He nodded, silently telling me to let him in. I swallowed before answering the door. “Come in.”
Guilty. That was exactly what my voice sounded like. Like I’d just gotten caught with my hand in the cookie jar, only it was John’s tongue, and it was in my…
Jake poked his head in then pushed the door open and entered the room. He looked from me to John, brows furrowed and suspicious. “Am I interrupting something?”
I smoothed my hand over my hair and shook my head. “No… no, we were just going over the plans for the back room.” I gave him my best smile, but Jake didn’t look convinced.
I went on. “Did John tell you about the new addition? I know it’s last minute, but I think it’s going to be great. I’ve always wanted to teach classes, and then it hit me. I have all that space we didn’t know what to do with, and then John came up with the idea of the big table, and it all just went from there. So yeah, that’s what we were doing.” I took a deep breath, realizing I hadn’t taken in oxygen for a very long time, and I found the strand of feathers in my hair. “What are you doing here?
Jake frowned, then nodded to me before turning to look at John again.
John grinned, then pinched the space at the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “Ah, fuck it.” He threw the tissue in the trash, crossed the room, took my face in his hands, and kissed me. Right there, in front of his boss and best friend, not hiding anything. He pulled away a second later, and my fingers covered my lips. I hadn’t expected that at all, and I was sure my shock was plastered all over my face.
Jake gripped the back of his head and nodded. “That’s what I thought.” He turned around and walked back out to the kitchen. “I’ll give you guys a moment to collect yourselves.” He closed the door again behind him, but he wasn’t angry like I feared, and I could almost swear I saw him smile before I heard the door click.
I picked the pillow up off the couch and whacked John in the arm. “I told you it was a bad idea.”
He bit his lip and pulled me into his arms. “Sex with you is never a bad idea.”
I laughed and pulled in a deep breath. “Do you think he’s okay with this?” My throat constricted with the question, but I needed to know.
Ne nodded. “He’ll be fine.”
“Are you okay with this?” I told him only a week ago I didn’t need all the answers, but I needed them now. I needed them so desperately.
He nodded again, pulling me closer. “Are you?”
I closed my eyes and nodded into his chest. “Yes.”
That evening, I invited John back to my house for the first time. It felt like the natural progression to our relationship, but even so, it seemed like such a big deal, inviting him into my home, my life… everything.
This afternoon, when he kissed me like that in front of Jake, it was as though he was screaming to the world that he’d claimed me. It filled me with a confidence I didn’t even realize was missing until then.
His arms were filled with brown paper bags as he followed behind me up the steps to my apartment. Mrs. Sanders peeked her head out of her screen door and gave me the thumbs up sign to tell me she approved, but I couldn’t imagine anyone not approving of John. He was handsome, funny, and had one of the most giving hearts I’d ever been witness to… and I couldn't believe he was mine.
The plan was for me to make dinner. My famous vegan tacos that even my meat-eating friends like Becky loved. We’d stopped by the store on the way over and purchased all the ingredients to make them, plus a bottle of organic wine too. We’d had dinner together plenty of times in the bed of his truck, or the floor of my office, even huddled up in a blanket on his patio. But now, today, it felt different, almost like we were celebrating.
When I pushed open my apartment door, Whiskers took one look at him before turning around and making a run for my bedroom. He always did that when strangers came over—ran for my closet, which was his safe haven at times like this. But John wasn’t a stranger anymore, wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, and Whiskers better get used to it.
John placed the groceries on the island and took a look around. Unlike his home, mine reflected so much of the person I was. Inviting him inside was like cutting open my chest and handing over my heart, red, vulnerable, and raw.
My walls were covered with things I’d picked up in my travels. Things that spoke to me, things that no one else had because they were handmade and one of a kind. The tree rubbing from a two-hundred-year-old redwood, a tapestry from a tribe we stayed with for six months in Oklahoma. But the things that were the hardest to let him see were the things that were out of my own soul. Paintings that reflected everything I wanted in life. Like the baby suckling at her mother's breast, the family walking hand-in-hand down the beach, and the man with arms so large he could wrap them around the entire world.
I didn’t realize, until standing there next to him, how transparent it all was. Seeing them through his eyes, they looked almost desperate.
He didn’t speak for a moment, just looked from one to the other, to the abstract paintings of reds, oranges, and violets. All the colors of a sunset, because to me they all represented beginnings. Because every day was a chance to start over, to live the life of your dreams, and I guess I’d always been a dreamer.
I took a deep breath, and my shoulders lifted and fell with the hugeness of it all. He took me by the hips and pulled me closer. “So this is you?”
I nodded, rationally knowing he was talking about my place, emotionally thinking he was talking about so much more than that. That he was seeing all of me for the first time, all my secret parts, and he was asking if they were true.
He looked around again, to each painting, then back to me. “It’s perfect.”
I nodded again then bit my lip because his words made me so happy. “So are you.”
He grinned but pulled his chest back so he could look at me better. “I don’t think anyone has ever described me that way.” He looked up to the ceiling as if trying to recall. “No… Sexy as hell, yes. Witty, all the time. But perfect? I’ll have to add it to my list.”
I grinned at him then turned out of his arms and started unloading the ingredients from the bag. “You should add cocky, too. That one definitely needs to be there.”
He came up behind me, pressing his body against mine and caging me in against the counter with his arms. “I’ll show you cocky.”
“Mmmmmm…” I leaned back against him. “You need to stop,” I whispered, “or we won't eat, and then I’ll get cranky.”
He bit my ear, making me groan, then pushed himself off the counter. “We wouldn’t want that.” He grabbed the bottle of wine from the counter then walked to the other side of the island.
I pulled the cilantro and walnuts out of the bag. “The opener is in the top drawer by the refrigerator.”
We spent the rest of the evening making dinner, drinking wine, and talking. Like a normal couple. About life, places we’d been, books we’d read, and then finally we made it back to my bedroom, where he finished what he started that afternoon in the office.
We took a shower afterward, where he opened every bottle of soap in my shower and tested them on my skin. He told me it was for product knowledge, but I knew this was just part of him. He was like a little boy concocting a potion, and I thoroughly enjoyed being part of his experiment. After he washed every nook and cranny, he carried me back to bed and made love to me one last time.
I lay there now, my head on his chest, listening to him breathing.
“Are you going to go home tonight?” I asked. It was already midnight, and the question had been aching in my chest for over an hour.
He lifted his head, shifting slightly so he could look at me better. “Do you want me to?”
I swallowed, my heart suddenly picking up speed. “I was just wondering about Ginger.”
His forehead creased slightly, and he shook his head. “She’s with my sister.” But he didn’t look away. “Do you want me to stay, Tuesday?”
It was such a simple question, but one that was so hard for me to answer, because it was admitting that I wanted this, telling him I wanted him, saying it out loud for the first time. Something I’d said a million different ways in the last week and a half, but I’d never actually verbalized. “Yes,” I whispered. “I want that very much.”
“Do you want me?” His question surprised me. So did his vulnerability I’d never seen him like this before.
I bit my lip and shifted my eyes downward. “Again?”
He lifted my chin, his face serious as he shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.”
I cupped the sides of his face, feeling tears fill the back of my throat, but knowing he deserved my honesty. I trusted him. Trusted him with my heart, even though it was so hard to give. I nodded. “Very much.” My voice held all the emotions I felt inside.
He smiled then and traced my lips with his finger. “Me too.”
I lowered my head back to his chest and hugged him so hard. He hugged me back, and we fell asleep, completely nude, nothing between us but a future I couldn’t wait to begin.
Chapter TWENTY-FOUR
Tuesday
A week later, sitting on the stool behind the register, I passed the sales ad across to Becky. She snatched it out of my hand, turning it twice before resting her back on the counter. She smiled so wide I could see all of her perfectly white teeth practically sparkle with pride.
“Damn this looks good.” She flipped through each page, reading each description, even though she knew them by heart. She’d helped me write every one.
She was even here when Jake’s wife, Katie, sent someone to take product photos. But still, Becky looked over each page as if she was seeing it all for the first time. She turned around with tears brimming her eyes and pulled in a breath. “I’m so happy for you.”
I nodded, feeling extra emotional too. The ad wouldn’t go live until next Tuesday, yet we were both already crying. Tuesday was my lucky day, the day I was born, the day I met John, and it would be the day I opened my shop to the world. But Becky wasn’t just talking about the ad or the store. She was talking about John too; she was happy about all of it.
John came out from the back room, and Becky and I both straightened and wiped at our eyes.
He glanced between Becky and me as he came closer. “Everything okay?”
Becky held the paper out to him and sniffed loudly. “Oh you know, looking at an ad for an awesome store that just happens to open next Tuesday.”
He grinned slightly, took the paper from her hand, and flipped it over. I could tell he was happy, but there was something hard there, too. The store opening was a beginning in so many ways, but it was also an end. And end of the relationship as we both knew it. We both felt it, and it was something that was heavy on my mind.
As he flipped through the pages, examining each breathtaking photo, I could tell it was heavy on his mind, too.
Over the past three weeks, we’d spent almost every moment together. Even when he was deep in work in the back room, I knew he was there, but now we only had four more days of this. John already had another job lined up to start on Monday. All the way across town.
We’d stay together of course, but it would be different. It scared me a little because things were still new, exciting, and even though I trusted him completely, I still feared it wouldn’t be enough.
Becky excused herself, moving to the back room to make a phone call, and John handed me the paper. “You should frame that. Add it to your wall.”
I grinned a little because in such a short amount of time, he knew me so well. “I just might.”
He looked over his shoulder to make sure we were alone. “I was wondering,”—he took a deep breath and faced me again—“what are you doing this Saturday?”
I inched my body closer, concerned by the hush in his voice. I wasn’t used to seeing him so nervous. “Nothing. Why?”
He pushed my legs open so he could stand between my thighs. “I wanted to know if you’d spend the day with me, to celebrate.” He tipped his chin to the ad on the counter, and I found myself smiling with relief.
“I’d like that,” I whispered. “I’d like that very much.”
“Good.”
He placed his hand on the side of my jaw and traced my bottom lip with his thumb. “I’m going to miss kissing you every morning.”
“Me too.” It was the first time we’d acknowledged he’d no longer be here, and it was more painful than I thought.
He pressed his forehead to mine, and I swallowed back a ball of tears. “But I promise,” he continued, “no matter how late it is, I’ll always kiss you goodnight.”
I gripped the back of his neck and pulled him closer. “Good.”
The door to the back room opened again, and Becky walked onto the product floor. She put her hands on her hips and frowned. “You guys are so cute, it’s sickening.”
John’s smile widened, but his eyes remained on me. “We are cute, aren’t we?”
I nodded. “Very.”
He bent down farther, kissing me briefly before pushing away from the counter. He turned around and sighed. “I fucking hate work.”
I laughed, knowing exactly what he meant. “You’re mine for four more days, John Eaton, and I’m going to get my money out of you.”
He winked over his shoulder, obviously not intimidated. “You girls stay out of trouble.” Then he walked to the back room, in the relaxed way he did everything, and closed the door.
I bit my lip, wanting so desperately to follow after him, but knowing we both had work to do.
Becky came to stand beside me and stared at the closed door. “Does he have a brother?”
“No,” I said with a sigh.
“A friend?”
I shook my head. “Married.”
“Damn.” She bumped me with her shoulder, the way she always did before saying something meaningful. “He better be good to you, Tuesday, or I’ll kick his ass. He knows that, right?”
I laughed, burying my face in my hands because I was suddenly feeling emotional again. Being with John was making all my hopes and dreams come true. Actually, he was more than what I’d hoped for. He brought things out of me I didn’t even know were there, and it scared the crap out of me. I turned to face her, tears brimming my eyes. “Becky, I think I may be in love with him.”
She took my hands, a serious expression on her face. “That’s a good thing, right?”
I shrugged then lifted my glasses and wiped my eyes with the heel of my hand. “I think so. But it scares me.”
“Is that why you’re crying?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I’m at the top of an emotional rollercoaster, and I’m about to fall.”
She paused a second then looked me in the eye. “Maybe you’re pregnant.”
I frowned and cleared my throat. “Don’t even joke about that.” I turned away, but a sick feeling grabbed my stomach. I stared at her.
“What?”
My nose burned with unshed tears. “I don’t remember when my last period was.”
“Ha-ha. Okay, I know, it wasn’t funny, but I’ve never seen you like this before.”
I grabbed her arm, my heart constricting. “I’m serious. I don’t remember. I don’t remember, Becky.” My chest grew heavy, and the air thickened around me. Becky sat on the stool opposite me and put her hands on my knees.
“Have you been using protection?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then things are probably fine. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and that can affect your cycle, trust me.”
I nodded, desperately wanting to believe her, but knowing in the pit of my stomach it wasn’t true. I could almost feel the life inside me. No movement, just a glow of something that wasn’t there before.
She stood. “I’ll go get a test.”
I looked to the closed door. “I’m going with you.”
I didn’t tell John I was leaving, didn’t even
bother going back to my apartment before taking the test. I took it right there, in the drugstore bathroom. The very pink, very bright two lines showed up immediately. The sight of them took the strength from my knees, and I crumbled to the ceramic tile. I turned to Becky, choking. “Do you think it could be a mistake?”
She squatted down beside me, the test in her hand, her face white as she smoothed the hair from my face. “I don’t know, sweetie.”
I closed my eyes, wanting desperately not to face this, to pretend it wasn’t real and to go back to John at the store.
“Maybe we should go to the doctor?”
But I did know, and running away wouldn’t make this untrue. I shakily pushed myself from the floor and somehow made it to the parking lot without falling over. Becky had a friend who worked at an OB’s office, and she was able to call in a favor and have the doctor see me before the office opened again after lunch.
I peed in a plastic cup, gave blood a short while later, and then Becky and I moved to a tiny room where I changed into a paper gown and sat on a table to wait for the doctor.
The moments that followed were excruciating. All I kept thinking was how I would tell John. We’d only been together for three weeks, and babies hadn’t even been a whisper on either of our minds. We’d only just come out of the relationship closet, and now a little life, had changed everything in the blink of an eye, . I knew so little about John. What he wanted for his future, what he’d done in his past.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Becky.”
She shook her head. “Do what?”
“Be a mother. Tell John he’s going to be a father.”
”You can do anything.”
My chin sucked in involuntarily. “But what if he doesn’t want a baby?”
“What if he does?” She sat down beside me on the table, causing my paper gown to crinkle as she squeezed in closer. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Tuesday. If you’re pregnant, he’ll be there.”
Waiting for Tuesday: Suspicious Hearts Book Two Page 17
