“Okay. I’ll be on my way now,” Paige said. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Paige.” Lennox opened the door to her truck and got inside.
“Lennox! Don’t go yet!”
Lennox poked her head out of her vehicle. “Change your mind about the ride?”
“No. I, er, I have a question for you. A friendly question, not a dately one.”
Lennox bit her lip to keep from smiling. “What?”
“What’s your sign?”
Lennox started laughing.
“Why is that funny?” Paige asked.
“Paige, that is NOT a friendly question. That’s a pick-up line. It’s usually used as a very cheesy way to schmooze either someone you want to date or someone you’re dating.”
“Huh. I’ve never used it.”
“She said as she was using it.” Lennox smirked. “Are you schmoozing me?”
“No! I want to know,” Paige said.
“Why?”
“I just do. Please.”
“Okay. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” Lennox said.
“I’m an Aquarius.”
“I was born on October sixteenth,” Lennox said. “I’m a Libra.”
“Shit.”
“What? Are you Libra-phobic?”
“I’m not, thank you. So I’m an Aquarius and you’re a Libra,” Paige said.
“Yup.”
“Shit.”
“Paige, what?”
“Libras. Your sign. You’re my quintessential mate,” Paige said.
Lennox grinned. “I could’ve told you that without astrology.”
“Ah! Stop. You have to go. Be gone. Shoo.”
“Paige, don’t freak out over this.”
“Goodnight, Lennox.”
“Is this where we separate?” Lennox asked.
“Yes.”
“Okay. Then goodnight, Paige.” Lennox shut the cab’s door, started the truck, and drove off as Paige barreled up the street towards the main road.
Chapter Nineteen
Paige trundled into her dorm room, deposited her bag by her nightstand, and toppled onto her bed face-first. The fluffy pillow muzzled her aggravated scream.
“Well hello to you, too, Paige,” Keira said.
Paige grunted and rolled over on her side. Marissa and Keira smiled and waved at her from across the suite on the floor in front of Keira’s dresser.
“How are things?” Marissa asked Paige.
Paige glared at her friend. “Dire.”
“Dire. Oh my.” Marissa shook her head. “That can’t be good, because it’s not like you’d ever hyperbolize or anything.”
“Grrr. Why are you here, Rissa?” Paige asked.
“I invited her,” Keira said. “I thought you might need us both.”
Paige narrowed her eyes. “Need you both for what?”
“For when you got home from your date with Lennox,” Marissa said.
“Aargh! It wasn’t a date!” Paige sat up and her gaze veered from Marissa to Keira. She gaped. “Waaait a minute. You guys talked about me? Behind my back!”
“Paige.” Marissa’s tone was serene. “Now I want you to take a breath.”
“You take a friggin’ breath! No one was gabbing about you!” Paige pointed to Keira. “Or you!”
“Easy does it. There’s an explanation for all this.” Marissa glanced at Keira. “Keira, tell her.”
Keira’s eyes grew wide. “What? Why does it have to be me?” She bristled at Marissa.
“You’re her roomie,” Marissa said to Keira.
“This is unreal,” Paige mumbled.
“And you’re her best friend,” Keira said to Marissa. “So I think you trump me.”
“Your menstrual cycles are synced. I can’t rival that.” Marissa shrugged.
“Marissa!” Paige yelled. “Ick.”
“Yuuuuuck, Marissa,” Keira said. “How do you—”
“Phone app.” Marissa grinned. “I’m tracking every woman in my life. Muahahaha!”
“That’s disconcerting,” Paige said.
“I beg to differ,” Marissa said to Paige. “It’s very pragmatic, because now I know how many emergency tampons to have with me at all times. And you can each thank me later.”
“Nope. I agree with Paige,” Keira said.
“See? You two are simpatico,” Marissa said.
“Fine! I’ll do the talking,” Keira said to Marissa.
Marissa smiled. “Hooray!”
Keira looked at Paige. “Paige, the events in chronological order are as such. You told me of the conflict within you, then I overheard you talking to Lennox on the phone last night and you said something about tonight. Today I went to band practice and once Lennox and Callie left, Marissa and I stayed to work on our riffs for the song Lennox wrote—”
“The one about you,” Marissa said to Paige. “It’s a gem!”
Keira sighed and turned to Marissa. “I thought you wanted me to talk.”
Marissa nodded. “I do. Sorry.”
Keira coughed. “Any—”
“Whoa. Wait,” Paige said to Keira. “You and Marissa ‘worked late’ together by yourselves? Making music?” Paige smirked.
Keira’s cheeks lost their coloration and she glowered at Paige.
“That’s what she said, Paige. Weren’t you listening?” Marissa asked.
“I was listening alright,” Paige said.
“Guys, let me talk,” Keira said.
“Yes. Talk,” Paige said.
Keira focused on Paige again. “Okay. While reading the lyrics, I saw the parallelisms between Lennox’s words and what you and I had discussed the night before about you two being just friends. Now sometimes when it’s just the two of us”—Keira motioned to Marissa—“we get to gossiping. Nothing malicious. It’s kind of how we do. I told Marissa that the song made me think of you and she got really quiet, which is her tell. I then asked Marissa if she had spoken to you this week and she said that she had.” Keira exhaled. “There was a give and take of tidings about you and Lennox and Justin. I divulged that you were having a non-date with Lennox this evening. Sorry.”
Marissa put her arm around Keira. “Paige, we treasure you and we figured that we should be here when you got home, because we didn’t want you to be upset by yourself.”
Paige stared at her worried friends then at the ceiling. The gravity of her internal battle, her loyalty to Justin, and her craving for Lennox filled her. Exhausted, Paige blinked and teardrops began to stream down her face.
Marissa and Keira got up from the floor and sat on either side of Paige. Marissa touched Paige’s shoulder.
Paige put her head in her hands. “I don't even know why I'm crying or why it hurts so much. It's just a crush.”
“That's exactly why it hurts. Why do you think they're called crushes? Because they live up to their namesake,” Keira said.
“What do I do now?” Paige asked.
“Paige, you’ve known all along what you have to do so, that’s what you do,” Marissa said.
Chapter Twenty
“Hey,” Paige said to Justin as he approached her. “Thanks for meeting me.”
Justin nodded and seated himself on the park bench next to Paige. He leaned forward, rested his forearms on his knees, and looked over at Paige. “Well when you returned my text at three this morning, you said it was important that I come here. So, here I am.”
Paige bit her bottom lip. “Er. Did I wake you?”
“Paige, it was 3 a.m. Yeah, you woke me.”
“Sorry,” Paige said. “I couldn’t sleep. I had lotsa work and, uh, introspection to do.”
“It’s alright. Now what’s wrong?” Justin asked.
“Why would you ask that?”
“Because it’s five o’clock, the sun hasn’t risen yet, and we’re sitting in the middle of a playground. You do know that there’s a reason why I never take classes that start before ten, right?”
“You’re the one who
said we should talk and I thought it would be good to do it in person,” Paige said.
“It didn’t have to be this early.”
“Or did it?”
“Ugh. My god, Paige. Okay, let’s talk.” Justin sat back, still staring at Paige.
“You speak first. After all, it was your message to me that initiated this whole thing.”
“Fine,” Justin said. “I wanted to apologize for arguing with you at the library. You were watching out for me and I verbally assaulted you. I was an ass and I’m sorry. Besides, you were right. She likes someone else. Are we cool?”
Paige’s chest tightened. She took off her baseball hat, lifted the hair from her sweaty neck, and pulled it up into a messy bun. She returned the cap to her head and her eyes to Justin.
“You weren’t being an ass. I’m the ass,” Paige said.
“Why?”
Paige let out a deep breath. “Justin, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Then tell me.”
“I, uh, I have to apologize to you, too.”
“What for?” Justin asked.
“At the library that day, I was right only because you were right.”
“Huh?”
Paige cringed. “I lied to you and I’m really sorry.”
Justin sat up straighter. “What did you lie to me about?”
“Me. I lied to you about myself. When you asked me if I had a thing for Lennox, I told you I didn’t. That was a lie, but I didn’t know it was a lie. I was in denial. What I knew, though, was that she liked me. She told me she did, but not in so many words. But I wasn’t going to be with her because of the bisexual stuff. You said it, that I wouldn’t let myself be with her. And I wouldn’t. Then her sexuality didn’t matter to me anymore and my crush on her grew exponentially. But I had already told you to go for her. Knowing that you also liked her, I still couldn’t be with her because I didn’t want to hurt you. And we have a pact,” Paige said.
Justin stood up and glared down at Paige. “Why did you tell me to date her if you liked her?”
“I didn’t want to like her. I thought if she were off the market, dating you, then my feelings for her would kind of just die,” Paige said.
“Oooh. Is that what you thought?”
“Yes.”
“Paige, you played me for a schmuck!”
“You’re not a—”
“No!” Justin yelled. “I don’t wanna hear it! You made me think that you felt nothing for her and that it was okay if I asked her out, but all the while, you knew you had a crush on her. And you knew she liked you, too! You knew she’d turn me down. You knew! You set me up!”
“I didn’t. I—”
“You call yourself a best friend? Ha! What a crock of shit. You lied to me and made me look the part of an imbecile! To what? Just to save face and protect your lesbian blogger image! You’re so selfish, Paige!”
“Justin, please…”
“Please what?” Justin shook his head. “Tell you that it’s alright that you defiled our oath? Because it’s not.”
Paige gasped. “No. I never! I wouldn’t.”
“Only you did. Paige, we promised to keep each other safe from harm. Lies are harmful. And all you’ve been doing lately is lying to me,” Justin said.
“I brought you here because I had to tell you the truth.”
“Why now?” Justin asked.
“I want to be with Lennox, but I can’t. Not in good conscience. Not unless I talked to you about it—”
“What? Because you want my approval, Paige?”
“No. Because I want you to understand that none of this, what I’ve done, was out of betrayal. I really was trying to uphold the oath when, as you pointed out, I was breaking it…unknowingly. I can’t stop how I feel about her, but I love you, Justin. You’re my best friend,” Paige said.
Justin put his wrist up to his mouth and used his teeth to untie the knot of his bracelet. He grabbed Paige’s hand and pushed it into her palm. Paige strangled a sob.
“Do what you want with yours but you can keep mine. I have no use for it,” Justin said.
“Then he just left! Marissa, he just…he was there and he wasn’t,” Paige bewailed into the phone. “You told me he wouldn’t do that.”
“Okay. So maybe I don’t know Justin as well as I thought I did,” Marissa said.
“The friendship bracelets that we wear, the ones we’ve had for ten years, he took his off and gave it to me.”
“Hmm. How did he give it to you? Like it was a memento?” Marissa asked.
“No. More like it was a piece of trash.”
“Ow.”
“Tell me about it,” Paige said.
“I didn’t realize he was such a sensitive guy.”
“Yeah. I actually think it’s one of his best qualities.” Paige exhaled. “Ugh. I can’t blame him for being irate, though. He was right. I fucked him over.”
“You didn’t intentionally cause him affliction,” Marissa said. “That counts.”
“Not to him, it doesn’t. I have no idea how to remedy this. How do I unafflict him?”
“You don’t. He has a bruised ego. He needs time,” Marissa said.
“How much time?” Paige asked.
“That’s Justin’s call to make.”
“What if he never makes that call?”
“I’m speaking metaphorically. You got that, right?” Marissa asked.
“I did. Thanks. So I’m supposed to just be waiting around for a call that may or may not come in?”
Marissa sighed. “No. Listen, Paige, it’s done. It happened. You can’t go back and change that. Sorry, buddy. Now what you can do is look to what’s ahead and press on and stay the course and let Jesus take the wheel one day at a time or some motivational shit. You feel me?”
“Uh…”
“It’s my roommate, man. She tapes all these sayings from self-help books to our walls and I read you a line from each of them thinking something would resonate,” Marissa said. “How’d it go?”
“And was that everything?” Paige asked.
“Er…oh! Carpe diem. There. That does it. Did anything take?”
“Nope. Marissa, in your own words. Please.”
“Alright. What I’m telling you, in sum, is don’t dwell. Dwelling will paralyze you and then you won’t make your next move,” Marissa said.
“What move would that be?” Paige asked.
“Go after the girl, dummy.”
“Marissa, I can’t do that.”
“Why can’t you?” Marissa asked.
“There’s an obstacle in my way.”
“Which is?”
“Ethical culpability,” Paige said.
“Or what we commoners have dubbed ‘guilt.’”
“Yeah.”
“That’s normal, but you did all you could do. You apologized to Justin and now he’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. It’s out of your hands. And you need to cope with that because if you don’t, then your only real obstacle is you.”
Paige nodded. “Keep that. I felt it.”
“You did?” Marissa asked.
“I sure did.”
“Hah! Yes! Awesome!”
Paige smiled. “Thanks for the earful.”
“Sure. It’s been a pleasure. But I should get to class. Today, we’re doing the female artists of the Renaissance.”
“I heard what you did there,” Paige said.
Marissa giggled. “What ever do you mean?”
“You’re ‘doing’ the artists,” Paige said.
“I meant nothing by that. Bow chicka wow wow.”
“Bye, Marissa.”
“Bye, Paige. And thank you for writing about Poser America’s gig in the paper.”
“You’re welcome. And I, um, I’m meeting Lennox at Callie’s later, so I might see you.”
“Bow chicka wow wow.”
Paige rolled her eyes. “Goodbye,” she said and hung up the phone. She turned around in her desk chair to
face Keira.
Keira glanced away from her laptop and at Paige. “Did she tell you to do what I told you to do?”
“In a very Marissa-esque way, she did,” Paige said.
“Okay. And what did you tell you to do? Because that’s what matters most.”
“I told myself to take a chance,” Paige said.
Chapter Twenty-One
Paige parked her sedan in front of Callie’s house at exactly 5:21 p.m. She eyed herself in the rearview mirror, applied a clear moisturizer to her lips, and futzed around with the hoop decorating the cartilage of her left ear. Finally, Paige detached her safety belt, wiped her clammy palms on the knees of her jeans, and unbuttoned the cuffs to her olive green, long-sleeved, military shirt, baring the two bracelets on her wrist—hers and Justin’s. She took a deep breath, got out of the car, and began walking towards the black truck stationed in front of the open garage adjoined to Callie’s home.
Paige decelerated to a stop next to Lennox’s pickup upon hearing the chords of an acoustic guitar. She glanced around for Marissa’s vehicle but it was nowhere in sight. Rapt by the music, Paige skulked to the entrance. Her throat thickened with emotion and she smiled.
Lennox sat on a crate amid the band’s equipment in the drab rehearsal space, strumming the guitar positioned on her leg. Her head was tilted down and to the side. Her cinnamon-colored hair hung over her face, but only a little so that her sculpted cheekbones and petite nose were still discernable.
At the finale of Lennox’s song, Paige cheered loudly. Startled, Lennox screamed and went tumbling backwards off her seat with her instrument.
“Oh my god!” Paige rushed to Lennox and stood above her. “Are you okay?”
Lennox glanced up at Paige. “Ouch.”
“I’m wicked sorry,” Paige said.
“Are you though?” Lennox asked.
“Of course I am. I didn’t mean to alarm you.”
“Alarm me? You almost gave me a heart attack!”
Paige reached her arm out. “Let me help you.”
“That’s nice of you,” Lennox said and passed her guitar to Paige. “Here. Take her. I can assist myself, thanks.”
Paige chewed on her bottom lip to hinder a laugh and held onto the fretboard of the guitar while Lennox got to her feet.
Never the Same Page 12
