It was early, so the once-busy street was quiet and still. After closing her front door behind her, she finally expelled a breath. She wasn’t looking forward to Austin awakening and finding her gone.
It was going to be a long day.
Chapter Four
The first couple of days following their fateful night together, Kristen found it relatively easy to avoid Austin. He’d shown up on her doorstep and called numerous times, but she’d stayed hidden within the confines of her home, unwilling to talk to him. She left earlier than usual for work to avoid running into him, and as soon as she got back home, she immediately locked herself inside.
The day after, he had sent her a dozen red tulips with a note attached that simply read I’m thinking of you. She gathered Mrs. Lorna must have told him those were her favorite flower. She was beginning to wonder if there was anything her elderly friend hadn’t told him about her.
She knew she’d eventually have to face him and just the thought made her sick inside. What could she say? That she’d had a temporary moment of drunken stupidity? Sure, she could always blame it on the alcohol, but she had known exactly what she was getting herself into. She had wanted it just as badly as he did.
At first, she rationalized that he’d probably forget all about what had happened, and move on to some other woman. Perhaps another beautiful blonde like the last one he’d brought home. Maybe even the redheaded woman from down the street.
Yet he’d remained alone. From the dark shadows of her room, she peeked from behind the curtains late at night to find him alone in his bedroom. Sometimes she found him sitting in bed reading a book, and still other times he just lay there as if lost in thought.
There were moments when she missed him, and times when she longed to be in his arms again. How easy it would have been to just give in and forget everything else. Forget what she had gone through with Randy and the long hours she’d spent moving on with her life. Unfortunately, some things were hard to forget and harder still to forgive.
Besides, I don’t need a man in my life.
Her work, friends and family filled her days, and brought her all the happiness she could ever want or need. She was independent, strong and capable of doing anything she set her mind to. If she wanted to drop everything and go away on an impromptu trip with some friends, she did it. If she wanted to stay in bed all day long and eat a gallon of rocky road ice cream while watching sappy love stories on television, then she did that too. She didn’t need a relationship messing things up. If there were moments when she absolutely craved sex, she had several men and women she could choose from to fill that need who wouldn’t ask anything more from her than she was willing to give.
Still, as she crawled into her bed each night, the emptiness of it made her heart ache no matter how much she had tried over the past year to push those kinds of thoughts from her mind.
*
Forecasters called for rain and severe thunderstorms to settle in over the weekend, but Kristen was used to the ever-changing weather that came with living in the south. She’d seen her fair share of hurricanes and tornadoes; still, that never combated the uneasiness she felt when the storm clouds began rolling in.
Early Saturday morning while the neighborhood slept, she wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and settled in her favorite wooden rocker on the front porch. The storms that rolled through during the night had kept her awake, partially from fright, but greater still from the longing that seemed more than ever to sink deeply into her bones since she had left Austin’s side. The fact that he’d had such a strong impact on her annoyed her to no end.
The overcast days had brought the temperature down, and she shivered as she pulled the blanket closer to her body. The sun had yet to rise and all was quiet except for the light rain pelting the roof above her.
Turning sideways, she pulled one knee up to her chest as she laid her head against the back of the chair. Hugging the blanket closer, she let her eyes rest as she rocked the chair gently back and forth with her other foot. Before she realized what was happening, the rain had lulled her to sleep.
*
A sudden clap of thunder woke Kristen from her nap. Disoriented, she sat upright in her chair and rubbed her eyes to try to rouse herself. She had no idea how long she’d been asleep, the sun had come up. Opening her eyes again, she felt her heart jump in her throat when she saw Austin leaning against her front porch railing, watching her. Seeing him there startled her so much that she let out a small yelp.
“Good morning,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.
She tried to smile, but just having him so near made her stomach twist in knots. “How long have you been standing there?”
He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.
“Not long. You looked so peaceful I hated to wake you. I saw you from my kitchen window when I woke up this morning so I got dressed in a hurry to come talk to you before you locked yourself inside again.”
Rising to her feet, she tried to make her way to the front door without him following, but as she expected, he was right on her heels.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Austin.”
It was useless to try to get away from him. She could tell he was more determined than ever to get things out in the open.
He closed the door behind them as they made their way inside, away from nosy neighbors and the storm. He trailed her into the kitchen and she didn’t try to stop him. She was tired. Tired of hiding and tired of running away. If he needed closure, then she was going to give it to him once and for all.
“I don’t believe you. I think we have a lot to talk about. Mainly the fact that you have suddenly decided to avoid me after what happened the other night.”
Taking a carton of orange juice from the refrigerator, she poured herself a small glass while he carried on. He looked as though he hadn’t slept in days, the way his eyes were swollen and bloodshot. As he raised his voice with every word, she could tell he was upset. Swallowing the juice in two huge gulps, she set the glass down on the counter, took a deep breath and turned to look him in the eye.
“I had a wonderful time with you, Austin. Really I did. But it can’t be anything more than that. I’m sorry if I led you to believe it could be.”
As she tried to walk past him, he grabbed her arm and turned her so that she was standing right in front of him.
“You can’t make me believe that, Kristen. And please don’t say it was because of the alcohol, because I won’t believe that either. Something happened between us other than just sex. I felt it and you did too, even if you won’t let yourself believe it. Why are you brushing it off as if it was nothing?”
Pulling free of his grip, she moved away from him. Being that close to him was unnerving and she couldn’t concentrate.
“You’ve just met me, Austin. How can you possibly know what I was thinking or what I was feeling? Yes, there was an attraction between us, but that’s all it was.”
He stepped closer, causing her to take two steps backward. Her back against the wall, she watched as he put his hands on his hips and lowered his head. He seemed to be deep in thought and when he looked up again, she noticed the expression in his eyes had gone from confusion to something she couldn’t quite grasp. It wasn’t anger, or even sadness. He just seemed…lost.
“I know more about you than you think I do and I don’t mean what Mrs. Lorna has told me. Do I know all the details about what Randy did to you? Yes. Do I give a damn? No. We’ve all had our hearts broken at least once in our life. What bothers me is that for some reason you seem to have given up on relationships altogether. Not all men are like him.”
Kristen could feel the resentment surfacing. Who the hell did he think he was to walk in her house and presume that he knew everything about her life?
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied angrily.
Throwing his hands up in the air, he looked almost defeated.
“I don’t? How har
d is it to figure out? Your job has become your life and you won’t let anyone interfere with it that might make you realize you need more. Is that why you became a journalist? So you could lose yourself in other people’s lives instead of living your own?”
As he took another step closer, she tried to move away from him until she realized he had cornered her between the wall and the kitchen counter.
“Tell me, Kristen. Was I the first person since Randy to touch you—really touch you?” he asked, his voice low and sorrowful.
She couldn’t find the words. Her heart raced, her hands shook, and all she could do was stand there with an enormous lump in her throat, making it very hard to speak or even swallow. She braced her hands against the wall and counter to keep from falling.
“Do you think because he left you for some man that no one else is trustworthy?”
The tears began to pool in her eyes as she turned her head to break the intensity of his gaze. He had no right to judge her. No right at all. No one did.
“No. I never let his betrayal ruin my life. I worked damned hard to do that, too. I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been,” she said, unwavering.
“Yes you did, Kristen. Don’t you see it? If you had moved past it then you wouldn’t let him continue to rob you of what you need, which is someone to love you.”
Turning to look him in the eye again, she felt compelled to defend herself, though from what, she had no idea.
“Love? What do you possibly know about love? You probably bring women home with you all the time. For all I know you probably have women strewn from here to the next county.”
The minute the words escaped her lips she wished she could take them back. He stepped away from her, and for the longest moment he was speechless. His gaze had gone from caring and gentle to just…nothing.
“Is that what you think of me?” he asked, incredulous. “You think I’m some type of player? If what happened between us led you to believe that, then I’m sorry, but how can you stand there and assume you know everything about my life after spending one night with me?”
Putting one hand on his hip and splaying the other through his hair, he turned as if to walk away, but suddenly he turned to her again and she could see the bitterness burning in his eyes.
“I’m almost forty years old and I’ve never had a one-night stand in my life. I wasn’t hoping to start now. I felt something between us from the first moment I talked to you, Kristen. Those things don’t just happen to me. Every woman I’ve ever dated, which isn’t as many as you probably think, ended up being a long-term relationship for me. My relationship with Tracey was the shortest one I’ve ever had, and that was because I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I needed more than she was willing to share.”
He stepped toward her again. His agitation was clearly evident in the way he angrily paced the floor in front of her and the hurt expression in his gaze that made her heart ache.
“I love sex just as much as any other man, but I’ve reached the point in my life where that’s not enough. I don’t want just a lover. I want a friend. I believe you do too. I thought maybe we found that in each other, but you refuse to even try.”
He stopped and took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. She felt horrible for making him so upset, but he had no right to bring things to the surface that she had tried hard to bury. It was none of his business. Hopefully this conversation was nearing its end.
He looked at her again and the sadness in his expression made her feel extremely guilty. He leaned in closer, causing her to press harder against the wall. She hated being this close to him right now. The feelings that swirled through her mind and across her heart left her confused, and unsure of what to do next or what to say. It had been a long time since someone had stirred such emotions inside her. She found herself at a loss on how to deal with it.
Austin placed his hands on each side of her face, catching her off guard and making her weak. All at once her body flooded with warmth at his touch. Silently she prayed that he would keep holding her, fearing that if he let go she would fall to the floor.
There was nowhere to run now. She was here, in this moment, and there was no way to escape it. She wasn’t sure she even would if given the chance. Her heart raced as she tried to breathe.
“Kristen,” he said, his voice deep and sincere, “you can’t tell me what we shared was nothing. I watched you. I listened to you. I remember every sigh…every moan…every time you called out my name as you reached for me. I know without a doubt that I touched your heart somehow. Please don’t throw the possibility of something wonderful away because you’re afraid you might get hurt again. I won’t hurt you.”
She couldn’t speak. Her breasts heaved against his chest as he leaned over. Holding her head still, he brushed his lips against hers, so gently that it felt more like a breeze than a kiss.
The warmth of his breath against her lips sent her spiraling. She wanted to capture his mouth with hers, but he continued to hold her still, unraveling her slowly each time he brushed his lips across hers, but never taking them.
“Austin…” she softly pleaded, on the verge of tears. It was unbearable. Please. Do something.
“Kristen…” he whispered, caressing her lips again. “Breathe.”
Inhaling deeply, she felt her legs threaten to give way as he finally kissed her, his lips demanding. Seeking. With his tongue, he parted her lips, while his hands traveled from her face, across her throat, down to caress the hardened nipples that protruded from beneath her shirt before coming to rest on her hips.
Placing a hand behind his neck, she pulled him closer, kissing him harder with a need that surprised them both. Their bodies molded together as he held her tightly against him. Whimpering softly, she felt his hands slide under her shirt as she lightly grazed his lips and tongue with her teeth.
Up her spine went the brush of his fingertips, causing her to shiver and hold on to him tighter so she wouldn’t fall. All she wanted was this…this moment spent in his arms again, feeling her body against his, the warmth of him beneath her hands. She was tired of being strong. All she wanted was to surrender. It had been so long since someone made her feel truly alive. No one had ever loved her body in such a way that Austin had…not even Randy.
She gasped. Randy. Pulling away from Austin, she put her hand against his chest as she tried to catch her breath.
“I can’t,” she said, her voice resigned and full of sadness. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
Looking down at his feet, he exhaled slowly, a defeated sound that broke her heart. Then, cradling her face one last time in his hands, he pressed his lips to her forehead before letting go and turning to leave.
He stopped when he reached the end of the kitchen counter, placing his hand on top of it as if trying to remain steady on his feet. Yet never once did he turn to look at her.
She waited for him to say something, but instead he continued walking toward the front door. And just like that…he was gone.
Chapter Five
Kristen’s hands shook as she gathered a flashlight and candles from the kitchen. The storms had continued off and on throughout the day, and within the last hour they had suddenly reached a frightening intensity. No matter how many times she had been through these summer storms before, they still made her nervous.
The lights had flickered off and on for several minutes until finally the electricity had gone out altogether. If it hadn’t been for the constant lightning, she would have been enveloped in total darkness.
In the past, she had always stayed at Mrs. Lorna’s house during bad weather. Being near the elderly woman and her husband had been comforting and gave her little time to think about what was happening outside. There had been many days and nights spent sitting around their dining room table, drinking coffee and playing board games until the storms had subsided. Now, especially on a night like tonight, she missed that comfort.
The temperature had dropped even more, forcing he
r to change into a long-sleeved shirt and pajama bottoms. After lighting several candles and placing them around the den, she covered herself in a blanket and sat down on the sofa, trying to keep warm.
The thunder continued to shake the house while lightning repeatedly illuminated the room. The lightning was so continuous, it resembled daylight outside though it was close to midnight. The wind and rain beat against the walls and windows with such force she worried they wouldn’t hold together.
Taking several deep breaths, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on something to take her mind off the chaos, but that didn’t help either. Every time she closed her eyes she pictured Austin, which brought no peace at all. She could still feel his lips against hers, and it was enough to drive her insane.
Numerous times that day she had looked out the window hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but all was quiet at his house. Every curtain was closed as if now he was the one trying to shut out the world.
She began to wonder if maybe another woman was there with him. Erasing the thought from her mind, she reminded herself it was none of her business anyway. She was the one who had turned him away. He had every right to invite whomever he wanted into his house.
Closing her eyes and rocking back and forth, she wondered if the storm was ever going to let up. She hated being alone in such a big house, especially in the darkness with nothing to do except pray that the wind wouldn’t rip the place apart. A loud knock on the front door made her jump in fear. Who in the world could that—?
“Kristen!” bellowed a familiar voice. “Kristen!”
As much as she wanted to cringe at the thought of being near Austin, she felt greatly relieved. Bounding from the sofa, she picked up the flashlight and went to answer the door. As soon as she unlocked it and turned the knob, the wind blew it open with a force that shocked her. With Austin’s help, she managed to close it again.
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