I had a list going. I loved making lists and checking off items as I completed them.
There was always something, but I had, over time, learned how to be self-sufficient. I could probably make some side money creating a DIY YouTube channel for other single moms or military wives whose husbands were deployed, causing them to raise children on their own, yet that was something I definitely never managed to find the time for.
As the line moved forward, I could hear Santa talking to each kid and family as they came up to him. That voice. Deep and husky.
Where do I know him from?
I was trying to place it, while looking at him. I was wondering if there was something familiar under the white hair and beard, and stuffing for the belly. I had had an occasional handyman over here and there throughout the years.
Is that it?
Or was he my barista in town?
While I was still staring without meaning to, Santa looked up and seemed to be searching the line when his eyes stopped on me. He seemed to be smiling at me. I got goose bumps at the familiar eyes I saw peeking out from behind the fake Santa glasses.
Oh my God. Is that Neil Bowman? Shit.
It had been years since high school, but I still couldn’t bring myself to smile back.
"Ang, I think I know the Santa.” I whispered, so the boys couldn’t hear. “It's this douche I went to high school with. Long story. Would you mind if I left Mark with you? I really don't want to see him.”
"Yeah, I was wondering if that was Neil Bowman. I noticed he wasn’t at the autograph table. Was he your classmate?”
I nodded.
“He's the starting Tight End for the New York Leviathans, and the resident bad boy on the team. He has a reputation for being quite the, um, ladies’ man. How do you not know that? Don't you read the papers? Although, I really don't know how you can recognize anyone in that costume."
Well, I did, or at least I guessed it, I thought.
"I remember his voice. And we have history,” I plead with Angie. “Please just stay in line for both of us. Honestly, do they let anyone be Santa? I always imagined he would end up painting houses or something. He was such a meathead."
“Hell no. You look amazing, and you aren’t going anywhere. Mark is a great, well-behaved kid. You have nothing to be scared or ashamed of. I won’t let you walk away.”
I could feel my face burn. I hated when this happened. When I got nervous, my face and neck would get red. I had to remember to breathe. In and out. In and out. I started to relax a bit.
“You just want an autograph,” I scowled under my breath.
Angela smiled.
I made Angela and David go before me, fifteen minutes later when we got to the front of the line. I was delaying the inevitable as long as humanly possible. David lumbered up on Santa's lap with an elf's assistance, and they discussed Christmas. David had brought a list.
A boy after my own heart, I thought.
Then it was Mark's turn. Neil had better stay in character. Mark still believed in Santa, and it would seem weird if Santa knew his mom by name.
I wasn’t sure if kids made any distinction between mall Santas and easter bunnies and the like, or the real thing. I mean, every store entrance had a Santa manning the Salvation Army bucket. I heard Mark rattle off a few things he wanted, including a new football, then Santa turned to me and asked what the family needed.
"This one could use a date." Angela winked at me as she said this.
My face turned red again, but Santa seemed to ignore the comment.
"Actually, I could use some new living room curtains, if Santa's offering." I smiled and looked into Neil's eyes briefly.
They were still a lovely hazel color, and even now he seemed so young and happy. I felt aged, like I had lived a lifetime already.
"Did you put your information on the list?" Santa asked.
"I did."
"Well then, I'm sure you'll be getting a visit from Santa, if you've both been good."
Neil's eyes were laughing now. Just then I realized that Neil now had access to my number and address. I was sure a famous football star had better things to do, almost 10 years later, then harass a single mom, but then again, I never understood why he tried to hurt me back in high school.
Chapter 5
Becca
A couple of weeks had passed, and things were quiet on the Neil front. I hadn’t heard from him, and I was quite busy with work and just preparing and decorating the house for Christmas.
I had Googled Neil, and found all the stories about his exploits that Angela had mentioned, dating back to starting with the New York Leviathans and when he was first becoming a household name. Some households, anyway.
For the last couple of weeks, though, Neil had been drama-free. His name was briefly mentioned in a couple of write ups on the Christmas for Heroes event but hiding in a Santa suit seemed to help keep the media from pouncing on the situation, which would have only distracted attention from the kids and families.
Someone knew what they were doing.
Of course, Neil had to be there, at an event in his hometown, but they kept him under the radar. Meanwhile, Mark's excitement the last couple of weeks seemed to increase exponentially each day, until I was sure his feet would stop touching the ground at some point.
And then Christmas Eve was here.
Mark and I made a gingerbread house and added some final decorations on the tree. In the early afternoon, I began baking cookies for Santa. I wondered if Neil would still be the Santa for the organization. I was sure his work was done since the cameras weren’t rolling.
I felt lucky they were even coming to our place, since I lived off base. I had been concerned about that and got the number for the Christmas for Heroes organizer. I gave my name and explained why I was calling. The man didn’t even ask where I lived. He assured me Santa was coming to see us on Christmas Eve.
Maybe they got that question a lot. I wasn’t sure how many other families were signed up who lived off base.
Mark sat and licked the beaters, as I put the rounded balls of cookie dough on the baking sheets. As the cookies came out of the oven, I placed them on racks to cool, the smell wafting through the house.
I was just pulling the last batch out of the oven, as the doorbell rang. (I had taken a break from baking around dinner time and it was now around seven.)
Neil, as Santa, was at the door with a burlap bag of presents.
Mark was super excited as he picked out a couple of them. Neil was also exuding an unrestrained energy. It was infectious, but I tried not to fall under Neil's spell again as I had in high school.
I wasn't sure what his agenda could be now, other than just wanting to bed one more woman. I'd read enough to know I didn't want to be just another page six story.
Mark ran off to his room with his new toys and Neil's hand went up to my face, stroking my cheek. His fingers were electric on my skin.
"What are you doing?" I demanded.
"I’m sorry. You had some flour or something on your face. I was just trying to help.”
Even as Santa, he was working his magic on women. Neil seemed put off briefly, like he didn't know how to read me. He definitely didn't appear to be used to this reaction.
"Look, I planned this out so you would be the last house on our list,” he told me. “It wasn’t hard since you’re off base. I was hoping we could catch up. I also have something for you, and I was thinking I could help you with it."
"I'm not sure what you have in mind but my son is here, and I generally don't let strangers around Mark.”
"C'mon, Becca. We’re not strangers. You know me, or at least you did once. I've never understood what happened that last month at school, but I'd like to find out. I brought a change of clothes in the truck. If you’d let me, I would like it if I can change and then came back to talk?”
I just looked at him without saying no, and that was enough to
make him press even harder.
“I wouldn't say no to those cookies I smell either.” He smiled, looking past me to the kitchen. “I can send the driver on to drop off everything and I can always get an Uber home in a bit."
"Ok. But only because I made too many cookies."
I was lying, of course. I also wanted to understand what happened back then, since he seemed intent on clearing the air. And maybe I liked being around his ripped body and handsome face—so sue me. A girl can enjoy her own personal Santa on Christmas Eve, can’t she?
Neil came to the door several minutes later in his street clothes, knocking this time. I could barely take my eyes off him, noticing how he had changed. His dark hair was cut short, and he was clean-shaven. Even wearing a button-down shirt under a sweater, and jeans, I could tell his body was chiseled.
Look at Neil Bowman all grown up.
Mark came bounding down the stairs to see who was at the door now, ripping me out of my thoughts. Mark must have recognized Neil from television.
"Holy bejoly, Mom! It's Neil Bowman."
Mark sure came up with some strange exclamations. I blamed the old Batman and Robin reruns.
"How do you know him, Mark? When do you watch football?"
Am I the only one who didn't know my former high school crush was a famous football player?
I was hoping Mark hadn't heard the same things about Neil and his off-field adventures that I had been reading about.
"When you and I visit David and his mom on Sundays, David and I watch it in his room sometimes,” Mark informed me. “Neil is number 82."
"Do you have a football, kiddo? We can go outside and throw it around," Neil said.
"I have an old one, with the laces worn. Is that ok?"
"Sure thing. That’s how I got my start. Get the ball and your coat."
"There will actually be a new football for him under the tree in the morning, but he doesn't know that," I told Neil, after Mark had left the room.
“I’m sure he’ll love it,” Neil said.
Neil and Mark went outside to the front yard, coming in about thirty minutes later. Both had red cheeks from the cold and wind, but neither seemed to mind.
I was waiting for them in the kitchen with cookies and cocoa.
"Wash your hands, boys. That means you too, Neil."
I smiled at Neil and pointed in the direction of our first-floor bathroom.
"Mom, I showed Neil the moves I learned in football camp," Mark said, after he’d returned to the kitchen.
"I'm sure he was impressed."
"He's actually picked up a lot of the fundamentals. I maybe threw the ball around with my dad here and there, but I never really played until high school, so he's probably got a leg up on me at that age," Neil offered as he came into the kitchen, overhearing our exchange.
"I’m glad to hear he has natural talent. I got talked into letting him play by a friend. Angela,” I told him. “Actually, you met her. Her son David is Mark's age and she and her husband are big into football. I would have said no, but she assured me that there was no violence in Pee Wee leagues and that it was good for kids to learn teamwork. Of course, Angela seems to coax me into everything. Luckily, she's using her powers for good and not evil."
Neil laughed.
“She did seem like a feisty one at the Christmas event.”
"I didn't want to go to a certain event at the community center a couple of weeks ago, but she can be very persuasive."
I had to word what I said carefully, since Mark didn't know Neil had been there.
"I like her already,” Neil said.
I smiled. The three of us had been sitting at the kitchen table, with Mark looking back and forth as Neil and I talked. The pile of cookies on the plate were mysteriously almost gone.
"How do you know Neil, Mom?" Mark asked me.
"We went to school together as kids," I said.
Now Mark turned his attention to Neil.
"No way. Wow. You're from Caldwell too?"
"Sure am."
“That’s awesome.”
As excited as Mark was about meeting Neil, the newness wore off quickly and I knew he was wanting to play his video games. Mark left to use the bathroom, but he never came back.
He had a strange habit of doing that. If he had questions of the adults, he would ask, or listen and learn. Then next thing I’d know, he would be gone from the room, like he was bored. Hopefully, he’d grow out of it, because I was sure it would seem rude to some people if it continued when he was older.
When I went to check on Mark, he was playing Xbox in his room, just as I’d suspected. Neil and I moved to the sofa and continued talking. I told Neil about James, and how we had met and just went out a few times.
"I had slept with him just once, and after that I had decided not to see him again. It was a conversation I was putting off and then I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't not tell him. Of course, being a soldier, he wanted to do the right thing and get married, but I absolutely refused,” I said. “We did move in together before Mark arrived, and I just decided James would be in my life for the next 18 years. I thought I’d just survive being in a daily relationship with someone I didn’t like or want."
"I think a lot of folks do that these days,” Neil said. “It wasn’t like that for our parents, back in their day, I don’t think."
He paused and I could tell he was thinking about something sentimental.
Finally, he elaborated.
“My own parents married in high school and were very happy together. Sadly, my dad died a few years back of cancer. In a way, I can kind of relate to Mark, having lost my father. It’s a sad thing but I still have great memories because mine, at least, was a great guy.”
I was jealous and wished Mark could say the same. But at least his dad had been a good father even though he wasn’t the best husband.
“How has your mom been handling it?” I asked Neil.
“She travels a lot, gets out and sees different places and meets different people, to keep her mind off of him,” he said. “She technically lives in this town but is always gone, just like she is this Christmas, so I don’t see her too often but when I do, she’s been very loving and has helped me deal with it. She just likes to not dwell on it and therefore chooses to stay busy and focus on other things. I think this town reminds her too much of my dad.”
“That makes sense,” I say, nodding.
“So, I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” Neil said, although I liked finding out more about him, too, so there was nothing to apologize for. “You were saying?”
"Oh yeah. So, after Mark was born, James and I got married at the courthouse. I didn't love him, but he was a good father. But he became a bad husband and I hate to say it now, but I regretted marrying him,” I told Neil.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But at least you gave it your best shot.”
“True. After he shipped out the last time, I had found the courage to draft some court papers,” I confessed. “But I never got to actually serve them on him or anything. I wasn’t even sure I actually would. I was scared of who he had become. He was always snapping and belittling me, and he questioned everything I did. I decided that staying together for Mark’s sake wasn’t actually helping Mark at all, if he had to see so much ugliness. Then James died, and he wasn’t coming back. Suddenly I felt very guilty. I would have never wished this on Mark.”
"I'm sorry. I can't imagine you putting up with being treated like that. You always spoke your mind in school."
"I know. I'm trying to be that person again, for Mark.”
"By the way, thanks for the cookies and cocoa,” Neil said. “That's the best hot cocoa I've ever had. I guess I'm forgiven for whatever happened senior year.”
Here we go, I thought.
"How can you say that to me? You were the one who was being mean.”
"How do you figure, Becca?"
"Don’t t
ry to deny what you were doing, Neil.”
I felt my temper flaring, despite my best intentions. He was looking at me with a dumbfounded expression on his face and I felt frustrated that he was still trying to make a fool out of me by not fessing up about this.
“Cindy told me your great plan. That you were going to ask me to Prom as a joke, and then not show up."
"And you believed her? Because you and Cindy were such good friends, right? You never thought about how I had just broken up with her and how maybe she had an agenda?"
Neil was looking at me now with an expression that was hard to read. He seemed sincere, and now I felt stupid.
"I'm really surprised you fell for Cindy's games. I always felt you were above that," Neil said.
Then he cupped my chin, and looking at me, added, "I wanted so badly to take you to Prom. To see if there was something there after almost two years of feeling nothing with Cindy. You were the only girl who I was even curious about, and I needed to know before I left town and never looked back.”
His hands dropped, along with my stomach. I couldn’t believe I had a real opportunity to go to Prom with him and I had ruined it—all thanks to Cindy.
“I'm not sure how she could have possibly known that I would ask you out, or even that I wanted to.” Neil stood up. “I can’t believe this whole thing was a Leviathan misunderstanding. But let’s forget about Cindy. What if we tried, Becca? I know Christmas is a bad time to talk about this, but maybe after the new year.”
I loved that he still wanted to try. Maybe we could have a second chance, after all.
“Mark is actually spending Christmas Day at his grandma’s house to have dinner with James’ family, which he does every Christmas, so I’m free tomorrow, if you wanted to stop over,” I offered, talking faster than I had intended.
Now that we were talking again, I didn’t want to waste a minute.
But suddenly I felt ridiculous.
“Or, you know, never mind, if it doesn’t work out. I’m sure you already have plans.”
JK-Super Secret Santa Page 3
