But what of Jess? Could she and Matthew be happy while his sister lived with them? Somehow she doubted it. But perhaps when she had shown Matthew that she could care for him, his loyalty would be given to her instead. It seemed a logical thing to assume, and she was angry with herself for not having realised this before.
Anxiously she waited for him to come home, but at two o'clock she was still sitting in front of the burnt-out fire, and only when the room became cold did she go to bed, undressing with shaking fingers and shivering uncontrollably as she slipped between the sheets. She lay for a long time listening for the sound of Matthew's car, longing for the warmth of his arms and the comfort of his forgiveness, but the silence remained unbroken, and at last she drifted into an uneasy sleep.
CHAPTER NINE
STELLA was roused by the creaking of the stairs and switched on the lamp to look at her watch. Half past five! Without pause to think, she threw aside the bedclothes and ran into the dressing-room.
Matthew was by the wardrobe, but he did not tarn and she moved towards him hesitantly.
"Matthew," she whispered, "I don't know what to say! Every time I come into this room I seem to apologize."
"It's too late for that now." He sat down to unlace his shoes, and with a little cry she knelt at his side.
"Don't say it's too late! I behaved like a beast and I deserved everything you said. But if you'll give me another chance,. I'll do anything, anything!"
"It's too late," he reiterated.
"It's never too late to apologize! Oh Matthew, say you forgive me." She clasped his knees. "Hold me and say you forgive me."
"I can't." He looked at her without expression. "If you had spoken like this a few hours ago, I might have done. But not now. I can't come to you from the arms of another woman — even if it was you who drove me there!"
For a split second Stella was not sure she had heard correctly. Then the anguish on his face communicated itself to her and, stunned, she stood up and backed away from him. "Are you… are you serious?"
"Even men like me don't joke about things like that."
Still she went on staring at him, seeing him recede further and further into the distance until his face became a pale -blur.
"Stella!" His voice was faint and far away. "Are you all right? Come and sit down."
"Keep away from me!" She put out a hand to ward him off. "Don't touch me."
Gathering her strength she stumbled from the room, closing the door on all her hopes for their future.
In the remaining hours till daybreak she paced her room. Never had she thought that Matthew could have acted this way. What value did his love for her have now? What trust could she ever place on his feelings? She was too distraught to analyse how much of her reaction to his confession was hurt pride and how much genuine disgust; she only knew she never wanted to see him again.
Slowly she dressed, making up her face automatically before she went downstairs to find Elsie laying the drawing-room fire, familiar again in her blue-and-white check dress.
"Why Mrs. Matthew, you're up early!"
"I'm going to London."
"I'll fix your breakfast."
"Just coffee please."
Elsie regarded her curiously. "Do you feel all right? You look ever so pale."
"I'm fine thanks. Just tired."
With a forced smile Stella returned to her room and started to pack. By the time Elsie came up with her coffee she had nearly finished, and sat down to drink it.
She was sipping her second cup when the dressing-room door opened, and though she did not look round she was acutely aware of Matthew looking at her.
"So you're going?" he said harshly.
"What did you expect me to do?"
"Just what you are doing — running away." His step came closer. "Look at me, Stella."
Reluctantly she turned, aware that he was paler-and more grim than she had ever seen him.
"I'm not going to make any excuses for last night," he said. "I'll regret it all my life. But you can't turn back the clock, and I've got to go on from where I left off."
"That's why I'm leaving — when you're alone, you'll be able to go on more conveniently!"
"I suppose it's too much to expect you to admit your share of the blame?"
She shrugged. "I was partly responsible. But if you love someone, you don't run to another woman the first time you have a quarrel."
"The first time you quarrel," he echoed. "That's a joke! You'll be telling me next we lived in loving harmony until last night."
"You don't know what love means." Bitterness made her search for the cruellest thing she could say. "You're like an animal — and just as easily satisfied!"
He lunged forward and she shrank back, afraid he was going to hit her. But with an effort that made the muscles of his jaw bulge, he drew away again. "I don't intend to defend myself. You wouldn't understand if I did. You don't want to. But we have to face facts."
"I already have. That's why I'm leaving you."
"You're not going anywhere till you've heard me out. From the minute I married you I've treated your family as if they were my own, and now —"
"You want your pound of flesh!"
"I want you to stay here a few months longer," he concluded. "I don't fancy being made a laughingstock by having you run off three months after we're married."
"You should have thought of that before you…" She clenched her hands. "I suppose you'll stop Adrian's allowance if I do? That's just the vulgar sort of bargaining I should have expected from you!"
"Whether you go or stay won't affect my arrangements for your brother," he said harshly. "I was hoping you'd do it as a favour to me. I know it isn't done among your fine friends to remind a woman of a
debt, but as you've always pointed out, I'm no gentleman!"
The dressing-room door banged behind him and she sank on the bed and rested her head in her hands. If only Matthew's behaviour last night could cancel her debt to him. But unfortunately it didn't. For the next two years at least, Adrian would be financially dependent on him, and though she hated the thought of having to remain here, she knew she could not refuse Matthew's request to do so.
Without giving herself time to think she called his name, and he walked in, tucking his handkerchief into the pocket of his suit.
"Well?"
"I'll do as you ask," she said quickly. "I can't repay the money you've spent on Adrian, and if staying here a few more months will even things up between us…" She shrugged and, turning her back on him, met his eyes through the mirror. "I need hardly say that our marriage is finished. I'll put on an act in front of your friends, but you might as well know that as long as I live, I shall despise you."
His jaw clenched. "Cruel tongues have driven many men into other women's arms."
"I'm not interested how people like you find your compensation. I'm glad for your sake you're so easily satisfied!"
She averted her face, and when she next looked up he had gone.
Not until she went into the dining-room for lunch, did Stella see her sister-in-law.
"You're looking washed out," Jess commented, handing her a plate of soup. "Must have been the strain of your dinner party!"
Stella refused to be drawn into an argument, and Jess said no more until she was stacking the dishes,
"Well, did Matthew say you were right?"
"About what?"
"About wanting me to leave here."
"We didn't discuss it. Charles arrived soon after Matthew came home, and by the time he left I was too tired to bother."
"Changed your tune, haven't you? I was expecting you to tell me to pack my bags and go."
Her obvious triumph was too much for Stella. "As far as I'm concerned you can stay here forever!"
Scraping back her chair, she ran out of the room, leaving Jess staring after her in astonishment.
During the following week Stella saw little of Matthew, and neither knew nor cared whether Jess realised some
thing was wrong. The woman would know soon enough that her victory was complete: in a few months she would have her brother to herself.
Spring came in with a rush and almost overnight the buds on the trees flared open. As the weather grew warmer, Stella went for long, lonely walks, often not returning for lunch or tea. Music was her only other consolation. It soothed her and gave her a satisfaction that even Adrian did not seem to find in it, for where she could play solely for pleasure, his compulsion was a rigorous task-master that would not let him alone. Indeed, in his rare letters to her there was an undercurrent of restlessness that was faintly disquieting, almost as if he resented this gift that stopped him enjoying the indolent life he would have liked to lead.
It was not until one morning in the middle of April that, reading an unexpected letter from him, her fears materialised.
"Dear Sis," (he began, in his usual scrawling hand), "I haven't written for a while because I've been busy preparing for the end of term' concert I'm taking part in a big way and hope you'll come for it Try and bring Matthew too — he might as well see how his investment is getting on! Which brings me to the fact that my investments are lousy. I needed some extra cash and took a chance on the 'gee-gees'. Unfortunately the one I backed ran as if it had three legs, so I'nT worse off than before. I've got to find a couple of hundred pounds and you're the only person I can ask. I'm sure Matthew's very generous to you, and hope you'll be the same to me! For heaven's sake don't ask him, though. I'm counting on you, Stell, so don't let me down."
Folding the letter, she pushed it behind the milk jug. Where on earth did Adrian think she could so easily find two hundred pounds? She only had it at the moment because she hadn't spent a penny of her dress allowance, but even if the position between herself and Matthew had been normal, she would not have asked him to settle her brother's debts. How dare Adrian regard it so lightly; as if it were usual for a boy of nineteen to owe such a large amount of money.
At first she debated whether to ignore his plea for a few weeks, but afraid he would resort to further gambling, she sent him a cheque immediately, at the same time writing a firm and unsympathetic letter.
"If it weren't for worrying Mother, I'd refuse to help you. You're not "a child any longer, and it's time you stood on your own feet.-Matthew would be disgusted if he knew, so I'm sending the money out of my allowance. You'd better concentrate on your work while you're at the Academy. You may not always have someone behind you to help."
That was certainly true. Once she left Matthew she would not let Adrian accept any more help from him. If only she had never agreed to it in the first place!
Since their quarrel she and Matthew had never been alone together. At dinner he would talk politely to her and Jess, and as soon as the meal was over would retire to the study with his coffee-cup in his hand.
Jess tried to disguise her curiosity, and it was not until the day Adrian's letter arrived that she came into the open with her suspicions, eyeing Stella intently over the tea-trolley as they sat together in the drawing-room.
"You must have had a proper row with Matt to upset him so much. I’ve never known him to carry on like this."
"Like what?"
"Like pretending he has to work each evening. You've had more than a lover's tiff."
I'd rather not discuss it. It's between Matthew and myself."
Jess sniffed. "He's not so careful about hiding it"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I could return the compliment and say I'd rather not discuss it! But I'm not such a lady as you. If I see Matt making a fool of himself I want to know why!"
"What are you getting at?" Stella set down her cup. "You're determined to tell me sooner or later, so why not now?"
"All right, I will." The large jaw jutted closer. "You've had a row and you're paying him back the way women usually do!"
"Really!"
"Don't really me. We're both married women so we know what's what. Trouble is, you don't know Matt. He's a hot-blooded man, and if you won't have him, he'll find someone who will!"
Stella's scalp prickled. This was plain speaking with a vengeance. "I'd rather not talk about it."
"Then you're a fool. If you let Belle get Matt…"
"You know her?" The question came of its own volition and Jess nodded, her eyes bright with malice.
"Matt was friendly with her years ago, and he's gone back to her now he's fed up with you."
"I wouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly," Stella retorted furiously. "The boot might be on the other foot."
Jess stared at her for a moment, then laughed. "You almost had me fooled! I suppose it hurts your pride that you couldn't keep your husband more than three months! It must be hard to have him go to someone else so soon. Whatever was wrong with my Tom, you couldn't have said that about him."
"I wouldn't have even if I could!"
An ugly flush darkened Jess's face. "Thanks for the sermon, but I don't like seeing Matt act the fool."
Resolutely Stella maintained her silence, and after a glance in her direction, Jess went on talking.
"Belle's a good-looking girl, I'll say that for her. And not a money-grabber either."
"You seem to know her well." Anger prodded Stella's remark but the sarcasm went over Jess's head.
"Her older sister went to school with me. That's how Matt met her. She'd make some man a good wife, if she'd a mind to it. But she's never wanted to settle down. Always off with the old and on with the new! I often —"
The sound of a car brought her to a stop, and a moment later Matthew came into the room.
"Hullo, Stella." He turned to his sister. "Is the tea still hot?"
"No, I'll make another pot You're early —-anything wrong?"
"I just had a bellyful of work and decided to knock off."
Jess picked up the tray. "Close the door behind me. I won't be long.”
Matthew did so, then crossed to the hearth and sat down opposite his wife.vHis wife! What a misnomer that was — what a mockery of all his hopes! At one time he would have said that no man in his right mind could go on desiring a woman who despised him, yet he wanted Stella as much now as he had ever done. She looked so pretty as she sat in front of the fire, the vivid green of her dress throwing her hair and face into relief. Damn it, why couldn't she understand him — why couldn't she see what had led him to go to Belle?
He took out his cigarette-case and offered her one.
"No thanks. I've just put one out."
''It's never stopped you before." He flicked his fighter open. "That's a nice dress you've been wearing."
"You needn't be polite, Matthew — we've no audience."
He clenched his jaw. "I didn't say it for effect. It's smarter than the others you've been wearing."
"It's a similar style."
"But a different colour. I prefer you in bright ones."
"I'm not interested in your preferences."
"Whether you are or not, I like my wife to look smart!" His tone was sharp. "We've been invited to Milly and Ned's again — they're having some American cousins to dinner and I want you to buy yourself a new dress."
"I have my grey or black — I've hardly worn either of them."
"Get something gayer. You haven't spent a penny of the allowance I gave you last month."
"I don't consider it necessary to impress Milly and Ned."
He exhaled deliberately. "I want to feel proud of you in public."
"It's a good thing I don't want the same of you!"
"What does that mean?"-
She shrugged. "I could hardly be proud of a husband who runs around with an old flame!"
He studied the tip of his shoe. "When you leave, I want my friends to think it was my fault. It won't matter if they feel sorry for you. A few months from now and you'll never see them again. But I've got to go on living here and I'd rather get no sympathy than too much. This way, they'll say I shouldn't have married you in the first place."
“
I’m surprised you did. Belle would have made a much better choice!"
He caught Ms breath, but when he spoke, his voice was calm. "I wanted to be the first man in my wife's life."
She shifted her gaze. "Perhaps you'll change your mind now."
"I might at that. She's warm and kind."
"So I understand."
"I wonder if you do." His eyes narrowed. "How did you know I'd been seeing her?"
"Jess made it her business to tell me."
A flicker of annoyance passed over his face, but further conversation was forestalled by Jess coming back with the tray.
"Sorry I've been such a time. Will you have another cup now I've made it, Stella?"
"No thanks. I'm going to have a rest before dinner."
The door closed behind her and Matthew watched his sister pour out the tea.
"Why did you tell Stella you saw me with Belle?" he asked abruptly.
"If I hadn't, someone else would. And if you're daft enough to take her to the biggest hotel in Leeds… No man in his senses would do that if he wanted to keep it quiet!"
"That's beside the point. It was spiteful of you to tell her."
"Why should you care? If you can pick up with Belle again you can't iave much feeling for Stella. Not that I blame you. She's a —"
"When I want your opinion I'll ask for it!"
"You can have it without asking! What's wrong with you, Matt? I didn't think your marriage would last, but I never believed you’d be the one to break it up. Haven't you any shame? Don't you care what-people will say?"
"At least they won't be sorry for me. When Stella goes, they'll say I deserved it."
Uncertainly, Jess regarded him. "I don’t follow yon." ?
"Stella would have left me, Belle or no Belle," he said heavily.
"I see. So it was like that." She stood up. "Poor Matt, you're no different from other men. Most of 'em would rather be thought immoral than rejected! When I think of that stuck-up little —"
"That's enough," he said wearily. "Go and see about dinner. I could do with something to eat."
CHAPTER TEN
Roberta Leigh - And Then Came Love Page 11
