me all those cheques …
Dominic Yes.
Esme I’m afraid they’re no use to me.
Dominic I realised it must be in the terms of the settlement …
Esme I burnt them.
Dominic I guessed.
He shifts again, uneasy.
Well, the bank said they hadn’t gone through.
Esme They couldn’t.
Dominic No.
Esme The Hardship Committee gives me an allowance. That’s all I’m permitted. They seize all the rest. So unless you actually slip me a fiver, illegally … Whatever you give me, it goes back to Lloyd’s.
She is beginning to put her make-up on.
I sold up the house, all my property, my furniture, my letters, my paintings. Everything I had. They take my wages. At the end I’m still short by two million. So, one way or another, your cheques aren’t much use.
Dominic shifts again, moving towards what he has come to say.
Dominic I had thought it was personal, I’d feared you were angry …
Esme Oh really?
Dominic I feared you resented the money I sent.
Esme Yes, well, as I can’t take it, I’m afraid you’ll simply never find out.
This comes out so cold that Dominic tries to move onto the attack.
Dominic Look, Esme, I do know that you blame me …
Esme Blame you, you think?
Dominic You think in some way everything’s that’s happened is somehow my fault. I know that. I know you hate my new marriage. In your shoes, that’s something I well understand.
Esme I don’t think of it, Dominic. I promise you. I do my best not to think about you at all.
Esme smiles slightly in anticipation.
Except when I see all your posters …
Dominic Ah yes …
Esme When I go down the tube. This film you’ve directed. Everyone says it’s been winning all sorts of prizes.
Dominic Some.
Esme So it seems like at last you’ve done what you want.
Dominic is now slightly desperate to get through to her.
