by Natalie Dean
I looked up at him as he snapped the book closed, smiling down at me. “It’s a good book. I like the story. I like that Frankenstein book we read too.”
“You like dark stories and adventurous stories,” I hummed.
“I do, but there’s something I’m far more interested in,” he murmured.
I looked up at him with wide eyes. “There is?”
“Absolutely.”
“What Is it?”
He gripped my chin between his fingers, brushing at my jaw with his thumbs. “Do you really not know?” he whispered.
“I want to hear it from you. I want to hear it come from your lips,” I pleaded.
He smiled and leaned in so close that I could feel his warm breath on my own lips. “You,” he whispered.
Within seconds I found myself in a deep kiss with Liam, my hair coming loose and fanning out around me. We pulled away from each other, and he was staring into my eyes with that same intensity that always caught me off guard. I could hardly breathe and found myself staring right back at him, my lips moist, and my words stuck in my throat.
I reached up and tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled him down for a long, hungry kiss. I got lost in that moment and in that kiss. He supported himself with one arm while the other hand traced down the soft curve of my neck. My skin was flushed pink and my heart beating wildly.
Then his fingers brushed over my belly.
I’d had to stop wearing a corset because of the baby, but I still wasn’t big enough to show through the many layers of cloth that made up my dress. Even though the bump was rather small, it was finally starting to show, and it made me hyper-aware of the fact that I was hiding this from him. He was such a good man and yet here I was, lying and hiding things from him. Our affair had essentially started with a lie, and I knew it could not continue.
I reached up and put my hands on his shoulders, giving a forceful push. He broke away from me and stared down, smiling. When he ducked down for another kiss I put my hand over his mouth, and the concern became etched on his face. He looked down at me, his eyes searching my face for something, most likely an answer.
“We…have to stop,” I whispered.
“What? Is it because of Reynold?”
I shook my head slowly, closing my eyes and running my fingers down his chest in an attempt to comfort him. “Shhh. Just…help me sit up?”
He pulled me up so that we were sitting, pressed against each other’s side. He looked down and stroked the hair from my face. “What's the matter, Mariana?”
I looked up at him, feeling as if I were going to choke on my unspoken words. I looked away for a moment and then back at him, my hands folded neatly in my lap. “There’s something you need to know. It’s unfair for us to continue with this…relationship until you know the truth.”
His face dropped and he frowned deeply, staring at me. “Mariana?”
“I’m…I’m-,” I could not get the words out.
He reached out and took my hands, running his fingers over my knuckles. “It’s alright, darlin’,” he said softly. “It’s alright. You can tell me anything.”
I closed my eyes, knowing I could not look him in the face when I told him. I could not bear to see the look of disappointment and rejection in his face.
“I’m carrying his child.”
He was silent for a long moment. Even though my eyes were closed, I could feel his eyes burning into me, and it made my chest ache. I opened my eyes and glanced up at him, swallowing the panic. I wanted him to say something, anything. I wanted him to scream, throw things and let me feel his anger. Anything but the silent stare that was trained on me. I looked away again, my eyes wide and my heart pounding in my chest. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
Finally, he reached out and forced me to face him. “I understand that you are his by law. You are his wife, and I know that there are certain things you must do, and I know that one of those things is bearing him a child,” he murmured, stroking my cheeks. “When we started this, I understood what it was, and I knew that you might have his child, but that doesn’t matter,” he said, scooting closer. “The only thing that matters is whether or not you love him. Do you love him?”
“No!” I said quickly, putting my hands on his cheeks. “No! Not at all. This is something I was forced into!”
He nodded and put his hands over mine. “I know. I know, darlin’.” He pressed his lips to mine tenderly and sighed. “I won’t abandon you. I want to be there for you and your baby. I’m going to get you both out of here. I don’t know how yet, but I’m going to do it.”
I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, taking a shuddering breath. “You’re a good man, Liam. You give me hope.”
“Hope?” he asked, pulling back and cupping my cheek.
I nodded and leaned into his hand, sighing as my eyes fluttered closed for a moment. “You give me hope that this isn’t what my life is meant to be,” I said, motioning around us. “I feel trapped in here, but with you, I feel free.”
He smiled and kissed my forehead. “You are free, darlin’. You just haven’t learned to fly yet.”
I nodded and leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around me and offered the book to me. I took it and opened to the next chapter, my cheeks flushing when his hands rested on my belly. It made me feel better about my uncertain future. I was still terrified, of course, but at least I knew he was here to stay.
There were moments where I questioned his loyalty. I could not help but wonder if he really was as dedicated as he said he was. My trust in men had been broken bit by bit, but Liam made me believe that there were good men out there.
I turned and caught his lips in a tender kiss, my eyes fluttering as I looked up at him. “Thank you, Liam.”
He just offered me that same crooked smile and shrugged. “You don’t got to thank me, darlin’.”
I put my head on his shoulder and looked over at him. “I want the rest of my life to be like this. I hope that one day I can be this happy all the time.”
He kissed the top of my head. “I know it seems impossible, but I promise that you will be. Even if it’s not with me, I will make sure you’re happy.”
I looked up at him for a long moment and cupped his cheek. “I don’t think I could be this happy without you.”
He smiled and kissed the open palm of my hand. “Then one day, I will take you away from this place and give you the life you deserve.”
I smiled almost sadly, afraid to let myself truly believe it. It seemed so far away and so impossible. But I wanted to believe him. “Promise?” I whispered.
“Promise.”
Chapter 10
Christmas was just around the corner, and I was happy to be decorating the house. Christmas always made me forget my worries and this year was no different. My belly was growing rounder and rounder as each day passed and as it did, I could feel the beginning of excitement building in my chest. The idea of raising a child had been terrifying once, but now Liam was offering me something I'd never had before. He was offering me a future and the chance at having the family I’d always wanted. I didn’t know when, but I believed he would take me away.
I hummed softly as I hung delicate glass decorations from the branches of the full fir tree that Reynold purchased. He simply shook his head and called it an eye sore before leaving the house to spend the evening with one of his many mistresses. I didn’t care if he didn’t see the purpose of a Christmas tree. I wasn’t decorating the house for him. I was doing it for me.
"Be careful with the blue ones, Liam. They're very expensive," I said, reaching out so that Liam could place another ornament in my hand.
I was perched carefully on a ladder, hanging decorations on the very top branches of the tree while Liam watched me with uncertainty, clearly uncomfortable with the fact that I was on a ladder.
"I ain't worried about the ornaments," he grumbled.
I smiled and turned to face him, resting my chin in my hand, grinning b
rightly. I felt lighter when I was with Liam. It was like I was floating.
"No?"
"Of course not. I'm worried about you," he said firmly, not as amused as I was.
"I'm fine, Liam," I assured, reaching out for another decoration.
The fire crackled on the far end of the room, and the smell of fresh quail filled the house. The entire house was filled with the ambiance of the holidays, and it made me feel warm and safe. I was starting to feel more at ease in the house now that Liam was around and Reynold was ignoring me completely. It was as if my pregnancy made me invisible to him. I would never stop being thankful for that.
Liam was inspecting the glass ornament carefully, his brows pulled together and his face set in a deep frown.
"What's the matter?" I asked gently, walking down the ladder so that I could press my hands to his face.
He was silent for a long moment before bringing the gold foiled ornament between us. "I…will never be able to buy you things like this, darlin'. I do alright for myself, and I got some money saved up for when we bust out of here, but…I'll never be able to buy you nice dresses and fancy ornaments."
I frowned deeply and put my hands on my hips. "Do you think that little of me, Liam?" I asked, shaking my head.
His eyes widened, and he looked as if he might drop the ornament, but decided against it and carefully sat it in the little box he’d pulled it out of. Once his hands were free, he took mine between his and kissed each knuckle.
“You’re my sun and moon, darlin’. I think the world of you!” he said quickly.
“Listen, Liam,” I said, pulling him over to the small couch in the parlor. “I have always had plenty of things. Father always had money, and he was always sure to show it off. I could have had anything I wanted, and I never went without, but even with all the finery in the world, I was never happy. I could have all the money in the world, and I wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t have you. I don’t care if we live in a shack in the desert, Liam. If we are together…I’ll have what I need,” I promised, resting his hands against my cheek, smiling at him. “Money is hardly worth anything when you put it next to happiness.”
His thumbs ran over my fingers, and he nodded. “Honest?”
“Honest,” I said, stealing a kiss. “Maybe I wouldn’t have said the same thing a month ago, but it’s only because I didn’t know what true happiness was. I was always told that if you were wealthy and if people fawned over your beauty, you were happy. I suppose that love has a way of opening your eyes,” I said starting to stand.
Liam’s hold on my hand was firm, and as I walked away, I was pulled back into his arms. “What did you say?” he asked, one brow cocked curiously.
My eyes widened when I realized what he was asking me and I turned my head away, my cheeks red. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Do you love me?”
The question was so abrupt and had an amused tone just underneath the words. I looked up at him for a moment and then sighed, turning my gaze to my tree. “We ought to get back to decorating, don’t you think?”
He gripped my chin between his fingers and forced me to look at him. “Do you love me?” he asked again.
I knew I wasn’t getting out of answering his question. I knew the answer, but I was afraid to say it, even though I knew what I was feeling was real. Being in love left you raw and exposed and there was something about that that terrified me.
“Of course I love you,” I said softly.
He smiled and leaned down, bumping his forehead to mine. “I love you too, Mariana.”
My heart fluttered in my chest, and I smiled at the words, unable to conceal my obvious joy. I’d always wanted to be loved. It wasn’t anything I expected anymore. As I got older, I realized my parents hadn’t even loved me. I was livestock to my father, and my mother knew I’d be torn right out of her arms, and so she pushed me away so that she wouldn’t get attached to me. For the first time in my life, someone looked at me with absolute adoration and love.
“I’ve loved you since the first day we met,” he said, putting his hand on my waist. “You know that, don’t you?”
“I had a feeling you might be smitten with me.”
He chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose. “Let’s get back to the tree?”
I nodded and took his hand, squeezing it before I went back to the ladder. As we dressed up the rest of the house, Liam took every chance he could to tell me he loved me. My embarrassment and hesitation didn’t come from the fact that I didn’t love him. I adored him more than I had anyone one else in my life. I just didn’t know what to do with my feelings. They were new and intense. It was like riding through a storm, enthralled by the beauty of it, but still aware of the danger it possessed. That was what love felt like, and it was exhilarating.
We had put the last of the ornaments on the tree, and we both stepped back to admire our handiwork. The glass glistened by the light of the fire, throwing colorful shadows across the oak floors. I smiled and leaned into Liam’s shoulder, looking up at him.
“We did a good job.”
“You did a good job,” he corrected, wrapping his arms around me. “I was just the muscle, darlin’.”
I smiled and turned to him, putting my hands on his chest, opening my mouth to speak. That was when the door to the front of the house slammed shut, and the wood creaked under my husband’s weight. I knew it was him. I could smell the sickly, overpowering scent of his cologne already. Besides, all of the house staff were in their quarters.
My eyes widened in fear, and I grabbed Liam’s hand running to the window and unlocking it. The parlor was on the first floor, so he’d have no trouble getting out. He was smart enough to stay quiet as I ushered him out the window, my heart racing. Reynold was already beating on the door, and I could taste the acidity of fear as it worked its way into the back of my throat.
Once Liam had both feet on the ground, he cupped my cheek and kissed me softly, silently promising that he would be back for me. I watched him disappear into the night before closing the window and latching it, being careful not to make any noise.
I gathered my skirts and walked over to the door, opening it and offering Reynold a nervous smile. His cloudy eyes were narrowed with suspicion and before I could greet him, he pushed me aside and wandered into the parlor.
“Why was the door locked?” he grunted, moving around the room.
I tried to keep my voice steady, thankful his back was to me as I brushed hair out of my face with shaking hands. “I wanted to surprise you with the tree, and I didn’t want you to burst in and see it before it was finished. You didn’t tell me when you’d be home. I just wanted to be sure it would be a surprise.”
His icy gaze turned to me, and he sneered, moving about the room. He walked over to the couch and picked up one of Liam’s burnt out cigarettes. That’s when I saw his leather hat. It was sitting innocently on the couch. My heart dropped into my stomach, and I waited silently, watching as Reynold set the cigarette down in favor of the hat.
He picked it up and turned to me, his lips drawn back into a snarl. “Who was here?”
“Just one of the farm hands. I’m not sure what his name is. He was helping me put ornaments on the higher branches. I knew you’d be upset if I fell and hurt the baby, so I didn’t want to take any chances,” I said quickly, scrambling.
He walked closer, his steps slow and deliberate. He was like a predator, ready to pounce and ready to make me pay for my lies.
“Your cheeks are flushed, your hair is disheveled, and you’re panicking,” he whispered, his voice low and dangerous.
I was already starting to back towards the door, my animal instincts kicking in. I wasn’t safe, and I knew it. Something about the look in his eye told me that the baby wasn’t going to protect me this time. As Reynold stalked closer, he came to stand beside the tree, looking it up and down before his gaze turned to me.
“Who was in my house?”
I was silent, unable to get
the words out. “I don’t know his name,” I finally managed.
Reynold wrapped his fingers around one of the thick branches of my tree and pulled it down. It crashed to the floor and all the ornaments shattered. Glass shards exploded and scattered across the floor. The tree was destroyed, and as he stepped over it to get to me, his foot came down on the beautiful metal star that had topped the tree, crushing it under his shiny, black leather shoes.
“You lying snake!” he snarled, grabbing my arm so tightly that I knew his fingers would leave bruises.
This abuse was familiar. It had been months since I found myself at his mercy, but now it was coming back to me. I remembered feeling helpless and unable to defend myself. I’d cry and crumple into a useless mess, but I wasn’t going to do that this time. I wasn’t going to give up without a fight.
I let out a shriek and dug my fingers into his hand, watching as blood broke the surface and ran down his skin in little rivers. He didn’t release me, but I didn’t release him either.
“Do you think you’re going to win? Do you think you’re going to get away?” he whispered, his words dripping with hatred. “You’ve made a fool of me Mariana, and I’m going to show you what happens to people who dare betray me,” he hissed.
My eyes narrowed, and I bared my teeth. “I didn’t make a fool of you! You did that just fine on your own!”
His meaty hand came down on my cheek so hard that I lost my footing and stumbled back, falling to the ground. My ears were ringing, and blood was already starting to drip down my chin from my lip. My tongue darted out, and the metallic taste sent rage flooding through my entire body. I didn’t deserve this. There was a time in my life where I thought this was just how things were. My mother had me convinced that I didn’t deserve anything else, but I knew better now. I knew there were good men out there.
