“The cops? What the hell is wrong with you! I just want to talk to you!” he said as he grabbed my arms and shook me like a rag doll.
“Get the fuck off me!” I said throwing his hands off me.
I started run up my driveway, but he was right on my heels and grabbed me again. I don’t know what he was aiming for, but in the midst of him trying to hold onto me, he ended up hitting me in my ribcage. I got pissed and punched him in the face.
He clinched my wrists tightly and said, “Why are you acting like this!”
I broke his hold and gave him a hard shove with my entire body, which knocked him back a few feet. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was ready to brawl. If I had to beat the shit out of Ronan to get him out of my life, then I was more than prepared to do so. Even if that meant doing it right on the front lawn of my parent’s house.
“You wanna fight you piece of shit? Then lets go already!” I said giving him another hard shove.
“I don’t want to fight, I just want to talk to you!”
“I don’t want to talk to you! Why can’t you get that through your thick head!” I said shoving him again.
“I fucking love you Marisa! Why won’t you give me another chance?”
“I’ve told you a million times I want nothing to do with you! I fucking hate you!”
Ronan looked at me like I was a nut.
“Did you hear me? I fucking hate you! I hope you die! Get out of my life!” I said giving him multiple shoves with all the strength I could muster.
He looked like a deer caught in headlights. He said nothing and suddenly ran out of my driveway. He didn’t stop running till he reached his moms car. I stood in my driveway, completely out of breath as Ronan drove off. I put my hand on my ribcage, which hurt a little bit. I looked around and was surprised that my yelling didn’t wake anyone up.
I was out of breath and didn’t feel like going inside my house. There was a nice breeze outside, so I quietly walked down the driveway along the side of my house and went to my backyard. I looked at a swing my dad had made years ago for my sisters and me when we were little. It was gently swaying from the wind as it hung from our big oak tree. I climbed onto the swing and just sat there. I hadn’t been on that thing in years and thought about how simple my life was the last time I sat on that swing. I also thought about something my mom told me not too long ago. She said, “You have the rest of your life to be an adult and only a few years to be a carefree kid. So enjoy those years while you can and don’t be in such a rush to grow up.”
I wouldn’t say I had an epiphany but more a moment of clarity into my future. I knew I was at a crossroads and had to decide what kind of woman I wanted to grow up to be. I could continue down the path I was on, let my self esteem dig even further into the dirt and fill my life with abusive boyfriends, or I could learn from the mistake I made by letting Ronan into my life and never let another guy treat me like that again. Luckily, I went with the latter option.
I sat outside on the swing for a few minutes then snuck into my house. I was sweaty from the struggle I had with Ronan, but I couldn’t take a shower because that would’ve woken up my parents. Instead, I turned my fan on, peeled off my sweaty clothes, and put on some clean pajamas. I turned off the light in my room and lay in bed. It took me well over an hour to finally wind down before I was able to fall asleep.
A few days passed and Ronan was M.I.A. again. Needless to say, I was worried about going to The Strip the following weekend. While I got ready to go out, I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that something wasn’t right. I turned off the lights in my bedroom, closed the door, and peeked out my bedroom window. There were no cars parked in front of my house and the porch light was lighting my entire driveway. Since no one was around outside, I closed the curtain, turned the lights back on, and continued getting ready.
About a half hour later, I was about to leave and pickup Sasha when I decided to check outside one last time. I shut off the lights in my room again and peeked out of my bedroom window. This time I saw Ronan's mom’s car parked across the street. My stomach started to churn, and a heavy wave of anxiety came over me as I quickly closed the curtain.
Calling the police wasn’t an option because I was still under the dumb impression that I could handle him on my own. Ronan knew damn well I went to The Strip every weekend. He also knew I usually went with Sasha and Dagmar. He knew where Sasha lived too, so I called her and devised a plan to ditch him.
“Hey, I need you to be waiting outside in front of your building when I come get you okay?” I said.
“Why? Is Ronan up to his old tricks?” she asked.
“Yes, so wait ten minutes then go outside. I’m about to walk out the door right now.”
“Oh screw him. He’s just doing shit to piss you off.”
Sasha didn’t know anything about Ronan hitting his mom, the incident at Ron’s or our boxing match in my driveway from a week earlier. I had done a pretty good job of hiding his more extreme behavior from her and everyone else for that matter. So as far as she knew, Ronan was just being an annoying pain in the ass.
“Listen, just be outside your apartment in ten minutes okay?” I said sternly.
“Okay okay, fine,” she said relenting.
I hung up with Sasha, then grabbed my things and held on to them tightly. I bolted out my front door, hopped into Lucy’s car and quickly locked the doors behind me. To my surprise, Ronan didn't attempt to get out of the car. He just sat in his mom’s car watching me. It wasn’t until I pulled out of the driveway and made my way down the street that he started to follow me. Luckily, I knew a shortcut to Sasha’s and quickly lost him. I just prayed that she would do as I told her and be outside waiting so I could scoop her up and bolt to Hollywood.
When I turned the corner to Sasha’s and approached her apartment building, she was nowhere to be found. I punched the dashboard in frustration and pulled around to park in the back of the building. I just hoped that Ronan would keep driving if he didn't see Lucy’s car out front.
Seeing no signs of Ronan, I got out and started to run up the flight of stairs to the 2nd floor. I ran down a hallway and was almost to her front door when I saw Ronan running up the staircase from the opposite end. Being faster than me, he made it to Sasha’s front door before I could and wouldn’t let me go in.
“Please, just talk to me for a minute!” he pleaded.
“It’s over! I have nothing to say to you! Gawd just leave me alone already!”
“You heartless bitch! I should kill your fucking family so you can feel half the pain I'm going through!”
Every time I thought Ronan’s craziness had pushed it to the furthest level, he’d push it a little more. I decided to call his bluff.
“Oh yeah? Well my friends know about all your little antics, so if anything happens to me or my family, you're going to jail you psycho piece of shit!” I yelled.
Flustered, he frantically climbed over the railing.
“Don’t make me do it! I’ll jump!” he yelled.
“Go ahead! I hope you do!” I yelled back.
I stormed into Sasha’s apartment, slammed her front door behind me and charged into her bedroom. She looked up at me cluelessly as she touched up her makeup.
“I’m late aren’t I?” she said.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? I ask you to do ONE little thing.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know I’m lagging. I'll make it up to you. Midnight snack, my treat okay?” she said with a big smile.
I hardly thought greasy take out was a fair exchange for my possible homicide outside her front door, but I didn't want to ruin the night by being a sourpuss, so I reluctantly accepted her offer.
Sasha finished getting ready, and we hopped into Lucy’s car with no sign of Ronan. When we got to The Strip, I met up with Sheldon and found myself constantly looking over my shoulder during our brief conversation. He asked me what was wrong, but of course I lied and said everything was fine. Granted,
everyone brings some type of baggage to a relationship, but I wasn’t about to tell him that mine was an ex who moonlighted in stalking and boiling bunnies Fatal Attraction style.
Sasha and I roamed The Strip on our own for the next few hours then met up with Sheldon and Alan at the end of the night. As they walked us to Lucy’s car, they mentioned they were going to stick around for a little bit longer, so I told them to hop in and I’d give them a ride back down to The Strip.
I pulled into the AM/PM store across from The Whisky and leaned over to get a hug and kiss from Sheldon, who was sitting in the passengers seat. After exchanging a few smooches, I pulled back to find Ronan thrusting his arms into the passengers side window and clasping both hands around my throat. Sheldon quickly broke the choke and Alan flipped the passenger seat forward to get out, shoving Sheldon right into the dashboard. Alan barreled out the door from the backseat and chased after Ronan, with Sheldon following right behind him. Alan caught up to Ronan at the back of Lucy’s car and planted a right hook that threw him across the trunk of the car. I quickly rolled up the windows and locked the doors as Sasha cheered and clapped with delight.
“Beat his ass!” she yelled as she smacked her hands repeatedly against the rear window.
Not being able to do anything about the situation, I just sat in the drivers seat and watched in my rearview mirror as Ronan got his ass kicked. When Alan and Sheldon finally let up on Ronan, he immediately ran over to the driver’s side door and started pounding on my window.
“How could you do this to me you cheating whore!” he yelled with his freshly beaten face.
“I'm NOT your fucking girlfriend you psycho asshole!” I screamed at the window.
After a little more pushing and shoving, the boys told Ronan if he didn’t leave me alone, they would beat the shit out of him again. Ronan looked at me as if he were waiting for me to say something in his defense. I ignored him and stared straight ahead with my arms crossed, focusing on a bum rummaging through a trashcan in front of the store. A few moments later, Ronan walked away. I finally rolled down my window.
“Are you okay?” Sheldon asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I'm so sorry about all of this. Believe me, he's not my boyfriend. He's a fucking nut and won't leave me alone.”
On one hand, I was horrified that Sheldon had to get involved. But after hanging out in Hollywood for the last few months, I realized that crazy shit like that was commonplace on The Sunset Strip. So it’s not like Ronan’s outburst was going to stick out and become gossip fodder.
While I was grateful that Alan and Sheldon had given Ronan a good pummeling, I wasn't sure they had beat the crazy out of him, I could only hope. I was worried whether or not I’d see his mom’s car parked outside my house when I got home that night. I just couldn’t take another boxing match or possibly worse. I wished that I had someone, a bodyguard to make sure I got into my house safely, and that’s when I thought of my dad.
During the warm summer evenings, he’d often hang out on our porch late at night, sipping a cup of coffee and reading whatever new book on war stories he had just picked up. So I called my dad before I left Hollywood that night, in the hopes he’d still be up.
“Hey Chuck, are you still awake?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m just doing some reading, what’s up?” he said.
“I’m going to be home in a few minutes, and I was wondering if you could wait up for me.”
“Sure. I just poured myself a fresh cup of coffee.”
“But you're outside on the porch right?”
“Yeah, I’m outside right now.”
“Okay, wait outside for me till I get home okay?” “Why? What's wrong?”
My dad was the last person I could tell all my Ronan drama to. With him being an Army veteran, I could only imagine how he would’ve handled the situation.
“Umm, nothing. I just saw this really scary movie and I’m totally scared of the dark right now. Stay outside though, okay?” I said.
“Okay, I’ll be outside waiting for you,” he said.
We hung up and my eyes welled up with tears. With that one little sentence, he put my heart and fears to rest. When I had the love and protection of my dad, it was like an indestructible wall that no man, no machine, nor any psycho for that matter could penetrate.
After dropping off Sasha, I made my way home. When I turned the corner to my street, there was no sign of Ronan or his mom’s car to be found. I pulled in the driveway and breathed a sigh of relief once I saw my dad. As promised, he was sitting under the porch light with his feet up on a small brick ledge, sipping a cup of coffee and reading a book. When my dad smiled at me as I got out of Lucy’s car that night, it suddenly put everything into perspective.
The entire time I dated Ronan, I always resented my parents for their rules and enforced curfews. Sure Ronan may have had more freedoms than I did, but he also didn’t have anyone to provide a steady home for him. No one made him delicious home cooked meals or gave him fresh bed sheets to sleep in because he didn’t have his own bed. His family wouldn’t notice if he were gone for days on end because no one cared what happened to him. He thought he was king of the world for being a teenager with no rules, but in reality he had nothing. I on the other hand, seeing my dad on the porch that night, felt I had everything.
“Hey Chuck, what’s up?” I said as I got out of the car.
“Nothin much. What's the word bird?” he asked.
“The word is ‘crap’. What a crappy night. I just want to go to sleep.”
“The movie was bad huh?”
“It was horrible. The most HORRIBLE movie I've ever seen and I hope I never ever see it again.”
“What was the movie?”
“You don't want to know. I'm going to bed. Thanks for waiting up Chuck.”
“Up Chuck?”
We both shared a laugh, then he gathered up his things and we went inside.
Maybe Ronan had come to my house, saw my dad and drove off. Or it’s possible the beating at the hands of Alan and Sheldon actually worked. I'd probably never know either way. Instead of stressing about what could happen with Ronan, I tried to put it all behind me and focus on my new social circle in Hollywood.
7
GIRLFRIEND OF A (PSUEDO) ROCK STAR
As the summer turned into fall, I started my senior year in high school and continued to be a regular on The Sunset Strip. I was meeting more bands and seeing things my budding pubescent eyes were too young to see. I had no desire to go to neighborhood keg parties and school dances anymore. I found them boring in comparison to hanging out in the Hollywood scene with an older crowd.
With me bowing out of just about all high school related activities, I found myself becoming alienated from the rest of my fellow seniors, with the exception of Arwen and Ariah. Jude really never went to Hollywood because she was more into doing the local thing of hanging out in Alhambra, which I found boring. Even Dagmar wasn’t going to The Strip with Sasha and I every weekend like she used to. The rest of my classmates thought I was a stuck up, Hollywood snob because I wasn’t hanging out in Rosemead anymore. I did feel bad that I was coming off that way, but I’ve always been the kind of person that welcomed change and was eager to see what the next big thing was. I felt I had done everything there was to do in Rosemead and simply wanted to do something different. So I continued going to shows in Hollywood, where I met a flock of high school girls like myself that I could relate to. One of those girls was a doe eyed brunette named Faye Warner.
Faye and I met at a Dancer show and I couldn’t take my eyes off her the first time I saw her. She was absolutely stunning with long honey brown hair and big brown eyes. She had the body of a Playboy model and could’ve easily passed as Cindy Crawford’s younger sister. She actually approached me first by asking if I was Sheldon’s girlfriend. I was surprised by her inquiry because I had only been dating Sheldon for a few weeks. I wasn’t aware anyone else knew we were hanging out. Although we were spending a majo
rity of our time together, even I wasn’t sure if I was his official girlfriend yet.
Going back to Faye, she was an only child who lived with her parents in Burbank. Her mom was a homemaker and her dad was a district attorney. He would often give her rides to Hollywood and drop her off by herself, which I found shocking since she was only 14.
One of the things I liked most about going to Faye’s house strangely enough was getting to play with her pet rabbit, Chloe. The poor thing sat in her cage most of the time, except when I came to play with her. Faye knew how much I loved rabbits and told me I could have Chloe because she knew I’d give her a better home. Unfortunately, my mom didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of having another pet in the house, even though she was a huge animal lover.
Speaking of my mom, it was around the same time that she told me her and my dad were separating. I don’t know why she used the word “separate” when I knew it was a flat out divorce. They had been arguing quite a bit over the last few years, and I had braced myself for the possibility that it might happen. But when those words came out of my mom’s mouth, I can’t say it didn’t bother me. Not because I wanted my parents together. I knew they were better off being apart. But I knew that meant my dad would move out, and I’d really miss seeing him everyday.
As the divorce proceedings went through, I noticed each member of my family slowly drift apart from our once close little unit. My dad was already starting up a new relationship with some woman named Pamela, my mom was in an emotional limbo because she didn’t want to get divorced, and Lucy was rarely home because she was always over Tim’s house. I didn’t realize the extent of how much my family was growing apart until my drama class in high school performed their first semester play, The Crucible.
I was set to play the character of Ann Putnam and told everyone in my family when our first and only performance was. They didn’t say anything about going to see me perform, but they didn’t have to. I knew they would be there because they were big on those kinds of things. It didn’t matter if I was in a Broadway play or a puppet show on a street corner. I knew my mom would wrangle the family together to support me.
Rock and Roll High School: Growing Up in Hollywood During the Decade of Decadence Page 11
