He turned his head to stare at the trees outside his window. Wind was whipping though the branches and they moved as though they were beings that might decide to pull up their roots and walk away. Their swaying branches took on a dance of joy and he could almost see faces within them. And then he thought of Airy and how she communicated with trees. He didn’t have the strength to cry anymore. Pains racked his body from time to time, but mostly he could feel the life energy slowly ebbing away. It wouldn’t be long now.
In his dreams he was always with Airy, their arms looped around each other or their hands clasped with fingers intertwined. The smile on her face lit up her eyes and made him feel happy. Waking from these was the worst time for him, the knowledge of where he was and what he’d lost. Sometimes the nurses gave him morphine and then he would slip into a place where he couldn’t feel. It was a good drug.
It was deep night when he awakened from one of these, jerking from sleep to let out a yelp of pain. He could see her standing next to his bed, a cruel hallucination. He closed his eyes.
“Fehin?”
His eyes popped open and then a light turned on.
“Fehin, I’m here.” Her fingers took hold of his and he could feel her heartbeat in them. His stomach contracted as the magnetic pull of her closeness worked inside him. “Airy?” he croaked.
“What happened to you?”
She was crying now and he could feel each tear as it landed on him. They were warm. He tried to sit up but it was impossible. “I don’t know,” he said, falling back.
“Fehin, you do know. You made this happen,” she whispered. “You made yourself sick. You can heal it.”
“I can’t heal it. I can’t control anything.”
“Don’t say that.”
When Fehin let out a loud groan the nurse came running. “He needs to rest now.”
“No, I’m all right, “ he told her, trying to focus on Airy. Her hair was longer and framed her face and she seemed more filled out, as though she’d grown since they’d been together. Her eyes were so green. “You’re beautiful.”
“Fehin, I love you. I’m so sorry. Did I do this?”
He shook his head and turned away. “We were apart. I hurt so much. I wanted to die, Airy,” he continued, turning back to focus on her face again. He closed his eyes and felt himself slipping into the place where nothing mattered. Must be morphine in the drip line.
“I won’t let you leave me,” he heard her say and then he was gone, drifting in a narcotic sea.
28
Airy was very alarmed by Fehin’s emaciated body, his deathly pallor, and his inability to even sit up. The way he fell asleep in mid-sentence was not right. If only she had known sooner what he was going through. This was completely her fault. If he died she would never forgive herself. It was time to go, but instead of leaving she took her shoes off, pulled the covers back and crawled into the bed beside him. She pressed close and wrapped her arms around him as her mind sought his, telling him over and over how much she loved him.
“You can’t be in here!” the nurse cried, entering the room.
“Please,” Airy begged, tears streaming down her face. “He could be dead by morning.”
The nurse watched her for a moment and then relented. “Okay, but don’t disrupt the drip. I’ll check back in a few hours. And by the way, your friend is staying at the Motel 6 just down the street. She asked me to let you know and to tell you she’ll be back in the morning.”
Airy encased them both in golden light. She pressed both hands to his chest, infusing him with the energy from her body. She could feel the light enter him, his sigh as he received it. “You have to help me, Fehin,” she whispered. “Your thoughts are as much a part of this as anything. Send them to me.”
She felt rather than heard the overwhelming sadness that encased the love he felt for her. It was as though his feelings had been buried deep inside an impenetrable tangled mass. “I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. There’s no more need to carry this sadness. But in order to heal you have to let it go.”
She felt him shift, his mind struggling with the emotions that had ground him down. Finally he let go of their connection and she couldn’t reach him at all.
Airy woke from the dream with an intake of breath. Beside her Fehin had moved onto his side, his body as close to hers as it could get. Their right hands were clasped together and he held them against his heart. His eyes were closed and when she touched his face she felt the wetness of tears. “Fehin?”
But he was far away in a place she couldn’t reach.
Airy carefully pulled her hand out of his and moved off the bed. It was time to talk with the doctor. A second later the door opened and the nurse entered the room.
“Oh, you moved him,” she observed heading over to adjust the drip.
“I didn’t move him.”
The nurse turned. “He hasn’t been able to move at all for at least a month now,” she said, surprised. She looked down. “He has a different expression on his face, more peaceful. Perhaps with the morphine his death will be without pain after all.”
Airy blanched. “He’s not going to die if I have anything to do with it.”
The nurse smiled sadly. “I’m afraid you don’t have much choice, dear. All the tests point to imminent organ failure.”
“Is there a place where I can shower?” she asked, trying to avoid the oh- so-sympathetic gaze.
“Right there,” the nurse said, pointing to the back of the room.
Airy grabbed her pack and entered the antiseptic smelling space. She locked the door before staring at her face in the mirror. Her eyes were red-rimmed from lack of sleep, purple shadows in the hollows beneath them. “I will save him,” she whispered. “He will not die.”
***
“Airy, you shouldn’t get your hopes up,” Carla said. “The doctors informed me yesterday that there is nothing more they can do besides making sure he’s as comfortable as possible.”
It was early morning and Airy had run into Carla in the waiting room on her way to get some tea, her unguarded comments arousing Carla’s belief in traditional medicine. “They need to stop the drugs,” Airy told her. “I’m not sure what they are, but they’re making him worse.”
Carla’s eyes widened. “He’s on morphine to ease the pain! It would be cruel to take it away.”
Airy assessed Carla, wondering if she should confide in the woman. Being friends with Gertrude, Carla must know all about the Otherworld and the magic that was part of everyday life. “I can’t reach him, Carla. He’s gone into some kind of drug-induced dream world. I need him to help me.”
Carla frowned. “Help you what?”
Airy gazed at the wall and then made a decision before turning to face her. “His emotions did this. His emotions can get him out, but I have to be able to reach him telepathically. Without that nothing can change.”
Carla stared at her for several long moments. “I know how special Fehin is and how terrible it will be to lose him, but…”
“I guess I’ll have to talk with the doctor,” Airy interrupted before heading away. In the cafeteria she thought through her options. She knew the doctor would not agree and neither would the nurse. She had to come up with another way to stop the drugs.
When Airy entered Fehin’s hospital room sometime later a lanky man dressed in many shades of green was standing next to the bed. His gray gaze settled on her with a look that reminded her of MacCuill. “Are you Gunnar?” she asked, hoping she was correct.
When he nodded she let out a long sigh of relief. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
29
Fehin was dreaming his usual dream but this time it was slightly different. It was as though he’d brought Airy into his current situation. She was curled up next to him and bringing him warmth—so much warmth. He’d been cold for as long as he could remember. In his dream he was able to move and rolled onto his side to move closer to her body. He took hold of her hand and pressed it
against his heart. He felt her talking to him in his mind, urging him to do something, but there seemed to be a fog between his mind and hers—he couldn’t understand her words even though he knew they were important.
A golden light entered his body bringing energy with it and he took it deep inside. If only this dream was real, he thought to himself, falling back into the void that was morphine.
“Fehin, are you awake?”
Fehin opened his eyes, blearily trying to focus on where the voice was coming from. His gaze took in two people, one of them female and one of them male. He closed his eyes against the light. It was too bright.
“Fehin!”
This time the voice was male and seemed determined “What is it?” he asked without opening his eyes.
A moment later someone was shaking him by the shoulder in an irritating way. Why wouldn’t they leave him alone and let him die?
“Open your eyes, Fehin,” the voice demanded.
Fehin attempted to focus. “Gunnar?”
“That’s right and Airy’s here too. It’s important that you listen to what we have to say.”
Fehin turned his head away but fingers grabbed his chin, turning it back. “We are about to stop the drip,” the druid announced. “Be prepared.”
Fehin frowned. “Why would you do that? It’s the only thing keeping me from the pain.”
“Fehin,” he heard Airy say. “It’s the only way to reach you. I can’t do it otherwise.”
“So don’t do it. Just leave me alone.”
Airy’s face loomed over his. “I told you I won’t let you die but I need your help.”
Fehin stared into her green eyes noticing they were filled with tears. He had a second of hope before something clamped down around his heart.
“Don’t you dare go away again,” she said, shaking his shoulder. “Now listen to me. Gunnar is going to take the needle out of your vein and then you’re going to listen in your mind to what I have to say. Do you understand?” she hissed, turning to look toward the door. “We don’t have much time before the nurse comes back.”
Fehin watched her and then lowered his gaze to his wrist as something tugged there. He watched the needle pull out feeling a twinge for a moment and then it was done, but he knew that shortly the agony would be back with nothing to stop it. “Why are you torturing me?”
Neither person answered and then Airy climbed into the bed and took
his hand in hers. He felt her warmth as she lay down next to him. She was like a sun, the light surrounding her radiating into his body. It was his dream but this time his eyes were open. “Airy…”
“Don’t waste your energy talking, Fehin. I want you to listen to my thoughts and do what I tell you.”
At that moment the nurse walked in, followed by the doctor. “What’s going on in here?” the doctor asked, his gaze going from Gunnar to Fehin and then to the drip. “Why did you stop the drip? What are you people doing to my patient?” He moved quickly forward and grabbed Fehin’s arm to reconnect the drip but before he could manage it a white fog filled the room, obliterating everything from sight.
Fehin heard raised voices and scuffling and then there was utter silence followed by a voice inside his head saying, I love you, please forgive me. He felt the words as though they were luminescent cobwebs, delicate lacework that moved inside him.
“I love you too, Airy,” he answered out loud. “But…”
“If you love me you will focus on that feeling. Let everything go, including the pain. Remember who you are, Fehin—the man who can conjure an island—a man who knows all about how darkness can take over the mind. Go back before this started to when we first met. Concentrate on how you felt then.”
Fehin groaned. He didn’t know if the sudden pain that ratcheted through every part of him was from lack of morphine or what Airy was saying. He pulled his hand out of hers and tried to turn away but she wouldn’t let him.
“We have a destiny together, did you forget that? We’re linked by a lot more than what we feel for each other. You can’t leave me alone to face this on my own.”
Fehin grappled with the barriers he’d erected. How could he pull them down? It was the only thing keeping him from agony. “It’s dense, Airy. It has a life of its own.”
“You’re the one who put it there. Think about the island, the people and what they faced. You’re like them now. You have to tell me everything—all of it.”
Tears rolled down his cheeks as he sent the terrible thoughts into her mind. “I hated you, I hated my life. I’ve wanted to die since that day in the library. You hurt me, Airy. You did this.”
“Keep going.”
“Why did you listen to them? Why didn’t you believe in me?”
“I was a fool, Fehin. I didn’t trust myself. I do now.”
A scuffle by the bed took Fehin’s attention and through the fog that still lingered he saw the druid carry an unconscious doctor from the room.
Airy put her hand on his heart. “Get it all out, Fehin. You have to clear the negative so that the positive can come in.”
Fehin reached out to touch her face and when his eyes met hers it was as though a wave crashed over him. He felt like he was drowning for a long harrowing moment before he could breathe again. He slumped back against the bed and closed his eyes.
“Time to let him rest,” the druid said.
“I’ll stay with him,” he heard Airy say and then he was asleep, and this time he looked forward to waking.
30
Airy had fallen asleep next to Fehin and woke when she felt him stir. When she opened her eyes he was gazing at her face.
“I feel better,” he said, reaching for her hand. “You did something.”
“I helped you do something,” she replied. After that she rolled away and out of bed. “Are you hungry?”
Fehin pushed himself up and looked around the room as though seeing it for the first time. “I think I am,” he said, surprised.
“I’ll get us something to eat and then I’m taking you out of here.”
“Did I dream Gunnar or was he really here?”
“He was definitely here. Without him I couldn’t have managed.”
Airy wondered what had become of the unconscious doctor and nurse. If they remembered anything there would soon be trouble. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Airy opened the door a crack and peered out. In the hall all was quiet as though the entire staff had taken a break at the same time. Gunnar’s doing, she was sure, but it wouldn’t last long. She closed the door and turned to look toward the bed. “On second thought I think we should leave. Now.”
It took an agonizing length of time to pack and get Fehin dressed and standing. She had him loop an arm around her shoulders before the two of them left the room and made their way slowly down the hall. Gunnar met them at the elevator, keeping watch as they slipped inside and pressed the button for the ground floor. When the doors slid open downstairs a moment later the druid was waiting.
“Carla’s parked by the emergency entrance. She’ll take you to the motel. After that you’re on your own.” Gunnar pressed Fehin against his chest before backing away. “Take care of each other and remember why you’re here,” he said, his gaze going from one to the other. Airy watched his image grow fainter until there was nothing left of him.
By the time they reached the car Fehin could barely stand. Airy helped him into the backseat and then wondered what to say to Carla. Their last conversation had not gone well. But as she slid in Carla turned toward her, a frown of worry on her face.
“I’m sorry I doubted you,” the older woman said. “ I should have known better after everything I’ve seen and heard. Will you forgive me?”
Airy smiled. “Without your help I wouldn’t have known where he was. Of course I forgive you.”
Carla’s hunched shoulders released. “That was Gunnar’s doing. I was merely the conduit.”
Later in the motel room Airy wondered if she’d done the right thing. Fe
hin was pale and sweaty, his eyes unfocused. He was so thin it was hard to look at him. “Lie down,” she ordered, settling him under the covers. “I’m going for food.”
At night Fehin had the shakes and there were several times he had a fever. His legs spasmed during the day and at night, and he had nearly constant diarrhea. When he threw up the first real meal Airy prepared, she realized that she had to be more careful—small amounts and easy to digest foods like yogurt and fruit and bread and butter--spiced tea with honey and milk. Soups. Herbs like ginger and peppermint made into tea. It seemed like a very bad case of flu, but when she looked it up on the Internet she realized he was in withdrawal from the morphine. After she began the new regime he kept the food down.
She’d moved them into another motel that had a room with a kitchenette and that’s where she prepared the meals. Between them they still had some cash but soon she would need to visit a bank.
Carla was gone—back to Milltown with encouragements for the two of them to come and live with her. Airy didn’t say yes or no. She couldn’t concentrate on anything beyond Fehin’s recovery.
***
It was a couple of months before Fehin was strong enough to leave the motel room for any length of time. Due to their hasty departure from the hospital and the circumstances surrounding it, Airy was careful to steer clear of that part of town. Instead she and Fehin walked in the hills behind the motel, working their way under the trees and uphill to build his strength. But even that was a slow endeavor and several times she felt very discouraged. That’s when she reminded herself that he’d almost died.
Bridge of Mist and Fog Page 12
