‘Ohh, too long, fellah. Too long,’ laughed Janet. ‘Where have you been?’
‘Stuck in bloody Sydney.’ Tony let go of Janet and turned to Norton. ‘Janet. This is my friend Les. Les, meet Janet the Gannet from the Forbidden Planet.’
‘Hello, Janet. Nice to meet you,’ smiled Les, standing up and offering his hand.
Janet gave Les a quick once-up-and-down before shaking his hand. ‘Hello, Les,’ she said cheerfully, evidently liking what she saw. ‘Nice to meet you too.’
‘My pleasure, Janet,’ smiled Les.
Tony rubbed his hands together. ‘Okay. Who wants what?’
‘What have you got?’ asked Ruby.
‘Plenty,’ replied Tony.
‘I’ll tell you what,’ cut in Les. ‘You girls have been working hard all night. Why don’t you put your feet up and let me be the drink waiter. You too, Steelo. You’ve had a hard day at the laptop. Allow me.’
‘Go for your life, Stooge,’ said Tony.
The girls placed their bags on the table, Tony moved up next to Ruby while Les did his best to play the perfect host. Ruby went for a vodka and ice with a Bacardi Cruiser chaser, Janet chose a Jack Daniel’s and ice and a Becks chaser, Tony settled for another can of Jackie’s while Les poured himself another monster delicious. After that, the night went swimmingly.
Janet loved a drink and it turned out she was a Kiwi with a ‘thuck’ Kiwi accent that matched her zany sense of humour, and came from a little town in the South Island of New Zealand. Life in Australia was good, Sydney was a great town, but living on the north coast bordered somewhere between ‘fenntestuck’ and ‘febbulous’ and the pay working as an assistant chef at the Sailing Club wasn’t bad either. She met Ruby on a skiing trip to Thredbo and knew Steve and all his waxhead mates when she and Janet worked in the hotel where the boys from Off Shore used to drink after work. She got the nickname Janet the Gannet from the Forbidden Planet because she was a mad science fiction fan and loved books and movies about outer space—the older and cornier the better. Les told Janet pretty much the truth about himself: he came from a little town in Queensland, owned a house in Bondi and worked at a club in Kings Cross that could be quite a heavy scene at times. He and Tony were mates from Bondi and they were up at Blueys for their mutual friend Steve’s wedding. Like Janet, he agreed Sydney was a great town. But it was just as great to get away every now and again and one day he intended buying a home, probably up the north coast somewhere, and putting his feet up. In that respect, there was nothing wrong with what he’d seen of Blueys Beach so far. Particularly the steaks at the Sailing Club.
‘Honestly, Les,’ said Janet, after copious Jack Daniel’s and Becks chasers, ‘you’ve got to get an old black-and-white movie made in the fifties, Teenagers from Outer Space.’
‘Teenagers from Outer Space?’ said Les.
‘Yes,’ nodded Janet. ‘These Elvis lookalikes in a Chevy convertible have got a ray gun, and when they zap people with it, all their skin melts away leaving just their skeletons. And the skeletons have got hooks on their skulls and storage numbers written across their ribs. The spaceship’s made out of air-conditioning ducts and hub caps. It’s a deadset crecck up.’
‘When I get home,’ promised Les, ‘I’ll make sure the local video shop orders it in. And my flatmate and myself shall watch it with avid interest.’
The happy quartet binge-drinked on into the night while the local FM station churned out plenty of old rock songs. Les and Janet were getting on famously while Tony and Ruby were climbing all over each other on the lounge. Les looked away for a few moments and when he looked back, Tony had Ruby by the hand and was leading her into the bedroom. The door closed leaving Les and Janet alone in the loungeroom.
‘Looks like we’ve lost Tony and Ruby’s company,’ smiled Les.
‘Yes. It certainly looks that way,’ Janet smiled back.
Les enjoyed Janet’s company; she was fun. But the drive, the run, the big meal and the sudden, late intake of booze had taken the edge off Norton and he wasn’t quite in the mood for a long round of heavy seduction before getting into a bout of porking. But under all the hair, Janet had a wild, sexy look about her and she sported a great pair of legs. So Les was going to have to make some sort of an effort or she might get offended. Les took a sip of his delicious and gave Janet another smile.
‘Janet,’ said Les, placing his hand on her knee, ‘I don’t quite know how to put this, but I’ll do my best.’
‘Okay, Les,’ replied Janet. ‘Do your best, fellah.’
Les patted Janet’s knee. ‘If I hit on you, and try to get into your pants, it’s sexual harassment. And I’m regarded as no more than a drunken, sex-crazed Australian yobbo. Right?’
‘That’s exactly right, Les,’ nodded Janet.
‘But you’re a horny big thing, Janet. And if I don’t make some sort of a move while I’m still able to, you’ll think there’s something wrong with me. Or worse, I’m a horse’s hoof.’
‘That’s right too, Les,’ said Janet, jiggling the ice in her glass. ‘You can’t win, fellah.’
‘So I’ll get straight to the point.’ Les nodded towards his bedroom. ‘I’ve got all the rubber we need. Do you want to hop in the sack and get into a bit of good old-fashioned porking? Yes or no, Janet? It’s up to you.’
Janet took another drink then smiled at Les over her glass. ‘How about I give your dick a wee suck first.’
‘Well…’ said Les. ‘If you insist. Why not?’
His tiredness suddenly abating, Les put his drink down, then led Janet across to the bedroom and closed the door behind them. Janet got down to a pair of plain white knickers about the same time Les got down to his jox, and Janet was out of her underwear the same time Les was out of his. She had a neat body, tight boobs and a bristly ted jutted out beneath her navel like a little pine cone. Mr Wobbly had sniffed the wind and as soon as he realised there was action in the air, rose menacingly to the occasion. Janet took hold of Norton’s balls, then eased her backside down on the edge of the bed to get Mr Wobbly in her mouth, when she let out a little squeal as the bed took off beneath her, landing under the window where she knocked the back of her head against the sill.
‘Holy shit!’ said Janet, rubbing her head. ‘What’s going on?’
‘It’s the bed,’ explained Les. ‘It’s on rollers.’
‘Bloody hell! This is going to be fun.’
‘It’ll be all right, Janet. I promise. Don’t worry.’
Janet sat back up on the bed and Les moved towards it, stopping the bed from moving by jamming his legs against the side, then Janet got to work on Mr Wobbly. And Janet was good. She sucked and licked and gnawed at his shiny pink head with her buck teeth, sending shivers up and down Norton’s spine. Janet knew she was good, too. While she was polishing merrily away she’d give Norton’s balls a squeeze every now and again and smile up at him with a devilish gleam in her wild green eyes. Eventually she stopped, gave her hair a toss, then lay back on the bed with her head on the pillows. Les spied the little pine cone sticking out and was thinking of giving it a quick munch. Then figured after eight hours in a hot greasy kitchen, the croissant wouldn’t quite be fresh from the patisserie. Instead, he rolled the condom down over Mr Wobbly, got between Janet’s long lean legs and pushed.
Les had no trouble getting Mr Wobbly inside Janet and soon started pumping and banging away with great gusto. The only problem was, the minute Les got a rhythm going, the bed would take off against the nearest wall, stop, then take off again, finishing against either another wall, the window, or the set of drawers.
‘Shit! What’s happening with the ceiling?’ said Janet.
‘Why? Does it need painting?’ asked Les.
‘No. It needs nailing down. Christ! This is like hevving sexxx in a dodgem car.’
‘Yes. It’s certainly a wild old ride,’ agreed Les.
Nevertheless, Janet soon got used to her disorientation and squealed with delight, kicking her lo
ng legs up in the air, tongue kissing Les and nibbling on his neck with her buck teeth. Les pounded away, giving it all he had before he heard Janet howl and get her rocks off beneath him. Then Norton figured it was his turn. He got his arms under Janet’s legs, lifted them up over her head and thundered away towards the finishing line like Phar Lap coming down the straight. Janet yelled encouragement and spurred Les on. Les shut his eyes, stiffened his legs and with one last burst, groaned and emptied out, leaving Mr Wobbly a shattered man inside his little rubber raincoat. When they’d finished, the bed was back against the window. Les put a pillow under both their heads, pulled the duvet over them and put his arm around Janet.
‘Well, that was a lot of fun, Janet,’ smiled Les. ‘You caught me a little off-guard. But I gave it my best shot.’
‘It was very good, Les,’ Janet smiled back. ‘If ever you’re up this way again, call in at the Sailing Club for another T-bone.’
‘I will,’ promised Les. He gave Janet a kiss on the cheek. ‘You want a glass of water or something?’
‘I wouldn’t mind a beer.’
‘Yeah. Good idea.’
Les got out of bed, dumped the condom down the toilet then came back with two cold bottles of Becks from the fridge. They sat up in bed, clinked their bottles together and both took healthy pulls. After a good belch each they settled down and enjoyed their beers.
‘You know, there’s something I’ve got to ask you, Janet,’ said Les.
‘Sure. What’s that, Les?’ she replied.
‘Well. Getting you and Ruby back here tonight. Tony was a bit sort of, I dunno, secretive. “Is everything sweet for tonight?” “Are we still on?” “What time are you going to be here?”’ Les looked evenly at Janet. ‘Ruby’s not married, is she?’
‘No,’ said Janet. ‘But she’s got a really jealous boyfriend. Richard.’
‘Oh?’ said Les. ‘And what’s Richard do? I suppose he’s a builder?’
‘No. He’s a chef. Does mostly catering. He’s doing a big job tonight at Taree. That’s why Ruby was able to get away.’
‘What’s he look like?’
‘Tall. Long black hair. Got a trimmed black beard and wears a big gold earring. I always say he looks like a pirate,’ Janet giggled.
‘Shit! Ruby must fancy Tony,’ said Les.
‘She does. We all do,’ grinned Janet. ‘He’s a doll. He’s a cheeky bugger. But he’s still a doll.’
Suddenly the bedroom door swung open, taking Les by surprise, and Tony was standing there with a towel wrapped round him holding a can of JD and Coke.
‘Steelo. What the fuck do you want?’ said Les.
‘Not you, Ugly,’ replied Tony, ‘that’s for fuckin sure.’ He dropped the towel and crawled under the duvet alongside Janet, spilling drink on the bed. ‘Hello, Janet. You gorgeous big thing,’ he grinned. ‘Give Tony a little kiss.’
‘Tony, what do you think this is?’ laughed Janet. ‘Go on. Get out of here.’
‘Yeah. You heard her, Steelo,’ said Les. ‘Piss off. Strike me hooray! This happens to be the girl I love.’
‘Girl you love. Ohh don’t give me the shits.’ Tony placed his drink on the floor and started kissing Janet on the neck. ‘Come here, Janet,’ he drooled. ‘You unbelievable spunk. Grrrhh.’
‘Tony. You’re a beast,’ said Janet. ‘Get away, you little devil.’
Les shook his head and got out of bed. ‘Janet,’ he said, climbing back into his shorts and T-shirt. ‘I might leave you to work this out. He’s too much of a doll for me.’
‘Yeah, fuck off, Les,’ laughed Tony. ‘And hand the job over to a real man.’
‘Tony. Stop that,’ said Janet. ‘And take your hand off my snetch.’
‘That’s not all I’d like to slip round your snetch,’ said Tony, running his tongue over his lips.
Leaving the door ajar, Les left Tony and Janet to their own devices and sat down in the loungeroom with his beer to listen to the radio. The bathroom door opened and Ruby came out wearing a lacy blue bra and a pair of white knickers with blue diamonds on them.
‘Hello, Ruby,’ smiled Les. ‘Lovely evening, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, it is,’ replied Ruby, showing absolutely no embarrassment. ‘Where’s Tony?’
Les nodded to his bedroom. ‘In there, trying to rape Janet.’
‘That wouldn’t surprise me,’ said Ruby. ‘Why aren’t you in there protecting her honour?’
‘I was. But he forced me out of the room. Janet helped him.’ ‘That lousy bitch,’ huffed Ruby. ‘She’ll pay for this.’
Next thing, Janet came out of Norton’s bedroom with her clothes back on, waving her hands in the air. She saw Ruby and shook her head.
‘He’s just as mad as ever,’ laughed Janet. ‘Worse. The stupid bugger.’
‘I’ll kill the prick,’ said Ruby.
Les was staring up at Janet when Tony came out of Norton’s bedroom with his towel in one hand, his drink in the other and a big grin on his face.
‘Hello, gang,’ he said. ‘What’s happening?’
‘Oh, Tony. Put some bloody clothes on, will you,’ said Ruby.
‘You look ridiculous.’
‘Yes. Get dressed, Tony,’ added Janet. ‘You’ll catch your death of cold.’
‘I won’t if you warm me up,’ said Tony.
Ruby pushed Tony back into his bedroom and followed him inside, while Janet went to the bathroom, leaving Les alone in the loungeroom. Les finished his beer, then Janet came out of the bathroom, went to the kitchen and took a mobile phone from her bag. Tony and Ruby came out of Tony’s bedroom laughing and, fully dressed, sat down on the lounge. A moment or two later, Janet put her phone back in her bag and sat down in a lounge chair close to Les.
‘I rang Andrew,’ Janet said to Ruby. ‘He’ll be here in about five minutes.’
‘Good,’ yawned Ruby. ‘I’m buggered.’
‘Buggered?’ said Tony. ‘Get out. Let’s kick on. There’s a heap of piss left in the fridge.’
Ruby poked her finger in Tony’s chest. ‘Tony,’ she said. ‘You’ve had enough booze tonight for ten people. Now behave yourself.’
‘Ohh, Red?’ pleaded Tony.
‘You heard.’ Ruby squeezed Tony’s nose. ‘Behave yourself.’
‘All right, my sweetest Rose,’ said Tony, kissing Ruby on the lips.
Les leaned over to Janet. ‘This Andrew, your cousin who does the security, is he a mate of Richard’s?’
Janet nodded. ‘They’re both in the surf club. In the boat crew.’
Les nodded back. ‘Fair enough.’
The radio had just finished playing the Hoodoo Gurus’ ‘Like Wow—Wipeout’ when a car horn tooted out the front.
‘This’ll be Andrew,’ said Janet.
Janet and Ruby got to their feet and straightened themselves up. Les and Tony stood up. Les put his arms around Janet.
‘Well, Janet,’ Les smiled warmly. ‘What can I say? If ever I’m up this way again, I’ll make sure I see you.’
‘Yes. You’ll always find me at the club. Tony’s got my mobile phone number.’
‘Good.’
Les gave Janet a goodnight kiss. Tony did the same with Ruby. Then the girls picked up their bags and shuffled towards the door.
‘Hang on,’ insisted Tony. ‘I’ll walk you down to the car.’
‘There’s really no need to,’ said Ruby.
‘We’ll be all right,’ added Janet. ‘Christ! It’s only down the bottom of the stairs.’
Tony was adamant. ‘No. I’ll walk you down. I’m a gentleman.’
‘Oh. I can vouch for that,’ said Les.
Tony walked out the door with the two girls and ushered them down the stairs while Les stepped out onto the balcony. Parked below was a dark blue Ford Focus hatchback. The driver’s door was open and standing beside the car looking up was a tall man in a black jacket and trousers. He had close-cropped curly hair and even from the balcony Les noticed a resemblance between him and Janet. T
he man caught Norton’s eye before Tony appeared out front with the girls. The man got back behind the wheel, Tony opened the door and Ruby sat in the front while Janet piled in the back. The car turned around and drove out into the street, Les stepped inside and shortly after, Tony returned, closing the door behind him.
‘Well, what do you reckon, Ugly?’ he grinned. ‘Did I tell you we’d be in for some fun and games tonight or what?’
‘Yes. I have to give it to you, Steelo,’ replied Les. ‘When it comes to sheilas, you’re definitely Charlie Charm Pot.’
‘I have my moments,’ said Tony. ‘Anyway. Get fucked, Les, I’m going to clean my teeth and go to bed. I’m rooted.’
‘Yeah. So am I,’ yawned Les. ‘What do you want to do for breakfast? I found a nice little café in the village.’
‘Ohh, see what happens when we surface in the morning,’ Tony yawned back.
‘Righto.’
Tony went to the bathroom. Les had a drink of mineral water then followed Tony. When Les had finished, he switched off the lights and the ghetto blaster, got down to his T-shirt and jox and climbed into bed, throwing his leg across where Tony had spilled his drink.
‘Fuck you, Steelo!’ Les cursed.
Les got out of bed, found his towel in the darkness and placed it over the wet part of the sheet. Fair dinkum, scowled Norton, climbing back under the duvet and scrunching his head into the pillows. The things a man has to put up with when he’s trying to have a holiday. The aroma of Janet’s body oil lingered on the pillows and it smelled lovely. Les took a few deep breaths in through his nose, smiled, then took a couple more. It wasn’t long and he was out like a light.
Les had a good sleep-in the next morning. The sun was well and truly up when he finally blinked his eyes open and peered out the bedroom window to discover a bright sunny day with a few clouds drifting across the sky and the wind blowing softly towards the ocean. The previous night’s festivities suddenly filled Norton’s mind and he gingerly got out of bed and stepped into the loungeroom. Crumpled corn chip packets, glasses and empty bottles were scattered everywhere. Tony’s door was slightly ajar and from inside his bedroom came the sound of light snoring. Les left Tony in peace and, nursing a rude headache, padded to the bathroom.
High Noon in Nimbin Page 5
