by Gail Sattler
She didn’t want to miss Mike, but he had become such a regular part of her day, it felt odd that she was eating her sandwich without him.
A deep voice sounded behind her. “I guess he’s not coming, is he?”
Patricia sighed. “No, Daddy, I wouldn’t think so. He’s only got his bike, and I’ve made such an issue about it being too expensive to take a cab, I know he won’t do that just to sit and eat a sandwich beside me.” Thunder rumbled in the distance. She sighed again. “He’s definitely not coming.”
“Bruce told me a little about him.”
She tried not to cringe. She didn’t know if that was good or bad, so she said nothing.
Her father stepped beside her but didn’t look at her. Instead, he also stared into the rain as he spoke. “It sounds like he has a lot of things to work out in his life.”
“Yes, he does. None of his friends are helping him. From what he says, not one has called or offered any support, and nobody has invited him to go do something that doesn’t involve drinking or going to their familiar hang-outs. He must be so lonely, but on the surface, he’s putting on a happy face. I know he’s hurting deep down. He’s just not letting it show.”
“You be careful, Sweetheart. You don’t have a lot of experience with people like him.”
She turned toward her father. It was an echo of what Bruce had said. She wished she could pin the entire blame for her father’s sentiments on Bruce, for tainting his opinion of Mike, but she couldn’t. She was fully aware of her inexperience in these matters.
All her life, she rarely ventured out of church circles for both her social life and her job. She couldn’t relate to Mike at all on many issues, and she knew he couldn’t relate to her. Now that he knew the pastor was her father, the gap had widened even more. She realized that missing him now, the way she was, proved that being with him was more than a ministry. At some point it had become personal, and it shouldn’t have.
“Daddy, am I doing the right thing?”
“I can’t answer that. Have you prayed about it?”
“More than you can ever know.”
“Then you’re the one who can best answer that question.”
She stared into the rain once more. “Bruce doesn’t approve.” She didn’t want to ask for her father’s approval, but she did want some kind of endorsement from him that she was doing the right thing.
“It’s not up to me to approve or disapprove. This man is Bruce’s client, and so Bruce sees this from a different perspective than you or I do. Bruce tends to see more failures in his line of work, and while I’ve seen a lot of heartache and tragedy in my time, I’ve also seen a lot of redemption in many people all else would have called hopeless. On the other hand, from a father’s point of view, I don’t want to see you hurt. But as a Christian, I want to see Mike turn his life over to the love and care of Jesus, no matter how he’s lived his life up to this point.”
That was also what Patricia wanted to see. However, it was more than just as a Christian sister.
She couldn’t deny the truth of what Bruce had pointed out. She was fully aware of many of Mike’s shortcomings from her own personal dealings with him. Romans 3:23 echoed through her head.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
In God’s eyes, she was no different. For all her faith and good works, she was still a sinner, but she was justified by the blood of Jesus. More than anything, she wanted Mike to be justified too.
All her life, she had been spared from much of the heartache she saw around her. She had been raised in a wonderful home, full of love and support, surrounded by friends and family as well as the whole church, teaching her not only of God’s love but also how to show God’s love to others. She didn’t know what kind of love or support network Mike had grown up with, but he needed someone to support him and push him in the right direction now. The second half of Luke 12:48 flashed through her mind.
“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”
She had indeed been given much, and it was now her turn to give much back.
Patricia turned to face her father.
She didn’t say anything, but he nodded slowly, once.
“I’ll be praying for both of you,” he said.
Patricia returned to her desk. She also had a lot of praying to do. Tonight was Mike’s special meeting with Claude’s group, and they would be doing step two. She pulled the little AA pamphlet out of her drawer and read it.
(2) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Quickly, she shoved it back into her drawer. She didn’t know who was more insane, Mike or herself.
All day long, that one sentence echoed through her head. Even on the short drive home, she still couldn’t get it out of her head or the ramifications of how it related to Mike.
Lunch had felt strange. Except for the few minutes she’d spent with her father, it was the first time in a week she’d been alone at lunchtime. Usually she ate her dinner alone, but today it felt strange being alone in the kitchen. In order to shake the sensation, she ate her dinner in front of the television—something she never did.
When something disturbed her, she always pulled out her Bible and paged through and read her highlighted verses until something jumped out at her, and then she read the surrounding section. She couldn’t even do that, because she had given the Bible containing all her notes to Mike.
In less than two weeks, the man had invaded every portion of her life.
She had just decided to go to bed when the phone rang.
“Hi, Patty. Busy?”
“Hi, Mike. What’s up?”
“I just got home from that meeting at Claude’s house, and I really needed to do something normal, so I had to call you.”
She wouldn’t have called starting a phone conversation at ten at night normal. “Uh-huh,” she mumbled, waiting for him to continue.
“It was a very strange meeting. For most of it we talked about all the stupid things we’ve all done over the years. You know, the insanity of it all. In the middle of the meeting, we all laughed about it, but really, it wasn’t very funny when you think of it. We’re all supposed to be responsible adults. It really made me think. At the end, we came to the part you probably want to hear about. We talked about how God could help us. I really believe that He can.”
Her heart pounded. “That’s great.”
“I’m just not sure He would want to. I haven’t exactly been a prime candidate.”
“God loves you, Mike. Really. Why do you think He’s put you among those people? He did it before any real harm was done.”
She heard him suck in a deep intake of breath. “I guess.”
Silence hung on the line.
“I guess I should let you go,” Mike mumbled.
She couldn’t completely stifle a yawn. “Yes, it’s late. Are you going to come and visit me at lunch time tomorrow?”
His voice brightened. “Depends on the weather, but to be with you is worth the risk of catching pneumonia.”
Patricia harumphed. “I don’t think so. See you if the weather holds.”
When she went to bed, she found herself praying for good weather, just because she wanted to see her little squirrel again.
In the morning her prayers were answered. It was a lovely day. The air was fresh and clean, the birds were singing, and the drops of water beaded and glistened off the pristine wax finish of Mike’s car.
She hummed as she worked and then went outside for lunch early.
Mike joined her at precisely noon.
“No chipmunk today?”
“Yes, the squirrel was here. You scared it away again.”
He emptied a sandwich, a couple of wrapped cookies, and a few pieces of bread out of his backpack. When all was laid out between them on the bench, he turned to her and grinned. “It’ll probably come
back. This time I’m ready.”
She wasn’t so sure the squirrel would return, but she didn’t want to contradict him because she didn’t know what he was trying to do, attract the squirrel or impress her by bribing the squirrel.
Since neither of them had started eating, Patricia paused for a prayer of thanks over their lunch, and they began to eat. Unlike most days, this time Mike was strangely silent. Patricia remained quiet, waiting for him to talk first, which he eventually did when he was almost finished with his sandwich.
“There’s something I’ve got to tell you.”
She nodded and waited.
“Yesterday, on the phone, when you said that so far, no real harm was done because of, well, you know.”
Again, Patricia remained silent while Mike sorted out what he felt was so important to tell her. She had a feeling that a confession was coming, even though she had not asked for one.
“Well, that’s not quite true. You already know that I left the scene of an accident, but that wasn’t so bad. His insurance covered it and stuff. What I have to tell you is that I was engaged once. I didn’t treat her very well. She ended up losing her job because of me.”
Patricia tried not to show her shock. She didn’t know what hit her harder, that someone had lost their job because of something he’d done or that Mike had once loved someone so much he had planned to marry her.
“I know she would have gotten another job quick enough. She was more than capable, and my dad gave her a good severance package—something he sure didn’t give me. But now I know what it’s like to get fired, and it’s not a very good feeling. I’m not having as easy a time as I thought finding another job either. Last week I thought I had something, but as soon as I told my prospective employer I’d need some time off for my pending court case, they were suddenly no longer interested.”
She stared blankly at him, trying to let it all sink in. Her brief experience with Mike had shown that he could pour on the charm when he wanted to, but deep down, he wasn’t a bad guy. Knowing that once he had planned to marry someone contradicted her playboy image of him. The woman must have been very special to make him decide to settle down, and Patricia also wondered what had happened that caused them to split up.
“Do you still see her?” She was afraid to know the answer, but some sick part of her had to know.
“No. I haven’t seen her since the breakup. It was rather unpleasant for both of us, and it was entirely my fault.”
Patricia remained silent, afraid to ask, and not sure it was any of her business.
Mike turned his head, not looking at her as he spoke. “I was cheating on her. I was a jerk.”
The bite of her sandwich became a lump of cardboard in her mouth. She swallowed it painfully and dropped the un-eaten remainder of the sandwich into the container.
Mike did the same. “It still bugs me, and it’s been three years. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
Patricia stared blankly at the trees.
He swiped what was left of his lunch into his backpack, except for one of the cookies, which he slid on the bench toward her. “I think I’d better go.”
Without another word he slung his backpack over his shoulder, strode to his bike, and rode off.
Patricia watched the street long after he’d gone.
His words echoed in her head. He had said it was the stupidest thing he’d ever done. It shouldn’t have mattered to her, because Mike was only supposed to be a ministry to her. God trusted her to guide Mike, to show him God’s love, and God had orchestrated the timing to be when Mike needed it the most.
But it did matter. Her throat tightened, and her eyes burned. Mike was still in love with his ex-fiancée.
Mike slammed the door behind him and kicked his sneakers off, not caring that he hit the wall with them, stomped into the living room, and flopped down on the couch.
He’d blown it. As soon as he told Patty he’d been engaged once, he’d seen a change come over her. But when he admitted he’d been cheating on Robbie—that was when he knew anything he’d ever hoped for was over.
But it was something she had to know. He knew there was no way she’d ever learn that from Bruce, because he hadn’t told Bruce. They didn’t talk about personal details of his past that weren’t directly related to his drinking habits.
For now, Patty wasn’t going to meet any of his friends, but that wasn’t to say it would never happen. He didn’t think it was likely that he would bump into Robbie on the street when he was with Patty, but the future possibility of either existed.
He didn’t want her to find out that way. Therefore, he told her himself in what he hoped would be the least damaging way. He had expected her to be shocked, but he hadn’t expected utter disdain.
Considering her upbringing, he could only imagine what she thought of him being unfaithful to the woman he was supposed to marry, which was the most important commitment a person would ever make.
He’d handled himself badly. He still didn’t know why he had cheated on Robbie, because it had started so innocently. Suzie had started it, taunting and tempting him, and at first he’d simply flirted back, the same as he always did, but Suzie had kept at him. Before he realized what was happening, he was seeing Suzie on the side. If he’d been half a man, he would have broken up with Robbie then, telling her they weren’t as suited as he originally thought, or he would have told Suzie to get lost, but he hadn’t. The whole thing had fed his ego, and he’d made the most of it at the time, or so he thought.
Then Robbie had come in to work early and caught him with Suzie. The scene that followed had been so horrible he’d fallen into what he could now see as a pit of self-indulgence. For awhile, he’d been into such substance abuse that there were holes in his memory. There were days he couldn’t remember where he was or what he’d done. Looking back, he almost couldn’t believe he had been so stupid, that he actually could remember some of the things he’d done that were less than noble. He’d let everything spiral completely out of control. He’d lived his life going from one party to the next.
Except, he wasn’t having a lot of fun. His life had no meaning. He had accomplished nothing. He now had the possibility of a jail sentence to look forward to, and it was his own fault. It wasn’t just himself whom he had hurt. First, he’d hurt Robbie, both emotionally and financially, and now he’d physically hurt the man whose car he ran into. He’d run from the results both times.
Mike sat up on the couch and buried his face in his hands, speaking out loud. “God, if You’re out there, and if You’re listening to me, I’m sorry for the things I’ve done and the mess I’ve made. Please, I beg You to forgive me. And if You can, please help me make things right with Patty. I’ve blown it once. I don’t want to blow it again. Lord God, she’s so special. Show me how to treat her right.”
He sat in silence, not moving. Today was Tuesday, and he knew that Tuesday nights Patty went to Bible study meetings.
He stood and walked into his bedroom, picking up Patty’s Bible from the nightstand where he’d tossed it earlier. He’d asked God to help him, both to straighten himself out as well as to help him in building a relationship with Patty. If he was going to ask such things, then he thought it only fair to study God’s word and to learn more about the God who supposedly loved him as much as Patty said.
Without putting the Bible down, he walked to the phone and dialed the church. Of course, Patty’s cheerful voice answering made his pulse quicken.
“Hey, Patty. I’ve been thinking. You said you go to Bible study meetings on Tuesday nights. It’s Tuesday, and I’d like to go. Am I invited?”
Chapter 8
Mike smiled a greeting as he shook hands with Gary and his wife, Melinda, the people who led the home Bible study meeting, and then made himself comfortable on the couch. As he hoped, Patty sat beside him.
Everyone present was looking at them. In people’s minds, officially, they were together, and he liked it that way. To fu
rther enforce their assumption, he laid his hand over Patty’s, patted it, then returned his hand to the Bible in his lap as he laughed at a joke someone made while they were waiting.
They were about to start when one more couple arrived, and everyone shuffled over to make room, which was fine with him because that meant Patty had to sit right up against him. When Mike looked up at the new arrivals, his heart skipped a beat.
It was Bruce and his wife. It hadn’t occurred to Mike that Bruce would be here. He had assumed the crowd would be made up of Patty’s friends. He didn’t think about her brother.
Bruce smiled at everyone as he apologized for being late, but when Bruce looked at him, Mike could see a falter in the smile and a hesitation in Bruce’s movements. No one else appeared to notice, but Mike was positive he hadn’t imagined it.
Just as Patty had warned him, they opened with a shared prayer after Gary asked everyone present if they had any prayer requests. Mike had a few concerns, but he wasn’t going to share them with this group of strangers, and he especially wasn’t going to share them with Patty, because most of them were about her.
The lesson was informative and done in a casual presentation that Mike could relate to. Questions and comments were invited, and Mike remained silent while he listened. He was receiving enough information to process without asking for more.
Last night the group at Claude’s meeting was completely different. They were all people much like himself; a couple of them believed in God; most of them didn’t. One thing they all believed was that there was some greater power out there that could help them make a break from the addiction they all shared.
Tonight, many present, like Patty and Bruce, had been raised in homes where Christian values were taught and believing in God was never a question, God was always there. Like Patty, he didn’t think any of them had ever had anything really bad happen to them, yet they depended on God anyway. A few people were present who made their decisions as adults, and even though it was hard to tell what had made them make the decision to become Christians, their belief and faith were strong.
