by Finn Bell
Father Ress
Father Ress, or Bobby Ress, is in name and function an homage to the great Robert K. Ressler, often credited with first coining the term “Serial Killer.” Robert Ressler started his career in the US Army and later joined the FBI, where he worked in the Behavioural Science Unit. He went on to write several books and treatises on psychological profiling and criminology. He taught across the world and was also involved in several high-profile criminal investigations. If you ever get the chance, read his works. I had tried to contact him as part of the research for this book but sadly, he died May 5, 2013. Too soon. Like all the really good ones.
Firefly
There are no fireflies in this book.
I’ve added in this item here as one small part of an ongoing siege to have the Sci-Fi TV Series Firefly that first aired in 2002 and was tragically cancelled after the first season, revived. I’m not alone. I know it’s been years, and I don’t care. In my opinion it remains, to this day, Joss Whedon’s single greatest achievement. If you’ve seen it, you’ll know what I’m talking about. And if you haven’t, then please don’t buy my next book. Rather, use the money and see this series. It’s been more than a decade and I’m still not over it, it’s that good. Do it. (Then buy my next book.)
First Church of Dunedin
The First Church of Dunedin is actually named the First Church of Otago. It’s still in Dunedin, but named after the region. It’s not actually a Catholic church, but I needed Father Ress to be Catholic. I think it made all the things he said more striking. The church building itself is exactly as described. It’s the most Gothic-y, Gothic of Goth places. Worth a look. The rest of Dunedin is too. It’s all down here waiting.
Gold Rush
The gold rush happened in the South, as it did in many places in New Zealand and around the world. As is often the case when it suddenly ran out, it made for interesting times. I like rushes in principle. I like them because a rush, whether it was for gold or diamonds or whatever, had the potential to really upset things almost overnight. The rich could became poor, the poor could become rich, and people got up to all kinds of things along the way.
Huhu Grubs
They’re real. And they really do taste like peanut butter. Sort of.
Māori Culture
In 1931, one hundred people were annoyed.
This is not unusual. What made them special was that they were all annoyed together at the same person. Which must have been nice.
That person was Albert Einstein.
And the unhappy people got so very worked up that they actually stopped life to get together and write things down (always a bad sign).
What they came up with was a book titled One Hundred Authors Against Einstein. The book was a collection of essays criticizing Einstein’s theory of relativity from every angle they could think of. Einstein, they agreed, was so very clearly wrong about everything in every way (including the fact that Jewish people couldn’t do real science anyway).
When Einstein was asked about the book he retorted by saying, “Why 100 authors? If I were wrong, then one would have been enough.”
This book involves several aspects of Māori culture, both good and bad. I’m not Māori. Serious people will be annoyed. In the spirit of Einstein, I shall attempt to measure my impact by number of respondents (setting aside my lack of comparable brilliance).
But for those willing to take this story in the spirit it is given, I will say that I find the Māori and Pacific Island peoples of New Zealand endlessly fascinating. In many ways, the people I’ve met span the extremes of humanity. Some are so clearly, authentically themselves that having met them makes me wish I was more like them (and that it would have been a far better world if they colonized us instead of the other way around). On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also met those who fall well beyond redemption, whose cultural identity is but another handy tool to exploit the people around them. But then, that’s people everywhere, isn’t it?
Mirror Trick, The
I was first introduced to this trick by a very strange man I met in Africa when I was a boy. He was a Swami, although I never could figure out exactly what he believed in. He told me that strange things would happen to people who did this trick regularly. Try it, you’ll see.
Moose
It’s true that in 1910, the Canadian Moose—or Meese—were brought over to New Zealand and introduced in the hopes of establishing another handy food source. They did the same with goats and deer way back. It’s also true that nobody knows if it worked or not. Maybe they are out there. Maybe they aren’t. The cool thing is that there are still large parts of New Zealand that are so rugged and wild and impassable that even now, we still can’t find out. I really like that about this country.
Monkey Trapping, The Two Secrets Of
The two secrets of monkey trapping, although most likely not used these days, have been told to me as true. Apparently it only lasts for a few seconds though, so you have to be hiding fairly close and be ready to pounce before the monkey figures it out and lets go of the seeds. As I’ve been informed, you have to jump out and make a lot of noise as soon as the monkey grabs the seeds. That way he panics and his fists clench and he’s trapped those few moments longer until you can get to him.
Years ago I saw some old film footage of a man using the exact same principle but by making the trap hole in the side of an anthill.
Murderball
Murderball and all the related details about the game are mostly true. The people who play it really are a great lot. Personally I think all adults, challenged or not, should play some kind of group sport regularly and vigorously. I think we’d all be saner. And yes, New Zealand did actually win that world championship, and it did coincide with the period when the term wheelchair rugby replaced the term Murderball. This will make complete sense to you if you understand how uniquely crazy this country is about rugby. It’s a special kind of obsession, somewhere between religion and addiction, but mostly without the drawbacks of either.
New Zealand
By now you’ll realise that I’m an unashamed fan of this country. It really is the best one. I’d soon run out of adjectives if I had to list all the goodness. The more you do and see here, the more you’ll want to. Do so. It’ll probably make you a better person, too.
Radhanites
The Radhanites were real. And amazing. Intrepid explorers routinely going out much farther than anyone else, whether by land or sea. And they were doing it centuries before the likes of Marco Polo, Columbus, and Dias. I also find it fascinating how different the world was back then. The Jewish merchants were successful largely because Judaism acted as the neutral go-between. As the one group both Christianity and Islam would rather deal with than each other. I wonder what those merchants would think of the world as it is now.
Riverton
There are far too many good things I could say about Riverton, its people, and past. Much more than one book’s worth. So I’ll just mention a few true things. The booms of whaling, gold, sealing, and fishing were all real. As were the successive waves of interesting adventure seekers who came from all across the globe seeking their fortunes. The estuary and the bay and the wharf are real. Bloody Jack is real. And for a long, long time, Riverton really was the last town down. Go there and talk to people.
Rugby
If you’re not from here, then let me re-iterate that, if anything, I have understated the extent to which New Zealanders love rugby. If you’re from here, you already know.
Vinegar
It is actually possible to use freezing to concentrate normal vinegar into an acid that’s quite potent, and given time, you could dissolve most of what’s in human bones in a sufficiently strong solution. But lye would be much more effective and is commonly used. In some countries, like in Mexico, the practice is still frequently employed by the criminal underworld. They call it making “Pozole,” after a local stew.
Slavery
Whether you call it
slavery or human trafficking, actually trading and using people as if they were not people is common throughout history all around the world. In fact, if you do some research, you’ll soon find that in many parts of the world, the problem is getting bigger, not smaller. The concept has always interested me. I’m fascinated by the idea that there is something in us that can make doing this be okay.
Therapy
There’s a fair amount of therapy and related theory in this book and will undoubtedly create some questions from the experienced and informed. So in short, let me say that Betty uses an eclectic approach that blends elements of Logotherapy with Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy and Transactional Analysis. Applied with enough force, it works, trust me.
Try pots
Try pots are real. They are the really massive pots that for a time were used to render whale blubber into whale oil. They were used on shore and on sea. There are still many of them around the world in museums and such. When you see one, try to resist the urge to get in it, the staff don’t like it.
Pegasus Bay
There is an isolated bay on Stewart Island. The tiny island even further south than the South Island of New Zealand. Back in 1826, the Joseph Weller, a schooner, was built there, and became the very first vessel ever to be entered into the New Zealand Shipping Register. During the 1890s, Pegasus Bay had its own tin mining boom but it was short-lived. Eventually it was abandoned completely. Today you can only reach it by boat or by arduous hike, but it’s still there and still beautiful.
Western Star, The
The first issue of the Western Star newspaper was sold on 15 November 1873. It was in print for decades, with its final edition in 1943. Today it offers an amazing window into the life and times of the old South. You can still find some archived copies in the Riverton Heritage Centre.
Yin
The term Yin is taken from the Chinese philosophy concept of Yin-Yang. This refers, broadly, to the realization that opposing and/or conflicting forces may often be interdependent and complementary in the natural world. Across its various applications, Yin often refers to that which is feminine/dark/passive/negative, whereas Yang is more commonly associated with that which is male/light/active/positive.
Seen from this perspective, this book is definitely not in balance. The male characters are most commonly negative and dark and weak, while the female characters are positive and light and strong. This, in my view, is not fiction, but mostly how the world actually works (you can throw in good and evil, too, and you’d still be right more often than not).
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