by B. B. Hamel
“So, lots of stress. I don’t need you pretending like you give a fuck. I’m sure you’re just trying to get me to open up about Logan.” He sneers and spits on the ground. “That stupid fuck.” He looks at me, shaking his head.
Why does he hate Logan so much? He has to have seen through Logan’s façade. Or maybe he can sense these things, just like I can, and knew that Logan wasn’t like the rest of them.
That has to be it. This guy can sense these things, just like I can, but he didn’t like what he felt about Logan. Now that Logan is out of the picture, wherever he is, this Anton guy is going to take it out on me.
All because Logan was good to me. All because Logan tried to save me, to shield me from the worst of it. My time here was easy compared to most of the girls, and now this bastard Anton is going to try and take that away from me. He’s going to try and taint Logan’s memory as much as possible.
“And now your precious Logan is all gone. He treated you like a queen, even made sure you were okay with everything that happened.” He grins at the look on my face. It’s pure and abject horror.
“That’s right,” he continues, moving closer to me. “We were listening. We heard everything you two said to each other. Absolutely everything. We even heard you, too.” His grin is disgusting and I want to hit him or scream, but I know that will only make it worse.
“Your moans ...they haunt me. You know that, girl? Your moans have stuck in my head and won’t go the fuck away.” He reaches out and grabs me by the hair, tearing me toward him. I cringe and cower but I don’t fight.
“Now I want to hear those moans,” he says into my ear. “I want to hear them from your own fucking mouth.”
He releases my hair and hits me again. I back up, crawling into the corner, and he laughs.
“Go ahead, run away. There’s nowhere to go. You’re mine now. And you’re not going to like it.” He stands and looks down at me.
“Where is Logan?” I ask him weakly.
He cocks his head to the side. “Did I say you could speak?” He hits me again. I cover my head and hide away. “No, I fucking didn’t. God, what is it about that fucking guy that you liked so much?”
“He didn’t treat me like a dog,” I say.
Anton punches me in the mouth. Instantly, I can feel blood well up on my lips and I check my teeth with my tongue. None of them seem missing, thankfully, and I spit a wad of blood onto the ground.
He laughs, watching me with his arms crossed.
“Logan was a big fucking pussy,” he says. “If he just played along and did what he was supposed to do, we wouldn’t have this problem. You’d be broken and I wouldn’t have to come in here and clean up his mess.” He walks across the room and looks into the mirror. “You think I like doing this? Answer me.”
“Yes,” I say, watching him. He watches me back through the mirror.
“Well, you’d be correct.” He straightens up, laughing. “I fucking love this. I love breaking stubborn bitches like you. Except I don’t like having to do it on a time crunch. I like to take my time, find ways to hurt you that you can’t even imagine. I like to get you to the point where you’re not just afraid of more pain, but you welcome me as a savior. I have three girls standing in the other room right over there, you know that? There’s an open window and they could jump out of it at any time, but they won’t.”
“Why?” I ask him, defiant.
“Because they want to be here, the stupid whores. They’re broken shells. They don’t know anything else anymore.”
I clench my jaw and look away. This man is so revolting that I can barely stand it.
But I can see how that would happen. It happened with me. My father broke me a long time ago and I lived in his house, every single day, never running away although I could have. I was just too afraid and thought that my father knew what was best for me.
I know better now. I’ve seen real abuse, and I know what my father did to me was it. I know that I can survive now.
Although I’m not sure I can survive this.
Anton turns and walks slowly toward me, talking the whole time.
“You see, men are disgusting. We’re pigs. They just want some hot warm hole to hump until they drop a load, and then it’s back home to the wife and the kids.” He stops in front of me and crouches down. “Some of them want the fantasy. They want to pretend like the slut is enjoying their little prick, too. But the guys that come to me, they know the truth. They don’t give a fuck.”
I stare into his eyes and don’t know what to say. He’s sick and twisted, and I know not all men are like that. Logan isn’t like that.
“Where’s Logan?” I ask him finally.
“Dead,” he says with a wicked grin. “Feel better now? I had my best man drive him out to the desert and put a bullet in his skull. He’ll be a rotting corpse by now.” Anton takes my hand. “Your life is mine now, bitch.”
I stare back as terror and pain rip me apart.
Logan, the only man to take me seriously, to treat me well. He made me feel things I never really imagined before. And as soon as I truly realized that I was falling in love with him, this bastard steals him away.
I fell in love with Logan and now he’s dead. Maybe I’m cursed to be alone and abused for the rest of my life.
But no, no, I can’t do that. He was ...everything. And without him, I have nothing to live for. I know it, deep down inside of me. I was holding on to life just because I thought he might still be alive, but now I know the truth. Now I know for sure.
Logan is dead. He’s gone and he’s never coming back. Whatever is left of my life will be short, brutal, and full of misery.
But I have no reason to keep living. I truly don’t. So why not end it all?
I can’t kill myself. I don’t have the strength. But I know someone that will do it for me.
This bastard. Anton. He’ll kill me if I raise a hand against him. I’m sure of it. If I hurt him as badly as I can as quickly as I can, he’ll kill me. Maybe it’ll be slow but at least it’ll happen and I’ll be free. It can be my last act on this world. I can die knowing that I made a choice and followed it through.
I can choose to die. These bastards can’t enslave me and force me to do things that I don’t want. It’s either that or death, and I’ll make my choice.
I bunch my fists, readying myself. It’s going to hurt. I know it’ll hurt. But I can take pain. I’ve taken pain my whole life. That’s not the issue. I just hope it doesn’t break me even more.
I’ll go for his eyes. Maybe blind him. I’ll jam my fingers into his right eye as hard as I can and then attack him. Maybe it’ll destroy his eye for good, I can’t really say.
I tense, readying myself. Anton leers at me, still talking, but I’m not hearing anything. It doesn’t matter at all.
And suddenly, there’s a noise in the other room. It’s loud, and people start yelling. Anton stands suddenly and turns away from me.
“Stay,” he says, and then leaves the room.
I release my fists and collapse back.
I was too slow. Whatever just happened may have doomed me to this life forever. Maybe I’ll get another chance, but maybe I won’t. It’s impossible to say.
The yelling continues, but I don’t hear it. I’m too busy sobbing. I see myself as if from a great distance, sobbing as hard as I can, my whole body wracked with pain and emotion. Logan is dead and my life is done. I had hope but now it’s dashed and destroyed.
At least I got the night on the beach. I felt the sand under my toes, the surf at my feet. And Logan’s body in that cave. It was beautiful. It was perfect. At least he gave me that before I give myself up completely.
As the noise intensifies, I just wrap myself into a ball and cry. I’ve given up completely and whatever is happening doesn’t matter at all. I’m lost and Logan is lost. Whatever love I felt is dead and gone now.
I’m just a bundle of nothing, dashed to bits on a reef.
28
Logan
I don’t think I’ve ever driven this fast in my fucking life. I drove down the streets of Fallujah with the fucking Taliban trying to kill me once, but this time I’m driving even goddamn faster.
The Mexican desert whips past my windows. I’m pushing eighty in a place where I should be doing twenty, and it’s dangerous as fuck, but I have to risk it. I need to get back in time to help Riley.
As I drive, my computer begins beeping. I grunt and force myself to slow down enough so that I can safely check it for new messages. I keep driving, but I glance down at the screen as more information scrolls in.
They want me to meet up with a local unit on the south side of the compound. Apparently, they think I’ll be a good asset to help coordinate the strike, which of course I would, since I’m the only person with an intimate knowledge of the inside.
That’s a solid plan from command. I can’t deny the logic. I shouldn’t be on the front lines but back with the generals, helping to coordinate the attack. If I were to get killed, we’d lose a ton of valuable information that only I have at this moment. I’m too useful for them to risk.
And normally I’d obey. Especially an order that results in my genuinely helping them succeed. I want to see these bastards fucking burn, and I’ll do whatever I can to make sure it happens.
But I can’t do this. I know that if I disobey this order, they’ll fire me and make sure I never work again in security. It’s the only thing I know how to do and I can’t imagine doing anything but this. I live for the fight and for winning against the bastards I’m assigned to destroy.
But I can’t leave Riley alone. I know the guys in my squads are all good men, but I can’t risk Riley getting hurt. Anton might have taken her already and he might hurt her just out of spite, and I can’t allow that. I can relay this information to a squad, but they don’t have the same desire that I do.
I’ll fight harder than I can imagine for her, and I have to do it. I can’t sit back in some general’s tent and direct other men to fight and maybe die on my behalf. I started this and I have to finish it.
I shut the laptop and toss it aside, hitting the gas again. They’ll be angry, very angry, but that’s okay. They’ll have to survive without me. I know they will. I’ll send them a message when I get to the compound, but not before. I don’t want to risk them intercepting me before I can get back inside. I know they’re likely tracking me at this very moment.
They can track me all they want. That doesn’t mean I’m going to roll over and do what they want me to do. I’ve been pushing for this move now for a week and they kept putting me off. They can go to hell.
I have my own priorities now.
The truck flies through the small town just outside of the compound. I slow down as I approach the walls, heart beating fast.
I could get out and sneak back in through the gap in the wall, but this is the fastest route. I’m fairly sure that Anton hasn’t spread the word about my death just yet, and so the guards at the gate probably won’t think twice about letting me back inside. It’s a small risk, but it’s one I have to take.
I pull up to the gate and honk. The front pulls open and Miguel steps out.
He cocks his head at me, a little surprised, and walks up to the window.
“Everything good?” he asks. “Where are the others?”
“Shit went bad,” I say. I can’t really pretend otherwise considering the bullet holes and the blood. “Gotta talk to Anton.”
Miguel narrows his eyes. He’s clearly skeptical, but I need to push forward.
“Now, you fucking asshole,” I yell at him. “This can’t wait.”
He nods and lets me through. I let out a sigh of relief as I pull around the corner and park the truck in line with the others.
I slip back into the main building, skirting around and going through the back entrance. There are guys around, but most don’t give me a second glance. I guess it’s not uncommon to see a bloody and angry looking gringo walking around this place, which says a lot about them.
I hurry through the halls, not stopping for anything, until I’m outside of Riley’s cell. Heart beating fast, I use my keys to open the door.
And I stare in at an empty room.
“Shit,” I whisper to myself.
They took her already. I slowly close the door and stumble back until I hit the wall behind me.
I don’t know where Riley is. I wrack my brain, trying to guess where they put her, but it could be anywhere. There are hundreds of cells in this fucking shithole, and she could be in any one of them.
But no, I have to think. I know the ones that are filled already. And I know Anton. He wouldn’t put her in just any cell. He’s going to want to take his anger out on her and make sure that she’s broken for the upcoming shipment.
That means he’s going to take a personal involvement with her. I might be wrong, but it’s a starting point at least. I head over toward Anton’s private area, near that large room he’s always hiding in.
Just then, I hear some shouting. I begin to walk faster, not sure what’s happening. It could be the operation going down or maybe it’s just the normal bullshit going on, but I can’t be sure.
As I turn the corner, two guards with their guns drawn come rushing toward me. They start shouting in Spanish, too fast for me to understand.
They might just be asking me for directions or greeting me, but I doubt it. Based on their expressions, they’re supremely unhappy with something I’ve done.
No time to waste. As the first guard comes near me and goes to lift his gun, I step in toward him lightning-fast and shove my elbow into his throat. I grab his gun and control it, bringing it toward the other guard just as it starts firing. The second guard is lit up with bullets and drops to the ground. I twist the gun and rip it from the first guard’s hands then bring it up and finish him off.
The guards slump to the ground, dead in seconds, and now I have no time to waste. I move forward, gun at the ready.
Just then, I hear more shouting and the unmistakable sound of automatic rifle fire. It’s coming from the direction of the front gate, which means that the operation is definitely going down.
They must have tracked me coming back into the compound and decided to move their timetable up. That worries me. It might mean they think I’m a traitor, which suggests that they’ll come after me as well as everyone else in here. I can’t be sure of that, and so I’ll have to be extra careful when they finally breach the inner compound. I don’t want to get caught up in some friendly fire situation.
I move through the hallways and fortunately don’t come up against any more guards. I’m guessing they’re mostly outside holding back the breach that’s happening at the wall.
I move through the halls slowly, trying not to get caught off balance. Finally, I move down the hallway where Anton’s quarters are located.
I don’t know which rooms are cells, and so I just start trying knobs. The first room is a janitorial closet. The next one is a bathroom. The next one looks like some kind of observational room, which is strange.
I pause and move further into that room. There’s a single chair sitting in front of what looks like a two-way mirror. The mirror isn’t large, though. It’s the shape of a normal window mirror, like something you’d see in a bathroom. I can’t see what’s on the other side until I walk right up to it.
Riley is sitting on her bed, looking afraid. I can see bruising on her face, but otherwise she looks okay. My heart leaps in my chest from joy, but it’s quickly replaced with anger.
The bastards hit her. They fucking hit her. Pretty hard, too, based on the crusted-over blood and bruising that’s already forming. Her knees are pulled up to her chest and I can only imagine what’s going through her mind right now.
More gunfire erupts, this time closer than I expected. They must be breaching a new part of the wall, and probably are inside by now. I quickly move back into the hall and then come up against Riley’s cell door.
I try the handle but it’s locked. I get out my key, but it doesn’t work on this door.
I look up and down the hallway.
“Riley,” I yell. “Get away from the door.”
“Logan?” I can just barely hear her.
“Get away from the door. I’m going to break it open.”
“Okay,” she calls out.
I bring up the rifle and unload on the lock. It tears through the door to the point where I can kick the door in with my boot. It bursts forward, falling off its hinges, and dust billows up into the air.
I sling the rifle over my shoulder and step into the room. Riley stands up in the corner, staring at me, and I smile.
“There you are,” I say.
She runs to me and throws her arms around my neck. I grab her and pull her against me, hugging her as hard as I can.
She sobs against me and tries to say something, but I can’t understand her. “It’s okay,” I say to her, stroking her hair. “It’s okay. I’m here now. We’re going to get out of here.”
“I thought you were dead!” she finally manages to say. “Anton said you were ...he said you were dead ...“
“He was wrong,” I say simply. I pull back and take her face in my hands. “It’s pretty fucking hard to kill me. I’ll never leave you, Riley.”
“Logan.” Tears stream down her face. “I love you,” she says. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re not sorry for anything. I love you too.” I kiss her hard, lips melting against hers.
It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for. I can finally name the feeling that’s been growing inside of me all this time. It’s love, it always has been love. It must be. I don’t know it by anything else. I’m willing to sacrifice so much for her, and I can’t imagine letting her down.
I love her. I fell in love with Riley and now I have to figure out what to do about it.
My commanders are coming for us, and they’re going to want to give her back to her father. Anton is probably going to realize that I’m here sooner rather than later, and that won’t be good, either.
