“Lindy?” Tina poked her head through the outer door. “Are you coming? It’s time to go.”
“Coming,” Lindy said. She gave one last glance at her wedding dress. The wedding coordinator would be in to package the dress up and send it off for preservation.
Preserved for what, Lindy didn’t know. Her daughters? A museum? She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She had no illusions when it came to Shane Jacobsen. So what if Shane didn’t love her? She loved him, and that would have to be enough.
Life was all about sacrifices. She’d made those all her life. She could make them for the rest of her time on earth, too. The minute he kissed her, every bit of negative reality always fled her head. Just kissing Shane…already a heat began to travel through her. Passion. She’d cling to that. Time for the honeymoon.
Chapter Eight
Alaska was beautiful—that is, what she and Shane saw of it when they finally left their cruise ship cabin, and later their hotel room overlooking Mt. McKinley. But August soon arrived, and with the two passionate, glorious weeks over, Lindy and Shane found themselves back in St. Louis, in their new home, on the job.
Lindy had never lived with a man before. Were they all that moody? Lindy sighed as she drove her Grand Prix downtown. Normally she rode with Shane in his new sensible family sedan; it had been over a week since she’d driven herself to work. But Shane had an early-morning breakfast meeting, and today she had a doctor’s appointment, so she gripped her leather-wrapped steering wheel and sang along with the radio.
In a sense, it was nice that she had the car to herself. While she and Shane listened to the same type of music, the other day he’d told her that a song by the 1980s band Tears for Fears reminded him of that girl from camp.
“She has two songs?” Lindy had asked.
“No,” Shane had said as he’d pulled into the parking garage. “The Tears For Fears one played during the time we were at a dance at camp. The other song, a Goo Goo Dolls tune, was years later when I remembered the moment.”
And what’s our song? But Lindy hadn’t asked that question because she already knew the answer. She and Shane didn’t have one. They really didn’t have anything in common except a baby on the way.
She entered the Jacobsen Enterprises parking garage and pulled into her assigned space. Within moments, she placed her purse down on her desk, in her large new office, complete with a view, right down the hall from Harry’s wife, Megan. Amazing the perks of her job now that Lindy bore the surname Jacobsen.
“Hey!” Megan poked her head in. “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” Lindy said. “You?”
“Great.” Megan patted her tummy. “Kicking away. Just wait your turn. You’ll love the first time, and then you can’t sleep because all it does is move. Your ultrasound is today, right?”
“Yes.”
“Good luck. I’m in meetings all day, so be sure to bring me a picture tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Lindy said.
“Is Shane going?”
Was he? He’d indicated yesterday that he was going to the appointment, but he hadn’t said anything about it this morning. Then again, she’d only seen him for five quick moments, enough for a brief kiss before he’d slipped out the bedroom door. “I think so.”
Megan grinned. “You better call his secretary and remind her. I think he’s got meetings all day, but nothing that can’t be rescheduled.” Megan rolled her eyes. “Men. Without their secretaries they’d be nothing.”
And with those parting words, Megan disappeared down the hall.
Lindy sat down and leaned back in her executive leather office chair, a far cry from the rolling cloth one she’d had in her cubicle. Megan’s words resonated in Lindy’s head. Men were helpless without their secretaries. She drummed her fingers against the armrest. She’d once been that secretary, that PA.
How many calls had she fielded from Shane’s girlfriends? How many dates had she arranged? How many flowers, how many goodbye gifts had she sent? Lindy drew her chin up. He’d married her for the baby. They were two roommates who had great sex but, aside from that, had nothing in common except for the fact that she used to work for him.
Tina would say Lindy was moping.
Perhaps she was, but she was not going to call Shane’s secretary and remind her of Shane’s commitments to his wife. She would not be like those pathetic girlfriends who had called him, and then probably spent the afternoon wondering when Shane would call back or if he’d remember them at all.
Perhaps the bloom was off the rose. But she shouldn’t have to call. She was his wife. She picked up a file folder and got to work.
“AND THIS IS a leg,” the ultrasound technician said. The woman froze the black-and-white image on the monitor screen, and on a keyboard she typed the word leg. The word then appeared on the screen.
Lindy stared in fascination at the small monitor. That image on the screen was her baby. She could see his heart beating, and at one point the technician had gotten a clear picture of the baby’s face. The ghostly image had looked like a little alien on the ultrasound monitor, even showing the baby’s eyes, nose and mouth.
“They all look like that,” the technician had said as she froze the image and typed the word face. “Trust me, they come out just fine.”
Lindy hadn’t cared about the way the ultrasound picture showed a somewhat distorted face. She simply watched in amazement as additional images appeared on the screen. The technician squeezed some more warm gel onto Lindy’s stomach. “I’ve got to measure the head if he’ll give me a good look.”
They’d been referring to the baby as a boy, but Lindy still hadn’t had actual confirmation. “Is it a he?”
The technician ran the wand over Lindy’s stomach and captured a view of the circumference of the baby’s head. “Oh, I don’t know the sex yet. Do you want to know?”
“Yes,” Lindy said. She craned her head a little more. “I do.”
The technician gave her a quick smile. “Then if I get a good look I’ll tell you. I’m going to try and get the baby’s length now.”
Lindy raised her head a little. “And everything looks fine?”
The technician didn’t turn her gaze from the monitor. “So far, yes.”
Lindy relaxed back into the pillow. The wand tickled but didn’t hurt at all as the technician ran it firmly over her stomach.
A knock sounded at the door and the technician froze another image. One of the front desk workers stuck her head in. “Mrs. Jacobsen?”
It took Lindy a second to remember that she was Mrs. Jacobsen. “Yes?”
“Your husband is here. Would you like him to come in?”
Shane had made it? Lindy glanced at the clock. Three-ten. Her appointment had started at two-forty-five. “Yes. Please send him in,” Lindy said. The technician had started moving the wand again, but Lindy instead watched the entrance. Within seconds, Shane strode through and shut the door behind him.
Even the low lights of the room didn’t hide how handsome he was. He had shed the suit coat, unbuttoned the first two buttons on his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. He came over and dropped a quick kiss on her lips. “Sorry I’m late.”
“Megan said you had meetings.”
“Which I walked out of as soon as I could,” Shane said. He sat on a chair and rolled himself next to the table Lindy was lying on. As he grabbed her hand, an immediate comforting warmth flowed through her. “I told you I would be here for every moment. I’m just sorry I wasn’t here at the beginning. I had a video-conference that didn’t start on time. So what did I miss?”
“Our baby,” Lindy told him, but Shane’s gaze had already located the monitor.
“That’s the heart beating,” the technician said with a point of her finger. “And your child is right now giving us the perfect shot that he’s a boy. See?”
Both Shane and Lindy followed the technician’s finger. The screen froze, and the technician started typing. The words sex and boy appeare
d on the screen.
“We created a boy,” Shane said. “A boy.” He leaned over and gave Lindy another kiss. “Thank you.”
The technician pulled some black-and-white pictures out of the machine and handed a set to Lindy. “Those are yours. The rest go to your doctor. You’re seeing him within the next two weeks, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then we’re all done here. You’re free to get dressed and leave.” The technician smiled and left the room.
The door had barely clicked shut behind her when Shane said, “Show me the pictures.” Lindy took a minute to show him. “Our boy. I guess we do have junior after all, don’t we?”
A rare happiness and contentment completely filled Lindy. “We do. A boy.” As she sat up, a thought struck her. She turned to Shane. “It’s a boy. I have no idea how to raise a boy.”
Shane grinned, a goofy smile that covered his entire face. “Neither do I,” he said. “So we’ll do it together. There’s got to be an idiot’s guide to raising a boy out there. I’m sure we’ll manage just fine. I mean, my parents did it.” He suddenly looked sheepish. “That probably doesn’t inspire you with tons of confidence, does it?”
She loved it when he was sweet. “I’m sure we’ll do fine.” Lindy swung around to get off the table. “I’m going to get dressed.”
Shane’s finger snaked forward and he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. “I like you undressed,” Shane said.
“Down, boy.” Lindy teased. She slid away from him, and totally unembarrassed by her bra and panty-clad body in his presence, she pulled off the gown.
“Yeah, right. Look at you dressed like that. I know this isn’t the time or place, so I’ll give you fair warning. I’ll wait only until we get home.”
The low lights danced in his now-darkened eyes. “I want to be inside you, Lindy. I want to feel you, to believe we created something so magical.” He put his arms around her. “Hey. Sticky.”
She drew away with a grin. “That’ll teach you for being greedy.” She reached for some towels the technician had left, and began to clean her stomach. “It’s the gel for the ultrasound. Now why don’t you scoot on home and I’ll meet you there.”
“I’ll wait.” To give her privacy, Shane turned his back and pulled out his cell phone. As Lindy cleaned up and pulled on her short-sleeve sweater, she heard him bang it against his palm.
“Phone’s dead,” he said. “The battery hasn’t been charging right for a while. I need a new one.”
“Mine’s in my purse,” Lindy said.
She pulled on her skirt as he rummaged for it.
“Hey, Grandpa Joe,” Shane said. He paused as he listened. Then Lindy heard her husband chuckle before saying, “So what if you’re in a meeting and I called your private line. I did something right for once. It’s a boy. A Jacobsen boy.”
Lindy stopped pulling on her shoes. Shane’s face was fully animated. “Yes, you heard me. A boy. What? Don’t even think about it. Lindy and I can do that part ourselves. When are we coming back?” Shane laughed. “If you’re lucky you’ll see us in the morning.”
He hit the phone’s end button and smiled at Lindy. “He told us he’d help us name the baby.”
“Not on his life,” Lindy said.
“That’s why I told him not to even think about it. Come on, Lindy, let’s go home. I’m hungry.”
“I am too,” she admitted. “I missed lunch and…”
“Food. I wasn’t referring to—” Shane groaned his frustration. “You want food. Real food.”
“Oh, I knew what you meant,” Lindy said with a slight cock of her head. She gave him a knowing smile. “But I want food first. I’m pregnant. You know the pregnant woman’s priority chain.”
“I do. And luckily for me, I know of a Steak ’n Shake drive-thru on the way home,” Shane said. He drew her into his arms and gave her another kiss, this one promising the passion soon to come. “Because I have to tell you, I can’t wait.”
LATER THAT NIGHT, Lindy quietly slipped out of bed and headed to the ensuite bathroom. One of the more annoying changes in her body, she reflected, was the pressure on her bladder as the baby grew. Lindy found herself living in the bathroom 24/7.
She finished her business and washed her hands. She glanced at herself in the mirror. Everything about her had changed.
But one thing hadn’t. Shane didn’t love her.
As usual, the day’s lovemaking had been wonderful, perhaps even more intense than usual. Shane had held her close, told her how much he appreciated her carrying his baby, and told her how beautiful junior was.
But he hadn’t told her that he loved her, and she knew he never would.
She smiled wanly at her pale reflection and began to wash her face. She’d vowed not to try to change him. But she couldn’t keep what she felt bottled up inside of her any longer. She had to tell him how she felt. She had to let the chips fall where they may. Tina had said about the same thing that night of the wedding reception.
Lindy shook her head. Tina was wrong. Telling Shane would be wrong. It would put him in that awkward position of having a woman love him, a woman that he couldn’t, and never would, love. After all, Shane didn’t even believe in love, well, not counting that girl at camp fourteen years ago.
As for Lindy’s feelings…she turned the water off. She had to be honest with herself. She was pregnant. She craved Ho Ho’s and Steak ’n Shake. Her feelings? They were all hormones. Feeling not a bit better for her rationalization, she dried her hands and walked back into the bedroom.
The massive house still amazed her. Although located in an older neighborhood, their house on Upper Ladue Lane was actually brand-new. Lindy had seen the real estate sheet—the land had been $750,000, and then the existing house on the property had been torn down. Lindy had four thousand square feet of new house, and Shane hadn’t blinked at signing the paperwork on their multimillion-dollar purchase.
Even though she worked for him, and was well aware of Shane’s social stature, Lindy hadn’t ever really thought about his wealth. When she was on her own, she’d always had enough money to get by. But now as Shane’s wife, she was rich. His wealth made her every desire possible, all but one.
She’d sold her soul and settled for a house, security and a life without love. And there was nothing she could do about it. Frankly, it terrified her.
“Hey,” Shane said. She could make out his silhouette when she returned to the bed. He was sitting up. “Everything okay?”
“Baby on my bladder,” she said.
“I missed you the moment you were gone.” He lifted the sheet for her. “I guess I’ll have to get used to these late-night trips.”
“Probably,” Lindy replied. She glanced at the clock before she slipped back under the sheet. The bright red display read 1:00 a.m. Odd. She’d thought it was much later.
He leaned over to kiss her. As his lips touched hers, Lindy melted. Would it always be this way? Would he always have the power to turn her into putty, and then raise her to peaks she didn’t know existed?
Would she always love him?
Probably. And as she always did, she told him her feelings the only way she felt safe—with her body.
“Good night, darling,” Shane said as he pulled her into his arms later.
Lindy snuggled in deeper next to him, her body spent. She couldn’t have moved her legs or her arms even if she’d wanted to. As always, their lovemaking had been nothing short of incredible.
She smiled slightly as the sandman crept in. The solution to her problem suddenly seemed so simple. She didn’t need to say the words “I love you” aloud. She’d just say them quietly to herself each time they made love. That way Shane could never reject her.
She’d never…have to say… “I love you.”
But in the haze of oncoming sleep, the words escaped her before she could call them back. She heard Shane whisper “shh,” then wondered if she’d really said anything at all.
Shane he
ld his breath, waiting as he always did until Lindy fell asleep first. He liked watching her in the dark; he liked listening to her breathe, a steady inhale and exhale of perfect peace.
But not tonight. Tonight, trouble had crept into his orderly world.
Tonight Lindy had said those three scary little words.
Sure, other women had told him they’d loved him, but he’d never believed them, never really even cared.
Love didn’t actually exist, and after all, those women were after his fortune, his body, his social stature as a Jacobsen, or some other thing from him. But not Lindy.
No, Lindy had never wanted anything from him. In all her years of working for him, she’d never wanted more. She’d never made demands. She’d even turned down his marriage proposal. So Grandpa Joe had said to woo her, and Shane had. He’d followed all the rules. The bonus to the arrangement was the wonderful passion he and Lindy shared.
He’d married her, Lindy Brinks.
Lindy who already had it all and didn’t care about the rest.
Which meant that Lindy loved him for him.
But he was a man who didn’t believe in love. Despite all their mutual passion, he didn’t love her.
He was male enough to recognize the kiss of death.
And it had just been dealt.
Dear God, just what was he going to do?
Chapter Nine
Shane began his day by acting as normal as possible. He got up, took a shower, shaved, and went downstairs for pancakes that Marni, the housekeeper, had prepared. He picked up the day’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch and perused the front page. He glanced at his Rolex. He knew Lindy was up and would come downstairs shortly. As he did most mornings, he’d drive her to the office.
All should be normal. But he knew it wasn’t. He’d heard words that, once said, could never be retracted. Even though Lindy had been almost asleep when she’d mumbled her declaration of love, Shane had heard it. It was now “out there.”
Somewhere in the middle of the commentary page, Shane thought that maybe, if he pretended Lindy hadn’t said “I love you,” then she wouldn’t remember saying it at all. She had been nearly asleep, and probably thought she was already in some dream.
About Last Night... Page 13
