by Gail Sattler
Lionel ran his hand down his face. It had taken awhile, but he’d finally managed to focus his thoughts on something else after he’d kissed Gwen and gotten his mind back to where it should have been in the first place. Driving.
He’d planned to treat Gwen special and show her how much she meant to him on their last bit of personal time together, but now things had changed. Once they delivered the load in Phoenix, they’d probably have another layover, and he didn’t know if he could handle the pressure. He’d crossed the line, and he could never go back. He’d almost told Gwen how much he loved her, but had stopped himself before he blurted it out.
If they drove straight through to home, he wouldn’t have to worry about crossing the line again. More than that, if he could keep things professional in the confines of the truck, he wouldn’t have to risk hearing that she didn’t feel the same way about him. If she didn’t, their time together would be unbearable. He couldn’t handle that. If she was going to tell him she didn’t like him at least a little, he didn’t want to hear it until they parted ways, possibly for the last time.
His gut clenched. He didn’t want to plan what it would be like saying good-bye for the last time. He needed more time, but not like this.
“So, what’s it gonna be?”
Lionel shook his head to clear his mind. He turned to Gwen. “Have you got a Green Card?”
If she didn’t, it was his only chance of refusing the load and getting another load through to Vancouver, and home. Without a Green Card, crossing the border to take their first load to Evansville, they would have to be dispatched straight back home without doing jobs with an American origin and destination. Legally, they got away with delivering the shingles only because it was a mission of mercy after the tornado.
She stiffened. “Of course I’ve got a Green Card. Uncle Chad made sure of that so we wouldn’t get caught in a spot.”
So much for that.
By the time they arrived at the client’s warehouse, the last pallet was being loaded onto the trailer. They hooked up and were ready to roll before midnight.
“I guess this is what being a doubles team is all about,” Gwen said. “The rush loads and unusual stuff.”
Lionel was used to rush loads. Every driver got a few rush loads. It was just that the doubles teams got the rush loads that went farther. For him the unusual part was driving with someone else, and then falling in love with the other driver.
He turned to Gwen. “Who sleeps first? You’ve been driving all night until now, so maybe you’d like a change of pace. If you want to go have a sleep, go ahead.”
“That’s really nice of you. I think I will. It was hard switching back to regular living hours at the Funks’ house, and it’s caught up with me. Good night, Lionel.”
“Good night, Gwen.”
At the sound of the curtain sealing shut, he allowed himself to relax. He’d almost said, “Good night, Darling.”
He had it bad. The night was going to be long … and lonely.
The sun had been up for hours before Lionel heard the rasp of the Velcro behind him. He smiled and quickly glanced behind him. “Good morning, Stranger.”
She mumbled something he didn’t quite understand.
“Have a good sleep?”
She mumbled something else under her breath.
“What’s wrong? Are we not a morning person today?”
This time he thought he understood what she mumbled, and it sounded amazingly similar to “Shut up.” Lionel pretended to gasp in shock and caught the dirty look she shot him as she sank into the seat.
Part of him told him not to push his luck, but part of him couldn’t leave it alone. “I think you’re going to need extra sugar in your coffee this morning. Or is this the kind of morning grumpies that can only be fixed with a double order of fries?”
“It’s breakfast time,” she grumbled to the window.
“Ah, yes. Time for whole wheat cereal with two percent milk and a glass of orange juice.”
This time she didn’t answer, and Lionel stayed silent. He wondered what she was really like in the morning, under normal circumstances. So far this was the only day she hadn’t been cheerful when she woke up, although he had to remind himself that for two days she’d slept at the Funks’ house while he’d slept in the church parking lot.
It struck him that he knew what she liked for breakfast. He wondered how many husbands knew what their wives liked for breakfast.
He stopped at the first place they came to, which happened to be a truck stop. While Gwen freshened up, Lionel headed into the restaurant.
Gwen sank quietly into the chair across the table from Lionel. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so crabby. I’m not usually like that in the morning.”
“No problem.”
Yes, there was a problem, but she didn’t want to tell him what it was, because he was the problem. For the first time since she’d been out on the road she had not slept well, and it was all his fault.
After their date she had changed clothes in the truck, but he had waited and changed from his nice new clothes to his old jeans and typical T-shirt when they got back to the terminal. The change had hit her in a completely unexpected way. She’d taken one look at him when they got back into the truck, and the first thought that had run through her mind was that the scruffy Lionel was the familiar Lionel, the man she knew, the man she loved.
She was in love with a truck driver.
She noticed he had ordered coffee for her, but he was drinking juice. It felt good to know that at least some of her good habits were rubbing off on him.
He pushed a menu across the table. “This is a switch. For you it’s really breakfast time at seven in the morning, but I feel like a bedtime snack. I’m really tired after driving all night. Soon as we eat and get moving, I’m going to crawl into the bunk for a sleep. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course I don’t mind.” She needed the time to think, but rather than being glad to be rid of him, she felt comforted knowing he was close by, behind the curtain, because she would be thinking about him.
Once the summer was over she wouldn’t see him often, if at all. His job as a trucker kept him away from home, and her job as a teacher kept her restricted to staying in town. The only free time she had was on the weekends, and a trucker’s busiest times away from home were from Friday to Monday.
It had taken half the night, but she had come to a few conclusions. The first was that for the short time they had left, she wanted to be near him and to spend as much time as she could with him. The professional boundaries, which he had stated were in effect while they were driving together, were perfect and clear. Despite the constant close proximity, there was no temptation, because both of them knew not to cross the line. Personal interaction beyond conversation while driving was unacceptable inside the truck. Inside the truck they were partners only. Anything else would mean disaster, both professionally and personally.
As the meal progressed, she could see he was fading fast, which wasn’t surprising. He was long overdue for a sleep, and she felt guilty for sleeping so long. She could see why trucks traveled in convoys and chattered on the CBs. It was necessary to keep each other awake and alert.
He crawled straight into the bunk, and she was sure he was asleep by the time she reached highway speed. The countdown to home had begun, and this stopover in Phoenix gave her extra time to think. This delay was in her favor, and she thanked God for it.
“I did a good job backing it in, don’t you think?” Gwen couldn’t help but be proud of herself. It was only her second time backing a load in, and it was straight.
He grinned and winked. “It’s okay.”
It was better than okay. She’d done a marvelous job. Of course, the lighting helped. The modern facilities were well lit, the compound was paved, and she had lots of room to back in straight.
Gwen yawned, making no effort to hide it. “What now?”
Lionel walked into the customers’ b
uilding and returned in a few minutes. “I just called dispatch. They don’t have a load out for us right away, so we’re to call in the morning.”
“It is morning. One in the morning.”
“Nice try. I saw a motel on the way in with lots of room to park the truck. We’ll unhook and go there.”
She let Lionel drive while she sagged into the seat. The short time it took to back up into the shipping bay had been more stressful than the entire trip.
Lionel reserved the room while Gwen dug her personal effects out of the bins. Lionel stuck his head through the door. “You’ve got room twenty-four.” He picked up her duffel bag and opened the room for her.
“Wait!” she called. “Can I borrow your computer? I want to check my E-mail. Garrett might have answered me back.”
He dumped her stuff on the bed and peeked into the bathroom while she booted up the computer.
“This is great.” His voice echoed as he spoke into the bathroom. “Don’t turn in the key in the morning, I want to have a real shower. I’ll wait for you to be finished with my computer. I’ve got some stuff to catch up on while you sleep.”
Gwen phoned the clerk for an outside line and set the modem to dial while Lionel opened all the drawers in the small desk.
“Hey! A Gideon Bible! Cool!” He turned, grinned, and started flipping through it. “I check for these every time I need to rent a room.”
Gwen mumbled her approval while a long E-mail came through. “You’d better read this. It’s from Uncle Chad.”
He read the message over her shoulder.
Hi, Gwen,
Hope you’re having a great time on the road with Lionel. Like I said before, he’s a good Christian and a righteous man and I know he’ll treat you right.
Lionel puffed out his chest. “See? A good reference from your uncle. I see the beginning of a beautiful relationship.”
Gwen smacked him in the arm. “Quit fooling around. This is important. Keep reading.”
The truck is fixed, right on time, and until you return, they have me running singles. As an unofficial favor, the dispatchers have put me on low priority runs in order to give me more time at home, including weekends.
I know I can’t ask you to stay away forever, but if things are working out with you and Lionel, it would give me a very special time with the family if you could stay out on the road awhile longer. At the time I am writing this, you are somewhere between Topeka and Phoenix. The longer you are gone, the more time I have with my family. This is a rare opportunity for us, but I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position with Lionel. This is being done as a favor only and cannot go on indefinitely. But they will pass the word amongst the dispatchers not to send you and Lionel home to Vancouver for a little while longer if you agree. Whatever you decide, I will understand.
Love always,
Uncle Chad
“Wow,” Lionel muttered. “What are you going to do?”
Gwen looked up at him as he stood beside her. “I don’t know. What do you think?”
The silence dragged. Lionel turned to stare at the bed in the middle of the motel room and rammed his hands into his pockets. “We should pray and talk about it in the morning.”
Gwen’s heart nearly stopped. They’d prayed together many times, and every time they had, they had sat together and joined hands. But that was never in the middle of a motel room.
He picked up his laptop. “I’ll see you in the morning. Good night.” In the blink of an eye, he was gone.
Gwen closed the door and watched him through the crack of the curtain as he hopped up inside the truck. The light went on in the bunk area as he set up the table to get ready to do his paperwork on the computer.
She had assumed he meant they should pray together, but he’d obviously meant in private. She wanted to pray with him. It would have been right to pray together, but not proper to do so sitting on the bed in a motel.
Gwen changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed, preparing herself to talk to God about the decision she had to make.
Of course, Uncle Chad wanted to take advantage of this limited opportunity to spend more time at home. Whenever he booked off, he didn’t get paid, and under his contract he couldn’t book time off unless it was for specified vacation time or something critical.
Over the years she had seen many times where her aunt had nearly broken down, she’d missed her husband so much. As an adult, Gwen could understand the anguish of separation of a husband and wife, different from the way her cousins missed their father.
She wanted him to spend more time with Aunt Chelsea and her cousins. But at what cost to her?
Gwen stared blankly at the closed curtains, knowing that on the other side was Lionel in his truck.
If she decided to go straight home, she would be denying Uncle Chad something she knew had been difficult for him to ask. Would she be selfish to refuse?
If she decided to continue driving with Lionel, she didn’t know what would happen. She enjoyed being with him, both when they were driving and when they weren’t. Except for his being a loner and a truck driver, she couldn’t help but love him. But that only made things worse.
She was an adult and a Christian, but that didn’t mean she was immune to temptation. She would be setting herself up for torture if she continued driving with him and had to maintain an emotional distance. She didn’t know if she could handle the situation if she said yes, but she didn’t know if she could live with herself if she said no.
Gwen closed her eyes and prayed like she’d never prayed before.
Lionel stared up at the ceiling of the truck. He’d given up on his paperwork. He’d been lying in the dark for hours, but he still couldn’t sleep.
They’d just been given the perfect excuse not to go home, to spend days, even weeks, exclusively with each other.
Not that doing Chad a favor wasn’t a good thing, but he wanted her to do it because she wanted to be with him, not just for Chad’s sake. However, the impropriety of the situation they found themselves had just become even more of a stumbling block. Until now, traveling together had been beyond their control, something thrust upon them when there was nothing either of them could do about it. Now it had become a choice.
They needed to pray about this together, but he wasn’t going to hold hands and sit on a bed in a motel room to do so. He loved Gwen with all his heart and soul. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, to make her his wife and the mother of his children. God said to flee from temptation, and even though it meant not praying together, he’d flown. He needed to outline the hands-off rules in the truck for a reason, and those rules applied tenfold in a motel room.
Lionel rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. He knew what he wanted, but he didn’t know what Gwen wanted.
Above all, he didn’t know if she could trust him.
But then, he didn’t know if he could trust himself.
The matter was out of his hands. It was Gwen’s decision for now, but ultimately it was God’s direction that would determine what would happen tomorrow and in the days and weeks to follow. He knew what he wanted but didn’t know what was best, or right. Rather than pray for his own selfish desires, he rolled over, once again on his back, pressed his hands over his heart, squeezed his eyes shut, and spoke out loud, “Father God, Thy will be done!”
Peace filled his soul. The future was out of his hands, and in God’s, where it belonged.
Lionel rolled over and managed to drift off to sleep until his ringing cell phone jolted him out of his dreams.
After listening to the dispatcher, he threw on his clothes, hurried outside, and knocked on Gwen’s door. He shouldn’t have been surprised to see her already dressed and ready to go. After all, it was daylight.
“The dispatcher just called. We’ve got to go now. Give me a few minutes to shower.”
She waited for him in the truck, and when he was done, they drove the three blocks to the terminal in silence
. He usually teased her to see if she’d slept well. This time he wasn’t in the mood to joke around. Not a word was said when they walked together into the dispatch office.
The day shift dispatcher held two envelopes in his hands. “You’ve got a choice between two loads. A through load for Vancouver, or a consolidation, then a couple of drop shipments ending up in Buffalo. Both are ready now. What’ll it be?”
Lionel clenched his teeth so hard his jaw hurt. The dispatcher stared at him, expecting it to be Lionel to make the decision. Lionel kept silent and looked at Gwen. His heart was pounding and his palms were sweating. He forced himself to breathe. Gwen turned to him. All he could do was nod once.
The dispatcher turned to Gwen.
Gwen stiffened her back, sucked in a deep breath, and turned to face the dispatcher.
The seconds ticked on like hours.
Lionel thought he might throw up.
Chapter 13
Gwen swallowed past the frog in her throat. “Buffalo,” she said.
The dispatcher handed her the envelope from his right hand, but her hands were shaking too much to open it, so she turned and held it out to Lionel.
His face was pale, his eyes were wide open, and he didn’t move, not even to raise his hand to take the envelope from her as she held it in front of him.
His voice came out in a hoarse croak. “Buffalo? Are you serious?”
“Yes.” She still could barely believe her own answer. She would be lying if she said she was doing it as a favor to Uncle Chad. The favor was merely a good excuse. She was going to Buffalo because she wanted to spend more time with Lionel.
Last night she’d prayed for God to tell her to go home. No such answer came.
The boundaries and codes of conduct were stated before their feelings for each other became an issue. He made her feel safe, and she trusted him. It had stung for only a minute when he bolted out of the motel room. More than anything, she saw the actions of a man who didn’t cross any lines best left alone.
