by Emma Lea
He laid her on the bed and stripped her boots and jeans off, leaving her in her panties and the t-shirt she was wearing. She fumbled with her shirt, trying to get it off, but tangling herself as her arms were uncooperative. She flopped bag on the bed and closed her eyes. He sighed as he looked down at her.
“Where were you tonight, Nadine?” he asked.
“Out,” she mumbled.
“Out where?”
“At a club with Mandy.”
He made a rough growly sound in the back of his throat. Mandy again. The woman was a menace. She was always getting Nadine into some sort of trouble. He didn't like her and he had never even met her.
“I'm sorry she lied to you,” Nadine mumbled.
“What?”
“I'm sorry Mandy lied to you about the other night.”
“I haven't spoken to Mandy,” Gabe said as he sat beside her and brushed the hair back from her face.
“She said you came looking for me at the cafe. She said you asked about the other night.”
“Go to sleep,” he said, confused by what she was trying to tell him.
Her eyes popped open. “No, Gabe, you have to know. I didn't ask her to lie to you about that night. I really thought I was at her house but then she told me I wasn't. She showed me a picture. I really thought I was at her place and that I fell asleep. But I wasn't. I was at a bar.”
“You were at a bar the night you were supposed to go to Amaya’s place for dinner?”
She sighed and closed her eyes, relaxing back into the pillow. “Yes. You understand.”
“No, I really don't,” he said, but she was already asleep.
Nadine knew that today was going to be hell and she hadn't even opened her eyes yet. Thankfully she was lying down because she knew that if she tried to stand she would fall down. She couldn't remember ever feeling this sick, except for the time when she woke up in the hospital. She lay very still and tried to work out where she was. It didn't sound like a hospital. It didn't smell like a hospital either. In fact it smelled a lot like Gabe. She was in Gabe’s bed. The fact that she had no idea how she got there was what got her moving.
She opened her eyes and turned her head to the side. The bed was empty beside her which could be a bad omen or could just mean that she'd overslept. She didn't think it was the latter.
Going slow so that she didn't upset her already roiling stomach, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She took a moment to rest her head in her hands as she tried to gather the energy to stand. The apartment was quiet, which didn't bode well for her.
She pushed to her feet and swayed for a moment until she got her balance. She padded to the bathroom and washed her face, rinsing her mouth out and pulling her hair back into a loose, messy bun. She looked at herself in the vanity mirror and grimaced. Dark circles marred her eyes and her skin was pasty, her freckles standing out like weird, coffee colored blotches.
Back in the bedroom, she pulled on some loose yoga pants and then made her way out into the kitchen, ready to face the music. Gabe wasn't there. She walked into the living room and saw the pillow and blanket folded up on the couch and frowned. Gabe had slept on the couch? He wasn't there now, but the evidence of it was.
Shit. This was not good. She checked the time, but it was still early. He hadn't gone to work yet, so where was he?
She returned to the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on. She was going to need it. She had no idea what had happened last night or how she had gotten from the restaurant where she had dinner with Mandy to Gabe’s place.
She poured a mug of coffee and sat at the table, waiting for Gabe to return. She didn't have to wait long. She heard the front door open and close and then his footsteps as he walked towards the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway when he saw her.
“You're up,” he said, his voice controlled.
He moved into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the overhead cabinets before filling it from the sink. He was dressed in running shorts and a tank top that was drenched with sweat.
“I am,” she replied. “You've been jogging.” She could state the obvious too.
“I have,” he replied, not turning to face her.
She watched as he drained the glass and then filled it again.
“I made coffee,” she said, trying to fill the silence.
“I see that.”
Okay. He was pissed at her. She could understand that except she didn't know why.
“What did I do?” she asked.
He turned to face her, the incredulity plain on his face.
“You don't remember last night?”
“I remember going out to dinner with Mandy and the next thing I remember is waking up here.”
“You don't remember falling down drunk at my front door at one o’clock in the fucking morning? You don't remember driving your car here? Or telling me you lied to me?”
“I drove here?” she asked, knowing she had fixated on the wrong thing, but the thought freaked the hell out of her. She had obviously been drunk, but she had driven here?
“Your car is downstairs in the street,” he said, watching her carefully. “Nadine you were also high.”
“What? No, no, no. That can't be right.”
“I know what high looks like,” he said, his voice deadly serious.
She shook her head adamantly. “No Gabe. I stopped doing drugs. I haven't so much as touch even a joint in the last six months—”
“Nadine. You were high and you were drunk. I know what the hell I saw.”
Nadine stood. “I think I should go,” she said wanting to run far, far away from the disappointment she saw in his face.
“I think we should talk about what happened last night,” Gabe said, barring her escape from the kitchen.
“I don't fucking remember last night!” she yelled at him, her fear manifesting as anger and frustration.
“Exactly why we should talk about it.”
“Fine,” she said crossing her arms and staring him down. “Talk. Tell me how much of a disappointment I am. Tell me how I let you down and broke a promise to you and that you're done with me. Tell me that I'm not the woman you thought I was and that you never want to see me again.”
“Nadine,” he said, taking a step towards her.
She took the opportunity to duck around him and ran to the bedroom. She gathered up as much of her stuff as she could carry and headed for the front door. She swiped her purse off the hall stand and tried to open the door without dropping any of her crap.
Gabe put a hand on the door above her head, stopping her from opening it.
“Where are you going?”
“I'm leaving,” she said. “Isn't that what you want?”
“Nadine,” he growled low in her ear and she closed her eyes against the shiver that went through her body. She wanted to just burrow into his chest and tell him how scared she was. She wanted to tell him about the blackouts and how she was worried that it was a sign of worse things. But she couldn't do it. She knew Gabe. She knew that he would try to save her. She knew he would put everything on the line for her and she couldn't do that to him. She would not ruin his life like her mother had ruined her father’s.
“Let me go, Gabe,” she said, her voice soft and small.
“Is that what you really want?”
No, she thought. She could feel the heat of him at her back and the soft caress of his breath on the skin of her neck. She didn't want to leave. Every cell in her body wanted to stay here with him. But her brain knew better. She loved him so much it hurt and that was why she had to leave. She loved him enough to know that he would be better off without her.
“Yes,” she whispered. “That is what I want.”
With a groan he stepped back, taking his hand off the door. She felt the loss of him and moved quickly before she could turn around and beg him to stop her from leaving. She had the door open and was in the hall before either one of them could talk her out of it.
Chapter
Eighteen
Nadine parked her car around the corner from the coffee shop. She needed to speak to Mandy and find out just what the hell happened last night. So many things weren’t adding up and they all seemed to happen when Mandy was around. Nadine should just walk away from the friendship. That would be the sensible thing to do, only…Mandy got her. She understood the shit that Nadine had to put up with and she was the only one who took her side. Even Gabe sided with Jace on occasion. Not that Gabe would be in her life any longer.
Fuck. Had they just broken up? It would seem so. She was the one walking away, but it was for the best. She had to believe that. She was doing this for him, to protect him, even if he didn’t understand. The last thing Gabe needed in his life was her with all her baggage. The doctors might have cleared her, but she was absolutely sure they had missed something. The blackouts and the misremembered memories had to be a sign that she was losing the plot. It had to mean something had short-circuited in her brain.
She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. Her future stretched out in front of her in one long dark tunnel. There was no hope, no light, just an empty black void. She refused to put her family and friends through the agony of dealing with her disease. It would be much better for everyone if she just disappeared. Their lives could go on without the burden of a mentally unstable sister. They could follow their dreams and become stars in the country music world without worrying that she was going to have an episode that would put them on the front pages for all the wrong reasons. Violinists were a dime a dozen in this town and they could easily replace her. It wasn’t like she contributed anything rare or significant to the band.
Nadine blew out a breath slowly. Was she really going to do this? Was she actually going to run away from everything she knew? The fact was that she couldn’t see any other way. If she went to Jace and Vanessa and asked for help, they would give up the band for her to make sure she got what she needed. Nadine did not want that. She was already responsible for them missing their chance in the summer. Now they had a second opportunity and she refused to jeopardize that too. No. It would be better for her just to walk away.
And Gabe. God, Gabe. Her heart squeezed and she held back a sob as she thought about him. She would miss him so much. She had never felt like this about anyone else in her life and the thought of never seeing him again tore at her making her feel hollow inside. She knew it was for the best. He would have his sister and no doubt Amaya would be glad that she was out of the picture. It was better to just make a clean break like this. He didn’t need to hear her explain why she had to do it, he would try and talk her out of it. He would use his Jedi psychology mind tricks to convince her that he could help her if only she stayed. And it wouldn’t take much to convince her to do just that. Which was why she had to leave before he could find her and talk her out of it. Her staying in his life would only lead to disaster. It was better for her to go now.
A calm settled over her as she made her decision. There was one final recording session today to finalize the song before it went on the album. She would go to that and, in her own way, say goodbye to her family. There was a celebratory dinner planned for after the studio session. There she could make sure they all knew how much she loved them and she could leave on a good note, giving them a final good memory of her instead of all the shitty ones she left behind her lately.
A loud tapping on her window made her jump and she turned to see Mandy waving at her. Nadine rolled down the window.
“Hey,” she said.
“What are you doing out here?” Mandy asked. “I thought we were meeting inside.”
“We were supposed to meet today?”
Mandy rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Nadine. You have a memory like a sieve. Last night, after dinner, you said you’d meet me at the cafe.”
“Right,” Nadine said, nodding her head slowly. Something about what Mandy was saying felt familiar in her brain, but the rest of the night was a murky mess.
She gathered her stuff together and got out of the car, locking it up behind her. She turned to head towards the cafe, but Mandy stopped her.
“Why don’t we go somewhere else,” she said, looking over her shoulder towards the cafe. “My boss is a bit pissed with me and I’d rather avoid him if I could.”
Nadine shrugged. “Sure. Where do you want to go?”
“There’s this cool place on the other side of town. Come on. I’ll drive.”
Nadine followed her to where she was parked. “Do you mind if we make a stop along the way?”
“Sure. Where do you need to go?”
“Just to the bank.”
They got in the car and Mandy drove across town to the bank Nadine directed her to. They got out and approached the ATM. Nadine wanted to withdraw as much money as she could and she couldn’t do that from outside the bank.
“Wait here,” she said to Mandy.
Inside she filled out the withdrawal slip and took it to a teller. There was a bit of negotiating before the bank manager was called. It was a lot of money and they needed all sorts of authorization before she finally had the money in her hands - well, stuffed into a messenger bag she had draped over her shoulder. It was all her savings but it meant she could disappear without anyone able to track her spending.
With a secure hand on her bag, she walked back outside to where Mandy was waiting. Mandy didn’t say anything as they got in the car. Nadine relaxed back in the seat and closed her eyes. It was barely ten in the morning and already she felt like she had been awake for days. They slowed at what she assumed was a traffic light, but she didn’t open her eyes. She felt a small sting, like an insect bite on her neck and she opened her eyes as she tried to slap at the bug. What she saw was Mandy holding a hypodermic needle and looking at her with a weird expression on her face. Nadine tried to speak, but her mouth wouldn’t seem to form words and as she tried to bat Mandy’s hands away, she realized she had little or no control over her limbs. This was bad. This was very, very bad.
“Why?” she tried to ask, but it came out more like a whine. The edges of her vision went fuzzy and then blackness came.
Jace looked at Stevie and Vanessa. They had been waiting for close to an hour and there was no sign of Nadine. It was typical. Nadine didn’t give a damn about making them wait for her. She was selfish and self-absorbed and completely irresponsible. It was her fucking song and she couldn’t even be on time. The longer they waited the more his anger ate away at him.
He had been trying so hard to keep his cool around her. The incident over the summer had scared the shit out of him. Seeing her unconscious, pale, and barely breathing had rocked him to the core. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if she had died. As much as she frustrated the hell out of him, he loved her. She was his sister and despite everything that happened he would rather put up with her crap than not have her in his life at all.
Which was why he had tried to change. He knew he had pushed her too hard on tour. She had been stretching her wings and it had worried him to the point of wanting to lock her in a cage to keep her safe. Instead his constant harping at her had sent her running in the opposite direction. He blamed himself for that overdose. If he had only been able to keep his mouth shut and give a little bit, then maybe it wouldn’t have happened.
The last six months had been an exercise in patience and anger management for him. She constantly pushed his buttons, almost like she wanted him to fight with her. But he’d made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t engage with her bratty behavior. Not that he had been all that successful at it. And now look where they were. She had lost all respect for him and the band. The fact that she had tried to leave the band because she thought they didn’t want her around had given him a bit of a reality check. There had to be a compromise somewhere between being constantly at each other’s throats and barely speaking at all. They just had to find that middle ground.
And that was not going to happen if she didn’t get her ass here so they c
ould finish this fucking song. It wasn’t just disrespectful to the band but to Derek and the record label as a whole. Her tardiness was delaying everybody and he was ready to throw away all his good intentions to just have it out with her once and for all.
“Jace,” Stevie said, giving him a knowing look.
“What?” he snapped.
She shook her head. “If you frown any harder you’re going to crack your face.”
“I’m pissed, okay?” he said jumping to his feet to pace. “This is just like her. I’m so sick of the way she has no respect—”
“Whoa, hang on a minute,” Stevie said getting to her feet as well. “This is the first time she has been late since we came back into the studio. She has been professional and respectful this whole time.”
Jace stared at her and then at Vanessa who was seated behind her kit and fidgeting with her sticks in a way that had him taking a second look at her. Her face was pinched and her eyes looked worried.
“What’s going on Nessa?” he asked.
She shrugged but bit her lip like she wanted to say something but stopped herself.
He walked over to her, trying to be as non-threatening as possible. He was a big guy and Nessa was tiny by comparison. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but she could be a bit of a rabbit sometimes and she scared easily.
“Tell me,” he said, his voice a whole lot gentler than it was a moment ago.
“It’s nothing,” she said, her voice a bit wobbly. “Just…”
Stevie joined him in front of the drum kit. “Tell us,” Stevie said, “It doesn’t matter if it sounds dumb.”
Vanessa took a breath. “It is dumb, but I just…I feel like something’s wrong. Like something happened to Nadine.”
Jace looked at Vanessa, trying to read her. Vanessa and Nadine had always had a weird non-twin twin-like connection that couldn’t be explained. They were always together, or they had been up until a few months ago. He had noticed that Vanessa had withdrawn into herself bit by bit as Nadine had drawn away from them all. Did they still have the same connection they had when they were inseparable? He didn’t know but he cared enough about both of them to find out.
