by Casey Hays
But coaxing him back to the Pit? It seems… cowardly. He stands before me bravely prepared to take his chances out here alone—and I cower under the pressure. Because it’s what I do. My eyes flood with tears as I see myself clearly, and I sink to my knees in the grass.
I want him to go back to the Pit... because I am a selfish coward. I’ve been one all my life, bending to Fate, honoring the Council to protect myself. I’m not brave like Kate or Diana, and I could never be like Meg, who died for her mate. I am too afraid of death. I need boundaries, regardless of whether they are good for me. Life makes sense with boundaries. I could never make Kate understand this.
Chad doesn’t fall to his knees beside me. He doesn’t try to comfort me this time. His face a tight mask, he waits on me, as he always has. Waits for my cue that he can move or speak… or think. Or does he? I study him. He’s bent on his own way this time. I can sense it.
It comes to me as I stare up at him that this is the first time I’ve seen him outside of his cave in the daylight—the backdrop of the mountains behind him, the river rushing below. The outline of his muscled arms is defined more readily by the sun. The breeze catches a strand of his dust-colored hair, flailing it around on top of his head. And this man… he is suddenly a beautiful thing, and I think to myself, why would I lock him away again?
With this fresh thought planted in my head, I climb to my feet and take his hands. “What should we do?”
He raises a surprised brow at my question. My fingers tighten.
“Tell me,” I prod. “I want to know what you want.”
After a moment, he licks his lips. “I want to watch the sun rise,” he points. “Over there. And I want to lie on the ground and catch rainwater in my mouth. I want to run down the bank of the river as far and fast as I can.” He steps in, a hand on my stomach. “I want to hold this baby. My baby. And I want to do all these things with you. Only you.”
With his answer, a mixture of joy and fear comingles so closely together inside me that I can hardly decipher a difference between the two emotions. The leather token seems to tighten around my thumb of its own volition with Chad’s words. And I have never been more certain than I am in this moment that the stock do feel things. They can hurt. They can care.
They can love.
This is very new to me, but it’s also very real, and the desire to protect Chad overpowers every other inclination.
“If they catch us—” I begin.
He tugs on my fingers, elation flooding his words. “I will do whatever you say, Mia. If you say hide, I will hide. If you say run, I’ll run. They won’t catch us.”
I swallow, and it’s like gulping down a boulder. His determination scares me, but it also pushes me. It makes me consider what I want—what I’ve wanted for a very long time and was too afraid to admit. I ease a trembling breath from my lungs.
“Show me where you plan to stay,” I whisper.
He blinks once, and his bottom lip trembles until he catches it between his teeth. I say nothing more. Instead, I take to the river, dragging him behind me as fast as my traitorous heart will go.
*
It’s nearly dark when we reach the place at the river where Chad crossed. The waters are so shallow that large rocks protrude, forming a rugged path over a narrow pass. I’ve never been this far away from the Village, and I have never had a single thought to cross the river. Yet Chad, who has lived as a caged animal for most his life has done it. My nerves tremble as I cling to his hand. He points to the opposite embankment.
“Right there. I found an empty cave in the cleft of the mountains. It’s small, but dry and hidden.” He merely shrugs. “I’m used to a small space. It will do.” A pause. “I shouldn’t come back over again, so I wanted to show you where to cross.”
Doubt flutters in my chest.
“I wish I had a blanket for you. And food. What if I can’t get back to you?” I lift my eyes to him with real concern. “What if I can’t get across the river by myself?”
He studies me for a moment before his lips break into a wide smile. I crane backward.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Your questions make me smile.”
I frown. “Why?’
“Because you have to ask them. It makes me feel… like you need me.”
His answer warms my heart, but my expression remains serious. Because this is serious, and dangerous… and very risky. Quickly, I wrap the fingers of my free hand around his wrist. “Stay hidden. If they find you—”
I can’t finish my sentence, and a trembling overtakes me, rippling through my body until it affects Chad, too. Turning, he dips his head to one side, catching my eyes.
“I will stay hidden,” he promises.
I nod, but my mind runs in too many directions, and my fear runs with it. This choice—when his eyes are on me, like now—it feels right. But nothing in me believes it is wise, and I am terrified. Never would I have thought to engage in something like this, and yet, here I am helping my mate escape—without any sort of plan.
Kate would be so proud.
“I will bring you everything you need first thing tomorrow,” I tell him, and he nods.
I step away, our fingers break free from one another, and his eyes change. He’s been so brave, but I feel his fear. It collides with my own.
I step into him, laying my forehead against his chest, and his arms envelop me. One squeeze, and I sigh into his embrace.
“Stay safe,” I whisper. “Everything will be better tomorrow.”
I say these things blindly and to ease my own fears. I truly have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Or the next day. It’s more likely that we will get caught, but I don’t say this aloud. I don’t want to think it. He knows as well as I that our chances are slim, so there’s no need to put it into words.
We stay locked together another moment before he bends down and presses his lips to mine—a sweet, gentle move. Everything in me wants to stay right here with him, but that would be no good for either of us if I expect for him to survive out here.
It’s well past supper by the time I slink my way into the Village, but fortunately, someone turned sixteen tonight, and the festivities are in full swing in the clearing. Not only has the Council been preoccupied, but there will be plenty of food for the taking and enough drinking for me to do so without suspicion. I toss my eyes to the sky, utterly grateful.
The orange glow of the bonfire is capped by a canopy of smoke that spreads out across the clearing, and the music, slow and methodic, beats in my ears as I approach. The clearing is full of women, laughing and chattering, and a strange sensation works its way into my chest. If circumstances were different tonight—if Diana and Kate and Layla were here—I’d be right in the thick of this celebration. Honestly, I enjoy them tremendously, and I search the head table until I find Lilly, the girl of honor. She perches on the edge of her chair, her eyes bright with anticipation, and I have to smile. I remember my day well. It felt so nice to finally be a woman—to be a productive part of our community. Tara sits beside her in Mona’s place. She leans in to speak to Eleanor on her left, but she spots me and straightens. I manage a weak smile, but a little piece of me balks with guilt as I near the food table cluttered with every delicacy the Village has to offer. I must reek of betrayal.
I avoid her eyes and load my platter with sliced boar, turkey legs, fruit, and bread and settle into a vacant spot at the end of one table. The speeches ended long before I arrived. Lilly’s title of singer has been bestowed upon her, and there is nothing left to do but enjoy the party. The food smells delicious, and I would devour every bit of it if my stomach weren’t tied into fat knots. I nibble on a piece of meat, avoiding the eyes of those at the other end of the table who can certainly read in my expression what an awful person I’ve become overnight. I know all too well what I would think. How could someone be so disloyal to her own people as to aid in the misconduct of stock? One woman casts a glance my way, and I shrink lower in my seat,
afraid in my panic this may be exactly what she’s thinking.
The Council glazes over the assembly with steady, watchful eyes. The musicians beat their drums and play their flutes, and Lilly is coaxed into singing for us—her very first official performance. With a shy smile, she stands, takes a place on the platform, and begins. Her voice is serenely beautiful as it curls out over our heads like whispers of wind. It mesmerizes, and I am not surprised the Lion chose this duty for her.
“She has quite a voice.”
I turn. Blaer’s eyes remain on Lilly another minute before she plops down beside me and rests her elbows on the table. She nods at my food.
“Are you going to eat all that?”
Paranoia invades, and I pull the dish closer in. “I’m… not eating for only myself any longer.”
Blaer leans back, beaming. “You’re pregnant? Well, that is good news.”
I smile wanly, grateful to have that excuse for hoarding food. With a wink, Blaer leans in.
“I suppose that influenced your decision not to cross the river today.”
She doesn’t balk, her gaze steady, and it takes a good half minute to choke down the meat I’ve just swallowed. Blaer casually reaches for a pitcher and pours me a clay cup of water. I gulp it down before facing her, anger riddling me.
“Are you following me?”
Lilly’s voice floats out soft and wispy over my loud question, and a few of the women’s heads turn. Blaer pays no mind as she shrugs.
“I would call it… noticing your activity.”
I tense, pulling my shoulders up until my back straightens completely, giving me a good two inches on Blaer’s height. “Oh. So you’re not following me. You’re spying on me.”
Blaer studies me, an intensity flooding into her features. “I will admit I’ve been curious about you.”
I shake my head, exasperated. “Why?”
Only then does Blaer cast an uneasy glance at those around us. “Could we talk somewhere else?” she asks quietly.
“About what?”
She sighs, slumping. “I know you have no reason to trust me, Mia, but I’m not your enemy. In fact, I might be the best friend you have right now.”
“We aren’t friends,” I remind her.
“And I’ll say again… we could be.”
I cannot for my life understand why she’s suddenly so interested in me. Blaer never cared for any of my friends. She was older than Diana and too sophisticated for our antics, and I consciously listen for an ulterior motive in her tone.
“Give me a few minutes of your time. It’s all I ask.”
I purse my lips, thinking. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have a conversation with her. At the very least, I could find out how much she saw today. Does she know that Chad is hiding on the other side of the river, or did she only see me returning? I sigh.
“Fine.” On an afterthought, I add, “But I need you to fill a platter with food and bring it. For later.” I rub my stomach as a decoy.
She leaps to her feet. “Should I select mostly fruit and nuts? Some bread, possibly? You know, things that will keep longer?”
She winks again. I stare at her.
She knows.
I watch her disappear into the crowd, fully aware that Chad’s escape will be short-lived if she betrays what she knows. Every scenario I can imagine floods into my head: Tara put her up to this; she is following me because the Council is bent on finding Kate; they still think I had something to do with Chad’s disappearance—which I did not.
Until now.
Blaer trots toward me, a platter piled with nonperishable items, and I grow more uneasy. But the Council is oblivious to the girl carrying the overloaded dish, still smiling over Lilly, who has just begun her third song.
“I hope this is enough for him.” Blaer whispers, lifting her hoard with a toss of her head. “Come on.”
I rise, carrying my half-eaten meal, and follow her out of the clearing with no clue as to what I’m about to get myself into.
Chapter 12
B
laer doesn’t take the path that leads back to the hogans, and she doesn’t turn toward the Pit, either. Instead, once we’re free from the clearing, she cuts back around the perimeter and heads toward the west end. I don’t say a word as I follow, my curiosity rising just enough to keep me two paces behind her. Only when we’re standing in front of Mona’s cabin do I lift my brows. Blaer tosses me a cheeky smile.
“This is our meeting place.”
My fingers tighten on the edge of the dish. “For what?”
Without another word, she climbs the wooden steps and pushes open the door. I don’t move as she disappears inside. I’ve never been this close to the Village leader’s cabin. I wouldn’t dare think of it. And yet… Blaer walks in as if she owns it herself. What is she thinking?
I scan the skies, a nervous tingling pricking me. Are the Moirai watching? Will they send the Council? And what will they do if they find us here?
Blaer pokes her head out and peers at me. “Are you coming?”
“What are you doing, Blaer? Have you lost your mind?” I shake my head, a real concern for her safety enveloping me. “This is sacred ground.”
She emits a soft laugh and steps out onto the porch. “Hardly. There’s nothing in here but a big, empty room now.”
I think on this. Out of respect to her memory, everything that belonged to Mona was burned after her death to prevent anyone else from ever using it. The flames from the bonfire were so tall they seemed to lick the clouds, and they left a smoky haze that lasted for hours. That was three days before her burial. Still, traipsing into this place without any kind of regard feels wrong. I shuffle my feet uncomfortably.
“Don’t worry, Mia.” Blaer takes a step and curls her bare toes over the edge of the top step. “Nobody has come here in weeks. And since we have no official council leader yet, we have no reason to fear being here.”
“But…” My fingers flex against the dish. “What of the Moirai?”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “This is precisely why we’re here.”
Her words only confuse me further. She skips down the steps and takes my arm. “Now standing out here in the open… this is the danger. Come on.”
Nerves rattling, I let her lead me up the steps.
“Here we are, girls.”
“It’s about time.”
A harsh whisper from the shadows. I blink rapidly, hoping to adjust to the sudden darkness.
“Who’s with you?” I ask Blaer.
“A few like-minded friends,” she answers with a hopeful skip in her voice. “We’ve been waiting for the perfect time to approach the rebel breeder’s best friend. When I saw you helping your mate cross the river, I knew it had arrived.”
I hardly have time to digest this before one of the girls throws a blanket over a rack hanging above the one window to shield us from outside eyes, and a candle flares to life. My eyes fall over the tall frame of Fallon. I shift my gaze to another crouching on the floor near the candle. The flames brighten her face. Bridget. All breeders. Astounded, I swing toward Blaer.
“What is this?”
There’s a shuffle from the far corner, and Gina comes into view. My mouth drops with shock at the sight of the hunter.
“We’ve formed a little group.” Blaer nods once, her hands clasped behind her back. “Of rebels.”
The word shoots through me, and my nerve endings come alive.
“Oh no.” I shake my head, and slide back a step, misjudging the distance and bumping an elbow into the door. A few morsels bounce from my dish and sprinkle the floor. “I am not doing this.”
“Mia,” Blaer raises a cautious hand. “Please don’t go. We have so many questions.”
“And why would you think I have answers?”
Her brows lift. “Didn’t Kate tell you her plans?”
“No, she did not.” I reach for the door handle. “I wanted no part in what she did, either. And—I—I begrud
gingly helped her when she asked. I don’t want to be a rebel.”
“Then why did you help your mate escape?” Fallon chimes in. My head swings in her direction. She’s as tall as me, our eyes meeting squarely. I swallow the bile rising in my throat.
“I didn’t.”
The room is silent a beat.
“Of course you did,” Gina quips. “No stock would leave the Pit on his own.”
“It’s exactly what he did,” I snap as my fear takes over. Gina narrows her eyes with a scowl.
“But… why would he?” Fallon shakes her head in confusion. “None of the others have had a thought to do so.”
Blaer crosses her arms over her chest, her scrutinizing eyes dancing in the candlelight as she waits for my answer. My chest tightens, but I say nothing. Clearly, they haven’t been informed that Chad isn’t the only one. But I don’t have to tell these girls a thing. I owe them nothing. I pull the door open an inch.
“Wait.” Blaer takes a step, sending a harsh look toward the others. “No more questions about your mate.”
“We promise, Mia,” Bridget adds, a shy smile transforming her face.
I hesitate, shifting my eyes from one girl to the next, but I let the door click back into place.
“I’m not going to rebel against the Council,” I announce, my voice firm and commanding, which has never been an easy task for me.
“Okay,” Blaer nods.
I tilt my head her way. “Why are you doing this?”
She smiles and takes a seat near Bridget. Crossing her legs beneath her, she pats the floor. “Come sit with us.”
Begrudgingly, I sink down beside her. Fallon does the same, but Gina stays solidly in her spot. All of their faces peer at me anxiously, and my nerves flare to life again. I don’t know what they think to gain from my being here.
