by Lola Swain
“Thank you,” he said and walked toward the door. “If you need anything, just let me know.”
I glanced into the bedroom and Brandt jumped on the bed like a kid and I walked toward the bellhop who stood at the door.
“Hey,” I said to the bellhop, “I was wondering if you could tell me about James Verrazano.”
“Sophia, come look at this!” Brandt said from the bedroom.
“Ma’am?” the bellhop said and opened the door.
“Sophia!”
“Oh never mind,” I said and nudged him out the door. “I just met him and was wondering. Thank you for your help.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the bellhop said and shut the door.
“Sophia, get in here!”
“What are you hollering about?” I said and walked into the bedroom.
Brandt stood at the bathroom door and opened it wider.
“Look at that bathtub!” he said and whistled. “You should take a bath while I’m napping.”
“No, I’m fine. I think I’ll walk around, unless you want me to nap with you?” I said and sat on the bed.
“Nah,” Brandt said and kicked off his shoes. “Nap means nap, Sophia.”
Brandt stretched out on the bed and smiled at me.
“Okay, well, I suppose I’ll get a magazine and go sit by the pool,” I said and fixed my hair in the mirror.
“Good,” Brandt said and yawned. “Just be back here in an hour. We have to have our dinner and then back here for the honeymoon.”
“Spectacular,” I said. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yup,” Brandt said and turned on his side.
I grabbed my purse and left the room. I wandered through the corridors of the Battleroy and was struck with the familiarity of a place I had been.
“Maybe in a past life,” I said as I looked at my reflection in the shiny copper of the elevator doors.
I watched a young couple holding hands as they walked slowly through the lobby discussing the architectural elements of the room. I followed behind them and listened to their conversation. I hoped to hear the husband speaking to the wife as Brandt spoke to me. He did not.
I left the intellectual couple and walked outside and watched another beautiful couple frolicking in the pool. The man gripped the woman around her waist and slid her up his body and out of the pool holding her in the air like a goddess as they stared into one another’s eyes. The man gave her a gentle kiss as he brought her back down into the water and they laughed as he lifted her back up. The sun shone against their damp skin and they played in the water like a couple of dolphins in love. I hated them with everything inside of me.
I went to the back gate and took off my shoes and walked up a soft sand dune. I stood at the top of the dune and looked out at the Atlantic Ocean. The surf rolled in, white and foamy like a cappuccino, and I wondered if it was strong enough to carry me out. Perhaps my parents would forgive me if I had a near-drowning episode? Perhaps Katt would get over her rightful anger with me and we could go back to the way things were before I allowed Nellie or Brandt in my life?
I slid down the dune and plopped myself down in the sand, leaning against the base and closed my eyes. I inhaled the cool, mist-filled breeze and listened to the waves roll in and out like a deep breath. I waited for a sign, something to tell me what to do and where to go.
“It’s very peaceful, no?”
I knew exactly who stood over me before I even opened my eyes and looked at him.
“Yes,” I said as I opened my eyes and shielded them from the sun as I looked at James, “I was just thinking the surf sounds like breathing.”
“Do you mind if I join you? I’m not interrupting your meditation, am I?” he said.
“Not at all, please sit,” I said and moved over a bit to make room.
“So, what were you doing?” James said as he dug his hand into the sand and brought a fistful up and poured it into his other hand. “You seem very deep in thought.”
“Waiting for a sign, I suppose,” I said and watched the sand running through his long fingers like an hourglass. “And here you are.”
“Hold out your hand,” James said.
I held my palm up and he poured the cool sand into my hand from his own. I spread my fingers a bit and the sand found its way through like a sieve and rained down on his pants.
“I’m sorry,” I said and brushed at his leg, “I’ve made a mess.”
“It’s okay,” James said and put his hand on top of mine and pressed my hand down on his thigh, “it’s only sand. So, what’s this sign you’re looking for? Perhaps I can help?”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” I said and chuckled. “Seems the mess I’ve made is not limited to sand.”
“Maybe your mess is as unimportant as a few grains of sand spilled on my pants?”
“I wish,” I said and brought my legs up and hugged my knees as I looked out at the sea. “But, the truth is, I’ve made a terrible mistake and I’m afraid what I’ve done will neither be forgiven by some nor be easily corrected.”
“Wow,” James said and rubbed his chin, “that does sound serious. I’m sure you didn’t do anything like rob a bank. You sure don’t look like the criminal type.”
“Hey,” I said and nudged him in the arm with my elbow, “I could so rob a bank. You have no idea just how dangerous I am, Mr. Verrazano.”
“You say my name real nice,” James said and brushed some sand off my cheek.
“Thank you,” I said.
“So,” James said and got close to my face, “what did you do? Tell me right here.”
James turned his head toward me and tapped on his ear lobe. I leaned into him and inhaled. He smelled of clean spice: vetiver, ylang-ylang and lemongrass. I brushed my lips against his earlobe and he took a deep breath. I wanted to suck it into my mouth, I wanted to run my lips up and down his neck, I wanted him to fuck me.
“I married the wrong man,” I said into his ear.
“Is that all?” James said and lowered his head.
“So far.”
James turned his head and our lips almost touched, but I leaned back a bit.
“Why did you marry him? Are you pregnant?”
I was taken aback by his bluntness, but not so much that I wanted to end the conversation.
“No, definitely not pregnant. I think I just wanted the wish of marriage to come true so badly, I forced him to fit. I ignored every warning I had along the way just because I wouldn’t admit to being wrong about Brandt; that’s my husband’s name…Brandt.”
“The ego can be a pretty treacherous companion, can’t it?” James said.
“Yes. Mine has certainly ruined my life,” I said and sighed.
“You are so young, Sophia. Why did you have to marry this man? You are a successful model. I’m sure you don’t need money or—”
“How did you know?” I asked. “I never told you what I did.”
James looked down and traced circles in the sand with his fingers.
“I saw you, actually. In the Globe fashion section. You modeled for Saks, right? Stunning,” he said and winked at me. “Anyway, when I saw you in the rose garden today, I recognized you. Does that make you feel uncomfortable?”
“Uncomfortable? Heck no! I’m glad to know I have at least one fan,” I said and laughed. “Or did have at least one fan—I quit.”
“I’m sorry to hear you gave up your modeling, but I’m sure you have many fans,” he said. “That’s why I am confused at your urgency to marry. I’m sure you’ve had suitors and if not now, I promise, you will.”
“Well,” I said and chewed on my fingernail, “there is more to the story, but I don’t know if I want to tell you or not. I’m afraid what I’ve done does not make me a very nice person.”
“Confession is good for the soul, my child,” he said.
James’ eyes were positively phosphorescent. I stared at his hands, big and strong, his fingernails were meticulously manicured and buffed to a high shine.<
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“You’re not a caretaker, are you?” I said while staring at his hands.
“Well, I’m certainly not a priest!” he said and laughed. “Besides, we are talking about you right now, not me. So, tell me, why did you, a girl with certainly a lot of prospects and more than enough potential, marry this man?”
“Well,” I said and took a deep breath, “there is another girl who likes him.”
“Ah ha,” James said as if he just discovered the cure for tuberculosis. “And your ego could not handle being shunned by another woman, is that right?”
“Yes,” I said.
“No, Sophia,” James said and grabbed my hands, “own that yes. We cannot expect to change anything if we refuse to own our shortcomings.”
“Yes,” I repeated with a little more force.
“No,” James said and squeezed my hands, “more!”
“Yes!” I said.
“Not good enough! To the fucking heavens with that yes!” James said.
I threw my head back and opened my mouth wide.
“Yes!”
“Good. And this other girl, tell me,” James said and gripped my hands tighter, “did she have the audacity to think that she could have this man?”
“Yes!” I screamed at the sea.
“And was she a lesser woman? A woman who didn’t even come close to your beauty?”
“Yes!”
“And you could not allow her to have him, could you? You could not stand the thought that this woman, this lesser woman, would win the prize? So you did everything in your power to prevent that, didn’t you? You had to ensure the prize would not go to her, but to you?”
“Yes!”
“And what did you win?” he said.
I opened my mouth to answer and thought for a moment.
“Not a whole fucking lot,” I said and hung my head.
“Nope,” James said and released my hands. “Not a whole fucking lot.”
“But I don’t know what to do about it now.”
“I’ll tell you what you do,” James said and threw his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his hard body, “you march into that room, tell him you’ve made a mistake and you’re leaving. Grab your suitcase turn on those sexy legs and get the hell out. You do not engage in further discussion and you certainly do not allow him to take you in his car. The hotel will see you home safely.”
“What?” I said and laughed. “I can’t leave! We just got married this morning.”
“So what?” he said. “You will give him an annulment.”
“No, you don’t understand, we are on our honeymoon,” I said. “Brandt spent a lot of money on this hotel. I can’t just leave!”
“Why not?” he said.
“Why not?” I said while I wondered why not. “Oh, because he’ll think I’m positively insane, that’s why not.”
“So?” James said and laughed.
“Come on,” I said, “I can’t do that.”
“Again I ask, why not?” James said.
I should have admitted to James that the Pearsons will do everything in their power to always force our sanity, even if a ruse, down the collective throats of the public. That’s why not.
“No,” I said and shook my head, “I just can’t. I mean, it’s not right, is it? No, I made my bed and I need to lay in it.”
“Oh, good lord, Sophia,” James said and wiped sand off his hands. “There is nothing in this world worse than a martyr. You want to be a totem, milky stone like Adelaide? You want to stand frozen in a garden so all dissatisfied housewives, the abused and the miserable can make pilgrimages to see you and wash your feet with their tears. How does that sound?”
“Well, Adelaide is very beautiful,” I said.
James looked at me and placed his hand under my chin and lifted my mouth to his.
“So beautiful,” he whispered as his lips grazed mine. “So young.”
James pressed his lips against mine while he caressed my cheek. His tongue parted my lips further and he slipped it into my mouth. Everything in my body ached and throbbed. I reached around to the back of his head and dug my fingertips into his scalp. I tried to pull him in. I wanted his body on top of mine. And I didn’t care who stumbled upon us, making out below the dunes like real lovers. James pulled back a bit and nibbled on my bottom lip. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away from him.
“I want you to listen to me,” he said.
But I barely heard him over the throbbing. I felt like a carnivorous beast unable to contain myself. I wanted nothing more than him inside me, pounding me wildly as if it were the end of the world. I wanted him to do any filthy thing he wanted to my body. I wanted him to fuck me until there was nothing left of me…until I ceased to exist. I wanted him to make the ache go away.
“Sophia, I am serious,” he said and brushed his fingertips across my forehead. “Will you listen to everything I am saying to you?”
“Yes.”
“You must leave him now. Not in a few months, not even tomorrow, but right now.”
“Right now,” I said as I fantasized about James ravaging me.
“He will kill you, do you understand?” James said and squeezed my shoulders. “I cannot help you anymore than this. I cannot even stop it if it starts. Now, go get your things!”
I came out of the hypnotic trance and stared into his eyes.
“Kill me? Isn’t that a bit dramatic? What are you talking about?”
He didn’t answer me. He stood up and yanked me off the sand. He reached down and grabbed my shoes and my purse and put them in my hands. He dragged me up the dune and the combination of the soft sand and my jelly legs made it almost impossible for me to walk.
When we got back into the pool area, he took my shoes out of my hands and dropped them on the ground. He knelt at my feet and gently lifted each foot and slipped it into each shoe. I reached down and ran my fingers through his longish, shiny dark hair.
“My prince,” I whispered.
James looked up at me with the look of a heartbreak so deep you feel like your heart will actually break.
“You know what you must do,” he said and stood from my feet. “Now, go do it.”
I started across the patio and stopped and turned around. I ran back toward him.
“This is crazy,” I said and shook my head. “When will I see you again?”
“I sincerely hope never,” he said.
“Such a funny man,” I said and kissed his cheek. “I will find you.”
I turned and walked to the French doors leading to the lobby.
“Just do what I say, Sophia!” James said.
The two dolphins I hated so much an hour earlier were still at it in the pool. Watching them now filled me with joy and hope. I turned back around and waved at James as I slipped inside the lobby.
I ran down the corridor to our suite. High from and bolstered by James’ kiss and the hope of more to come, my resolve was impermeable, I was resolute. I would leave Brandt.
I wouldn’t grapple with thoughts of my parents’ disapproval or anger or even Katt’s rage, I would cross that bridge later. I made a terrible mistake, but I was human, right? No human is infallible.
“Brandt?” I said as I entered our suite.
“In here,” Brandt said from the bedroom. “I’ve had the most amazing shower. The jets are amazing are so strong. You have to check it out.”
“Brandt, we have to talk,” I said as I walked into the room. “It’s extremely—you’re naked?”
Brandt was sprawled out nude on the bed. He stroked his hard penis up and down as he smiled at me. That ache, which James brought on and never completely left, strengthened.
“Yes, good eye,” he said and laughed. “It has been like this since I woke from my nap. I had the most incredible dream about you. We fucked like animals in the dream. Even the cold shower didn’t make it go down. Lucky for me, you’re here to make it go away.”
Brandt’s amazing body was covered in water
droplets. He smiled at me as he stroked himself.
“Get undressed,” he said. “It’s time.”
“Brandt, I need to speak to you,” I said feeling some of my resolve wane as I stared at him.
“Do you see this?” Brandt said and smiled as he grabbed his cock. “This, every wide fucking inch, is all for you. Now, take that fucking dress off. I want to fuck my wife.”
“Brandt, I’m sorry, but we need to talk,” I said and backed away from the bed. “I’ve made a big mistake.”
“Yes, you have,” Brandt said and got off the bed and walked toward me. “Your mistake is in thinking this is open for debate. Look, I know you’re a virgin, baby and I will be as gentle as I can, but I’m not interested in hearing you play the virgin.”
“But I really—”
Brandt took two steps forward and grabbed me. He clawed at my halter dress until I heard the threads snapping around the neck. He pulled it from my body and then reached around and unhooked my bra and dragged the shoulder straps down my arms. He knelt at my feet as James had, not minutes before. I looked over Brandt’s head and stared at my suitcase.
Brandt ripped my brand new lace panties, bought just for my wedding, off my hips and tossed them across the room. He stood up and smiled while he stared at my naked body.
“Jesus, your body is more beautiful than I fantasized it would be. And thank you for shaving your pussy. I like that you did as you were told.”
“Brandt, I know this is bad timing but I have something to tell you,” I said and reached down to cover my breasts.
“Shut the fuck up!” Brandt said and grabbed my arm and flung me toward the bed.
I flew through the air and landed on top of the bed on my back. I looked up at Brandt who stood at the bed beside me and his eyes were filled with rage. I was terrified and at that moment, heard James’ voice: He will kill you, Sophia.
“Help!”
Brandt laughed and jumped on top of me and covered my mouth with his hand. He pressed his body against mine and his penis poked me between the legs.
“What’s with this help shit, Sophia?” Brandt said into my ear as he dragged his free hand down my side and slipped it between his chest and my chest.
I tried to get out from under him but he felt like a sack of lead covering me. Brandt pinched my nipple hard and it felt like an electrical current shot through my body. I relaxed slightly and felt quite a bit of pleasure despite my fear. Or perhaps it was because of my fear. Brandt sensed it too.
