Katarina felt the sobs break loose, and could no longer hold them back. “How…did…you know?”
“I’ve always known, Kat. You were daddy’s little girl and his leaving broke your heart.” She brushed the hair off Katarina’s face. “You’re a hopeless romantic. You never gave up hope that he and Mom would get back together. And yet you fight letting people love you more than anyone I know. Including God. God doesn’t like what our earthly father did to hurt us. But you have to trust that God will never leave you. You are His precious child, Kat.”
“I sure don’t feel very precious right now.”
“In Proverbs it says ‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”’ She took Kat’s hand and squeezed it. “Enough for now. Get some rest—you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“Yes, Mother,” Katarina said sarcastically, then gave her sister a hug. “I suppose I can handle one night with the newlyweds.”
“Newlywed parents. That changes everything.”
Katarina smiled, drying the tears from her cheeks. “I’m so happy for you and Kevin, Emily. It’s like your world always should have been.”
“That’s my Pollyanna. Welcome home, Kat.”
The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. Katarina moved into Kevin’s house, ignoring the fact that all of his belongings were still in their original place. She set up her things in a spare bedroom on the main floor. She replaced the geometric-design bedding with her own hand-quilted coverlet. By adding a sash of coordinating colors to the vertical blinds, Katarina changed the entire appearance of the room. In the corner she placed her grandmother’s armoire, which she’d converted to a cabinet to hold a small television and the computer.
Kevin and one of his builders set her kiln in the garage temporarily and moved her painting table into the unfinished basement along with the inventory. The sewing machine and fabrics were in the room across the hall from her bedroom and office. It was time to get back to work.
The phone rang, and Katarina picked it up just as the answering machine clicked on. Hearing her younger sister’s voice on the other end was as soothing as a chocolate delicacy. “Where are you now?” Katarina curled up with the pillows on her bed and listened while Lisa told her about her latest magazine assignment in Missouri. “Oh, I feel so sorry for you. Last week Hawaii, this week Missouri, poor dear,” she said, laughing. “Yes, my trip was horrible, and then I didn’t even get the job.” Katarina confirmed what Lisa had heard from Emily. “The man’s…presumptuous.”
Lisa read between the lines.
Katarina felt a smile and a blush spread across her face. “So what if he’s adorable?” Her mind returned to the accident, and the tenderness of Alex’s protective embraces, missing her sister’s next remark.
Katarina punched the pillow. She had to take her mind off Alex MacIntyre.
“What did you say, Lisa? I uh…dropped the phone.”
Lisa repeated her question.
“Emily said what?”
Katarina twirled the cord around her finger, then struggled to get it off.
“He’s off fighting fires, Lisa. Nothing—nothing is going to become of us, so save that imagination of yours for your articles.”
Chapter Eleven
“Ready?”
Alex nodded. “Let’s do it.”
“Get in the door!” the spotter yelled.
Alex hooked up the static line, completed his four-point check and braced himself. Smoke billowed from the pristine forest as if funneled through a pine smokestack. He stepped up to the doorway of the DC-3 and looked again at the jump spot. “Looks like a fun one.”
His partner smiled. “Just so we make it through those goalposts.”
Alex spotted the pair of seventy-foot ponderosa pines that Gary referred to. Going between them sure beat hitting the boulders to the lee side, or the fire on the other.
“Clear!”
Alex stepped out and seconds later felt the parachute deploy. Wow, God. This is beautiful.
He looked at the yellow, white and blue canopy above him, then steered between the uprights. The landing went smoothly. He hit, rolled, then ripped his helmet off and turned to watch Gary’s landing. Four jumpers followed in tandem.
The crew worked for thirty-six hours digging line, trying to stay ahead of the fire. The wind changed direction twice, chasing them into the black, eating up the ground in its path. He was bone weary and couldn’t wait for a break.
It was after a two-hour nap in the middle of the safety of the burned forest floor that the intensity of his feelings for Katarina hit him. Why can’t I put her out of my mind, God? I beg You to take these feelings away. There’s no way we could ever make it work. This is no life to offer a woman. And she’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with me.
He took his frustration out on the downed logs, sawing through them and throwing them into the burn. When that was through, he took out his Pulaski and started building a hand line around the area.
Alex had struggled for the better part of two weeks trying to ignore the voice in his head that continued to quote the Bible verse from Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you.” A future and a hope. With Katarina? Or here, in the woods? Alex looked around at the land he’d come to love. The forests and hills, blue skies and rivers. They had brought him comfort through the years. But no more.
Attempts to convince himself that jumping again would solve everything were nothing more than a cruel joke.
When Katarina left for Spokane, he’d gone to the doctor and received the clearance necessary to return to work, then completed his annual refresher course requirements. With each step, he’d prayed for peace that returning for another season was the right decision.
The push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups hadn’t been any problem, but there’d been a moment of pause before the one-and-a-half-mile run. He’d gutted it out, reassured that it would all be over in less than eleven minutes. Back on the job, he’d been sure the adrenaline rush from the fires would spur him on. It hadn’t.
Even being out on a fire, he couldn’t keep his mind off family. Or the lack thereof. After the fire assessment and that initial rush to get it under control, there was still time to remember what he was missing back in Colorado. Time to think of the years past. To wonder how the family would celebrate Kevin’s Fourth of July birthday. He’d missed all those family gatherings for the past eight summers. Missed watching his nephews growing up. Missed the chance to meet his niece before fire had taken her life.
Each day for the past two weeks, Alex had tried to regain that familial camaraderie with the other jumpers. Whether bunking in the dorms or sleeping in the ash, he wondered what pulled him back year after year.
This crew was a mixture of new and old faces. A new season. “War stories” were enthusiastically passed from one generation to the next.
While preparing freeze-dried spaghetti, Don Brown, an old friend, slapped him on the back. “I’m sure Alex has at least one story to tell.”
He took a deep breath of the stale smoke-filled air and swallowed another mouthful of bottled water, trying to rekindle the zeal to share his experiences with this new crop of recruits. Eager eyes rested on him, and he managed, somehow, to retell the story of his broken ankle. “Four of us jumped into steep terrain covered with rocks, downed trees and snag. Lighting was bad.” He took another drink of water. “All of a sudden, this gnarly old log jumped into my path from the shadows. My foot caught on it, and sucked me down. I thought I’d sprained it. So I stood up to pull in my canopy. Fell flat on my face.”
The men chuckled, egging him on.
“Days like that, you realize real quick that God is in control. The weather was squirrelly—wind chased us, and suddenly our window was closing. I didn’t even have time to say a whole prayer.” Alex paused. Your Father knows what you need before you ask. “Never forget, fellows, you’re not out he
re alone. That fire died down long enough for them to help me to a clearing and get me out of there.” He stretched out his foot, ignoring the stiffness from a hard day’s work. “Good as new.” Alex unlaced his boots and tugged each one off.
When the campfire was out, he crawled into the sleeping bag covered with soot and looked up at the stars. Katarina came to mind immediately. Alex closed his eyes and prayed. The sense of failure had a strong hold on him. “God, I can’t tell if what I want to do is Your answer to my prayers, or simply temptation luring me away from You. I need Your guidance, Father.”
After the few weeks spent helping Kevin on the job, he realized what he was missing. His life felt empty because it was empty. Despite what Katarina had said, no one cared whether he came home each night. He ate dinner alone, or worse, in a mess tent full of dead-tired firefighters who smelled worse than the fires they battled.
He missed his family. Not to mention the spunky lady who’d set his emotions on fire. She’s committed to someone else, Father. Why can’t I shake this feeling? In his heart he knew better than to doubt the message God was sending him, but in his mind he kept hearing Kat tell him to stop trying to be a father to her. I don’t know how to care for you, Katarina Berthoff, but I guarantee you, trying to be your father is not my intention.
He could still see her in that ultrafeminine yellow sundress. Feel the disappointment each time he heard her claim she would marry the “Boy Scout.” The human side of him acknowledged the totally ungodly side that was as green with jealousy as a meadow in the spring. But for the life of him, he couldn’t stop it.
Alex had gone to college, planning to take over his father’s business one day. When that day came, he’d been too overcome with grief to stick around. He’d run. I had other plans for you, Alex. Don’t be ashamed. Was this chance to help Kevin opportunity knocking? A chance to go back and right the wrongs in his past? A chance to follow his dreams? Or his dreams running away with his hopes?
The next morning the crew packed out at first light. Their food rations were gone. Each carried a hundred pounds to the county road, where a bus took them back to the base. When they arrived, Alex cleaned up, then picked up a couple of lukewarm breakfast burritos from the mess hall for himself and his boss. It was time to face the situation head-on. He knocked on the door and Greg’s familiar bellow invited him inside.
“Hey there, stranger!”
Alex held up the sack and waited for his friend and supervisor, Greg Johannsen, to clear the paperwork from his desk before setting it down. “We need to talk.”
“Pour yourself a cup of coffee and spill your guts. What’s the problem?” Greg pushed his chair back and crossed one ankle over the opposite knee.
Pulling a disposable cup from the stack, Alex added a sprinkle of cream and sugar before pouring the piping-hot brew. The silence grew. “I can’t do this, Greg. I’m going to have to take some more time off.”
“What’s her name?” he said jokingly.
That was the problem with having a boss who was also a friend, Alex realized. “I didn’t…”
Greg laughed. “You didn’t have to say it. Nine out of ten times it’s about a woman in this business. Either wanting one, or trying to keep one. Which is it?” Greg took a bite and followed it with a swig of coffee.
Everyone was always trying to set Alex up. It was well-known in the tightly knit community of jumpers that unlike many, Alex refused to marry in the spring and say goodbye for six months. More than once, the woman he’d been seeing when fire season rolled around had moved on to greener pastures by fall. Alex took it as a sign—as long as he jumped, he’d stay single.
Leaving Greg’s question unanswered, Alex moved on. “I liked being back in construction. I liked the nine-to-five, going-home-at-night schedule. That kind of thing could grow on me at my age. It surprised me.”
“Sounds nice for a while,” Greg added unconvincingly.
You know me too well. Alex took a bite and avoided his friend’s probing gaze.
“The spark’s gone, isn’t it?” Greg stood, a heavy sigh escaping as he walked across the room.
Alex thought of the friends he’d lost the year before, and felt like a coward bailing out on them. “I’m not sure, to be honest. The best thing would be to take a leave of absence. I need to get things straight in my own mind.”
“You do know we have a heat wave going on?” It was an instinctive response for a supervisor. He didn’t mean it personally.
Alex nodded. “I’ve kept track of what’s going on. I’m not totally out of the loop.” So far they’d been lucky, and he knew it as well as everyone else. “I’m not saying I’m through forever. It may be a break is all I need.”
Greg poured himself another cup of coffee and sat on the corner of his desk. “You talked to anyone?”
Alex knew exactly what his friend meant—a counselor. Had it not been for his own injury, he’d have been with his crew on that deadly fire. “Yeah, I talked to him. I’m okay. I’m just thinking it may be time to move on. I have no complaints, Greg. You know as well as I do, you have a good crew this year.” Alex rattled on about the experience of the team as well as the returning seasonals, suddenly confident about his decision to take this chance. At peace with following God’s will…
“And I repeat,” his friend said with a wide grin, “what’s her name?”
This time Alex laughed. “I’m telling you, there is no one.”
“Don’t give me that. I see that glint in your eye. The one that used to be there when we talked about fires.” Greg chugged the last of his coffee and set his pottery mug on the desk. “All of a sudden you head back to civilization, then show up here saying you need time to figure out where your life is going.” Greg paused and slapped Alex on the shoulder. “I hate to lose you, Alex. You know we’ll miss you out there, but I know what you’re going through. We all question the wisdom of jumping into infernos at some point. And…if it doesn’t work out, there’s always a job waiting for you.”
Alex stood and reached out his hand. “You have my brother’s number. Call if you need me.”
Greg clutched Alex’s hand and gave him a firm hug. “I’ll be expecting a name to thank for bringing that spark back to your eye. Keep in touch.”
Alex knew there were no guarantees. Katarina had a serious boyfriend and a strategic plan for her future, which was far more than he could claim at this point. Knowing Kevin, he could very well be looking for a job as well as a wife when he arrived. If nothing else, maybe Adam could use a hand running his ranch.
It had been a good long while since he’d played cowboy, but he had no doubt that after a few saddle-sore days he’d be back in shape.
Alex tried Kevin again, to no avail. He tossed the last of his bags into the bed of his truck and locked the door behind him. Okay, God, what’s the plan?
Her grandfather clock struck seven. Ron should have been here half an hour ago. He was never late.
Katarina had pushed to finish moving in, and things were as settled as they could be until Kevin cleared out completely. She had washed the sheets on his bed so Ron could stay in his room for the weekend. Katarina set up her own furnishings, which had been stored in Emily’s garage for the past two months.
She looked at her watch again and stirred the beef Stroganoff, Ron’s favorite meal. “Why do I do this? Why do I let him irritate me this way?” She refused to blow out the candles, convinced that he’d be here any time.
When the phone rang she snatched the receiver from the cradle and answered. Katarina paced the floor, anxious for Ron to finish his excuse. “Tomorrow?” She couldn’t help but be disappointed.
Ron’s reason told her nothing. “You can’t explain right now, which must mean you’re at your parents’, right?” She suspected his delay wasn’t totally unintentional. He probably wanted her to see just how he’d felt when she didn’t call him from her trip.
After receiving the confirmation, she knew it was useless to try talking to him. �
��Is everyone okay?”
Another monosyllabic reply. He always clammed up around his mother and father, especially when it came to disagreements.
Katarina dissolved onto the sofa. “Tell them hello for me, and I’ll see you in the morning, then.” She closed her eyes and blinked away the pain.
She considered clearing the dishes from the table, then decided to leave them. They’d just set it again tomorrow, anyway. Maybe then Ron would realize the trouble she’d taken to make their visit special. She hadn’t seen him in almost two months and was feeling very lonely.
He’d canceled his visit the weekend Emily and Kevin were married, claiming she’d be too busy and didn’t need him to distract her. Though he was right, she had to admit, she was hurt that he didn’t care to be part of her family’s celebration.
Katarina decided to walk to Emily and Kevin’s house to pick up any mail that might not have been forwarded. Going without a car had been great incentive to stay home and get back on schedule with her dolls. It had been days since she’d gone outside for more than to check the mail from the cluster box down the street.
She grabbed her house keys and looked back at the table as she walked out the door. Like clockwork, flowers had arrived this afternoon with Ron’s name on the card. Alex’s remark about the efficient secretary came to mind, and Katarina slammed the door.
Ron arrived the next morning, not a minute late. She watched his car pull up to the curb and suddenly felt apprehensive. There’s nothing to worry about, Katarina. This is Ron. His curly black hair was cut shorter than usual, and he wore his usual khakis and polo shirt. He opened the back of his SUV, grabbed a small suitcase and closed the hatch.
He looked up and smiled with his usual confidence. “I’m here.”
Katarina hoped her apprehension wasn’t as apparent as it felt. “Hi. I’ve missed you.”
Courting Katarina Page 9
