Cream and sugar, just the way she liked it. He preferred his own gully wash black, which he proceeded to pour for himself.
For some reason the sip didn’t bother her this time, perhaps because it was the only kindness he’d shown her in the past twenty-four hours since they’d climbed aboard the Seahawks and then boarded their respective planes for home.
The injured had been treated on Basilan and released. Then Spence had been flow on to Manila for further medical attention.
Hannah studied the tight lines around McCaffrey’s mouth as she drank her coffee. Still no mention of the baby.
But this was hardly the time or place to talk about their daughter. There was one intel officer for every able-bodied man in the room. With her two gunships crews, the four fire teams and the two Filipino soldiers they’d rescued, that meant seventeen intel officers and at least forty personnel in all. She couldn’t keep the count straight anymore.
The guy assigned to her, a captain, was relentless. On top of that, Admiral Bell had questions, and the captain assigned to debrief McCaffrey seemed to be comparing notes, because he had questions for her, too.
It didn’t help any that she and McCaffrey had resorted to name-calling, which had resulted in a shouting match between the two of them. He’d actually called her a liar when the admiral interrogated her about the death of Sergeant Wray.
So now a shrink and a Bible thumper had been added to the mix. She didn’t know the chaplain’s purpose, other than to keep their swearing to a minimum, but she definitely didn’t like the shrink.
“So how long have you two been sleeping together?” the female officer asked.
You could have heard a pin drop in the room that a moment ago had been buzzing with questions and answers.
“Excuse me?” Hannah hated the way her voice cracked, that she’d been the one to speak up at all and that Dr. What’s-Her-Name was able to write a paragraph of notes after those two little words.
“Just curious as to why Commander McCaffrey feels the need to protect you.”
Mac mumbled something about the line of questioning.
“Because he’s insane,” Hannah said, hoping to deflect some of the attention from herself. “He feels the need to protect everyone.”
Great, now the woman was writing a book.
“Let’s go over this again,” the admiral said. “One last time. Who killed Sergeant Wray?”
“I shot him twice to the head—”
“I shot him—” McCaffrey gestured toward the pictures on the table as proof.
“Nouri and Itch back up your story, Mac, but I’ve got five SEALs and two crewmen who say they heard four rounds fired.”
McCaffrey swore under his breath. “She’s a lousy shot. She missed by a mile.”
“I did not miss—”
“So, Mac, you’re changing your story?” the admiral asked.
“Lieutenant Commander Stanton suffered a head injury. Her memory is still a little fuzzy.” He stared her down, daring her to deny it. “I killed Sergeant Wray.”
“He did not—”
The admiral cut her off with a wave of his hand. “Mac, final word, for the record. Whose ass belongs in that hot seat?”
“Mine,” he said with conviction.
“So be it,” the admiral said with a total lack of conviction. He turned to the armed Marines at the door. “After the debriefing Commander McCaffrey is to be confined to NAVCOMBRIG Miramar to await a hearing on the matter—”
“Hell, Warren—” McCaffrey stalked toward the admiral “—where is it you think I’m running to? You could’ve just confined me to quarters.” He surrendered to the Marines in defiance. “As far as I’m concerned this debriefing is over.”
“Stop!” Hannah couldn’t take any more. This was so wrong. So out of control. He was lying to protect her. Somehow he’d convinced himself this was the right thing to do. How could she convince everyone in the room otherwise?
She looked to Mac for help, the last place she expected to find it, and pleaded with her eyes. His eyes softened, he even smiled. Then he opened his sarcastic mouth. “Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to wait for me while I’m in Leavenworth.”
Excited Tagalog broke out in the corner where the two Filipinos were being questioned through an interpreter. “They’re saying al-Ayman’s men killed Sergeant Wray.”
The admiral lifted his hands in surrender. “Let’s hear it.”
“Wray and another man. Perez—” the interpreter stopped talking to listen “—were with their unit. They say that is not a picture of Sergeant Wray. Wray was tortured and killed because he would not give up the—” he repeated something in Tagalog, listened, then translated “—the daily codes, the passwords.”
“They held out as long as they could, but they were also tortured. Together they came up with the idea of giving up the password, but the previous day’s to throw off al-Ayman. They feel much shame for their act of cowardice, therefore they did not speak up, but they will not allow an innocent man to go to jail. They are certain the man in the picture was one of their captors.”
“Would someone find out who the hell this guy is,” the admiral demanded, picking up the photo and flinging it at the nearest intel officer.
Not just one, but several officers left the room in a hurry.
“Am I off the hook?” McCaffrey asked Admiral Bell.
“I’d say you’re dangling, Mac. But in the case of Sergeant Wray, you’re off the hook, for now. However, there’s still the matter of Lieutenant Commander Stanton disobeying direct orders—”
“Misunderstanding,” McCaffrey said.
“Really? Okay,” the admiral agreed. “Now I’m interested to know how you’re going to explain away the crash of not one, but two of Uncle Sam’s multi-million-dollar aircraft. Go ahead, tell me how you crashed both helicopters, Mac.”
“I ran out of batteries.”
“You ran out of batteries? And that caused the crash of two helicopters?”
“We had to ditch excess weight on the run. We couldn’t stop to get a satellite uplink. The batteries in my two-way were weak. The connection was weak. I ordered Lieutenant Commander Stanton to abort. I guess she didn’t hear me.”
“It was my call,” Hannah spoke up, sick and tired of him trying to cover for her. “I did what any man would have done in the same situation. You were under fire, and I went in after your ass. Just admit that, please. I don’t care if you think I was right or wrong, just admit that it was my call.”
“I call it from the ground,” he argued.
“Well, I call it from the air. And we were in the air.”
“I ordered you to abort, Commander.”
“Is this about the baby?”
Mac went pale, his jaw tightened.
He’d meant the pickup, of course, but somewhere in her mind, the lines had blurred. Beneath their argument about the mission was the real one. The personal one.
The admiral ordered the room cleared. “Not you two. You are going to sit there until you can go twenty minutes without an argument.”
WHEN MIKE GOT MAD, he got silent.
His brooding filled the debriefing room. He checked his watch again. He’d sit out his twenty minutes in silence or until hell froze over—whichever came first.
He refused to look at Hannah, to speak to her or to acknowledge her in any way when she tried to talk to him. He had no doubt that if he opened his mouth right now the admiral would add another twenty minutes to their time-out.
Her comment had been unprofessional and uncalled-for. Totally out of character for Hannah. And nobody’s business but theirs. As if he would have ever asked her to abort his child. Hell, he might have done exactly that if he’d had the chance. Who could say how he would have reacted?
All that mattered was how he reacted now—and from this moment forward. He was the father of a five-month-old baby girl. He could finally think about all that meant. He kept up an impatient tapping of his toe, stole a glance at Hannah, then lo
oked away. She stared down at the tabletop, head in her hands, fingers tangled through ratty curls.
Dammit. She’d better not be crying.
Debriefing wasn’t just about answering questions. It was about getting out all those feelings they didn’t allow themselves to have in the field. Letting go of all of those bottled-up emotions so that they didn’t screw up a guy’s head. He’d glossed over, even taken the blame for mistakes made by his men before, but he’d never lied in debriefing.
He’d never held so much of what he was feeling back, either. No wonder the admiral had wanted to bring him up on charges.
Of course no one on his squad had ever turned to him and said “You have a daughter.”
He had a daughter and her name was Fallon. She’d been conceived in a Reno, Nevada, hotel room. With a woman he’d been engaged in foreplay with for four years prior to that. There was no other way to put it. They’d been hot for each other, and keeping that at bay, during all those training days in the desert just made them hotter.
At the first opportunity—hell, maybe not the first opportunity—but certainly the first opportunity where they weren’t both on duty and in uniform, they’d acted on that attraction. He’d gone to bed thinking, yeah, this is kind of nice. And he’d woke thinking, not kind of nice, exactly what he wanted. A woman who understood him. A woman who wouldn’t have any unrealistic exceptions. The perfect woman for him.
But nowhere in that equation was there a baby.
In the wee hours of the morning, he’d reached for that last condom on the nightstand.
“I’m on the pill,” she’d said.
“I accept that invitation.” He’d rolled her beneath him, and she’d threaded her fingers through his. That last condom had stayed in their clasped hands. He hadn’t even broken eye contact to kiss her, just eased into her and rocked until they’d both exploded.
They weren’t inexperienced teenagers.
They had made a conscious choice.
They knew the risks. And the consequences.
“Time’s up,” Mike said to whoever was listening in, either through the speaker system or from behind the two-way mirror. “I’m outta here.”
He headed for the door, pausing only long enough to hold it open for her. She didn’t say anything, not even a polite little thank-you, simply ducked into the ladies’ room while he headed for the exit.
The debriefing was where the mission ended, and the real world began. On this mission Hannah had forever changed his world.
Squinting against the sun, he plucked his sunglasses from the breast pocket of his BDU. Putting them on, he noticed Hannah’s mother standing among the reunited wives and sweethearts and their servicemen. And there was the sister in charge of the baby buggy. Not the big clunky one from last time, but one that folded up like an umbrella when it was closed.
He walked straight up to them and without so much as a by-your-leave, ma’am, he hunkered down to have a good look at his kid.
His eyes. His hair. Both brown.
Some called his eyes hazel because they changed from light to dark, depending on his mood. Did hers do that, too?
His smile. Crooked.
Maybe he’d still demand a blood test just to piss Hannah off. His daughter had Hannah’s nose. He could only hope she wasn’t inclined to stick it up in the air like her mother.
The baby threw her pacifier at him. Definitely her mother’s daughter. The soother hit the dirt, and he pocketed it. She reached for it, latching on to his finger instead, then trying to bring his finger to her mouth. She had a good grip, and her nails were so tiny and paper-thin he was in awe of them.
She had all ten fingers and all ten toes from what he could count when she wasn’t kicking at him. She looked healthy enough and seemed happy enough.
He picked up her lost sock from the ground and tucked it beside her. Then he reached in to unstrap her.
“Mac—” Sam started to protest, but he cut her off with a look, a look that conveyed his newfound knowledge.
The baby had grown in the past month and a half. What was she now—four? Almost five months? He liked the solid feel of her in his arms. “I’m going to be taking my daughter for a walk,” he announced to the two women.
Samantha turned over the stroller without hesitation. “Where should I tell Hannah she can find you?”
“She’ll find me.” He started for the hangar in the distance, looking over his shoulder as Hannah headed straight for him.
It took her a full minute to catch up. “Where do you think you’re taking her, Mike?” He could hear the panic in her voice.
“To your office.” He let Hannah enter the building first. Evident relief washed over her as they stepped inside her office. She took Fallon from him. And he let her.
“Look how big!” she cooed. “Mommy missed you.”
Hands tucked under his arms, Mike stood back and watched the exchange between his daughter and his daughter’s mother.
Fallon started to fuss. Turning her little body into a corkscrew, his daughter reached for him. Hannah looked so distraught he kept his hands to himself.
“I know Mommy smells like dirty socks,” she said.
It wasn’t the sweetest analogy, but an accurate one. They both smelled as if they’d crawled out of the jungle, because of course they had.
“I’m sorry, Mike.”
“You should have told me.”
“I didn’t know how.” Tears glistened in her eyes.
“If you’re going to cry, find another shoulder, Stanton, or suck it up.” He’d meant to be cruel. He didn’t want her to shed those tears. If she started crying, he’d have no choice but to forgive her.
Heaven help him, he didn’t hate her.
He only wanted to.
She took a deep breath, holding back all those tears and anything else she might be feeling, and stood her ground. “You can hate me. I don’t blame you. But we don’t expect or want anything from you.”
“We as in you and the baby? Where do I fit into this? What about what I want?” he demanded. “I never pegged you for selfish, Han. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things.”
“That’s not fair. I didn’t have the opportunity—”
“The way I see it you let a hell of a lot of opportunities pass you by.”
“Then what do you want?” she asked him point-blank.
“I don’t know what I want. I’m only just now getting used to the idea of being a father. I never wanted—” He stopped himself short. Before he said something he’d never be able to take back.
“A kid? To be a father?” she finished for him.
“I would have liked some say in the matter, yes. There are things we should have consulted on. Family histories for one. Names for another. Fallon is the name of a place I don’t particularly care for. I don’t have the kind of lifestyle to support a family—”
“No one’s asking you to commit, McCaffrey. As far as I’m concerned, you’re off the hook.” She purposely parroted the admiral. “Walk away with a clear conscience. You have my permission.”
“What about my daughter’s permission? What are you going to tell her? I’m the guy that was good at leaving and not so good at sticking around? You’re sure as hell trying hard enough to push me away. Were you ever even on the pill?”
“You think I tricked you for your swimmers?”
“I don’t know what to think. You’re standing there telling me the two of you are going to be fine without me.” That had come out too sharply. The baby started to cry. Mike pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d once told Hannah any day with no bullets flying by was a good day. Well, this was a pretty damn good day, and he didn’t want to ruin it with anger and pettiness.
Hannah was the mother of his child.
Did anything else really matter? He couldn’t change the past. She should have told him about the pregnancy, about the baby. She didn’t. But he could shoulder his share of blame for that. Now that he knew, there was no doubt in his
mind about where they’d go from here. “Can you take tomorrow off? It’s Friday. How about an extra long weekend? Monday is Labor Day. I’d like to take the baby home to see my folks.”
“This weekend?” She’d pulled a clean pacifier from somewhere and was bouncing the baby on her hip. “We just got back. It’s not really convenient—”
“You owe me.”
“Okay,” she sighed heavily, “I’ll make the necessary arrangements to take the time off.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, Mike? A daughter is a lifetime commitment. Her lifetime as well as yours.”
“We can drive to Vegas tonight if you’d like or wait until tomorrow and get married in Reno. It’s just a hop, skip and a jump across the state line from the folks.”
“I didn’t mean it was a lifetime commitment for us.”
“This isn’t about you or me. This is about our daughter and doing the right thing for her.”
“Getting married is not the right thing.”
“I’m not going to argue the finer points of illegitimacy.”
“Good, then don’t.”
“You got to choose the first name. I’m choosing the last.”
“Your name is on the birth certificate, Mike. Fallon Rose Stanton-McCaffrey. She’s already a McCaffrey if that’s what she wants.”
He felt humbled by that. But still not satisfied. “Will you quit arguing me in circles, woman. We have a baby. We’re getting married.”
“That’s not even close to a proposal. And in any case I don’t accept. You can’t force me to marry you. I’m not convinced—”
He grabbed her and pulled her to him. “Let me convince you,” he said, swallowing her protest. His mouth came down hard on her softer, surprise-parted lips.
He had to be careful not to crush the baby in his full-on assault so he only held Hannah by putting a hand on the back of her head. But she wasn’t even trying to escape his kiss.
He tangled his hand in that red hair of hers. He let her feel how badly he needed her, how badly he needed to make things right. She tasted so sweet. So right. He didn’t even know he wasn’t shaking with anger, but with fear, until he realized just how much he had to lose if he let her say no.
The Seal’s Baby Page 15
