I laugh but can’t disagree.
I take one look in the mirror and know that there is nothing I can do to change the basketball tummy. I run my hands through my hair til it looks at least decent.
“Cherie, you look beautiful. So ripe and lush. I love it.” His constant and enthusiastic support is comforting as I lose my shape.
“You’re biased. Help with my shoes? It’s been a week since I could see my feet and it’s raining out so I want my ankle boots.”
“Of course, chou chou.” He bends down to slip my boots on and tie them for me. Of course he kisses my feet and rubs them. I groan in pleasure and he chuckles.
“My feet constantly hurt these days and my lower back. Vampire healing can’t keep up with it.”
“Pauvre chou chou. I’ll start rubbing them with that lavender massage oil every night.”
Sebastian stands up and gives me a hand to help me get vertical. Ugh. I complain a lot but I have never been happier. I can’t imagine how Hannah carried twins.
“I’m ready, everyone. Let’s head out. Are we going via Aidan or taking the cars?” I ask.
“Let’s take the cars, cherie. I don’t know what the transmanifestating would do to you now and I don’t want to take any chances.”
“I’d probably just tumble over on re-entry.”
“Then for sure we are taking the cars,” Sebastian says with a look of horror on his face.
We take Bast’s Mercedes SUV that he just bought. A family vehicle with room for baby gear and Annie. He insisted we needed it for the baby. I’ve seen all the gear that Hannah and Diel have to troop around. Thanks to the size of the SUV, we are able to fit everyone in one car. Poor Aidan gets the back row though and complains loudly.
Diel and Han have moved into their house by the sea. She had Aidan help her paint all the rooms in blues and greys to match the colors of the water. It is probably one of the most soothing homes I’ve ever been in. The twins still share a room because they don’t like to be separated but they have a huge playroom now. Diel has an office and Hannah has taken up pottery again. They converted the grandma house into a studio. Who knew our ganja girl was such a domestic. Hades has a huge yard with access to the ocean. He couldn’t be happier.
Of course Aidan and Manda have moved into their house. I’ve never seen Aidan work so hard as he did to get their house ready. They did a total remodel of the inside and then had to decorate. It’s show-room gorgeous. Manda is very happy there. All the remodeling materials were ecologically sound. After I found out about the “green” paint, I made Aidan redo all my rooms with it.
My full moon transformation went well. I needed to eat from six people, though. Eyes got all silver and big and my belly stayed the same size. Dr. Hildebrand monitored the baby closely during that time and everything was good. In fact that is when we got our first 3D picture of the baby. I have it framed on my night stand. I cried for an hour after seeing it. So beautiful.
“Where to first?” Sebastian asks as we pull out of the drive. I haven’t been out of the house in forever it seems.
“First stop, smoothies. Then I have a list of boutiques in order of location,” I say.
Aidan and Bast laugh. Bast shakes his head and I give him a stern look. Squinting and pursing my lips and everything. He shuts up.
“Okay, smoothies first,” Bast says much more subdued.
We find a local coffee spot where Bast and Aidan go in. Aidan just pops himself out of the vehicle instead of making everyone move. Soon they are headed back to the car with their arms full of delicious, fruity concoctions.
“I’ll have to see if Annie knows how to make these. I do love them,” I wax lyrical about my strawberry, banana, and blueberry smoothie.
We all slurp noisily on our way to the first boutique. I know what the chain stores have and I’m looking for something different. I have a map of the Bay Area Top Ten A-List shops and I’m dedicated.
Our first stop is Sprout San Francisco to check out cribs and furniture. Their mission is: safe and healthy. I like that. Unfortunately I wasn’t sold on any one piece of furniture yet. Will definitely come back for other things.
We went to almost all the shops on my list. In the end we bought a white mini round crib for our room, a grey Million Dollar Baby crib with matching dresser, and a Monte Designs Joya rocker in wool and walnut. We bought several Sprouts storage bins and caddies to have on the floor with toys. They are so cute with bright geometric animals on them. We had to buy the best car seat according to the research Sebastian had done and three extra car seat bases for everyone that is hoping to cart bambino St. John around. A Stokke Xplory stroller rounded out our large spree of purchases. We stocked up on layettes and sleepers, bottles, bouncers, baby carriers and booties.
I am exhausted. I missed my afternoon nap and fell asleep in the car on the way home. I only wake up when Sebastian starts to unbuckle me.
“Shh… rest cherie. You’re tired. Let me carry you in to bed.”
“M’kay.” I wrap my arms around his neck and fall back asleep. When I wake up, Aidan has dinner for me. I am spoiled. But right now I am too uncomfortable and tired to care.
Helena is bustling around the kitchen making spiced hot cider for me. We gave Annie the day off since we would be out all day.
“Here you go, dearest,” Helena says while she ushers me and my cider to a chair. I sink down willingly.
Just as I bring my cup up to take a sip, I get a searing pain across my abdomen and drop my mug. It burns like nothing else ever has. I cry out and clasp my stomach. I hear Sebastian yell at Aidan to call Dr. Hildebrand and then I am rushing through the house towards our clinic room. Another wave of pain streaks through me and when I bring my hand up I see it covered in blood.
“Sebastian,” I wail. “Blood.”
“Mon Dieu, easy, cherie. The doctor is on the way.”
He yells to Aidan that there is a lot of blood and to let the doctor know. Soon I register Aidan is in the room with us and is conveying this to the doctor. He’s telling him to hurry and that he will pick him up at home and bring him to the portal. Then Aidan is gone.
Helena is at my side.
“Sebastian, we need to get these clothes off her and get her into a gown so I can have a look at her. Hurry,” Helena says.
Sebastian rips my clothes off as another pain rips through me. Helena is snapping the gown on and laying me back. She places her hand in a place I rather she wouldn’t. Another hot roar across my stomach. I’m so scared.
“Bast, hold my hand.”
“I already am, Lily. Can’t you feel it?” he asks panicked.
“All I feel is the pain. Oh Goddess, the baby. Where is the doctor? Helena what’s wrong?”
“I think the placenta has detached and he is going to have to do a c-section and fast.”
“Oohh…” I groan out. I wanted to deliver naturally. Fuck, this hurts.
Dr. Hildebrand and Maggie come in then.
“Mrs. St. John, you are going to meet this baby of yours today. Maggie, prep the trays. I brought an anesthesiologist with me. Aidan is getting a list of things he will need as we speak.”
“What can I do,” Sebastian pleads.
“Change into some scrubs if you want to stay. Helena, same thing.”
“We’re here Dr. Hildebrand,” Aidan says. “Can I sterilize the room?”
“That would be helpful, yes. Dr. Green is on his way too. Dr. Lynn, do you have everything you need?”
“Yes, Aidan was most helpful. I’m starting an IV now and then will get the epidural in place.”
“Good, we’re on the same page. Helena what do you think?”
“Detached placenta,” she replies.
“My guess too. Won’t know more until we are in there. Epidural, Dr. Lynn.”
“Working on it. Mrs. St. John, I need you to roll up into a ball. I know it hurts. Maybe your husband can help.”
Sebastian helps me sit up and holds me as I try and bend over.
The pain is immense and I cry out again. Sebastian is already in scrubs and is rubbing my arms and whispering to me.
“Lily, I love you. It’s going to be okay. I know you wanted things differently but as long as we get our petite enfant out safely that’s all that matters, right?”
“Rrriight.” I’m grunting the words out as the doctor sticks a needle in my back and another contraction pierces me. If they even are contractions. I am so worried and scared that I cling to Bast.
“Sweetheart, it will be okay. We have the best doctors and we have Aidan to get whatever we need. I love you, be brave, cherie.”
“Aidan, get into scrubs. I need you in here in case we have forgotten anything,” Dr. Hildebrand says. “Ah, Dr. Green. Welcome to the party. Let Aidan know if you need anything.”
I can see out of the corner of my eye Dr. Green and Aidan conferring and things appearing out of thin air. The room is full and noisy. I’m suddenly being moved to my back and my legs have gone numb. The pain is gone too. This isn’t like I imagined it would be but I don’t care at this point. I just want a healthy baby.
“Dr. Hildebrand, she’s ready.”
“Lily, do you feel this?”
“No, what is it?”
“A scapel. Okay everyone, let’s deliver this baby.”
A sheet goes up, blocking my view. Bast squeezes my hand and I can feel it now that the pain is gone. I look up at him and he smiles down at me. Reassuring me and I relax a little and wait for my baby’s cry.
I feel a tugging and then Dr. Hildebrand asking for suction. Then there it is.
My baby cries.
“You’ve got a daughter, Mr. and Mrs. St. John.”
I look at Bast and he is shaking quietly as he cries. I squeeze his hand. He looks down at me with so much raw passion. I smile back at him. Then the room starts to go dark. I fade away.
THIRTY-SIX / SEBASTIAN
Just when I thought I lost our precious little girl, she cries out again. Then Lily goes unconscious. Dr. Hildebrand is yelling at Maggie to start a blood transfusion and he is working, steady as a rock, on Lily. Dr. Green yells that the baby’s apgar is an eight.
“What’s wrong?” I yell.
“She’s bleeding internally. I have to do a hysterectomy. I’m sorry but this will be your one and only child, Sebastian.” Dr. Hildebrand gives me a pained look.
“I don’t care. Just make Lily better.”
Dr. Hildebrand nods. He works steadily until he says he got it.
I close my eyes and thank the Goddess.
“She should be coming to soon considering her healing power. We need to get another transfusion through her first,” Dr. Hildebrand says.
I watch the blood slowly flow into her, willing it to go faster. I don’t feel right seeing our daughter for the first time without Lily. A daughter. Goddess bless us. I’m so thankful she is healthy. I can hear Helena coo over her. She asks me if I want to hold her.
“Not until Lily is awake. I want to do it together. It just feels right.”
“Of course, dearest. Grandma Helena and Uncle Aidan will entertain her until then.”
“She’s so beautiful, Sebastian. She has black hair like you but Lily’s nose and eyes. So beautiful,” Aidan says.
I can imagine her in my head as I watch the bag empty.
“Lily, my love, wake up, come back to us, baby,” I coax. “Lily, we have to meet our daughter.” That does it. Her eyes flutter open.
“Bast, the baby?”
“Healthy. Being tended to by Helena and Aidan because I wanted to meet her for the first time with you.”
“Hurry, honey, I want to meet her.”
Helena appears with a little bundle wrapped in a soft white blanket. She holds it out to me and I take her with shaking hands.
“Don’t drop her,” Helena teases.
“I won’t,” I whisper.
I scoot close to Lily and then pull the blanket back so we can look at her.
“Oohh…” Lily says and then she starts crying. “She’s so beautiful.”
“Like her mamman,” I say.
“Sebastian, she has your hair and mouth.”
“She has your eyes and nose.”
“She’s the perfect mix,” Helena says smiling down at us. “What is this beauty’s name?”
I look at Lily, encouraging her to tell them.
“Her name is Mathilda Mae St. John.”
“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” Aidan says. He’s smiling at us like a proud papa.
“Thank you, Aidan. I don’t know how to thank you enough,” I say, my voice full of the emotion I feel.
“You guys did all the work. I just added a little magick in the beginning. She’s all yours. I’m sorry I can’t give you more,” He says, eyes full of our pain.
“What does he mean, Bast?” Lily looks confused and scared.
“You were bleeding internally. Dr. Hildebrand had to do a hysterectomy. We won’t be able to have any more children.” I hate telling her this. I take her hand and squeeze it while I cradle our daughter to my chest. A fleeting look of pain crosses her face.
“We are blessed with one daughter we never imagined we could have. We will love her like no other has ever been loved. One is enough, mon coeur.”
“I love you, so much.” I’m overcome with love for my two girls. “How are you feeling, cherie?”
“I’m sore. I think it will take a few hours to feel better. I feel hungry too. I should probably eat again. I also feel empty. It is so strange not having her in me anymore. I miss that,” she says wistfully.
“I’ll fetch you some dinner. Do we know what this gorgeous girl eats yet?” Aidan asks.
“I’m sure it will be blood. But she doesn’t have any teeth yet so it will have to be bag blood in a bottle,” Dr. Green says. “Just make sure the bag blood is as fresh as possible.”
“There, you have a fridge full of blood taken today. It should last you a while. I will change it out every couple of days,” Aidan says.
“Oh, we need to sterilize the bottles. We haven’t even unpacked them yet,” Lily exclaims.
“There and there. I set up the mini bed in your room and here is a bottle. The rest are in the kitchen, all sterilized. I took the liberty of putting all the furniture and items you bought together. Helena is washing the clothes as we speak.”
“I’ll go fill this bottle and warm it. You hold our Mathilda,” I say.
I leave, watching as the rest of the family starts to trickle in.
THIRTY-SEVEN / LILITH
It is exhausting to shepherd everyone in and out. Thank the heavens that Helena and Aidan take up the chore of telling the birthing story. I was kinda out of it for most of it. Sebastian brought a warm bottle of blood in and he and I took turns feeding her.
Mathilda is so cute sucking on her bottle. When she is done Sebastian burps her and she nestles down against my breast to sleep. Soon I am feeling like my old self. Sebastian holds Mathilda while I shower and change. I want to finish washing off Mathilda and dress her. All her clothes are fresh from the dryer.
Andrew has been taking pictures like crazy, proclaiming himself the official photographer. He’s made sure to catch all of the “firsts” so far. I’m so thankful to him and tell him.
“What are aunties for? I love this and I love her and I love you two. I am overflowing with it. I never knew what a spectacular thing this would be. I mean, I had a feeling when the twins were born but this is different,” he says.
“I love you, Andrew,” I tell him giving him a quick strong hug. “You better get that camera ready because I am giving her her first bath.”
He has the camera ready and is already taking pictures of her while I unwrap her. I notice an increase in the room temperature and look at Aidan who winks at me. It won’t be so chilly for her now. He thinks of everything. What would I do without this loving family?
Everyone oohs and aahs when I unwrap her. Her hands and feet are so tiny and adorab
le. I have visions of shoe shopping with my teen daughter.
“I see that look in your eyes,” Sebastian says smiling at me.
“What look?” I ask while playing with her little toes.
“The look that says you cannot wait to shoe shop with our daughter. She probably will have a different pair of shoes for everyday of the week as a baby let alone later. I better work hard in order to afford all those shoes.”
I giggle. He knows me so well, but we could shoe factories and we’d never even notice the dent in our income. He pulls me closer and kisses my head.
I take turns with Sebastian in gently washing Mattie up. Hmm… I like Mattie for a nickname.
“What do you think of Mattie for a nickname?” I ask Sebastian.
“I like it. Mattie Mae.”
“She’ll always be Mathilda to me,” Aidan says.
“Yes you do have a penchant for formal names. She will love that her Uncle Aidan calls her that,” Sebastian says.
“Or hate it,” Andrew chimes in.
“She’ll love me. I’ll spoil her so much. I only hope that Manda and I have a boy now so they can get married,” Aidan says.
“Oh no, I know I am going to have to beat the boys back already. I don’t need a built in suitor,” Sebastian exclaims. He looks nervous. Ha! Serves him right for all his player days.
“I think it would be sweet,” I say and wink at Aidan who is laughing at Sebastian.
I dress Mattie in a soft onesie and then a white Alpaca sweater and leggings with booties made out of the same yarn as the sweater. It also has a hat that I put on her. She is so snuggly cute and I have to nuzzle her hair and kiss her. Sebastian comes up behind and wraps his hands around us both. Andrew snaps a picture while we are watching our darling girl and she is looking at us.
“That’s the money shot,” Andrew proclaims.
Everyone looks at the photo and it looks like a professional took it. You can see the longing and love in the picture.
“I need an eleven by fourteen of that, Andrew. That’s going in Mattie’s room. Maybe a five by seven for our room too. I want to put it on the nightstand,” I say.
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