Maybe he could try to call her once they were inside.
Gakino followed the others toward the building and the job he had always loved, but those words haunted him.
It’s nothing.
Not to him.
He hated that it was to her.
CHAPTER 5
Leaning toward the restaurant's glass case, Eloise looked at the plastic models of food trying to decide what she should order. Part café and part kitschy photo opportunity, Perfume Dance was popular with Taiwanese college kids, especially the girls. The place was decorated like a fancy French boudoir, chandeliers, long curtains, and delicate little chairs–except everything was purple, and campy renaissance half masks sat on each table for taking silly photos.
The shop was new and very popular, part of the mall’s recent facelift. Mei had read about it online and wanted to check it out. Eloise had gotten here almost an hour ahead of their planned meeting time, so that she could wait out the line and have a seat and table by the time Mei arrived. No point in making the girl stand in a queue the day after getting off of a 24-hour flight. Her big-hearted plan had the unfortunate effect of leaving her with only her own thoughts for company. Not. A good. Idea. Besides, life-sized plastic models couldn’t help her decide what might be good, so she abandoned the case, and pulled out her worn copy of Jane. Thumbing through it, shaking her head. It was unbelievable that Gakino had returned it to her. Even more hard to believe was that he might have done so to meet her.
Looking again at his inscription, she wondered what Mei would say about it, Mei was coming home for Christmas break. It had been months since she’d seen her at at graduation. Mei was a wonderful student and was perhaps one day to be a great friend. Eloise had spent most of their hours together helping the girl handle teenage boy trouble, but they had also laughed about Tenshi and talked about books. Mei reminded her of herself, too smart and too mature for her young age, and their girl talks (even if they were a little one-sided) had made her feel at home. Scanning the notes Gakino made in Jane, Eloise wondered if she could share her secrets with the one person who might understand how she felt about him.
“Oh my God. You look fantastic,” A voice called over her shoulder.
“Mei! Hey!” Eloise said, returning Mei’s hug. “It’s so good to see you!”
They pulled back and stared at each other. Mei reached up to hug her again.
“People are staring, crazy girl.”
“They’re just jealous,” she said winking, and puckering her lips in a little chu face, that was common in Asia.
“So you flew in yesterday? Aren’t you too tired for all of this?” Eloise asked, gesturing to the mall and the crowd of shoppers. “It’s packed. Everyone’s come out to see what’s new.”
“Things are new. But not just in the mall. Look at you. You’ve got on a dress. Your hair’s down. You’re glowing. What’s up?”
Eloise blushed. She could feel the heat in her cheeks. Was it true? That women in love looked different? What about women involved in senseless idol worship? “A little change is good sometimes, and you didn’t come here so that I could bore you with my life,” she answered, her fear making up her mind. Clearly there would be no talk of Gakino today. “Anyway, we’re next to be seated.”
Following the hostess, Mei asked, “Did you meet a guy?”
“What? No. Don’t be ridiculous.” She could here the lie in her own voice.
Mei’s eyes got huge. “Yes, you did. Oh my god. Yes, you did. I remember you telling me over a year ago that only two things made you blush. Compliments and guys. I was just teasing you about the guy stuff. But now you’re being all defensive, too. Oh. My. God.”
“‘Oh my god’? Really, Mei? You’ve been in the states too long.”
“You are absolutely blushing. You met someone. Is he Taiwanese?”
She hesitated a little too long, and Mei smiled triumphantly. “No. No, he’s not Taiwanese.”
“He’s American? You met an American here?”
“No, he’s not American.”
“Are you really going to make me play twenty questions? Come on. Tell me something. Anything.” Mei said, settling in their booth and giving one of her affected pouts.
Eloise laughed. She’d forgotten Mei’s playfulness. “He’s Japanese.”
“Soooo…Tell me all about him. How you met him. What he looks like. Tell me everything.”
“Tell you everything? That’s quite a big order...and probably a little too big for me. Besides, I would rather hear about you and your first year in college.”
“I’m not saying anything about school until you tell me about this guy. We’ll have a fair trade.”
“I don’t exactly do fair. Don’t forget, Miss Mei that I have something very precious to you.” Eloise lifted the bag which held the autographed Tenshi poster in it. “And if you don’t start talking, this will never be delivered to its rightful owner.”
“Oh my god! Is that what I think it is?” She closed her eyes and squeezed the ever-present cellphone in her clasped hands, squealing.
She was drawing more stares but it was great that Mei, who was older than most girls her age, still knew how to play, still knew how to be silly. And, like Eloise, had little shame in it. Mei opened her eyes and looked at Eloise, and they both laughed loudly, like they used to.
“It’s good to see you again, Mei.”
“You, too.”
“Now, let me see it,” Mei whispered.
Eloise giggled. “I have a confession to make first.”
“A confession?”
“Well, I went to the signing. They had pre-signed posters. So, I do have a poster signed by Ryo and all the other members, but . . .” She hesitated. “But I queued up for Yoh.” She tried to say this without dodging, but then she whispered, “I couldn’t help myself.”
“What?” Mei asked, laughing. “What do you mean?”
“Well, your poster still says, ‘To Mei.’ Only, Yoh wrote that, not Ryo.”
“That is totally ok.”
“But Ryo’s your favorite. I should have had him sign To Mei. Love Ryo. Right?” Thinking of her personalized copy of Jane, she felt renewed guilt. “I know how much it would mean having something signed specifically to you. And I’m sorry. Honestly.”
“Of course, you wanted to meet Yoh. I was sure you would. No worries.”
“I was kind of afraid you’d go all super-fan on me and rip out my hair or something, but you’ve earned your prize.”
Eloise handed the bag over to Mei, who pushed everything away from the center of their table and then without glancing in the package, grabbed one edge of the poster and slowly pulled it out, continuing to look at Eloise. When it was finally out Mei spread it on top of the table with exaggerated ceremony. When she finally glanced down, she whispered, “It’s beautiful.”
“Stop being so silly.”
“I can’t believe you got to meet them. I will never forgive Berkley for this. What were they like? Were they nice? Were they this hot in real life?”
“Yes, they were very nice. And in real life...Oh, Mei!” She wanted to tell someone else who knew about Tenshi. She needed advice and a sounding board. She needed a reality check,.But couldn’t confide in Mei. She was comfortable giving advice to her students and her friends, but she wasn’t half as able to accept it.
“I knew it! You’re basically speechless. They are absolutely gorgeous, aren’t they?”
“They have this energy that doesn’t come across in videos or photos. In person, they have this presence that’s kind of hard to explain.”
“Did you talk to them? What did you say?”
Eloise laughed, “I actually told one of them that I was thinking about writing a paper about them—about gender and feathers and goodness, I don’t know, I was rambling.”
“Oh my god. Who did you say that to?”
“Well, I said it to Yoh.”
“Oh, that poor man. He probably had no idea what you were sa
ying. You know Japanese people are very nervous around English speakers. Did he look nervous?”
“No. No, he definitely did not look nervous.”
“What about Ryo?”
“I don’t really remember. I’m sorry. I was so embarrassed. Yoh signed the poster. They were all talking to each other in Japanese. I have no idea what they said.”
“Stop apologizing. This is amazing. Thank you so much!”
“You can say thank you by letting me buy.”
Mei giggled, “Sounds great.”
Picking up her menu, Eloise asked, “Let’s order. I’m starving.”
“ I don’t know about you, but I plan to skip the pasta and head straight to dessert. They have this honey bread ice cream thing that’s the size of my head. What do you say to that?”
“I say, ‘Who needs pasta?’”
“Good answer.”
Lifting her hand, Eloise called the waitress.
As they ate, they talked over Mei’s first year in school, the boy she was dating, how she was dabbling in writing groups and couldn’t decide between communications, journalism, or English as majors.
Spooning up some caramel covered ice cream, Mei leaned in and asked “So. This Japanese guy. Tell me about him.”
“Drop it,” Eloise said, lifting her eyebrows in as supercilious a manner as she could muster without much hope that she could deter Mei..
“Nice try. Now spill it. I tell you everything. It’s time for you to return the favor.”
“He’s nice. Smart. We’re having fun.”
“Oh. Fun, huh?”
“Not that kind of fun.”
“Where’d you meet him?”
She laughed and heard her own anxiety. Hoping that Mei would miss the slightly manic bent, she simply said, “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”
“At school?”
“No, no.”
Her stomach twisted with an urge to talk to Mei, not because she hadn’t been able to confide in her friends, but Mei understood Tenshi. Would Mei hear her news with all the excitement of a teenage fangirl? Such a response would mark her little fledgling romance with an unbearable feeling of unreality. With horror, Eloise considered that she might be obliged to prove her claims. After all, could Mei without any prior word of this relationship credit so unlikely a tale? One of the most well-known and successful men in Japan was pursuing an absolute nobody—a school teacher. The prospect of digging into her bag to show Yoh’s notes in Jane Eyre and having to defend even those lines which, obviously, she could have written herself was sobering. Worse, it made her feel again how unlikely and unsustainable the fledgling relationship truly was.
“It doesn’t really matter. I think the fate of this relationship is set in stone—a headstone. It is not long for this world, so I am just enjoying it while it lasts.”
“You don’t like him enough?”
“That’s not the issue.”
“He doesn’t like you enough?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Well, let’s just say it’s cultural differences and leave it.”
“What are you talking about? I know you don’t have a problem with Japan or anything like that? Is his mom giving you a hard time?”
“No. No, nothing like that.”
“Well?”
Her mouth dried and her palms were wet. She just couldn’t explain all the reasons that women like her couldn’t date Japanese idols.
When she said nothing, Mei added, “You know, I used to confide in you all the time. I can return the favor. You know that, right?”
“Yup.”
Mei laughed. “So, that’s a no?”
Eloise just shrugged.
Mei laughed again. “Ok. Ok. So what do you want for dessert?”
“Wasn’t that what we just had?”
“No, that was dinner . . .” she paused, holding out her hand, prompting Eloise to finish.
“And another one would be dessert?” Eloise finished, nodding slowly. “Are you sure? My stomach almost hurts now.”
“Come on,” Mei teased. “Don’t you know that some things are just too sweet to say no to.”
Eloise felt pressure behind her eyes, thinking of Yoh. Studying the menu to hide her face, blinking away tears, she answered,“Yes, Mei. I know.”
*
Eloise robbed him of sleep. Lying in bed, he tossed his pillow away and stretched his long body out. Next, he kicked his sheet off, letting the cold night air cool his skin. Tilting his head he looked out the window above his head board. The Tokyo sky held too few stars.
He desperately needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be another long day. His month of probation had turned into almost two as the extra projects he’d been assigned carried over into December. And he knew if he returned to Eloise, he would be punished again.
The problem was that the more he got to know Eloise, the more he liked her. She was silly and serious by turns. She was focused and hard working, always doing something. She was nearly as busy as he was. She tutored at night. She studied and wrote articles just for the sake of trying out an idea. She was driven, too, but she slowed down almost every day to talk to him. At first, she was as happy about their stolen time as he was. Usually, they talked companionably enough, laughing, telling each other about funny things that had happened to them in the day. But he worried, because it seemed the more she got to know him, the less she seemed to enjoy the experience. He couldn’t tell if she was nervous, playing hard to get, or just uncomfortable with all the phone calls and KM drama. She was upset when he called. Upset when he didn’t. Eloise was never angry, but she could go super-cold. He had fun cheering her up and thawing her out, but what if she hated all the ups and downs? It was hard to have a long-distance anything. But it was certainly strange when that’s all you had. Maybe that’s what had her on edge.
So much depended on the next time they saw each other.
He’d promised she’d have fun. He’d promised a great date. But where should they go? American TV told him fancy restaurants, bars and clubs, but none of that held much appeal for him. He knew Eloise enough by now to know that she wouldn’t like it either. He wished he’d asked her the last time they’d talked. He wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if he spent it plotting how best to woo his nervous American girlfriend.
His phone rang. Looking at his caller ID he smiled. It seemed someone else couldn’t sleep either.
“Hello.”
“Hi. It’s Eloise. I know it’s late . . .”
“No, it’s ok. I was awake anyway.”
“Oh, ok. Are you busy?”
“No, just thinking about you actually.”
“I never know what to say when you do that.”
“Do what?”
“It doesn’t matter. Look, I...well, I called to tell you something.” She paused, and he waited. ”And now, I’m finding it too hard to get out.”
She had avoided his question, and, now she wasn’t willing to talk. If he wasn’t careful, she was going to hang up. He thought of Hiro’s stories about fishing and how lines snapped if you tried to reel a catch in too quickly.
“Where are you?” he asked.
“In my house.”
“Where in your house?”
“In my bedroom.”
“Are you in bed?”
She went silent.
“You still there?”
“Yes. Why do you want to know if I’m in bed?”
“Is your light off? You should turn your light off.”
“What are you talking about? We are really not having one of those...those...whatever you call them... a conversation like that!”
He laughed. He couldn’t help it. “No. I know. Some things are just easier to say in the dark, Eloise.”
“I don’t think so. Not this.”
He disagreed. Talking with her in the dark felt nice. It felt intimate. But maybe intimacy with him was precisely what she
was trying to avoid.
“Maybe you should just say it quickly, like pulling off a BandAid.”
“Did you know they call them Ok-bands here?”
“I did not know that.” He answered and heard her taking a deep breath.
“See? I’ve been acting a little manic around you. Well, not acting. I mean...I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been sort of pushing you away and then pulling you back. I called to say I’m sorry. Ok?”
“Ok.”
“Just ok.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re not going to ask for a reason or anything?”
“I don’t think you’d give me one, would you?”
“Probably not.”
“Then, yeah. Just ok.”
“I’m actually not ok with any of this.”
“I can see that.”
“I am sorry though. I’m actually sorry just to be saying sorry because I really hate saying it. I even hate hearing it. Because either a person has a good and adequate reason for doing something–in which case they shouldn’t be sorry. Or they don’t have a good reason, and they’re just a jerk, in which case they have no right to ask for forgiveness. You know what I mean?”
Gakino heard her take another deep breath. He waited to see if she’d continue. When she didn’t, he answered, “No, I don’t think I do. But I like that you have a philosophy about apologies.”
“Why would you like that?”
“I suppose I like that you’re serious about it.” More silence stretched out between them.
“I guess I should go.”
“Eloise, would you do something for me?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
“Do you promise?”
She waited a long time, a really long time before answering.
“Yes, I promise.”
“It’s something you have to do right now, and you don’t sound too sure.”
“I said I promise, Yoh. I meant it.”
“Will you turn off the lights and just talk to me? We’re going to see each other soon, and even though we’ve talked a lot– I just don’t want it to be awkward or uncomfortable the next time we meet. I just want an hour maybe where we’re just talking in the dark, like friends. One hour’s not too hard, is it? Not really.”
How to Date Japanese Idols (The Tenshi Series) Page 7
