“Bella, we’re not going to leave you, sweetheart. We love you.” Caleb stroked her hair and she tried to jerk out of his hold.
“Stop doing that! Just stop it.” She couldn’t stand it. “Stop being nice.” She felt him stop mid-stroke, instead brushing a kiss on the top of her head. “God damn it, Caleb! Didn’t you catch on? I could have fucking killed somebody! I shouldn’t have been driving. You both were right. I shouldn’t have been on the road. I could have killed somebody. I could have killed somebody. Please, don’t be nice to me. Please just leave. Please, just leave me. Please. Please don’t touch me.”
“Because we were going to leave anyway. Weren’t we, Isabella?”
‘Yes. Yes! You were going to leave me.”
“Just like your parents left you.”
“Yes. Yes! Like everybody leaves me. Just do it now. I can survive, if you leave me now.” The tears were coming so fast and furious she couldn’t see, she couldn’t breathe and she knew her words couldn’t be heard. But somehow, she was understood.
“No matter what, Isabella, we’re never going to leave you.” She lifted her arms and found one around the shoulder of each man, so that she was embracing them both at the same time.
“Bella, you’re ours to love, you’re ours to cherish. We’re never letting you go,” Caleb murmured softly into her ear.
“But I’m bad.”
“No, Isabella, you’re good. You’re the best person I’ve ever known,” Leif countered.
“I shouldn’t have driven.”
“No you shouldn’t have,” Leif agreed, as he brushed the hair away from her face. He looked at her with ocean-blue eyes. “But, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong deliberately. You made a mistake. Your worst mistake was not letting us take care of you. We love you. You need to let us take care of you, sweetheart.”
“I’m scared.”
“You’re scared that if you start depending on us, one day we won’t be there?” She thought about it. She hadn’t even realized she’d been scared until the words just popped out of her mouth. And he was right. She didn’t want to depend on them because they would end up leaving.
She nodded.
“We’re not leaving you, not ever.” Two pairs of hands stroked down her back, and she quivered. She was weak. She let them give her comfort, until finally she pushed away from them far enough to look at both of them.
“Do you know how much I want to believe you? You’re my dream come true.” She felt her chin tremble.
“Isabella, does it somehow feel a little mixed up between your heart and your head?” Leif asked in the soft voice that he used when he was making love to her. He reached out and placed his hand over her heart. Tears dripped down off the tip of her quivering chin, and she nodded. “Does it feel like it did that day in the dean’s office?” She had a horrifying flash to the memory of the police officer with his mouth moving. He was saying words that made no sense. He made no sense. Looking into Caleb’s green eyes and Leif’s blue eyes, she could see her Papa and Mama, knowing deep in her heart that they were all gone.
She finally felt Caleb gently shaking her and saw his mouth moving. “Bella, can you hear me?”
Where was Leif? She felt a cold cloth on her forehead and saw Leif standing over her. “Bella, are you with me?” She looked at Caleb and saw a look of absolute fear on his face. She reached out and touched his cheek.
“I’m all right, Caleb. Everything’s fine.”
Leif sat back down on the couch, and once again Isabella found herself sitting across the laps of Caleb and Leif, this time with her head nestled under Leif’s chin.
“Everything seemed to get mixed up, just like you said. How did you know?” It was like he had been inside her head, and had known what was going on.
“I’ve had the same thing happen to me. There have been times when I flashback to the day I was injured in Iraq. I was part of a Provincial Reconstruction Team. We weren’t expecting any problems. This was supposed to be more of a diplomatic mission. I’ve been to two shrinks. Dr. Anderson really helped me to see how and why I was having problems with mixing things up in my head. I had unresolved feelings that I didn’t know I was carrying around.”
“I don’t understand.” She kept her head pressed against his chest. Isabella wanted to look into his eyes, but listening to his heartbeat seemed to allow her to actually hear what had gone on in his heart, comprehending his feelings, really understanding what he was trying to tell her.
“I felt safe, Isabella. It was one of the only times over in Iraq I actually felt safe. This was one of the dullest missions I had ever undertaken. We’d been doing it for three months. My job was to advise. I wasn’t in any kind of Special Forces capacity. I was bored and complacent. Snipers took out four of our delegation and six of us were injured. I only got off two shots before I was down. I was lazy.”
“That’s utter shit, Major. There were other men responsible for the security of that delegation. Do you think they were lazy?” Isabella kept her head on Leif’s chest. She heard his heartbeat remain steady. Despite Caleb’s words, it was clear to her that neither Caleb’s icy tone, nor the memories of these issues held the power any longer to cause Leif any anxiety. She smiled, knowing that these were words that had been spoken many, many times before.
“Leif, how did you realize you weren’t at fault?”
“My leg was pretty bad. We thought I might lose it. I ended up having multiple surgeries.” Isabella clutched at his shirt, but kept her head where it was. “While I was in the hospital, they hauled my ass into the army shrink, and he helped me see that I wasn’t to blame, that I hadn’t done anything wrong.”
“Yeah, but that wasn’t his real problem.” For the first time, Isabella heard Leif’s heartbeat begin to pick up.
“It’s my story, I’ll tell it my way.” Caleb started rubbing Isabella’s feet. “The first time I ran into a problem, I was walking with my brothers and friends to McMann’s Pub. A car backfired, and I shoved Eric to the ground. I had my gun out, looking for the enemy. That made sense. I was walking at night in a group of men, a car backfires and I had a flashback. But then I started having them more and more, in different situations. Finally, I had one in my Mom’s kitchen when it was just her and me. That’s when I knew I needed help.”
“Took you long enough.”
Isabella stroked her hand across his chest and was gratified to hear his heartbeat slow.
“Dr. Anderson helped me to see how I was mixing up the feelings I had of false security in Iraq with those times I should have felt truly safe here at home. He showed me how my feeling safe actually triggered an expectation that something bad was about to happen, like it had in Iraq.”
“How did you get over it?”
“First, I had to make the emotional connection. That’s not as easy as it sounds. It took some practice. When I was in a safe situation and started to feel anxiety, I had to allow myself to experience that feeling and trace it back to what I felt in Iraq, to the fear. I really didn’t like doing it, but it worked. I’m lucky, not everyone who has PTSD can be helped with counseling alone.”
“Yeah, we have a lot of friends who are still struggling,” Caleb said softly.
“Doctor Anderson is amazing. He helped another friend of ours, too, and we still see him sometimes.”
“Do you think I need help?” She didn’t lift her head from his shirt, not wanting to see either man’s disappointment.
“Bella, it’s not important what we think. What do you think?” Oh, she liked that question much better. She yawned, and burrowed deeper into Leif’s chest. She was really tired.
“I think I would like to see Dr. Anderson. I really don’t want to always believe that you’re going to leave me.”
“It’s time for that nap now.” Leif stood up and it occurred to her that his ability to do that while holding her, with his injured leg, was amazing. She was almost asleep by the time they all climbed back into bed. She was glad that they deci
ded to come to bed with her.
“But you’re not really tired are you?” she half-heartedly protested, as they carefully positioned her between them.
“Bella, just be quiet and let me get some rest, would you?” she looked at Caleb, who she was plastered against, and saw that he really wasn’t teasing. “Sweets, it’s been a long morning. I…we just need to hold you and sleep. Okay?”
“Okay.” She pushed her bottom into the cradle of Leif’s pelvis, loving the feel of his arms wrapped around her waist. She rested her head against Caleb’s chest and fell asleep.
* * * *
“Bella, I’ve got to go.” God, he really didn’t want to, he wanted to stay. She looked like an angel lying in that bed. She’d been through so much, and Caleb just wanted to hold her and convince her that he was hers forever. Instead, he had to tell her he was leaving.
“Caleb?” Her eyes were fogged with sleep. It was dark outside, and he hadn’t turned on any lights. He could see her, but she was having trouble focusing.
“Yeah, baby, it’s me. I need to leave, but I’ll be back tomorrow. Leif’s going to stay with you.”
“I don’t want you to go.” She clutched at his arm.
“Bella, we have a lead on Pedro Velarde. I’m meeting up with Charlie.”
“Thank God!” She sat up in bed and threw her arms around his neck. “His parents have been so worried! Vincent and his sisters can’t talk about anything else at school, but him. Oh, please say he’s going to be okay. He is, isn’t he?” she asked with an expectant expression.
“It doesn’t look good, Bella.” He watched as her face fell. He so wanted to give her good news, but getting her hopes up now might make it worse later.
“How long will you be gone?”
“We have to go back to Wilama.”
“But Caleb, that doesn’t make sense.”
“Honey, none of this makes sense. I promise to call you when I know more, okay?” God, he hated leaving after she had just confessed her worries that they were going to abandon her. “I promise, I’m coming back.” Then because he couldn’t stand it, he dipped his head down and gave her a fierce kiss.
“Be careful, Caleb.”
“Always.”
He left her in the bed and found Leif in the living room talking on the phone. He hung up when he saw Caleb.
“Please tell me you have good news.”
“They don’t know jack shit,” Leif said disgustedly. They looked at one another and grimaced. It hadn’t looked good for Pedro since they had overheard Sammy.
“So all we have is that the rats are saying, two people Sammy used to hang with are now in Wilama.”
“Not the rats, the Rateros, and yes, that’s what they’re saying.”
“A rat’s a rat, I don’t care what language you use, and that sure as hell isn’t much.” Caleb waved Leif off before he got his panties in a twist. “I know, I know, Joe was out there doing us a favor, and he found out more than any law enforcement agency has.”
Caleb checked his watch. Charlie would be downstairs in about 10 minutes, which would give him time to raid the weapons supply in the truck. He looked back at the bedroom door, and wasn’t surprised to see Isabella there.
“When should I expect you back here?” She was such a pretty little thing hanging onto the doorframe in her robe. He strode over to her and cupped her face. God, his hand could encompass her whole head. She needed someone to take care of her.
“Bella, how about we make a deal? Why don’t we all meet back over at the house?” He saw her give just the tiniest flinch. She tried to hide it, but he saw it. He brushed his thumb along her bottom lip. “Sweetheart, if you stay here, it just means that Leif and I are moving in. We’ll end up crippled in that tiny bed of yours.” She gave him a hint of a smile that crept into her dark chocolate eyes.
“I’ll think about it.” She turned her head and took his thumb into her mouth, and just like that, he was as hard as a spike.
“Are you trying to distract me?” She gazed up at him through her lashes, and he recognized the dazed look in her eyes. Ah God, he so didn’t want to leave. Damn, Leif was a lucky motherfucker. He pulled his thumb out of her mouth, but it was harder than he thought, because of the amount of suction she was using. Their girl did have an oral fixation.
“Bella?” he said a little louder, and as she looked up at him, her mouth opening, a blush crossed her face. He pulled her in close and hugged her. “Please think hard about it, Bella.”
He turned back to Leif, who was giving him a shit-eating grin. Caleb shot him the finger out of Bella’s line of site. It just made Leif’s smile bigger. “When you see Joe, tell him thanks,” Leif said on his way out the door.
“Huh?”
“Caleb, he followed those guys out to Wilama. He’s got eyes on them. He’ll be checking in with you hourly.” Damn, that was one more thing Caleb just didn’t need. Once again they were doing this under the radar. Everyone in law enforcement was convinced that if Pedro wasn’t dead, he was in on it. Hell, Leif, he and Charlie agreed, but for the sake of Bella and the Velardes, they were going in a little softer, giving him a chance to live to tell his side of the story. Joe was a young lieutenant who had been in their Special Forces unit. He was phenomenal. He’d turned all of his paperwork ready to re-up after eight years. He came home and then changed his mind.
The army had paid for his electrical engineering degree, same as they had for Caleb. That’s originally why they had bonded. As time went by, their friendship solidified when they realized they held the same core values and could count on one another. When Leif and he retired, Joe was one of the first people that Caleb decided to find. He wasn’t that surprised to find Joe working at his father’s carpentry shop, building furniture. He’d been there for three years.
Turned out that Joe’s dad had suffered a stroke, and Joe was caring for him while keeping the business going, providing him a great deal of satisfaction. Initially, Caleb had difficulty understanding how such an adrenaline junkie could adjust to this laid-back lifestyle. After many hours of conversation, however, Joe was explained that he not only enjoyed it, but that it had saved him. Even so, Caleb knew that there were always times, like now, that Joe still managed to get into the thick of things and could be counted on to help a friend.
That’s how Joe came to track these friends of Sammy’s all the way to Wilama, in hopes of helping Caleb and Charlie to locate Pedro. Leif and Caleb were driven to bring closure to the Velardes and to Isabella. He headed out to the truck, where Charlie was waiting for him.
“I know you have a license to carry, but not for all of that shit,” Charlie scowled as he watched Caleb pull weapons from the center console of the truck.
“So look the other way. You’re early.” Caleb looked over his shoulder at Charlie, who had turned his attention on the apartments’ parking lot. Everything they were doing was under the law enforcement radar. Charlie was only helping Caleb and Leif to follow up on this lead because he had become so emotionally invested with the families during their stay in Fate Harbor. He knew that the State Police were convinced that if Pedro was still alive, he was part of the plan to use his family and others as forced labor. None of the men believed it, however, not after having met the Velardes. Yeah, it was possible, but their guts just told them that Juan and Yolanda Velarde’s oldest son did not sell them out. So once again they were off on an unsanctioned trip.
“Why the hell are we using your sheriff’s car?” Caleb asked.
“Because we can drive faster than even Leif can, without being pulled over.” Caleb felt his stomach roll over. He hadn’t packed any antacids, damn it.
* * * *
Leif looked at Isabella and shut down his desire. What his girl needed was some normalcy. While he really wanted to take her to his parent’s house, Leif feared that seeing his mom and dads would just dredge up more of her own parental issues. What she needed was some entertainment, and he knew where to find that.
&nb
sp; “Isabella, why don’t you get dressed, and I’ll take you out to breakfast.”
“My dress is all wrinkled, and it’s the only real fancy one I have.” The sight of her standing there in her robe sure wasn’t helping his sense of self-control, but he kept his focus.
“We’re going into town, so this is casual. All you need are some jeans.” He watched as she lit up and scurried into the bedroom to change. This small diversion really brought home to him how serious Isabella was most of the time. Caleb and he were going to have to work at getting her to play more, and they were just the men to accomplish that. Well, okay, Dane and Eric might be even be better at it, but there wasn’t a chance in hell of those two getting anywhere near Isabella except as her brothers-in-law.
Isabella was quiet as they drove into Fate Harbor. That was normal, but Leif watched her as she took in all of the scenery. He loved taking the old two-lane highway from Snoqualt down to the water. It was a beautiful drive, winding and lined by trees. When he pulled up to Hart’s Diner, he saw that the parking lot was full, so he parked around the block. It was after 8:00 a.m., but it was Saturday, so people were lingering to meet up with others in town.
“Isabella!” Karen Hart rushed to give her a big hug as soon as she entered the door. Isabella froze up, but then relaxed into the blonde woman’s embrace. “It’s so good to see you!”
“Hello, Mrs. Hart.”
Karen burst out laughing. “You did not just call me Mrs. Hart. I’m Karen. Come on, I’ll get you a table.” The people obviously waiting ahead of them didn’t seem to mind, and Leif wasn’t surprised. They understood that Karen’s friends came first, that’s just the way it worked at Hart’s. Karen seated them at a table with eight chairs. Leif raised his eyebrow at their hostess.
“Oh, you know there’ll be more coming soon. This just makes it easier.” Karen put down menus, and then sat down with them. “I just saw Tina and Juanita yesterday. They were doing great. Dale is now convinced we need a daughter.”
Isabella's Submission [Fate Harbor 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 25
