I remain silent. Although she is correct, I can't get myself to say the words that will hurt her even further. So, I don't. She was all I had left back then. I think that's why our breakup stung as badly as it did. She gave me the wound that still hasn't healed. My silence gives her the answer she was looking for.
"I'm so sorry, Darren," she whispers through her sobs. I brush my thumbs over her cheeks, trying to wipe away her tears. It's no use; they keep coming, and I can't seem to stop them. "Why didn't you tell me? Stop me from leaving? Why didn't you follow me?"
"Because you told me not to. And I stupidly wanted to respect your wishes. I wanted you to stay because you didn't want to leave. But that is what you wanted, Alyssa. And I didn't want to be the fool who tried to stop you from doing what you wanted to do." I flash her a brief smile before I continue. “I didn't tell you because I didn't want your pity. I didn't want you to look at me like I was broken. But above all, I was ashamed and didn’t want to drag you into my family’s mess.”
“I would hardly call not wanting to take over the family business a mess,” she retorts. Her nose crinkles in that adorable way I love as her green eyes desperately try to make sense of my words.
“That’s not even the half of it. Two days after my father disowned me…” I pause, getting choked up at the memory.
Alyssa caresses my cheek, stroking it to provide me with some kind of comforting support. “It’s okay, Union Jack. Take your time. I know it can’t be easy for you to relive such a difficult time of your life after all these years.”
Her soft touch moves to my shoulders. Before I know it, she’s massaging them as if they are the cause of all my sudden tension. I appreciate the gesture, but it isn’t going to be much help. Still unable to force words around the lump in my throat, I grab my mobile, pull up a video, and hand it to her.
“Watch this,” I croak out, still trying to swallow down that dreaded lump.
Each word from the newscaster still sends a cold chill down my spine. As she begins to speak, my stomach lurches and my eyes grow watery. I’m not watching the video, but that doesn’t matter. I have the blasted thing memorized.
“Good evening, I’m Olivia Rigby, and this is BBC News at Six. The breaking story today is the Gracen Family’s Fraudulent Enterprise. William Rutterford Gracen, founder and CEO of Gracen Hotels throughout Europe, has been found guilty by the National Crime Agency of money laundering, tax evasion, and illegal drug sales. The Agency found that both he and his wife, Winnie, were concealing the transferring of illegal funds received from selling illegal narcotics to a foreign bank account. There is no word yet on if their recently estranged son, Darren, had any involvement or knowledge in these illegal acts. But rest assured that he is currently being investigated by the Agency as we speak. As for his parents, William and Winnie Gracen have been sentenced to fifteen years of incarceration. Gracen Hotels from all over the continent are being shut down due to these recent events. We will be following this story closely and hope to bring you an update on the son once we have that information. This is Olivia Rigby, BBC News at Six.”
I wrap Alyssa up in my embrace, tugging her face against my chest. Her body shudders as she sobs and her wet tears pool on my chest, but I don't care. I'm going to hold her until she has no tears left to cry. I press my lips against the crown of her head.
"It's alright, darling. I understand why you left. After my family was incarcerated, I took a turn for the worse. I was drinking a bottle of whiskey every night. I was depressed, lonely, and a bloody fucking mess. The man you left wasn't the same one you loved. I know this. You leaving gave me the good kick in the arse I needed so desperately. I don't blame you for going. But I'm sure glad you're back."
Holding her in my arms feels right. She is the puzzle piece that I lost so long ago; her edges fit perfectly with mine. Our puzzle is finally complete, and we are both whole again.
* * *
Later that night, after I secretly drop Alyssa off at her mother's house, I pull Victoria into my one-car garage, shifting her into park. I stroke the hood of my car, bidding her goodnight before I open the garage door and enter my house.
Even though it's two in the morning, Wyatt is the first to welcome me home. Oh, and what a grand welcome it is. He leaps into the air, his body weight knocking me back against the closed door. His snout inches closer to my face as he licks it. I can't help but laugh. "It's nice to see you too, mate."
Kelsie turns the corner and smiles. "He's been missing you a lot lately."
Guilt pangs in my stomach. Admittedly, I haven't been spending as much time with him since Alyssa came back into the picture. In my defense, though, I haven't been home much. Considering that Declan and Kelsie have been shagging like rabbits, I've spent most nights at Mama Lance's house…in Alyssa's bed. Note to self: spend more time with Wyatt.
"I know. I haven't spent much time around here lately." I shift my gaze to Wyatt as I scratch his coat. "I'm sorry about that, mate."
He barks in understanding as he climbs off me. Wyatt follows behind me as I join Kelsie in the kitchen. I start brewing myself a cup of tea and lean my weight against the island.
Kelsie clears her throat. "I found an apartment not far out of town. Declan helped me move all my shit there this morning. I'll officially be out of your hair tomorrow morning. Thank you so much for your generosity and hospitality. I really appreciate it."
At the mention of his name, I realize that Declan isn't here. I raise my brow in question. "No need to thank me, Kelsie. You've done that quite a bit since you moved in here." I take a beat. "Speaking of the wanker, where is Declan?"
Kelsie replies by pointing toward my bedroom. The door is open, and the light is off. There's no way he's in there. Unless he's grown accustomed to sleeping with the door open. But since I know that is one of his major pet-peeves, that seems very unlikely.
I snatch my mug full of tea—teacups aren't my style—sipping it as I saunter toward my bedroom. I flip on the light switch as I cross the threshold into my bedroom. The lights illuminate my room, revealing a king-sized mattress leaning against one of my bedroom walls. The mattress has a card and a giant red bow fastened in the center of it.
With a swish of my hand, I swipe the card, laughing as I read the front of it. The outside of the card literally reads sorry I fucked up. But the word up is crossed off, and the words on your mattress are handwritten underneath it. Now, the whole card reads sorry I fucked on your mattress. I flip the card open and scan the inside.
Darren,
I think the front says it all. I'm jetting to Palm Springs to give some Ted Talk tomorrow.
See you around. -Big D
Big D, aka the nickname Delcan gave himself in our boarding school days. To this day, he is still the only person who's ever called him that. Declan does love to give people nicknames. The one he has for when we are both together is the Double-D Blokes, while his solo nickname for me is the Darrenator. Not very original, I know, but I never said he dishes out good nicknames.
I smile as the realization finally dawns on me. Declan is gone, and by tomorrow night, so is Kelsie. I will be living alone again. No roommates shagging each other in my house. That only means one thing. After I disinfect the place, I can finally invite Alyssa over here. My dick hardens when I think of all the places I can have her. I glance down at the tent pitched in my trousers. Fuck, I guess I should whack this out before I go to bed.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Aly
The next few weeks go by in a flash. My workload has increased exponentially, meaning that I'm spending much more time at home grading work than I have been with Darren under the sheets, or on the sofa, the kitchen island, in the garden, or in the pool. I only really see him now on Tuesdays and Thursdays, our designated date nights.
Ms. Abney has been pretty busy planning this year's Founder's Day Extravaganza, so Darren and I have managed to stay out of the Gazette for the meantime. Other than that first speculation article, we haven
't appeared in the town gossip much at all, considering we have been secretly dating for a month now. Not that I'm complaining, I've really got no reason to at all. For the first time in a very long time, I can actually say that I'm happy. Don't get me wrong; I've never suffered from depression. But I guess I was just going through life content. And I'm just now discovering how different being content and being happy truly are. I much prefer feeling the latter.
Tonight, Darren invited me to his house for dinner. I'm not quite sure what to expect since I know he can't cook. But I'm excited nonetheless.
I decide to walk to his house and enjoy the nice breeze as the sun sets on the horizon. I'm wearing a lightweight white laced-up blouse and a pair of black jeans. I know, not the best outfit for the summer heat, but I look so damn cute in it that I'll just deal with it. Besides, if things go the direction I think they are going to tonight, I won't be wearing them much longer.
Nerves start to clamber through me as I turn down his street. I don't know why I'm suddenly so nervous. I have been to his house numerous times over these past few weeks. Maybe it's because this time is different. We usually come back to his place after we've had our date, but not this time. Nope, this time our date is at his house.
When I arrive at his front door, I take a moment or two to shake the nerves out of my system, willing them to fly out of my fingertips as I jiggle my hands and roll my shoulders. There, that should do it. I raise my fist to knock on the door, but it opens before I make contact.
A sexy smirk curls at his lip as his gaze dips to my chest. He raises one of those rakish brows of his. "No bra? I approve."
"How can you tell?" I ask in a sultry tone.
"A man can always tell. Besides, I really enjoyed watching them bounce gracefully under your shirt as you wiggled for me."
I swat his shoulder playfully. "That wiggle wasn't for you."
He cocks his head. "Wasn't it though?"
He loops his fingers around the belt loops of my jeans, using them to tug my body against his. I collide into the hard, chiseled muscles of his chest and abs. Even under his shirt, I can still feel them flex under my touch as I run my hands across them. I inch them higher and higher until they make their way to his hair. I grab two fistfuls and yank him down to me.
I moan as he presses his erection into my hipbone and licks my bottom lip. His large hands cup my face, steadying me as he prepares to attack. Willingly, I part my lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss when he slides his tongue into my mouth. He massages my tongue with his, causing my head to feel dizzy from the contact. I'm not sure how long we stay like this, devouring each other as if this is going to be the last time. Minutes? Hours? I don't care. I will let him kiss me forever and a day.
To my dismay, Darren pulls away, a salacious smile lifting his lips as he presses his forehead against mine. "If we keep doing that, we will both go hungry tonight."
"I'm perfectly fine with that," I exclaim, my stomach gurgling in protest.
Darren laughs. "It seems your stomach disagrees with you. Why don't you come inside while I finish preparing dinner?"
"Whoa. Wait a second. You cooked dinner?" I can't hide the shock in my voice as I follow him into the kitchen.
His tongue peeks out to rest on his upper lip for a moment while he considers his response—it's sexy as hell. "Why does that surprise you?"
I hoist myself up and plop my ass on the kitchen island. "Because the last time we were together, you fucking burned Ramen! When did you learn how to cook?"
Wyatt interrupts us as he dashes into the kitchen, stops in front of me, and flips onto his back, preening for my attention.
"You shameless wanker," Darren snaps out as Wyatt licks his own balls. "Go do that somewhere else."
Wyatt flips back over and scurries into Darren's bedroom.
"I guess he wants to lick himself on your bed now," I say through a laugh.
Darren flanks his arms on both of my sides, his biceps bulging as he uses them to hold his weight. He presses his lips to my neck and begins to suck the tender flesh. I close my eyes and throw my head back, enjoying the tingling sensation traveling down my body.
"The only person getting licked on my bed is you," Darren growls from deep within his chest. God, I swear I can get an orgasm just from his voice alone. So deep and naturally gruff. But he can make it smooth when he wants it to be. Darren's got the perfect voice for narrating romance novels. You know, the kind that will get you all hot and bothered even if all he says is I took a walk to the grocery store.
I try to tell myself that what I feel for this man is not love. It can't be. Not this soon. But deep down, I know I'm kidding myself. Lying to make myself feel less scared. Less vulnerable. While the truth of the matter is…I never stopped loving Darren Gracen. My heart was his from day one and will forever be his to claim.
* * *
I take the first bite, involuntarily humming as the sizzling sirloin dances on my tongue. "Holy shit, Darren. That's delicious."
I watch as pride overcomes his face, causing a wide-toothed smile to beam across it. "I'm glad you like it."
"Like it? I just had a fucking mouthgasm!”
“Cherub, if you keep talking like that, I won't be able to make it through dinner.” His voice is low and full of warning. I take it as more of a promise because I know just what to say to make him lose all his self-control. I'm not gonna lie; I like driving him insane. It's one of my favorite pastimes. Besides, watching Darren go primal is so fucking hot.
Since I'm enjoying my steak too much, I decide to cease the dirty banter until after dinner. I'm in the middle of putting the last forkful in my mouth when Wyatt presses his cold nose against my leg. I look down to see that he's dropped something at my feet. I reach down and pick it up before I sit upright again. I watch all the color drain from Darren's face as I bring the black velvet box into view. He goes bug-eyed as he freezes.
"What's this?" I query, but Darren doesn't say anything. Or move. He remains motionless and speechless as if he's an android that just powered off.
I gasp as I open the lid and reveal a gorgeous diamond ring. The ring is simple, a white gold band with a one-karat, maybe bigger, round-cut diamond set in the center of it. It is perfect! Darren knows that I like the simpler things in life. I've told him as much when we used to discuss getting married all those years ago. But I'm not ready for this now. My life is too up-in-the-air and full of uncertainties. Hell, I don't even know what job I'm going to have after the summer. I can't get engaged now. It's not the right time. But how can I tell him this without breaking his heart again? My body starts to tremble as all the worries flood my mind.
Darren reaches across the table and closes the lid. I don't look at him. I can't risk the tears that may pour out of me when I look into that blue-eyed gaze of his. He wraps his arms around me, steadying me to stop my trembling. "Don't freak out on me, Alyssa. I'm not proposing to you. Neither of us is ready for that."
I take the risk and look up at him. "But then why did you buy a ring?"
He heaves a heavy sigh. "I bought it before you left. I planned on proposing to you after graduation."
My heart aches at his confession. It's as if it's trying to strangle me for being such a selfish bitch and not fighting for us all those years ago. I should have. And in hindsight, I wish I had. But I was too young and naive to realize that. All I can do is make up for it now.
An overwhelming need to be with him washes over me. I want him in the most intimate of ways. Seeing him so vulnerable, wearing his heart on his sleeve, turns me on in the grandest of ways. Darren Gracen is it for me. He always was and always will be. Whether what we have works out this time or not, he is it. He ruined me for anybody else the day he gave me that coin he wears so proudly around his neck.
"I want you, Darren. Above me, beneath me, inside me, stretching me to the point of no return where I come so hard I see stars. I just want you." My voice is a breathy and desperate plea.
His lips claim
mine as he hoists me up into the air. My legs find their place wrapped around his tapered waist. I place my hands on his cheeks, framing his face as his stubble scratches against my palms. I have never felt a need or desire as strong as this one. Oh, how quickly Darren Gracen became my everything…again. And I never want to let him go.
He groans in my mouth as I grind myself against his rod of steel. My tongue tastes his, each swipe more desperate, savoring more of him. We must've moved to his bedroom because my back lays flat against his soft mattress as he leans over me. The hot, hard press of his body against me as his teeth graze my bottom lip sends shivers down my spine. God, at times this man is too much, and at others, he's not enough. I want him. I need him. I crave him. He and I have become one. Two halves that make a whole.
He pushes his arousal against my sex, making my mind go foggy with trepidation. He tears his lips from mine, lowering them to the V of my blouse. Through clenched teeth, he bites down on the laced drawstring and tugs it free. It flies through all eight eyelets until it's no longer attached to my shirt. Darren tosses it on the floor, similar to the way a lion tosses unwanted prey. No hands, just all mouth.
Darren brushes my hair to my right side, leaving the left completely exposed to his hungry mouth. He presses a kiss right underneath my left ear, poking his tongue out to tickle my earlobe. He kisses his way down my neck, each one along the trail setting my skin ablaze. The stubble from his face scrapes against my neck, adding to the inferno. With his talented teeth, Darren tugs my blouse down my shoulder, giving my bare skin the same attention he did my neck. I feel like I'm going to internally combust from all the heat boiling through my veins.
His mouth moves to the hem of my shirt. He bites down on it and starts to raise it higher up my chest. I lift my head off the mattress to help him tug it off my body completely.
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