by Donna Alward
Before she could say anything, he turned and went out the door, down the stairs, back to his car. Started it as if on autopilot, backed out of the driveway, made his way to the highway and east toward Calgary.
Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to live in reality again. And he’d been right, too. Reality sucked.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ADELE STOOD IN her entry for what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a minute or two. Certainly long enough for Dan to get in his car and drive away. For good. Long enough for the silence to confirm that he wasn’t coming back. And that she’d pushed him away again.
And while she wasn’t sure what else she could have done, she couldn’t escape the feeling that it was so utterly, utterly wrong.
Quiet footsteps took her back to the living room, where she sank down onto the sofa, staring straight ahead. Numb. She wasn’t really feeling anything at all until Mr. Num-Nums jumped up on the sofa with a soft chirp and climbed onto her lap, all warm and soft and reassuring.
She started to cry. To cry like she hadn’t in years. Not since the day she’d found out she’d need a hysterectomy. Since she’d broken up with Dan the first time, when she’d been so sure she was sending him off to better things and she was dealing with her own crisis. This was different.
Worse. Somehow, this was worse.
She cried into Mr. Num-Nums’s fur and he let her, as if he knew she needed him to stay. After a long time, she sobbed her way to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine, her hand shaking. She sat in the dark and drank it, trying to staunch her tears and get a grip on herself. But nothing chased away the empty hole in the pit of her stomach, the awful burn of knowing he was gone.
At seven o’clock she broke down and called Harper, because she simply didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Harper showed up with emergency wine, chocolate, potato chips and a box of tissues. Arms full, she enveloped Adele in a warm hug, the bags of stuff clunking against Adele’s back. “I’m so sorry, honey.”
“Oh, Harper.”
“Come on. Let’s go in and you can tell me everything.”
Harper took over, pouring more wine, putting chips in a bowl and opening the little box of chocolate truffles. Adele sat on the sofa again, feeling slightly cheered as Harper handed her a glass of wine and a piece of chocolate. “Seriously. Put that in your mouth and let it melt. It’s my Callebaut emergency stash.”
“The fact that you have an emergency stash at all and can stay out of it is testament to your willpower.”
“Don’t be silly. I lock it up at the studio. I have to really want it to go over there and fetch it.”
Adele laughed, something she hadn’t expected to do. She ate the truffle—divine—and sipped the wine. Closed her eyes and let out a big breath.
“Okay,” Harper said firmly. “Now you can tell me what happened that made your face look like crap.”
“Dan’s gone.”
“I gathered that.” She leaned back and sipped from her glass. “What happened?”
“What didn’t?” Now that Adele had had a good cry, she could speak without losing it. “I haven’t talked to you in a few days. We went dogsledding...it was so fun...and then a real dinner date. Our feelings...” Her throat clogged again and she took a moment, plus another good pull of wine before continuing. “We admitted we hadn’t stopped loving each other. And he wanted me to stay with him all night, but I didn’t. I had to think.”
“Uh-oh.” Harper reached into the chip bowl. “I know what that means.”
“What?”
She crunched down on a chip. “Oh, honey. You overthink things. You think them to death. It works great in your business, but in life...sometimes you have to go with your gut. Fly by the seat of your pants.”
“I don’t overthink. I just deal with what’s in front of me.”
“Sure. Okay, go on. Then what happened?”
“Then he came here today and...” She paused, but when she spoke again, it all came out in a rush. “And he wanted to try again, but he doesn’t trust me not to hurt him again. And then his sister had a baby and I still can’t give him the family he wants and how could we make it work between Toronto and here? It doesn’t make sense. And so he left.”
Harper stared at her. “I hope you weren’t that blunt.”
“It’s not that I don’t love him. I do.”
“Then what the hell is the problem?” Harper put her glass down on the table and sat back, folding her hands in her lap. “Listen, Adele, I love you. You’re the closest thing to a sister I’ve ever had. But you don’t let yourself get close to anyone, including me. I’ve known all along that you were guarding secrets. How can you really love someone if you don’t let them in? And that’s what you did to Dan, all those years ago. You deprived him of the joy—and yes, the pain—of being by your side when you were sick. You spoke for him and took his voice. Would you want someone to do that to you?”
Adele’s mouth dropped open.
“I know, this is some serious tough love, but you can’t go on this way. You’re a wedding planner. Why does everyone get a happy-ever-after but you? Don’t you think you deserve it?”
Her throat started to burn.
“And of course Dan doesn’t trust you yet. You broke his heart. You left. It’s natural he’d be afraid you might do it again, and it’s up to you to prove otherwise. But by God, you need to fight for him if you want him.”
Harper let out a big breath, reached for her wine and took a gulp.
“If you’d seen his face when he got the text about his new nephew,” Adele whispered.
“And you can’t have kids. This is not a new development, and you told Dan, and he still fell for you again this week. I mean, has he actually come out and said it would be a deal breaker?”
“Of course not, but—”
“No buts. Sweetie, this is you putting up walls. I don’t know why, but I recognize it when I see it.” She tempered her voice and touched Adele’s knee. “I’m not saying it wasn’t devastating. I can see that it was. And I’m not trying to be insensitive, but I have to ask. Does your infertility make you feel like less of a woman?”
Adele thought about it for a minute, still reeling from the blunt but caring speech she’d been treated to. “No. I’m not less of a woman. A woman isn’t defined by her reproductive parts. But somehow, I feel like...a mother is.”
Harper’s gaze softened. “I’m going to tell you a little something about myself that I don’t usually tell. I’m adopted. I was adopted at birth by my mom and dad and I can tell you right now, that motherhood isn’t defined by reproductive parts, either. Because that’s biology, and motherhood...” She leaned over and put her hand on Adele’s heart. “That’s in here. If you open it up and take a chance.”
Adele sniffed again, swiped at her eyes with her right hand and took the hand Harper had over her heart in her left. “Why didn’t I call you yesterday?” she wailed.
Harper sighed. “Because you’re scared. And in love. And you’re letting logistics get conveniently in the way. If you truly want a solution, you’ll find a solution. I promise. Now let’s finish this chocolate, binge on the chips, drink the wine and have a sleepover. We can talk until the wee hours and then tomorrow you can decide what you’re going to do.”
Adele blinked away the moisture in her lashes and smiled. “You are a great friend, Harper.”
“I know. Now, pass the chips.”
* * *
Dan sat at a makeshift desk in the downtown office and tapped his pen against the legal pad in front of him. He usually used a pen and paper to jot down notes—there was still something about working things out in ink that he liked—but today he’d hardly done anything but doodle on the top page.
Oh, he’d worked on his laptop and had a call with head office as a follow-up to a report he’d received, bu
t he couldn’t stop thoughts of Adele from sneaking in every moment he wasn’t busy.
This morning he’d sat in on a meeting with the office staff and he’d been duly impressed with their positive, proactive attitude and teamwork to get things up and running as quickly and smoothly as possible. They were dealing with new contracts and site construction while still working out the kinks of setting up a new office. It had been exciting, actually. More than he’d expected. Back in Toronto, he’d seen all this information on paper and in columns of black and red. Seeing it in motion was a totally different thing.
He should just enjoy it while he was here, and then head back on Thursday. He had a new nephew to see, after all.
The thought cheered him more than anything else had all week. It was difficult to get excited about going home when it felt like there was very little there waiting for him.
Steve, the branch manager, stepped into Dan’s temporary office and shut the door. “Hey, I wanted to get your thoughts on something.”
“Sure. Fire away.” Dan was happy to have another distraction. Eventually he wouldn’t need them, right? It would just take time.
Steve sat and Dan thought he looked a little nervous, the way he was perched on his chair instead of relaxing against the back. He wasn’t smiling, either. Dan put down his pen. “What’s up, Steve? You don’t look happy.”
“I know you’re not in HR or anything, but I need some advice. Or just a sounding board... I don’t know. The thing is, the office is just getting off the ground, and...”
Dan leaned forward. “Just spell it out.” He smiled a little. “It can’t be that bad.” Were there staffing issues? Supplier or jobsite complications?
“My wife’s had an opportunity come her way and I want her to take it. It’s unlikely another chance like this will come again, especially at our age. It seems like anything over fifty and suddenly you’re seen as having a short shelf life.”
Dan nodded. “Instead of realizing that your years of experience bring a depth to the management table. I understand.”
Steve nodded. “I know you’re young, but I’m glad you get it. The thing is, the job’s in London.”
Dan sat back. “England?”
Steve nodded. “At a hospital there. The kids are mostly grown, and...” Steve grinned at this point, his eyes lighting up. “Seriously, it feels like a new beginning for us. Exciting and we’re nowhere near as broke as we were when we were newlyweds with secondhand furniture and twenty bucks left on payday.”
Dan nodded. “So...you’d go to London with her.”
Steve nodded. “Yeah. Not until March, so it’s not like it’s next week or anything, but yeah. That would be the plan. But I don’t want to screw over the company, either. I’ve put in a lot of years and I care about what happens. It’s a crucial time, and managing the office here...well, I did and still do appreciate the confidence the company’s placed in me.”
Dan looked at the older man, hair graying at his temples, but his blue eyes alight with the idea of a new adventure. There was no question in Dan’s mind what he should do. “Of course you should go. You wouldn’t want her to miss out on this, and I’m guessing that you don’t want to do this apart, either.”
“She’s worked hard and supported me all this time. It’s her turn, you know? And being apart...well, we’ve been together for twenty-five years. That’s just a nonstarter.” He smiled. “We’d be miserable. It’s a sacrifice I’m happy to make. It’s just hard because I feel as if you placed your trust in me and I’m bailing.”
“You’re not bailing. You’re choosing a life over a job. No one doubts your dedication—you know that. We’ll work it out.”
Steve rose from his chair and held out his hand. “You know, one of the things I’ve always loved about this company is that the people seem to come first. I’m going to miss that.”
Dan shook his hand with a firm grip. “Talk to HR and put in your resignation, and I’ll have a word with Brian, too.” The CEO would likely have someone in mind to take over, anyway. “It’ll all work out. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks. I’m heading out for the day, but I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I have another day before jetting back to the real world.”
“Too bad. It’s been nice having you around. Your ideas in the meeting this morning were great.”
“Hey, I’m more than just a pretty face. Or a bean counter,” Dan quipped. “Take it easy, Steve.”
“You too. And thanks for the ear.”
After Steve was gone, Dan sat back in his chair and thought about what had just happened. Steve had risen through the ranks of the company after he’d left his job in aviation and had gone to work as a service tech for wind turbines. He’d earned this position from years of dedication and initiative. But he was willing to put it all to the side to support his wife in a new opportunity. Some would call him foolish, but Dan respected him even more than he had before.
His thoughts turned to Adele. Did they have this sort of relationship? Could they have? Was he willing to sacrifice his dream for hers?
He picked up his pen and started doodling again, just a series of squiggles on the yellow pad. He thought back to when she’d broken up with him. She’d left so he could follow his dream of a great career and big family. She’d been the one to sacrifice, even if it had been utterly misguided. And while he was still angry that she’d taken the choice away from him—surely that wasn’t a sign of a great relationship—he now understood that she’d sacrificed her own happiness for what she thought would be his. As she’d said once: wrong thing for the right reasons.
She’d sacrificed once...so why should he demand she do so again?
He turned the thoughts over and over in his brain as he checked his watch and made a call through to Toronto, informing Brian of the impending situation. Thought of it while he stayed in the office far too late, not looking forward to returning to the hotel and eating alone again. He ordered in instead, and picked at the Vietnamese noodles listlessly. What he wanted to do was jump in his car and drive to Banff and knock on her door. But he wasn’t sure what he’d say. She’d been very definite, hadn’t she?
In the end, he finally went back to the hotel to try to get some sleep.
At eight in the morning, he was back at the office. He walked in the door and saw the receptionist already at her desk. “Good morning, Kirsten,” he greeted, smiling.
“Good morning, Dan. There’re already a few messages in your office for you.”
“Thanks. When Steve comes in, can you let him know I want to meet with him when he gets a moment?”
“Certainly.”
He offered greetings to the other staff already there, went to the kitchen to make a fresh coffee and caught up with a few of the engineers. The entire vibe was one of energy and collaboration, and he realized that Steve had done a great job of staffing. A mix of new, innovative talent and experience gave a very balanced feel to the office, and everyone seemed enthusiastic and ready to do their jobs.
It wasn’t quite like this at corporate. Oh, it was nice enough, and friendly, but it was also more formal. More about numbers and graphs and contracts, and less about building and collaborating.
He’d made his way up through the finance department in record time, but he got the feeling that was due to long hours and not actual love of the work.
Which got him thinking all over again.
By three o’clock, he had doodled on four different pages of his legal pad and couldn’t quite believe what he was thinking. And maybe corporate wouldn’t even go for it. He was the youngest C-suite executive the company had ever had, and he was actually considering taking a demotion. But deep in his gut, he was excited by the idea of a challenge. And he would be within an hour of Adele. If logistics and distance were part of the bigger issue, this would eliminate at least one barrier. Because t
he one thing he was sure of was that he still loved her. He was angry with her, yes. And he had his own issues to work on. But loving her had never been a question.
He spoke with Steve once more, and after the other man left, Dan found himself asking himself one other important question. If it didn’t work out with Adele, would he still want to be here? Or would he be perfectly happy in his old life?
The answer came to him so quickly, he knew it had to be true. She’d been right about something else, too. He’d filled his life with his path to success because it was all he had. Now he wanted more. He couldn’t keep running away.
He had to see her. But first he had to talk to Brian and float an idea past him.
When he hung up the phone an hour later, he sat back in his chair and rubbed his hand over his face. It would have to go through the proper channels, of course, before anything was finalized. But Brian had taken his idea and expanded on it in a way that was unexpected.
He’d packed up for the day when the phone on his desk beeped. “Dan, there’s someone here to see you. A Miss Hawthorne.”
His heart gave a solid thump. She was here? “I’ll be right out. Thanks, Kirsten.”
She was here.
She’d come to find him.
And then the next thought: he couldn’t blow this. Not again.
He stood, straightened his tie, checked his shirttails and ran his hand over his hair. Then, taking a big breath, he stepped out of the office and into the reception area.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ADELE WAS SURE her knees were knocking under her long skirt.
She was so nervous, she was nauseated. And she’d spent fifteen minutes in her cold car, redoing her makeup and going over what she wanted to say. Naturally, now that she was inside Dan’s company’s office, the words had flown out of her brain.
