But he wasn’t every man. He was Lore Palancar, Captain of the Guard and first varor to Lady Astrea. And currently filling every other role the war had left vacant.
Lore rolled onto his side. Ever since he had been a child, duty had been drilled into him by his father. Duty to the high lord or lady, duty to the guards under his authority, duty to the White City. People depended upon him. Many of them for their very lives. Could he push aside his responsibilities for the love of a woman?
But what about Rowen? Lore rolled back over and stared at the ceiling again. He loved her. Deeply. Intensely. Enough to even consider leaving his career. He had already planned on asking her to bond with him. What kind of man let the woman he loved—was willing to bond with the rest of his life—leave?
And not only leave, but also face…
Lore shut his eyes. If he really loved Rowen, he would never let her face the Shadonae at all, much less alone. At the very least, he would stand beside her.
Lore moaned and rolled onto his side. “Oh, Word, what do I do?” Go or not go? Duty or love? Do what is good for the many or just for one?
• • •
The faint blush of morning crept across the wall. Lore stared at the pink hue, his mind strained and his body fatigued. He’d tossed and turned all night, and he finally had his answer. But it gave him no joy.
Lore sat up and got dressed. He needed to leave the room and walk or do something. His heart felt like a hardened ball of lead inside his chest. He rubbed the area, then belted on his sword and left the room.
It’s the right choice, he told himself as he walked silently down the hall. He’d always known that eventually there would come a time when his position would require him to sacrifice deeply. It happened to every leader, his father had said. Lore swallowed bitterly and faltered for one step. He had just never realized how much it would hurt when the time came.
He took a sharp turn to the right and headed toward a set of doors that opened to a pathway outside. He could feel the sea’s mood tugging at his blood this morning. Cheerful and happy. Nothing at all what he felt deep inside.
Lore opened one of the doors and stepped outside. A balcony extended for a couple of feet over the sea, then turned and narrowed into a stone pathway that led along the city’s wall. He breathed in the cool salty air and felt a strong temptation to give in to his seablood. To let the temporary emotions wash away the pain and agony of his choice. He came to a stop at the stone ledge and looked over.
The water was a bright blue green. White spray filled the air every time the waves hit the boulders below. A flock of brown pelicans sat along the highest rocks, bathing in the sunlight. Lore shaded his eyes and looked up. Seagulls cried and circled high above. The roar of the sea filled his ears. It would be so easy to just close his eyes and let the ocean take him, to embrace the emotions the sea had to offer today.
Lore turned away. No, he would not give in to his blood. He would not take the easy way. He wanted to fully feel the anguish of what his choice left him with.
He walked toward the pathway, his heart feeling as though another layer of lead had wrapped itself around it, squeezing it. At least the pain meant he felt something—
No! Lore lurched to a stop, his heart now beating rapidly inside his chest. What was she doing here?
He stood as still as possible. Around the corner and near the ledge stood Rowen, looking out over the sea. Her hair hung down her back, loose from the braid she usually wore. He had never seen her hair down before, and he found himself mesmerized. The wind caught the silky strands and caressed them with unseen fingers. Her simple white gown flowed gently around her body. His breath caught in his throat. Something inside him ached, and it had nothing to do with his seablood.
The wind died, and Lore breathed again. There were at least twenty paces between them and a small door just behind him. He could turn around and leave, and Rowen would never know he was here.
No. Lore walked toward Rowen. He wanted her to know his heart…before he let her go.
• • •
Blue-green waters foamed and rolled beneath the bright sun. To the far right, a hundred ships bobbed in the Avonai shipyard, their masts like naked branches in the wind. A cool breeze brushed Rowen’s face and pulled at her hair. She could taste the salty air on her lips.
She gripped the ledge, the sandstone gritty beneath her palm and fingertips. Every time she saw a ship sail by, a cold lump formed inside her. In a couple of hours, she would be on one of those ships, sailing off.
She tried to imagine what Thyra would look like. But instead of a city, she saw pallid skinned men in black robes. She wasn’t sure if that was what the Shadonae really looked like, but that was how she pictured them. Pale as though the sun never looked upon their faces. And dark eyes full of hatred.
More animal than man.
She closed her eyes. The lump in her middle moved up until it lodged inside her throat. A tear escaped the corner of her eye. Then another.
Word, I don’t want to leave.
“Rowen.”
Rowen reeled away from the ledge. She gave a small gasp. “C-Captain.” She wiped her eyes, hoping Lore had not seen the tears. “What are you doing here? I was told you would not be here until the end of the week.”
“I came early.” Lore walked toward her. “Can we talk?”
“Of— of course.” Rowen dropped her hands and gripped them together. “When did you arrive?” His skin was darker from time in the sun, except for the small white scar along his jaw. His hair had lightened too. His sea eyes were the same shade as the blue-green waters she had been gazing at moments ago.
Something inside her thawed at the sight of Lore. She’d thought she would never see him again. Only to have him walking toward her now… Now he could come with her.
“Late last night.” Lore came to a stop in front of her. “Lady Astrea told me about the letter and Thyra.”
So he knew. The tension inside her returned. Rowen swallowed and looked away. Good. She hadn’t wanted to be the one to tell him. “So you know that Lady Astrea has released me from her service, and that I will be sailing out later today.” She concentrated on a gull gliding along the wind.
“Yes. That is what I wanted to talk to you about.”
She turned to him. Her breath came faster. “So you’re coming? I wasn’t sure you would make it in time, but now that you have… Aren would’ve been fine, but I’d much rather…” Something was strange in his expression. “What is it?”
“I’m not coming with you, Rowen. I-I just wanted to say goodbye.”
All the blood drained from her face. Of course Lore wanted to say goodbye. He would be staying here…and she would be leaving. He belonged here—she knew that. So why did it hurt so much?
“Rowen, please look at me. I want to say something.”
Rowen dragged her gaze up to his. His eyes were such a strange blue-green. They moved as he searched her face. She fought the urge to look away. She did not want him to see the pain his words caused. She wanted to be strong.
“I’m sorry.” Lore brushed something from her cheek.
Rowen looked away this time. She could feel her inner wall crumbling. She took a step back.
“Wait. I want to explain. I want you to understand that it’s not my position that is keeping me here. To help you bear this load, I would give up my captaincy in a heartbeat. It’s nothing compared to what you will be doing. But our people—and Lady Astrea…” Lore worked his jaw. “I cannot leave them now.”
Rowen swallowed. “I know.” She really did know. After working alongside Lore for a year now, she knew how seriously he took his responsibilities. That was what made him so respected and admired by the Ryland people. He would stay here and do his duty, and she would leave and do hers.
And it hurt more than anything had in her entire life.
“But,” he said, “I want you to know that I plan on following you after Lady Astrea bonds.”
Rowen did
a double take. “What? What do you mean?” A hot flash surged through her. “You just said your place is here.” She pointed her finger toward the ground.
“Rowen, listen.” Lore looked intently into her eyes. “What you will be facing is one of the greatest threats not only to our people but to all the people of the Lands. And you should not do it alone.”
“I won’t be alone,” Rowen said defensively. She felt like everything was spinning out of control. “Lady Astrea is sending Aren with me, and Lord Tancred and Prince Evander are sending others, as well. You do not need to—”
Lore pressed his finger to her lips. “Yes, I do,” he said softly.
Rowen felt a retort building inside her throat, but then something happened. Her power began to swirl and burn, reaching past her body, feeling around her…
There. She could feel something coming from Lore. She could feel…remorse? And something deeper, like a fire blazing inside of him. She had felt that before…
“I’m going to find you,” he said. “And I’m going to stand by you as you go through this.”
Rowen shook her head and took a couple of steps back. She needed to clear her mind, her emotions. And Lore’s touch, it was doing things to her… “But what about your captaincy?” She looked back at him. “Your family heritage? The Palancar family has been Captain of the Guard for ages. Why would you give it up now?”
“Don’t you know by now, Rowen?”
Rowen frowned. Lore couldn’t possibly mean… Could he? She never thought, never dreamed. Her body began to shake. “Know what?”
“I could leave all that because…I love you.”
6
The world stopped. Everything fell silent. Rowen could not hear the roar of the waves below or feel the wind as it tugged at her hair. She could not breath—her body had forgotten how. She stood there paralyzed, staring at Lore. “Y-you what?”
“I have loved you since I first saw you in Mostyn,” Lore said. “And when we trained together those first few weeks in the White City. But it wasn’t until you were bitten by the black wolf and I carried you to Balint that I realized how much my heart had bonded with you.” He stepped toward her until he was an arm’s length away. “At the time, you did not follow the Word, and you were under my authority as Lady Astrea’s varor. So I kept my heart to myself.”
Lore paused and took a breath. “Then you healed me after Lord Gaynor’s—After Lord Gaynor’s assassination. And I heard your story.” He closed the gap between them. “I knew at that point I wanted to help you with your burden of truth.”
Rowen stared up into his face. She could feel the fire blazing inside him. Lore reached out a hand and cupped her cheek. “I need to finish my work here. But when I am done, I will find you.”
She stared into his eyes, and a buzz filled her mind. “Lore…” Rowen whispered. She wanted to tell him not to come after her. He was an important man needed here. His eyes drew closer, and the no died on her lips. Her thoughts scattered. The buzzing turned into a rush inside her ears. She closed her eyes and felt his breath on her lips—
“Captain Lore.” Aren’s voice broke through her mind like a douse of icy water. The world came rushing back. Rowen sucked in a breath.
Lore straightened. “Yes?” he said, turning around. Rowen took in another breath, her cheek tingling where his hand had been moments before.
“Lady Astrea requests your presence,” Aren said.
Lore looked back at Rowen. Her heart leapt into her throat. “I must go now,” he said. “But I promise to see you off later today.” His gaze lingered on her a moment longer. Rowen nodded numbly. Then Lore turned and walked toward Aren.
Aren looked at her with a frown. Self-conscious, Rowen turned away and grabbed the ledge. She heard their footsteps recede until the sound of the waves covered them up.
What just happened? She raised her hand and pressed it against her warmed cheek. Her thoughts rolled inside her mind. She saw Lore’s eyes again, drawing closer. Felt his breath—
Something tried to rise to the surface of her consciousness. A feeling of sorts, or a realization. And it had to do with Lore. Rowen closed her eyes and concentrated. It was there, just beyond where she could touch. But the harder she tried to reach for it, the more it slipped away.
I will find you.
Rowen gave up. She opened her eyes and looked out over the sea. Would he? Would he really find her? Thyra was so far away. And what if, in her absence, Lore came to realize that he was needed more here?
She swallowed and turned away from the ledge. A long dark road—that was her life. What person would want to be a part of that?
I am with you, Daughter of Light. The voice of the Word filled her mind.
Rowen wiped away a tear that had stolen down her cheek. “I know.” Cool salty air brushed her face. “But I’m going to miss him.”
• • •
Lore barely noticed the hallway as he walked alongside Aren. His thoughts were still behind him, back on that balcony with Rowen. Seablood pounded inside his veins, barely subdued by the distance now between him and Rowen and the sea.
He could see her eyes, feel the softness of her cheek, and barely hold back the blaze of fire inside him. He knew the sea had inflamed his emotions, but at the core they were the truth of what he felt. He loved Rowen passionately. And he would stick by his promise to her. He would find her, Word willing. What he would do after that, he had no idea. He had already bonded with her in his heart. But if she did not want to bond with him… Lore sighed and walked around a corner. He would still stand beside her.
If only he’d had more time with her on the balcony…
“Captain, may I speak to you for a moment?”
Aren’s voice cut through his thoughts. “Yes.” He glanced at Aren. “You may.”
Aren kept his face forward as they walked. Lore waited for him to speak. Their boots clapped the floor in unison. He glanced at Aren again.
Aren hesitated, then stopped. He turned to look at Lore. His lighthearted smile was gone. Instead, a somber young man stood in his place, eyes icy blue, the tattoos across his cheek giving him a more hollowed look.
“Is there something wrong?” Lore said, alarmed by the change in Aren. “What is it?” The hallway fell silent. “Aren, if there is anything I can—”
“Captain, it should be you going.”
It took a moment for Lore to grasp what Aren had said. “Me?” he said, taking a step back.
“Yes, you.”
His mind felt like a large ship turning around in sluggish water. His thoughts were still on Rowen, on that moment back on the balcony. Not here with Aren. “I can’t,” Lore said, still trying to pull his ship of thoughts around. “You know I can’t. The responsibilities I have as Captain…”
Aren’s face grew dark. He pointed a finger at Lore. “You love her. I have watched you all these months, seen the way you look at her. And just now on the balcony… ”
Lore went rigid. How long had Aren been watching them? “You have no idea what you are saying, Aren. You don’t understand. I have my duties here—”
“You’re right,” Aren said. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand how a man can let a woman he loves leave.”
“I am Captain of the Guard. That means I have to make hard choices.”
“But what about Rowen?” Aren pointed a finger down the hall. “Haven’t you heard what she’ll be facing?”
Lore clenched his trembling hands. “Yes.”
Aren stared at him. “And you’re going to let her go off and face that alone?”
“She won’t be alone—you’ll be with her.”
“It shouldn’t be me! It should be you going.”
Lore stood stiffly for a moment. Then his shoulders sagged. “I can’t, Aren. Not now.”
“Why not?”
Lore looked around. Had their conversation been overheard? The hallway remained empty. He looked back at Aren and lowered his voice. “Do you really think I want
to let Rowen leave? I don’t. But I have a responsibility to the people, not just my feelings. I need to finish my duties here first.”
Aren folded his arms.. “And then what? Try and follow Rowen? We might already be in Thyra by then. What if there are delays to Lady Astrea’s bonding? And what if something happens to Rowen before you get there?”
In his mind’s eye, Lore saw Rowen on the ground, her body bloody and broken. Everything drained inside him at the image, leaving him weak. If something were to happen to Rowen…
“I have always respected you, Captain,” Aren said coldly. “Ever since I first came to the White City. But in this case, I cannot.” His words hit Lore like a punch to the stomach. “What Rowen is about to attempt will hopefully save every person alive. And that includes our people, in case that escaped your notice. Helping her really is serving your responsibility to the White City. And Captain,” Aren lowered his voice, and his eyes narrowed, “I believe if you don’t go, you’ll regret it the rest of your life.”
Lore stood very still. For one long heartbeat, he almost gave in. Perhaps Aren was right. But then his resolve flooded back. To stay and wait was the right choice, the only choice. He would leave when he could, when the time was right. And once he found Rowen, he would never leave her again. But now was not the time. Lore straightened. They were done with this conversation. “Come. Lady Astrea is waiting.”
Aren stared at him a moment, then turned to walk beside Lore.
The air hung heavy between the two men as they entered the council chamber.
Lady Astrea looked up from her seat. Dark circles hung beneath her eyes, and her face was paler than Lore remembered. “Captain,” she said, standing.
“Milady.” His heart cooled rapidly as he walked toward her.
Fatigue and weariness hung off her much like her gown did at the moment. “The men are preparing my father’s body for departure. I wanted you to know.”
Son of Truth (Follower of the Word) Page 8
