No End to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  “Hi,” Ellie said, smiling up at him. “So you’re going seal watching, I hear? Where’re you going?”

  For a moment, Adam was taken aback by the sweet, not at all annoyed expression on Ellie’s face. Maybe she wasn’t faking it, after all. And if she was, well, she was a great actress.

  “We’re going up north to Cape Arago State Park—I wanted to take Sophie to see the sea lions. Ever since my mom showed her the pictures of our trips there as kids, she’s been begging me to take her. The forecast for today seemed good, so I thought it would be ideal for a field trip.”

  “Come wif us, Miss Ellie!” Sophie bounced up and down, still holding on to Ellie’s hand.

  “What did I tell you about annoying people?” Adam reached for his daughter, wanting to let Ellie off the hook. “Sorry, I’m trying to teach her manners, but her grandparents keep spoiling her and destroying all my work.”

  Ellie smiled. “I’ve never been to Cape Arago, and I’d love to go, but I promised Sammy’s grandmother that I’d babysit today. She’s sick, and I offered to look after Sammy so she could rest.”

  Well, this woman was quite amazing. She already spent the whole week looking after other people’s wild kids, but instead of spending the weekend relaxing, she offered to help an old lady and babysit her grandchild. Sometimes he felt he had his hands full with his own child—he’d never consider offering to babysit other kids, too.

  “Sammy can come wif us, too. Daddy’s car is big.” Sophie said, clapping her hands excitedly. Everything was always so easy in her little girl’s mind. “Wight, Daddy?”

  Ellie looked up at Adam. Quite unexpectedly, he found himself hoping she’d go with them. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend quality time alone with his daughter—he’d already experienced how fast kids grew, and before he knew it, Sophie would be wanting to spend time with her friends instead of with him. He wouldn’t mind a little backup, though, since this would be his first solo father-daughter trip, and the thought of screwing up had him a little worried.

  “Yeah, we’d only have to get another car seat, but Sammy’s grandmother probably has one we can borrow.” He looked at Ellie, wondering if it would feel like he was overstepping some kind of invisible line he shouldn’t cross. “I mean, if this doesn’t spoil your plans or something. You don’t really have to feel obliged in any way.”

  “I’d made no plans for the day.” She stood up and adjusted the strap of her backpack on her shoulder. “I was going to let Sammy decide, but I’m sure he’ll love the idea of seeing the seals. If you don’t mind us tagging along, of course.”

  “Yay!” Sophie clapped her hands again, smashing her stuffed bunny’s ear between her tiny hands in the process, then ran down the steps toward Adam’s car. Lately he’d often wondered where she found all that energy, and if he could borrow some from her. “Huwwy, Daddy. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go!”

  Adam rolled his eyes, and Ellie laughed. “Sorry about that,” he said. “I’ve been promising I’d take her to see the seals for months, and she’s been chatting non-stop about it since she woke up this morning.”

  They walked to Adam’s car in his driveway, and he looked around to make sure none of the neighbors were snooping, before he opened the passenger-side door for Ellie.

  “Thank you,” she said, her eyes widening a little in surprise at his gesture. Hannah used to call him an old-fashioned gentleman, and maybe he was, but his father and grandfather had taught him and his brothers to treat women right—and opening doors was just one of many ways.

  Adam got behind the wheel, and as he left the driveway, Sophie started chattering excitedly about the trip, the seals, and whatever else caught her attention outside the window. Her excitement rubbed off on him, too, and by the time they reached Sammy’s house on the outskirts of town ten minutes later, he felt as excited as a kid on a school trip.

  Mrs. Saunders, Sammy’s grandmother, was happy about the change of plans, and she didn’t stop thanking Ellie for offering to look after her grandson, even though the kid looked as if he couldn’t care less about the trip. Adam fixed the car seat next to Sophie’s and let Mrs. Saunders settle the kid inside it, since she seemed determined to do it herself. She gave Sammy a few recommendations, spoke to Ellie in a low voice and thanked Adam—again—for inviting her grandson to join them.

  Adam couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. It was only a trip up north to a park, it wasn’t as if he were taking the kid to Disneyland. Then he remembered that Mrs. Saunders had lost her daughter, Sammy’s mother, in a tragic way and realized it must be hard for her to socialize with the young mothers whose kids went to pre-K with her grandson. She probably didn’t get many invitations to afternoon teas or the usual things mothers did together. He should know about it, since in a way he was one of the outcasts, too. He hadn’t met any of the kids’ fathers so far, and obviously the mothers wouldn’t dream of including him in their outings or meetings. Not that he would’ve accepted anyway, but still… well, he knew what it felt like to be the odd one out.

  Adam took Mrs. Saunders’ proffered hand and promised he’d take good care of Sammy and bring him back all in one piece—which elicited a chuckle from her.

  Ellie urged her to get back inside and relax for the day. The old woman thanked her one last time before walking a little reluctantly back into her small bungalow.

  “Ready?” Adam asked.

  Ellie nodded with a smile and got back into the car.

  * * *

  “Daddy, look, Sammy has a dinosauce!” Sophie said, as soon as Adam got back into the car, after making sure both children were buckled safely in their car seats.

  “It’s dinosaur, baby,” he said with a smile. Her speech improved day after day, and she’d made lots of progress since starting pre-K, but she still came up with funny words at times. And deep down, he loved it when she did.

  Sophie shrugged. “That’s what I said.” She looked at Sammy and tapped the stuffed toy with the tip of her index finger. “I like your dinosauce. You always bwing it to school. What’s his name?”

  The little boy didn’t reply, and Adam watched the kids through the rear view mirror. Sammy stared at Sophie, clutching the purple dinosaur to his chest.

  “Does he have a name?” Sophie asked. Sammy shook his head so lightly Adam nearly missed it, as he glanced at Ellie for a second. Sophie giggled. “He should have a name! Everyone has a name, wight, Daddy?”

  Adam opened his mouth, but Sophie didn’t give him time to reply. “I fink you should call him Fweddie.” Her serious and very grown-up tone made Adam smile.

  “I think Freddie’s a very nice name for a dinosaur. I like it.” Ellie said, turning to look at Sophie and Sammy with a bright smile.

  “I like it, too,” Sophie said. “Do you like it, Sammy?”

  The little boy bobbed his head so lightly that if Adam had blinked, he would’ve missed it. He wondered what was wrong with him—if he was just a little shy, or had more serious problems.

  “Okay. We can go, now, Daddy. Huwwy up. I want to see the seals.”

  “Sure, boss.” Adam said, smiling at his daughter’s bossy tone as he pulled away from the curb and headed toward the Pacific Coast Scenic Byway that would take them north to Coos County.

  Sophie chatted almost non-stop all the seventy-four miles to their destination, and Ellie was happy to answer all her questions and sing Disney songs with her while he concentrated on the road. All the while, Sammy remained quiet in his seat, holding Sophie’s stuffed bunny to his chest, which at some point during the trip Sophie had decided to lend him in exchange for his purple dinosaur.

  Adam couldn’t help the smile that curled his lips upon hearing his little girl’s giggles. For the first time in a long, long time, he felt good—serene, almost. When Sophie was born, he’d imagined family trips like this one, only the person in the passenger seat would be his beloved wife, not his daughter’s teacher.

  This isn’t a family trip, he remind
ed himself. Hannah should be here. She should be the one spending time with Sophie. He blinked, focusing on the road and pushing the thoughts back to the recesses of his mind. He didn’t need this right now.

  I shouldn’t have let Ellie tag along. I shouldn’t be having a good time with another woman. I shouldn’t—

  “Daddy, I’m firsty. I want juice.”

  Sophie’s voice interrupted his train of thought, and he blinked twice to focus on the present. What had he been thinking? Letting his mind wander, letting guilt overwhelm him while he was behind the wheel, with three other people in the car. He had to pull himself together quick.

  “Can you wait a few more minutes, baby girl? We’re nearly there.”

  “But I’m firsty now!”

  Adam rolled his eyes and glanced in the mirror to see if he could pull over. The snacks and beverages he’d packed for the day were in the thermal bag in the trunk.

  “I have apple juice,” Ellie said, pulling two packs out of the red backpack at her feet. She put the straw in one and stretched across the seat to hand the juice to Sophie. Her shoulder brushed his arm, and he gripped the steering wheel, resisting the urge to move away. It was stupid, but the jolt he felt at the contact made him feel guilty, as if he was cheating on Hannah.

  “Do you want one, too, Sammy?”

  The boy didn’t reply, but Adam guessed he’d nodded since Ellie put the straw into the other pack and turned around to pass it to him. Adam unconsciously—or maybe not?—shifted slightly to avoid accidental contact and reminded himself how stupid he was. He was going to be around Ellie for a good few hours, if not all day—he had to suck it up and act like an adult. Spending time with another woman didn’t necessarily mean he had to have feelings for her, or that he was betraying the memory of Hannah, right?

  Ellie returned to her position, and Adam let out a mental sigh of relief—no more touching.

  “Thank you,” he said, looking straight ahead at the sign for the exit. Maybe until he pulled himself together, he should avoid eye contact, in case she saw the uneasiness he was feeling.

  “No problem. I’m used to being around preschoolers, so I always come prepared,” she said, and even though he wasn’t looking at her, he could hear the smile in her voice. He’d noticed she had a cute smile, warm and very reassuring. It was no wonder kids adored her. He was sure she’d make a great mother and wife, too.

  Huh?

  He took a deep breath and thanked God they’d nearly reached their destination. The close confines of his car were making him claustrophobic and causing thoughts that were totally out of place. If he ever dated another woman, not that he was sure he ever could, but if he ever did, it would definitely not be his daughter’s teacher. Maybe it wouldn’t even be someone from town. That way, he’d probably manage to keep it secret for a while, at least until he was sure of his feelings for the woman.

  Most of the residents had known him from the day he was born or at least from when he was young, and they’d all known Hannah, seen them as a couple, and been at their wedding. Hannah had wanted a big thing, so half the town had been invited—and those who hadn’t been invited had shown up at the church anyway, just to congratulate the happy couple.

  They’d all closed around him like a big family when he’d come back with a six-month-old baby and his wife’s body in a wooden casket. He appreciated the way they’d all offered to help in any way they could, and he was pretty confident that, if they knew he was dating someone, they’d want to make sure she wouldn’t mess with his heart—which would make things awkward for the poor woman.

  But he’d cross that bridge when he came to it; all he wanted right now was to enjoy the day with his daughter. Hopefully the fresh air coming off the Pacific would help clear his mind and wash away the silly thoughts about the woman in the passenger seat.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ellie had been on the road basically all her life, but this had been by far the nicest road trip. Sophie had monopolized the conversation, while Sammy simply sat and stared—but Ellie had noticed a small change in his attitude. With every mile they drove, he seemed to relax a little more in his seat, and he’d even let Sophie kidnap his stuffed dinosaur, the one toy he never went anywhere without. It was the toy he’d been holding to his chest when they’d found him next to his mother’s lifeless body; Mrs. Saunders had told her he never let go of it. Like Linus, it was his personal security blanket, his shield against the world—so the fact he’d let Sophie have it meant a lot.

  Riding with Adam had felt a little awkward, though. He’d concentrated on the road and hadn’t said much, but after she gave the kids the juice packs, he’d gone all stiff and even more focused on the road. She’d gone over what she’d said and done, but she hadn’t been able to find anything wrong. Maybe he was just tired from the long drive, because when they reached their destination he went back to his usual laid-back self.

  Once both kids were out of the car and Adam had locked it, Ellie held out her right hand and Sammy took it without hesitation. A second later, Sophie grabbed her left hand and squeezed.

  “Hey! What about me?” Adam asked, staring at Sophie with a mock pout while she walked next to Ellie. “Aren’t you supposed to hold my hand? I thought you said I was your favorite daddy just the other day.”

  Sophie looked at Adam and, while still squeezing Ellie’s hand, she held out her other hand toward him. “You’re still my favowite daddy, don’t wowwy,” she said with a serious tone, taking Adam’s right hand. “I can hold your hand, too. I have two hands.”

  Ellie heard the unspoken ‘Duh’ in the little girl’s voice and smiled. Sophie was cute. She was going to be a sassy adult if she kept up her attitude.

  Adam exhaled loudly with relief as his big hand engulfed his daughter’s tiny one. When he met Ellie’s eyes, he winked and smiled. Ellie smiled back, mentally stomping on the butterflies flying around in her stomach.

  Sophie half-walked, half-bounced, letting out a “whee” every time she skipped and launched herself in the air holding on to Adam and Ellie’s hands. Sammy walked in silence, holding his dinosaur and looking at his surroundings. This felt a little too much like a family trip, and she’d better remember it wasn’t—and who he was. Hadn’t she learned anything from the past at all?

  “Where are the seals, Daddy? I want to see them now!”

  “I think it’s about time I taught you the meaning of the word patience,” Adam half-mumbled grumpily. “Or your teacher here should.”

  Ellie laughed. If she had to be honest, though, she was looking forward to seeing them too. “Maybe we should go see them now, and we can come back here for lunch later. I saw picnic tables over there.” She looked at Adam with her eyebrows raised in question. She wasn’t sure she should decide for them all, since she’d practically crashed Adam and Sophie’s trip, but she hoped Adam wouldn’t mind her suggestion.

  “Yay!” Sophie bounced and would have tripped over, if Adam hadn’t held on to her hand.

  “Sophie,” Adam warned. She looked up at him, her angelic face all wide-eyed innocence.

  “Daddy, you’re walking too slow.”

  “Am I?” Adam asked, apparently bewildered. A second later, he swept her up in his arms, making her squeal in surprise, and put her on his shoulders. He jogged away, and Sophie’s giggles carried on the wind. Ellie laughed and stared down at Sammy.

  “We’d better catch up. How about we run after them?”

  Sammy stared at her, then at Adam, who was jogging in circles with a squealing three-year-old on his shoulder. As soon as Sammy nodded, Ellie quickened her pace, not quite jogging though. Sammy followed along, and they reached Adam and Sophie near the trail that led down to the sandy cove from where they should be able to spot sea lions and seals.

  “Daddy, look!” Sophie took off in the direction of a group of animals basking in the sun on a flat rock. Their wet pelts shone under the rays of the autumn sun and their barking broke the quiet. Sophie giggled and ran back toward
Adam and Ellie. “They make funny noises.”

  “It’s how they talk to each other,” Ellie explained, crouching between the two kids. “Maybe they’re talking about us, wondering who we are.”

  “Hello, seals! I’m Sophie, and dis is my daddy Adam!” Sophie yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Dis is Miss Ellie and my fwiend Sammy.”

  A few seals barked loudly, and Sophie smiled broadly, a toothy grin that made the dimple appear in her right cheek.

  “I want to take a picture for Gwammy,” Sophie said, tugging on Adam’s hand. He nodded and pulled out his phone.

  “Good idea. Come here.” He lifted her and took a selfie with the seals in the background.

  “Sammy, we should take a picture for your Grammy, too,” Ellie said, fishing her phone out of her backpack.

  “Yay! Let’s take a picture togever.” Sophie clapped her hands and launched herself at Ellie. If only a third of Sophie’s enthusiasm would eventually seep into Sammy by the end of the day, Ellie would consider it a victory.

  Adam used Ellie’s phone to take a picture of her with the kids. When he gave it back to her, their fingers brushed, and the unwelcome jolt of awareness hit her again. He flinched slightly and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans as soon as the phone was out of his hands. Had he felt it, too?

  After a few more pictures were taken, Adam handed both kids the granola chocolate chip bars his mother had made the day before especially for Sophie, who loved them.

  Sophie wolfed her snack down in record time, while Sammy munched his slowly, holding on to Ellie’s hand and partially hiding behind her from Adam’s view. He still didn’t trust Sophie’s dad, but she wasn’t surprised. The little boy had never had a father figure in his life, so it was normal for him to be wary of men in general. Maybe, after he’d spent a few hours in Adam’s company, he’d warm up to him.

  “Daddy, can we pick shells?” Sophie threw herself at Adam, hanging on to him like a little monkey, making the two adults laugh. Apparently, the little girl had a never-ending supply of energy. “I want to bwing them to Gwammy.”