by Gail Sattler
Patricia didn’t know what to say. It was important. She wanted him to have a right relationship with God, but she didn’t want him to begin his journey of discovery because of her. He had to do it for himself. “No, not really.”
Silence hung in the air for a short time. She was about to ask about arranging to return his car when he started talking about nothing in particular, just yakking. Patricia enjoyed talking to him so much that she didn’t realize the passage of time until Mike checked his watch, announced that it was time for her to get back to work, and left.
He walked away before she realized she had missed the chance to ask him about the car. She wondered if he did it on purpose.
Patricia hit Save and tidied her stack of papers before she went into the kitchen to get her lunch as well as a couple of pieces of bread that she stored there for the little squirrel.
As she sat on the bench to eat, she thought about last night’s Bible study meeting, part of her regretting she hadn’t been more direct with Mike and specifically requested that he come, and part of her being glad he hadn’t been there.
They had covered the story of Jonah, focusing on how much Jonah would have suffered in the belly of the fish. Although it was often hard work to follow God’s will, it would have been easier on Jonah if he’d just done what he had been told to do in the first place. Their discussion naturally followed to a more personal level, and a number of the people present shared recent experiences where they felt led to do something out of the ordinary for God and told about how they’d handled it.
She hadn’t shared about Mike because she didn’t want to risk breaking confidentiality, but the lesson further solidified in her own mind what she was called to do, which was to guide Mike through this trying time and help him build a relationship with Jesus as his Savior.
A movement on a nearby tree caught her eye. Quickly, she returned the uneaten part of her sandwich to the container, ripped off a small piece of bread from her special stash for the squirrel, slowly leaned over, and held it out. The little brown squirrel approached cautiously, then in the blink of an eye snatched the bread from her fingers and ran into the bush.
“Hi, Mike,” she called over her shoulder without looking as the squirrel retreated out of sight.
The grass rustled behind her. “How did you know I was coming? I scared your chipmunk again, didn’t I?”
“It’s a squirrel.”
He grinned as he shuffled in beside her. This time he carried a small backpack. He withdrew a sandwich, grinned, and placed it on the bench. “It’s not exactly going out for dinner together, but I brought dessert.” He removed a couple of store-bought pieces of cake, also nicely wrapped, and put them down with the growing lunch pile.
“Uh … thank you.”
He unwrapped his sandwich and took a bite, so Patricia also took a bite of hers.
“There is a reason for this, you know.”
“There is?” Patricia couldn’t remember anything special about the day.
“It’s the anniversary of our first meeting. Kind of like the celebration of our first date.”
She nearly choked on her sandwich. “First date? We haven’t had a first date.”
“That’s not my fault. So are we on for tonight?”
All she could do was stare at him. After she got home from the Bible study meeting, she’d spent many hours in prayer, agonizing over what to do and thinking how she could show Mike how much God loved him. She had to make him see God as more than simply the Supreme Creator, but also his heavenly Father, who sent His Son, Jesus, to take the punishment for his sins.
As a ministry, she could make no allowances for dating, even if he was her type, which he wasn’t. Most importantly, she couldn’t risk becoming emotionally involved, because it would jeopardize her mission.
Patricia cleared her throat. “No.”
He shrugged his shoulders, but didn’t lose the grin. “Oh, well. I had to try. Bruce is taking me to another meeting tonight anyway. I’m not sure I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ve got an interview for a job, and I don’t know what time I’ll be finished.”
“Mike! That’s great!”
Before she realized what she was doing, she looked down to see that she had wrapped her fingers around his.
She jerked her hands away, then folded them in her lap. “I have to get back inside soon. We should finish up.”
He had the nerve to wink as he bit into his sandwich.
Mike sat on the bus, staring out the window. He wanted to hit something.
Hard.
The interview had gone smoothly, until he told them he would need a day or two off in a couple of months when his court case came up. He knew he would probably get off, or if he did get anything, it probably would be only a fine and a suspended license for awhile. At the worst, he might have to spend a few weekends in jail. His father had hired one of the best lawyers in town to defend him. That, plus showing the judge that he was being such a good boy by attending AA meetings without protest, according to the terms laid out for him, plus that it was a first offense, all would act in his favor.
He didn’t get the job. Because he was honest about his pending court case, they suddenly became uninterested. If he had said nothing and just taken a couple of days off sick when his court date came up, no one would have known.
They didn’t hire him because of that.
And for that, he’d missed having lunch with Patty.
Already he missed her. He hadn’t been without her for a day, and he missed her.
He stomped all the way from the bus stop into the house, his big empty house. He threw his jacket on the couch, stood in one spot, closed his eyes, and yelled out in frustration. It hadn’t been exactly the job he would have chosen, but anything was better than sitting home alone in an empty house all day, every day.
Mike checked the time and laid his hand on the phone. He wanted to see Patty. If he couldn’t see her, he had to talk to her.
He didn’t dial. Instead, he thought about what was happening. He had never been so compelled to spend time with a woman. With the odd exception, by now, most women would have been eating out of his hand, and he would be enjoying himself immensely.
But Patty wasn’t. He wasn’t even sure she wanted to spend time with him at all.
Every time they were together, she seemed to enjoy herself, and she certainly seemed comfortable enough with him. Still, he could tell something was bugging her. It bothered him that she was his probation officer’s sister, and it was probably a breech of confidence or crossing into forbidden territory to be seeing her, which meant it wasn’t a good idea to get too attached to her.
He couldn’t help it. She’d done nothing to encourage him, in fact, just the opposite. She’d refused to go out on a date with him, and she wouldn’t let him kiss her properly. She never called him; he had always been the one to either call her or simply just show up when she couldn’t get away.
Mike released the phone. He wasn’t going to call her, and he wasn’t going to show up on her doorstep.
For the first time in his life, he didn’t know what to do.
Mike looked at the Bible she’d lent him, still lying on the kitchen counter where he’d left it since she’d given it to him a week ago. He had no idea on what page to start reading, so he didn’t touch it.
Since he couldn’t think of anything else to do, Mike walked into the living room and sat on the couch. He started to reach for the remote but didn’t pick it up. He didn’t want to watch television. He had to think.
Any other day, he would be pouring himself a drink and nursing it while he thought about what was bothering him, until whatever it was faded in importance or his brain became so dulled he forgot what he was so worried about in the first place. This time he couldn’t, because Patty had poured everything down the drain, which had been a good thing. If there had been anything left in the house, he would have been into it by now.
All he could do was stare at the blank telev
ision.
He wanted to phone Patty, to pursue a relationship with her, but he couldn’t. She wasn’t his type. She was a decent and caring person, putting her time and needs aside to do what was best for others. She deserved better than him. She deserved a man who would treat her right. Looking back on his past relationships, he’d never treated a woman right, and he’d been too self-centered to care.
She was also his probation officer’s sister. Not only was he positive he was crossing some kind of line he wasn’t supposed to, he wondered what Bruce would do when he found out that one of his alcoholic law-breaking cases had the hots for his sister.
Mike buried his face in his hands. To even think of Patty in such a way was insulting to her. What he felt for her was far beyond physical attraction. But whatever it was, it wasn’t right. She was smart enough to know it and to try to keep him at a distance. It was because she was so nice that she wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping him away.
On the other hand, Mike couldn’t let it drop. She was too good to let go. He just didn’t know what to do about it.
Therefore, he did the only thing he could. He folded his hands in his lap, closed his eyes, and for the first time in his life, he prayed to a God whom, up until recently, he had ignored, and hoped that God would listen anyway.
Chapter 6
Hi, Patty. Busy tonight?”
Silence hung over the line. Mike held his breath.
“Uh … no… .”
He forced himself to exhale. He hadn’t seen her or talked to her in two days, and he was going crazy. “I was wondering, if you weren’t busy, if we could go out for dinner, someplace quiet where we could talk and without the caveat of attending another AA meeting afterwards.”
“Uh …” Her voice trailed off, and silence again hung over the line.
Mike waited. He wasn’t going to beg. It wasn’t his style.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
He flushed his style down the toilet. He needed results more than he needed to salvage his pride, which was already in tatters anyway. “Please? We’ll have a nice time. I know we will, and I’ll behave.”
“Uh … well … I guess so.”
He pulled one fist down in the air while making a closed-teeth triumphant smile and thinking “Yessss!” in his head. “That’s wonderful,” he said calmly. “The only catch here is that since you’ve got my car, you’ve got to pick me up. But I’ll pay for the gas.”
“Don’t be silly. And about your car, I think it’s time I gave it back.”
“We can talk about it tonight. How’s that?”
“I guess so.”
“Great. Can you pick me up at six?”
“Sure. But remember, I have church tomorrow morning, so this can’t be a late night.”
“No problem. See you later.”
Mike smiled as he hung up the phone. It was going to be the best Saturday night of his life.
By the time she arrived, Mike was composed and ready. He shaved for the second time that day and gelled his hairstyle to perfection. He chose a casual black shirt and his black jeans, knowing how sharp he looked in the monochrome ensemble, which would be suitable attire no matter where they went. He grabbed his favorite leather jacket, clipped his cell phone to his belt, and locked up as soon as his car pulled into the driveway.
He picked a suitable restaurant once he saw how she was dressed. Today she wore a loose-fitting jean skirt and a pretty pink pullover top. It pleased him to see that this time she’d applied a little bit of makeup, but her hair still hung loose, just the way he liked it.
The same as every time he joined her for lunch at the park bench, their evening together was pleasant. Since he knew before he asked her out for dinner that she would pray before they ate, he was prepared when she did. After she’d said the expected thank you for the food and friends to share it with, he was very honest in his answering “amen,” because he felt the same way.
When they were done, she drove him home, and he invited her in so he could ask a few questions.
First he made coffee, then sat beside her on the couch and opened the Bible she’d lent him to the page he had marked.
“I cannot tell a lie. I didn’t start reading where you told me to.”
She raised one finger in the air and opened her mouth, but he raised his hand to stop her before she got the wrong idea and became disappointed with him.
“I flipped through and read all the verses you had colored in yellow. I figured if you thought they were important enough to mark up your Bible for, then that was what I should be paying the most attention to.”
“That’s not necessarily true. When I do highlighting, it’s when I’m reading and something has a special meaning to me at the time. Those things aren’t going to hit you the same way, especially since this is your first time reading it through.”
“What do you mean, reading it through?”
“Reading it cover to cover. Although I had told you to first read the New Testament. I’ve read the Bible through four times now, four different versions. I have a guidebook that says how much to read in both the Old and New Testaments each day, and it gives a small commentary on those verses. The idea is to read the entire Bible through in one year. It’s dated. You start January first, kind of like a New Year’s resolution kind of thing, and finish up the same year on December thirty-first. But the very first time I read it, I simply started at Genesis 1:1 and read some every day until I got to Revelation 22:21. I think it took me about five months.”
Mike stared at the Bible in his hand, then flipped through the pages. He didn’t know much about the Bible, but he did know that Genesis was the first book and Revelation was the last. Not only was it really thick, but he found out the hard way that it wasn’t like reading a best-selling novel. Some of the verses he had to reread four times in order to fully comprehend the meaning of a single sentence, and even then, he knew without a doubt that he’d still missed stuff. He couldn’t imagine reading the whole thing through, especially different versions in which he knew the wording was slightly different. “Wow …,” he mumbled.
“Did you have something you were going to ask me?”
“Oops. I lost my place. It was something about Moses and Jesus.”
She laughed. “There are more references to Moses and Jesus in the Bible than I could count. I guess you’ll have to reread it and then ask me when you find it again.”
He stared at the closed Bible. He’d taken hours paging through it and reading the verses she’d highlighted. However, it had been both interesting and thought-provoking, and he supposed it wouldn’t hurt to go through it again. “I guess I don’t have much choice.”
“It really would be a better idea for you to start where I said, the beginning of the book of Matthew, and read it through. That way, you’ll be reading everything in context, and it will be easier to understand.”
Mike shrugged his shoulders. “I guess you would know.”
Patty checked her watch. “I have to go. Remember, I have church in the morning. You know you’re invited if you want to come. It’s not like you’ve never been there before.” She smiled, and Mike’s heart nearly went into overdrive.
“Yeah. I know,” he choked out.
She stood. “Can I borrow your phone book? I have to call a cab.”
Mike shook his head. “Forget the cab. Take the car. I’m not using it, and it’s getting late. You’ll wait a long time for a cab on Saturday night, and I’d feel better knowing you’re in my car.”
“I really shouldn’t.”
Mike stood as well and grasped her tiny hands in his. Her skin was so soft, and he didn’t often have the chance to touch her. Very slowly and gently, he massaged the tender skin of her wrists with his thumbs, enthralled how such a simple action could move him so much. “You won’t take my heart, so please take my car.”
“I …” Her voice trailed off and the cutest blush colored her cheeks.
Mike smiled
. “If you don’t take the car and go now, I’m going to embarrass myself and start spouting poetry.”
She yanked her hands out of his, walked quickly to the door, then nearly ran outside.
“Wait!” he called out, and ran to catch up to her, which he did as she opened the car door. He made sure to lower his voice so his neighbors couldn’t overhear, in case anyone was outside. “I didn’t get a good night kiss.”
Before she had a chance to protest, he tilted her chin up and brushed a soft kiss quickly to her lips, then backed away.
She looked up at him, her eyes wide. His heart pounded, making him question why, because he really hadn’t done anything all that exciting, although what passed between them was special in a way he couldn’t name. It made him want to kiss her again, properly this time, but he didn’t dare.
“Good night, Mike,” she said in almost a whisper, then sank into the car and drove away.
Mike watched until she turned the corner, but he couldn’t make his feet move.
He knew where he was going in the morning. Strangely, it wasn’t entirely to be with Patty.
He couldn’t remember the specifics of a single verse he’d read, but what he had read made him want to know more about the God who created him. Was it possible that God really did love him as much as the verses he’d read had said?
Patricia stood beside her mother as they greeted the earliest of the congregation to arrive and handed each person a bulletin. While her mother chatted with a friend, Bruce and his wife entered.
Bruce pulled a computer disk out of his pocket. “I brought that clip-art you were asking me about.”
“Thanks! I really appreciate it. Let me go put it on my desk.”
He followed her into the office. “I took Mike Flannigan to another AA meeting during the week. He told me that he’d been to another meeting with you, as well, before that one.”
“Yes, that’s right,” she mumbled as she tucked the disk into the right file folder.
