“She’s got a boyfriend,” Sy said.
“Some goddamn Egyptian playboy,” Jersey City said. “The son of a bitch.” She began to cry. Henry had never seen her cry before. Her mouth and her eyes didn’t seem connected. Sy gave her the napkin from his lap. “The bastard won’t even let her come to the phone.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to,” Henry’s father said.
“I’m her mother, for Christ’s sake. I feel like calling the cops.”
“Very funny.”
“She’s barely eighteen!”
Henry’s father patted Jersey City on the arm. “Take it easy. Things’ll be all right. She’s a little pissed off, that’s all. Give it some time. She’ll come around.”
“No, she won’t. I know she won’t. Everything’s all fucked up. A complete mess.”
Henry’s father leaned forward and took Jersey City’s hand but she jerked it away and put her napkin to her eyes and started crying again. Her hands shook and Henry noticed that they were wrinkled and the skin was chapped. “It’s all fucked up,” Helena’s mother said again. “Look at me! I’m afraid to even look in the mirror.”
“Don’t sweat it, kid,” Henry’s father said. “Pretty soon everything will be back to normal. Now just stay put. I’m arranging a meeting.”
“Look,” Sy said, “I don’t want to go to any meetings. I just want to get the hell out of here.”
“Take it easy, Sy. Don’t do this to me. All right? I’m putting some finishing touches on things.”
“What kind of finishing touches?”
“Trust me. The main thing now is to stick with the program!”
“You’re insane. I can’t believe I’m tied up in this.”
“You’re not tied up in it, Sy. You’re up to your ass in it. Now, sit tight and wait.”
“I feel like one of those witness protection people.”
“Well, there ain’t no witnesses and you don’t need protection, so just stop the whining, will you?”
The waiter came to take their order.
Henry said he didn’t want to eat.
“You have to eat, kid. You haven’t eaten all day.”
Henry said he was fasting.
“Veal parmigiana for the comedian here,” his father said and the waiter wrote it down.
“So, Henry, tell me about school,” Sy said.
Henry said it was all right.
“Had a few little problems, but things are looking up,” Henry’s father said.
“What kind of problems?” Sy asked.
Henry said theological ones.
Sy laughed. “I know what you mean, kid.”
Henry said no he didn’t.
“Stop being a wiseass,” his father said.
“He’s not being a wiseass,” Sy said. “He’s being Henry. We understand each other, don’t we, kid? Remember our talks?”
Henry said he remembered them but it looked like Sy had forgotten them.
Henry’s father clipped him on the back of the head. “If you don’t stop the wisecracks, you’ll spend the rest of this vacation in the hotel room.”
When the waiter brought the veal parmigiana Henry said he couldn’t eat it.
“Eat it,” his father said. “You order, you eat.”
Henry said he didn’t order it.
“Don’t get wise, kid. Just eat it.”
Henry said food was shit.
Henry’s father grabbed him by the arm and hoisted him out of his chair and led him to the men’s room. He picked him up and sat him down on the edge of the sink. “Look, I’m not going to tolerate any more big-mouth stuff. You got that? If you don’t cut it out you’ll find yourself back at the O’Briens’ by tomorrow morning. Understand?”
Henry didn’t say anything.
His father stared straight into his eyes. Henry stared straight back. Then his father turned away and put his hands in his pockets. “You think I’m being mean? I’m just trying to do what’s right, Henry. I’m sorry if you’re mad at me for leaving you at the O’Briens’. But we don’t have too many options, kid. That’s the long and short of it. Life’s full of tough lessons. Believe me, I know it more than most. And I know you have it tough too, but you don’t have it that tough. I’m doing the best I can, kid. Believe me. You don’t know what tough is.” He put his hand on Henrys shoulder. “This is a vacation. Let’s call a truce, okay?” They shook hands. “Nice chain! Where’d you get it?”
Henry said you gave it to me.
“Don’t you forget it either.” Then he lifted him down from the sink. “Let’s try to have a little fun, okay?” They went back to the table, where Jersey City was still crying. Her eyes and her napkin were all black from mascara.
“Christ,” Henrys father said. “I’ve never been around so many miserable bastards in my life! What did you think? That everything would just fall into your lap? What’s the matter with you? Stop thinking about how miserable you are, and let’s get the job done.” Everybody ate and nobody said anything for a long time. “Instead of whining about how scared you are, think about what you’ll do with all the money,” he said when they were almost finished eating. “Have a little faith, for Christ’s sake.”
“It’s hard to have faith when you’re in the dark about everything,” Sy said.
Then Jersey City said, “Mind if we change the subject?”
“I’d love nothing more than to change the subject.”
“Sy and me are married.”
Henry’s father looked up and then dropped his knife and fork onto his plate. “You’re what? Married? Is that true, Sy?”
“We were going to keep it a secret until it was all over,” Sy said.
“Of all the goddamned things! Why keep it a secret?” He dropped his napkin and ordered a bottle of champagne. After the waiter poured the champagne Henry’s father lifted up his glass. “May your life together be happy.” Then he took a sip. “It goddamn well better be.” He laughed in a way that Henry had never heard him laugh before and clapped Sy on the shoulder. “Goddamn, Sy! You’re one smart bastard, you know that? I gotta hand it to you. It never would have occurred to me to marry her for the extra cut.”
“Fuck you,” Jersey City said. “I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth.”
After that everybody was happy again.
When they were back in the hotel, the angel in Henry’s ear told Henry to go to the window and look outside. Henry pulled the curtains back and looked out the window. The angel asked Henry what he saw.
Henry said tall buildings and a park and cars moving on the street below.
The angel said the city was the manifestation of creatures that eat of the body. The city comes into being. It devours itself and the creatures that dwell within it devour each other. It said the earthly city was a defilement of the heavenly city.
Henry asked the angel what else there was to see.
The angel said knowledge of what is hidden.
Henry asked the angel how he could know something that was hidden.
The angel said the one who has come to knowledge is also called the one who knows himself.
Henry asked the angel how you could know yourself.
The angel said by not being taken captive by a sweetness of darkness and carried off in a fragrant pleasure.
Henry wanted to ask if all darkness was sweet but the angel went away.
In the morning Henry looked out the window again. It was snowing. The streets were filled with slush when Henry and his father went outside. Henry’s father said it was too wet to walk so they got a taxi. He said it was time to get some Christmas shopping done. “I’m taking you to one of the best places in the world. Ever hear of F. A. O. Schwartz?”
Henry said no.
When they were inside the store Henry’s father said, “Okay, kid, where to?”
Henry said he didn’t know.
“You like games?”
Henry said he guessed so.
They went into a r
ow that was filled with games. Henry’s father took down different things and asked Henry if he thought they looked interesting. Henry didn’t know what he wanted. Then they walked around some more. “Do you like to build models? When I was a kid I was crazy about models.”
Henry said he’d never built a model.
“Model building is a fine art. Some models are so good you’d almost swear they were real. Once, when I was a kid, I built a model of the Titanic. It was so real—you know what? I wanted to sink it as soon as it was finished!”
His father took down boxes with pictures of battleships and airplanes on them but Henry said he didn’t really feel like building models. They walked through the store and stopped in front of a gigantic train set. His father took his hand and said, “Pretty amazing, huh?” Henry nodded. It was the most beautiful little world he had ever seen.
“Incredible, isn’t it?” his father said.
Henry nodded again. He was about to ask if maybe he could have one when his father ruffled his hair and said, “Too bad it’s not for sale. When I was your age I wanted one exactly like it. But it’s only a display. They put it out every Christmas. It’s one of a kind.”
Henry wished that he could shrink himself down to the size of the little toy engineer and drive the train through the tunnels and around the snow-covered mountains and stop at the little toy towns where the houses had lights shining in the windows and everybody looked like they were at home. Henry wondered if his angel could see what he was seeing; then he realized that to an angel, the whole world probably looked like a toy train set and suddenly he was scared. They watched the trains until his father said, “C’mon Henry. There’s tons of other stuff to see.” They went to another part of the store that had video games. It was loud. Henry looked around at all the games but nothing was as good as the train set and that made him feel sad. He wondered how many children there were in the world and if some of them got everything they wanted or if they all deserved everything they got.
He asked his father if they could leave.
“I don’t believe it. You want to go?”
Henry nodded.
“You don’t want to get anything?”
Henry said no.
“You still mad about last night?”
Henry shook his head.
“Then why do you want to go?”
Henry said he just did.
They went outside. Henry’s father said they were only a few blocks from a gigantic bookstore. He asked if Henry wanted to go.
Henry said okay.
“I didn’t realize you were such an intellectual, kid. What are they teaching you at that school?”
Henry said nothing.
The bookstore was almost as big as F. A. O. Schwartz. Henry looked and looked but he couldn’t find the books he used to have.
“Exactly what sorts of books are you looking for?” his father asked.
Henry said he had to go to the library to get them.
“Jesus Christ, Henry. What are you reading?”
Henry said The Secret History by Procopius and The Coptic Gnostic Library.
“What the hell are they?”
Henry said The Secret History was about Justinian and Theodora and the gnostic books were found in a cave in Egypt.
“I’ll be goddamned, you really are some sort of genius, aren’t you? What’s the word? Prodigal? Something like that.” He took a book called Invertebrate Biology from the shelf. “How about some science? This is pretty heavy stuff.”
Henry said no thanks.
“Okay then, Einstein, let’s go.”
They went to a big building with two huge lions outside. “This is the New York Public Library, kid. If you can’t get it here, it don’t exist.”
It was the biggest library Henry had ever seen. Inside were statues and marble floors. The reading room was huge. It was the biggest room Henry had ever seen that wasn’t filled with slot machines. And it was quiet.
They went to the information desk. “Tell them what you want,” Henry’s father said.
“Have you checked the card catalog?” a man with a mustache asked.
Henry shook his head.
“Do you know what it is you are looking for?”
“Some secret history and some books that came from a cave in Egypt,” Henry’s father said.
The man reached for some papers and rolled his eyes.
“Look, just help the kid find them,” Henry’s father said.
“I am here to help locate books, not to do people’s research for them.”
Henry’s father grabbed the man’s wrist. “Then locate the boy some books, buddy.”
The man yanked back his hand. “I will call a security guard if you don’t leave the building immediately.”
“Don’t threaten me, you little faggot.”
A woman came over and asked what was going on.
“My son needs help finding some books.”
“I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave,” the woman said.
“Look. He just wants to look at some books, all right?”
“This is a research library, sir. We do not circulate books. You can go to a branch library if you want to take out books.”
Just then a security guard came up. “Okay, let’s go.”
They went back to the hotel because Henry’s father said he had to get changed for a meeting. In the taxi he told Henry that he was on his own again tonight but that tomorrow was Christmas Eve and they had some more visiting to do.
Sy had left a message at the hotel. Henry’s father called him as soon as they got to the room. He got mad and yelled into the telephone. “You let her go? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Sy said something.
“What good does that do me? If I only needed you I would have said I only needed you. I should never have let you out of my sight!”
Sy said something.
“I don’t care if she was pissing bricks! I said I needed both of you!”
Sy said something.
“I don’t know, goddamnit. Listen to me, you stupid son of a bitch! You get your ass over here right now.”
Sy said something.
“I don’t care. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
Sy said something.
“No. Leave it. You can go back for it later. Just get your ass over here. You’re staying with me. And hey, Henry’s alone here. Bring some movies or something.”
Sy said something.
“Fine.” He slammed the phone down. “Stupid goddamn bitch!” He went into the bathroom and took a shower. When he got out he ordered freshly squeezed orange juice from room service and asked if Henry wanted anything.
Henry said he wanted orange juice too.
“Speaking of orange juice, does Mrs. O’Brien give you vitamins to take?”
Henry said no.
“I want you to start. Remind me. You need vitamins. Make a new man out of you.”
Henry said the cup of prayer contains wine and water and it is full of the Holy Spirit and belongs to the wholly perfect man.
Henry’s father put on his belt and shook his head.
“Whatever you say, kid.” He went into the bedroom to get a jacket.
When Sy came Henry’s father yelled at him and asked what was the matter with him? Sy started to say something but Henry’s father wouldn’t let him talk. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“It’s probably better not to have her around anyway.”
“Godamnit, I’m the one who decides who’s going to be around and who isn’t. Where’d she go, anyway?”
“Back to Mexico. Look, I tried to stop her, okay? She was hysterical.”
“Fucking useless crybabies.” Henry’s father was standing at the door. He put on sunglasses and held out his arms. “So, do I look like De Niro or what?”
“Yeah, mucho dinero.”
Henry’s father pinched Sy’s cheek. Then he jabbed his finger into Sy’s chest. “Don’t fuck with me anymore
, Sy. Don’t you fuck with me.” Then he left.
“How about a movie, Henry?”
Henry said okay.
Sy opened the bag he had brought and took out some videos.
Henry asked Sy if he knew who Father Crowley was.
“Who?”
Henry said Father Crowley was a Catholic priest.
“I don’t know any priests. I don’t know any rabbis either, come to think of it. Or ministers or brahmins or monks.”
Henry said Father Crowley had told him that there were only four gospels and none of them had been found in caves.
“That’s because Father Crowley is a Catholic with a big C, and that’s what big-C Catholics believe.” Sy went to the window and pulled the curtain shut, then went to turn on the TV. “If you’re really catholic, though, you never rule anything out.” Sy took a piece of chocolate out of his pocket and broke it in half and offered some to Henry. “Are we going to watch a movie, or are we going to have a theological discussion?”
Henry said he didn’t care. But what he would like would be to get those books.
“What books?”
Henry said the ones he found in the library next to Sy’s sister’s store, The Secret History and The Coptic Gnostic Library.
Sy laughed. “Oh, those books.”
Henry said it is impossible that anyone see anything of those things which are firmly established unless he becomes like them.
“Go on.”
Henry said unlike the case of man who is in the world, he sees the sun but is not the sun and sees the heaven and the earth and all the other things but he is not these.
“Nice. Very nice. Go on, go on.”
Henry said it is not so with the truth because he sees the truth and is the truth.
“Somebody needs to write a book about you! If I wasn’t stuck in this mess, I’d do it myself.”
Henry said only the wretched labor in vain.
“Right you are, kid. Anyway. We’re sort of stuck here for now.”
Somehow, Sy had changed. He was like someone who went down into the water and came up with nothing. In Byzantium Sy was different. There he was like someone who went down into the water and came up with a fish but let the fish go afterward. Maybe he went down too many times. Maybe he let go of a fish he should have kept. Or maybe he kept a fish he should have let go.
Henry of Atlantic City Page 5
