'Veronica Huntington-Jones.'
Oh fuck. I'm in trouble. Not just my first name, but my surname too.
'Yes, Daddy?'
'Don't you "Yes Daddy" me, young lady.' He thrusts the paper at my mother. 'Penny, how are we going to spin the fact that our daughter has the most famous tuppence in the United Kingdom?'
After making me explain everything about the last few days including my new career as a Television Presenter, my mother has just one word for me.
'Charity.'
'What?'
'Charity, darling. It solves everything. Whales are passé. It's time to save the vagina.'
Thursday 30 January 2014
And so the rest of January progresses. My mother accompanies me to my business meeting where LoveBug agree to give a proportion of their profits and all of my earnings to Vagina Smart, a national charity trying to raise awareness of cervical cancer. The press get behind it and I'm no longer in the frame for ridicule, but loved by the public for potentially saving lives.
January ends with me having a new career after all, albeit not the one I was originally going for. I'm a celebrity now. From February my slot on Happy Morning will be thirty minutes a week. I've been asked to write a weekly column for a women's magazine and advertise several household products too, which for the moment I've declined. I've no wish to be associated with electrical shaving products.
As for Col. Well, he's nodded his head at me since, but that's all. It did help me decide on February's topic—a new house. I can't stay near him any longer. It's just too hard.
I'm going to miss my espresso though.
CHAPTER 3
February 2014
Accommodation
Thursday 6 February 2014
I'm spending the day viewing properties. My original intention was to get a Real Estate Agent like normal people, but then I was approached to film a celebrity episode of Location for the Nation. Now my future home is in the hands of TV lovelies Kristy and Paul.
I'm instructed to meet them at Chelsea Harbour to visit the first property. The day is dark and damp. Paul's in his suit and Kristy is standing underneath a vintage umbrella, long skirt swirling in the breeze.
We're escorted to the front of the apartment and I'm warned to beware of the many lighting cables. I soon become agitated when after three minutes I know the apartment isn't for me, but I then have to spend a further two hours repeating lines and standing aside while they film the interior.
'So, Ronnie,' says Kristy, indicating I follow her. 'This is the double reception room, which as you can see has access to a balcony. Excitingly, one of three balconies in this apartment. You can see the totally gorgeous view of Thames and the marina. Look at those yacht’s… it's just mind blowing. So what's your initial impression?'
'Ah, it's a little too similar to the apartment I have.'
'Yes, well this one has three bedrooms, as opposed to your two, and it has much larger balconies. I feel it would be a natural progression from your current apartment.'
'I want something totally different.'
Kristy sighs. 'Well at least that's a start. When a client tells us, as you did, that they don't know what they're looking for, sometimes we have to show them a few properties to rule out what they definitely don't want. So apartments looking over the water are out then?'
'Yes. I'm sorry.'
The cameras stop filming and Kristy grabs my arm. 'That was great. Paul will be at the next one with you and I'll catch back up with you this afternoon. Right I'm off to walk my dogs.'
The next property turns out to be a Dutch Barge.
'I know you said you didn't necessarily want a watery view again, but I think we've found something a little bit special for you here, Ronnie.'
I'm taken onto the barge where Paul explains that there are reception areas on the upper and lower decks, which he thinks would be superb for any parties I throw.
'I don't want to have parties in my home.'
'But you're Ronnie Huntington-Jones.'
'Yes. I did love to party, but I'm looking for a quiet life now. Plus you never have a party at home. Everything gets wrecked—vomit and urine in vases and plant pots… eww, no thank you.’
Paul gives me a tight smile. 'Well apart from that, it's a lovely contained space that provides everything you could need. So what do you think?'
'I don't like it. For a start the entire interior is white.'
'Well a bit of paint would see to that. If you don't like the interior there's things you can do. Kristy's spot on at advice on changing internal walls.'
'No, I'm sorry Paul. I don't want to live on a boat.'
'Right. No water at all then?'
'Definitely not near water.'
'Okay, well we have a third property for you to look at.'
Paul speaks to camera while I have more make-up applied to my face.
'So we've a tricky one here. It would seem Ronnie has no idea what she wants. We've shown her two pretty decent properties up to now, but neither of them have suited. I reckon we're going to have our work cut out here, Kristy.'
He hands over his mike and goes to get a cup of tea.
The filming wraps up for the day and the Researchers meet with me and take me to see a number of other properties to try and get an idea of what I want. I'm shown houses near all the top shops and apartments with huge closets. One apartment has a sofa styled as Salvador Dali's kiss and the Researcher says it's just like a Lulu Guinness handbag. They've obviously decided I'm a complete airhead bimbo. Now I know sometimes—okay often—I can be stupid. However I'm serious about finding the right property. I turn to one of the Researchers.
'What are you showing me next? A bouncy castle?'
'Look, they should have done this in the first place. Take a seat and tell me what your interests are.'
I tell the researcher about my gardening course. I tell her about my Calendar Game. That I'm not sure who I am, and that's why I'm finding it hard to tell the producer what I'm looking for.
'Right, leave it with me,' says the Researcher. 'I'm Nina by the way.'
'Hi, Nina. I'm going to rename myself Confused. I know I'm pissing off all of the programme staff.'
'Oh my God, Ronnie. Have you seen our programme? You are nowhere near the most difficult person we've had on our show.'
'Really?'
'Oh God, yeah. Not by a long shot. The worst are the ones who turn up with two hundred grand to spend and want a property that would sell for a million. That happens so often. Anyway, that's enough about houses for one day. Go home and relax. We'll phone you in the morning and let you know where to meet us for Day two.'
I smile. 'Thank you. You've made me feel so much better about the whole thing.'
'Hey, buying a house is a huge task that quite often takes months. You've been looking one day. That's the problem with celebrity life. Everything happens in super quick time.'
I nod.
'By the way, I love your programme. I record it because it's on when I'm working, but I think you're great.'
I beam. 'Really? I always feel totes awkward.'
'Well it doesn't show. What's the topic this week?'
'Valentines,' I say and my shoulders slump.
'Hey, what's up?'
'Sorry. I've just split up with my boyfriend, yet I've got to be seen to be big on romance.'
'Sorry to hear that. I'm sure you'll think of something. What about that Harry anyway? I saw a picture of you in the paper with him last week, taken at his house?'
'Oh, I'm just working on a plan for his garden—for my course.'
Nina sighs. 'I wouldn't mind seeing his bed.'
Friday 7 February 2014
The next morning I'm called out to a property in Hampstead bright and early. I'd given the location I wanted as Chelsea, not really knowing the other areas all that well. I'm informed that both Paul and Kristy are escorting me around this one as they are keen to see what I think.
I look at the facade
of the property. There are five windows. The two to the left of the double front door are both bays, upper and lower. To the right are three further large windows. The driveway is wide and there are planters and hedges. It looks clean and tidy.
'So, me and Kristy had a good conversation about what we thought you'd like, Ronnie, and we decided to show you a property entirely different from anything you saw yesterday. We're really pleased with it, and we think you will be too.'
'There's tons of potential in this property,' says Kristy. 'Come on, let's go see.'
Firstly I'm taken through a large hallway into a bright kitchen. It has everything you could want, including a large fridge, plenty of workspace and a central island. It's a complete contrast to my apartment's tiny kitchen. I can imagine cooking a beautiful breakfast and taking a seat by one of the large windows. I'll need cooking lessons first of course, but I'll worry about that later. The thought that I've nearly always had my breakfast from The Riverside flits past me and I bite on my lip to stop the tears threatening to well. There's bound to be a coffee shop nearby.
The lounge has my mind made up and I haven't seen the rest of it yet. It's narrow, but long, and French Doors look out onto a garden area, although this has been screened off as I'm not allowed to see it yet.
'What do you think?' asks Kristy.
'Are we in the ballpark?' says Paul.
The tears really are welling up now. 'It's amazing so far. Exactly what I didn't know I was looking for.'
Kristy hugs me. 'Come on, there's more to see.'
I walk off and she follows behind me. When I watch the programme back later in the year, I will see the large thumbs up she does to camera, right behind my back.
There's another lounge, a total of six bedrooms, one of which has been set up as a dressing room. The third floor has the most enormous bedroom running the whole way along the top of the house. Kristy tells me I could easily turn this into a guest room with an en-suite bathroom. I explain about my best friend living in the states and having a child and she demonstrates how another bedroom could be easily made.
But they've saved the best for last. They take me outside—blindfolded—and when I remove it, I'm standing on a long wooden terrace. Steps lead down to a partly landscaped garden. There are a few shrubs and a large lawn area.
'It needs a touch of design work,' says Phil. 'We think it's perfect for you.'
I break down on camera, tears rolling down my face. 'I need this house. It's perfect.'
Not all the rooms are particularly my style, but I don't care. I can spend whatever time is needed getting it how I'd like it. It's a very large house for one and would have been perfect for me and Col. I shake that thought from my mind. He thought I was a penthouse kind of girl. Maybe I was.
We break for lunch and then I'm told to get ready to film the bit where they try to get me a deal.
I call my father while I eat a sandwich.
'Veronica, honey. Everything okay?'
'Fabulous Daddy, absolutely fantastic. I've found a new home.'
'I knew Kristy and Paul would get you sorted, petal. They're amazing. If you hadn't done the programme I'd have hired them for you.'
I giggle. 'Daddy they aren't for hire.'
'Baby, everyone is for hire for the right price. Speaking of which. How much is this going to cost me?'
'It's just short of four million.'
'Ouch. Your last one was only a half mill. You sure about it?'
'I really am, Daddy.'
'How much do you have towards it?'
I squirm on my seat, though he obviously can't see it.
'Ah…'
'You don't know, do you?'
'No.'
'You must get a handle on your finances, Veronica. What's happened with your television fees? Are you paying tax?'
'I just gave them my bank details. I draw money out of the cash point when I need it. I figure if I run out it won't give me any, or I use my credit card.'
'Which I pay off every month. I also make sure there's money in your account.'
'I'll sort it, Daddy, I promise.'
'Oh yeah? Which year will that be?'
I flip quickly through my thoughts. 'This year for definite. Maybe April?'
There's a pause. 'Is this that crazy Calendar Game of yours?'
'Yah. I'm not exactly sure when my finances are going to get sorted, but it's in the mix.'
'Well make it soon, and come and see me when you're ready. I'll help you.'
'Thanks, Daddy.'
'In the meantime, tell Kristy and Paul to try and get it for three point five and I'll get it organised.'
'Okay Daddy. What if they can't though?'
'Ronnie. You're my only child. You want it, it's yours. I admire that finally, you seem to be taking a better direction in life, even if there's the odd small car crash.'
I squeal. 'Thank you.'
I hang up and walk over to the Floor Manager. We go and finish up filming, and an hour later I have an offer accepted on my first house.
I'm bursting to tell someone but there's no answer from Stella, so I Skype call Sam.
'Hey, Aunt Ronnie.'
'Sam. I've bought a new house.'
'Oooh, can I come visit? Does it have a pool?'
'I don't get it for another four months and no it doesn't have a pool.'
He pouts. 'Why do you have to wait so long?'
'Legal stuff.'
'There's always legal stuff. With Mom there's been legal stuff. Legal stuff sucks.'
'It does.'
'My Dad wants to talk to you, Aunt Ronnie. I'm just going to sit over here, 'kay?'
'Okay.'
Mike's face comes into view.
'Hi Mike. Is everything okay?'
'Sure. My business is bringing me to London in March for a few days. I wondered if you'd put some feelers out for me as to good places to stay. I'm working at the Wharf. That's near you, right?'
'We're going to London. Whoop,' yells Sam.
'Oh heck son, no. You'll stay with your Aunt Maddie while I go.'
There's an almighty scream. 'That's not fair. I want to go to London.'
'I never learn,' says Mike. 'I should have phoned you later.'
'Look Mike,' I shout through the noise. 'Why don't you bring him? I'd love to spend some time with him. I could take him sightseeing while you're working, and then take you both out places when you're not. You can stay in my apartment. There are two rooms and they're at opposite ends to each other with their own bathrooms, so you'll have privacy.'
'No, Ronnie. That would be impolite. I'll find a place.'
'Dad,' shouts Sam. 'I want to go.'
'Why don't you think it over? I'll give you the info for some hotels around the Wharf if not, no problem.'
'Okay Ronnie, thanks. I'd better go and deal with Master Dramatic.'
We hang up, but it's only about ten minutes later that my connection beeps again.
'Hey Mike.'
'Hey. Can we come and stay after all?'
I see Sam's triumphant face in the background. The little manipulator. He'll go far.
'I'm coming to see you Aunt Ronnie,' he shouts.
'Whoooooop,' I yell back.
Mike rolls his eyes. 'Are you sure it's no imposition?'
'None at all. I'll be happy to have you. I can't wait to spend time with Sam.'
'Yeah. We'll see if you feel the same after a couple of days,' says Mike. 'I'll be in touch soon.'
I spend another twenty minutes talking to Sam about all the things he can do when he comes over. He wants to go to Buckingham Palace and is convinced he'll get to see the Queen.
'Will I see Col?'
I've not told Sam that we aren't together anymore.
'Sure Sam, you'll see Col.'
'Great. I want to try all the different coffees.'
Sam's comment makes me sigh. I'm rather missing the unique blends myself. Then I think about Sam on coffee. Oh God no. Hot chocolate it is for that y
oung man.
I say goodbye to Sam and think things over. I need to go and see Col. He probably doesn't care but I want to tell him I'm moving. I can break the ice by letting him know that Sam's coming to visit.
I look at the clock. It's just after eight. He'll be getting everything cleared and ready for tomorrow. I glance at my gardening plans on the coffee table. This is what I'm supposed to be working on tonight. I missed class on Thursday with filming, so I'm late with meeting my other client. I've a lot of catching up to do next week, but the pull of seeing Col overrides everything. I grab my keys and head down to the back entrance of the coffee shop, which is the entrance to Col’s apartment.
I ring his doorbell and wait. After a minute or so he opens the door.
'Ronnie.'
He has dark circles under his eyes, as if he's not been sleeping well. I want to melt into him, but I stay where I am.
'I need to talk to you.'
He stands aside and lets me in.
'Coffee?'
'Ah, yes, why not?'
'I'm just tidying up for the night. Do you want to come through?'
I follow him into the coffee shop and perch at the counter.
'So,' says Col as he wipes down the counter.
'So, Sam's coming down in March for a couple of days. His Dad's on business here.'
'Cool.'
'He doesn't know we've broken up and wants to see you.'
'Ronnie. I know that kid's been through hell. If we have to pretend to be together for a few days, that's fine.'
I look down, 'Okay.'
He throws the cloth onto the counter. 'Is that all you came for? Because I'm really busy here.'
'No. I, ah, I came to tell you I have a new house.'
He blinks. 'You're moving?'
'Yes. Not for about four months though.'
Although Col's face looks bleak, I can't help but smile as I think of my new house. 'It's gorgeous, Col.'
'Where are you moving to?'
'Hampstead.'
'Oh. Yes, that's a really nice area. Well, I'm pleased for you.' He goes around the back into the storeroom and I hear a mighty clatter. When I go running to see the source of the noise, there are boxes all over the floor and Col is holding his fist.
The Calendar Game (The Alpha Series Book 2) Page 5
