After they left, I really thought about what I had with Garrick and the truth was, we hadn’t spent enough time together to really know what there was between us. I couldn’t base the rest of my life on the promises of someone that would only be dropping into my life between jobs. And worse than that, would I even know if he wasn’t coming back to me? What if he was killed doing a job? There would be no one to notify me that he was gone. I couldn’t deal with that, and if he ever came back, that’s exactly what I would tell him. I hoped.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Knight
I HAD TAKEN Kate’s advice and gone on a little vacation. She was right. It had been way too long since I just enjoyed myself, and since I was out of commission for a while, now seemed like a good time. The problem was, I hated it. When Kate had mentioned vacation, I had this picture in my mind of going with her. We would lie on the beach, her in a skimpy bikini that showed off her beautiful breasts. Instead, I was on a beach all by myself with sexy women that didn’t do a thing for me.
I ended up staying in my room more times than not because I was tired of random women hitting on me. God, I was really pussy whipped. I cleaned my weapons daily while I watched medical shows. It made me feel closer to Kate. But after a two weeks of doing absolutely nothing, I just couldn’t stand the boredom any more. I still couldn’t take any jobs. I would end up getting myself killed if I tried to right now. My shoulder was really fucked up at the moment and I knew I needed some physical therapy, but there was only one woman that I trusted to get me on the right track. That woman didn’t want to see me.
I promised myself that I would stay away from Kate. She had made it clear that she didn’t want me in her life, but I was serious when I told her that she was mine. I had stayed away for as long as I could, but I needed to see her again. Even if I couldn’t go to her yet. First, I had to call Pappy and get the lay of the land.
“Let me guess, you want to know how Kate is?” he answered with an exhausted sigh.
“Fuck you. I asked you to keep an eye on her. Just give me an update.”
“Nothing new. Just like every other day that you ask. She’s just going to work and coming home. She runs to the store and she buys a lot of wine, but other than that, nothing else is going on.”
“What about men?”
“Other than her cousin? No one. Jesus, why don’t you just go see her?”
“I can’t. She doesn’t want me around.”
“Well, yeah, if you’re going to act like an asshole and threaten her friends.”
“I was watching out for her.”
“She doesn’t need you to watch out for her when she’s around her friends. She was with a cop, who happens to be a good friend of Sebastian’s. What did you think she needed protection from?”
“She’s mine,” I growled into the phone. “She doesn’t need to be alone with anyone else.”
“But you’re not there. You ran away and now you’re still trying to dictate what she does by having me monitor her. Which I’m not too happy about by the way.”
“What if it was your woman?”
“I don’t have a woman, but if I did, I sure as shit wouldn’t let her string me up by the balls the way Kate has with you.”
I rubbed my head. This conversation was starting to give me a headache. “Look, I’ll be heading back soon and then you won’t have to watch her.”
“Are you going to stick around this time?”
“Until I’m healed up and then I have to get back to work.”
“Don’t do that. You’re fucking with her head. If you’re not planning on sticking around, then just stay the fuck away from her. It’s not fair to her.”
I was silent as I considered what he was saying. I was a selfish prick for doing this to her, but I just couldn’t stay away. Would I end up hurting her more by coming and going from her life?
“Look, you could fix all this by taking a job at Reed Security. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but Sebastian could fix things for you. He could make you disappear.”
“I need more than to disappear. I’ve made too many enemies over the years.”
“Then let’s kill you off. We can make that happen and you can live your life with Kate.”
I snorted into the phone, “I’m not giving up my life, especially for a woman that’s so fucking repulsed by me. I do things the way I want and I don’t give a shit if Kate likes it or not.”
“You’re never gonna get her to want you to stick around with that attitude.”
“News flash, Pappy. She doesn’t want me to stick around no matter what my attitude is.”
“Then why are you going back?”
“Because I can’t fucking stay away. I can’t explain it, but I crave her and being away from her is the worst fucking feeling in the world.”
“Man, you are fucking clueless. Random fucks don’t make you crave them. Women worth sticking around for do. If you hate staying away from her, then chances are you’re in this deeper than you realize.”
“Pappy, I don’t think you’re getting it. She doesn’t approve of my lifestyle. She fucking told me not to come back.”
“But you’re going back anyway.” I could hear the frustration in his voice. “Grow some fucking balls and tell her what you’re telling me. Otherwise, leave her the hell alone.”
He hung up. I must have really pissed him off. Throwing my phone onto the bed, I decided to give it a little more time before I headed home. I needed to get my head on straight before I went back to see her and decide what I really wanted from her. When I saw her again, I needed to feel her out and see if she was serious about not wanting me back. If she still didn’t want me around, then I had my answer. But if I went back and she still wanted me, there was no way I would ever let her go again. We were just going to have to come to some sort of compromise about our situation.
✯✯✯✯✯
I sank down onto the bed beside her and ran a hand down her smooth skin. I had stayed away for a few more weeks, but I was done now. This past month had been torture without her. Seeing her sleeping so peacefully lifted the ache that had formed in my chest over the past several weeks. Just being here with her made me feel at peace.
Leaving kisses down her neck and across her breasts, I slid my hand down until I reached her panties. Even in her sleep, she spread her legs for me, giving me access to her hot center. I slipped a finger inside her and was pleased when she moaned for me.
“Garrick,” she whispered.
“I’m right here.”
“Oh, God. I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. But I’m here now.”
I pushed her shirt up and placed little kisses across her stomach as I pumped my finger deeper inside. I circled her clit, fingering her faster as she groaned and squeezed around my finger.
“Ah!” She screamed as she came on me and I grinned as she opened her eyes as a slow smile spread across her face. But then she sat up quickly and pulled the sheet up to cover herself. “What the hell?”
“Honey, I’m home.”
“What are you doing in my room? Were you touching me?”
I shrugged. “You didn’t seem to be complaining a minute ago.”
“I was asleep.”
“See? Even in your sleep you want me.”
“That’s besides the point. You can’t just sneak into my house at night and start fondling me.”
“I already went over this with you. You’re mine and that’s not changing anytime soon.” I crawled up toward her, covering her body with mine and nudged my erection against her. “I told you I wouldn’t be able to stay away from you.”
“And I told you that if you left, you shouldn’t come back.”
There was no heat behind her words and when she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer, I knew that I had her. I undid my jeans and shoved them down, then slid inside her, groaning at how good she felt. She wrapped her legs around my waist, pulling me flush with her body.
“You shouldn’t have walked away.”
I thrust in and kissed her lips. “I had to make sure it was safe.”
“Just don’t leave me. Not yet.”
“I won’t,” I whispered against her lips.
I made slow, lazy love to her, kissing down her body and giving her everything I had. I wasn’t sure if it was love or just infatuation, but I knew that this woman was all I would ever need. When her body shuttered against mine, I let go and collapsed in her arms.
After a few minutes, I rolled off her and pulled her against my chest. Her fingers ran over my shoulder where the bullet had entered, fingering the scar that was forming.
“How’s your shoulder doing?”
“Stiff. I need to start doing something, but I don’t know what.”
“I can set you up with a friend of mine. She does in-home consultations.”
“Thank you,” I said, kissing her cheek.
“Where have you been?”
“I took your advice and took a vacation.”
Her head popped up and she smiled. “Really? Where’d you go?”
“Hawaii. I hated it.”
She laughed and shook her head, setting it back on my shoulder. “Why does that not surprise me?”
“I kept imagining what it would be like if you were there and I was bored out of my mind.”
“Did you at least relax?”
“Yes.”
“I mean, did business get in the way?”
“Are you trying to ask me if I’ve killed anyone while I was away?” She flushed and shook her head. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.”
She sat up, taking the sheet with her and scooted to the edge of the bed, swinging her legs over the side. I slid in behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist, whispering in her ear.
“I didn’t kill anyone. This time. But that doesn’t mean that every time I go away it’ll be the same. You need to realize that I won’t be able to talk to you about some things, and there are definitely things that you don’t want to know.”
“I don’t know how to deal with that.”
“How about we just stick with ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’?”
“Does the same apply to my situation?”
“What do you mean?”
She turned to face me. “I mean, do you want to know what I’m doing while you’re away? I could meet someone for all you know.”
I shrugged. “That’s not a problem. Like I told you before, I’ll know if you talk to another man.”
“Are you seriously spying on me?”
“Not spying. Watching out for you. If I can’t be here with you, I still need to know that you’re safe.”
“You could just stay here with me and make sure I’m safe yourself,” she snapped. “Or is going off and killing people more important than me?”
I sighed. It was like we were on a merry-go-round. We just kept rehashing the same arguments over and over. “Kate, I’m not going to keep arguing with you about this. I have a job to do. It would be different if we had a different future, but the way things are,-
“I know. You can’t offer me more. I’ve heard it all before.”
She stood and walked to the bathroom, slamming the door. I ran a hand over my face. I didn’t know how to fix this. I couldn’t go back in time and change what I had done. If it was just my current job, I could do things to fix that. But murdering my superiors? That would forever put a target on my back.
When she came back to bed, she was a little more calm, so I laid back against the pillows and pulled her into me. She was quiet for a little bit and I knew that she was trying to figure out if she could deal with my life. So, I stayed quiet and let her figure shit out. Eventually, she would come around to my way of thinking.
✯✯✯✯✯
I woke when the sun started streaming in through the windows. I hadn’t slept the whole night in a long time. Being back with Kate eased me into a comfort I rarely felt. I looked over at her to see her staring at me.
“Good morning.”
“Morning.”
“Did you sleep well?” I asked.
“Better than I have in a long time.”
“Me too. Usually I’m always watching my back. I slept like a log last night though.”
“Good thing I don’t have anyone trying to kill me. You would have been useless,” she grinned.
“I’ll always protect you,” I said seriously. “No matter where I am, I will always be there to make sure you’re safe. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you.”
“Garrick, I love that you’re so protective of me, but you have to be realistic. No one is coming after me. I’m safe and I would prefer that you concentrate on not getting yourself killed when you’re away.”
“Okay, first of all, does that mean that you’ve accepted things for the way they are?”
“For now. I missed you too much and I know that whatever’s going on with us isn’t done yet. It doesn’t make any sense to me that I want you so much, but I’m willing to go with it for now.”
“That brings me to my second point. It’s true that no one’s after you now, but my job is dangerous. There are always going to be people trying to get to me and they’ll use whatever means they can to accomplish that. That makes you a target, too. I’ll do whatever necessary to keep you safe and out of my world, but I need you to know the risks going in.”
“Don’t you think this is something you should have told me before you slept with me?”
“Probably, but I’m selfish and I wanted you. I’ve never needed anything or anyone the way I need you. It makes me act irrationally.”
“You mean like stalking me?” I nodded. “Or holding a gun to my cousin’s head when he was just sitting at the table?”
“Fine, that may have been a tad over the top.”
“And pulling a gun on Sean when he was sitting in my office?”
“In my defense, I don’t know those people. For all I knew, they could have been dangerous.”
“See, that’s the problem, you see danger wherever you go, while the rest of us just see regular people.”
“Did you know that you have a pedophile living in your neighborhood?”
“What? Where?”
“Down the road from you. It was a charge from twenty years ago. From what I can tell, he’s reformed himself, but people are never who they seem to be. It’s public information that he lives down the street from you, but so few people actually look into that stuff. You have someone that could be a potential threat living down the road from you and you didn’t even know it. Seeing danger everywhere I go keeps me and the people I care about alive.”
“Who do you care about?” she asked quietly.
“You and Pappy are the only people I trust enough to care about what happens to them. Everyone else is just collateral damage to me.”
“That’s kind of sad, Garrick.”
“That’s my life. Take it or leave it. I can’t afford to have anyone attached to me in any way that matters. Loving someone is dangerous for me and the only way I’ll agree to let this continue is if you understand what you’re getting yourself into and you agree that you won’t be linked to me in any way. When I come to you, it’ll be here and I’ll come when no one will see me. We won’t go out on dates or have anything that resembles a normal relationship. I’ll always take care of you and I’ll always care about you, but that’s as far as it can go. That’s all I can offer you.”
She looked sad, but she nodded and leaned forward, kissing me lightly. “I understand and I can deal with that for now. I have to admit, I didn’t really think this could go further than it was anyway. I mean, we have very different morals and while I understand why you do things, but I don’t think it’s something I could live with long term.”
I was relieved that she had accepted things the way they were. I would have fought for her no matter what she said, but this just made it easier.
“Good. Let’s
go get some breakfast. I’m starving.”
“I don’t think I have any food in the house. I’ll have to run to the store.”
“Then hurry up, wench.” I smacked her ass as she got up from the bed and she yelped as she rubbed it and headed into the bathroom.
✯✯✯✯✯
I was finally back to work after Kate arranged for me to meet with a physical therapist and got me back in shape. It took longer than I would have liked, but I was finally feeling like myself again. I had come directly to her after my last job and had only been here for twenty-four hours, but they had been an amazing twenty-four hours.
“Garrick, stop. I need to run to the store. I’m never going to get out of here if you keep doing that.”
“Maybe that’s my plan, to tie you up and have my way with you whenever I want.”
I saw heat flash in her eyes and her nipples pebbled under her shirt. I pushed her into the bed and took her nipple in my mouth through her shirt. She moaned and threaded her fingers through my hair, thrusting her breasts further into my mouth. I yanked her panties aside and pushed my fingers inside her, fucking her hard as she writhed beneath me. She screamed for me over and over until I couldn’t take it anymore. I flipped her onto her stomach and hauled her up to all fours.
I pushed my pants down and took my raging erection, pushing into her tight heat. My eyes rolled back in my head as she milked my cock. I slammed into her over and over, but it wasn’t enough for either of us. She started pushing back against me until she was slamming her ass into me. My fingers dug into her hips as I held on like my life depended on it.
“Garrick,” she moaned and it lit something inside me that I couldn’t control. I pushed her down on the bed until she was flat on her stomach and I laid my body on top of hers, thrusting hard into her. I licked her ear, biting her earlobe with every movement until I had her clenching me hard. With her squeezing my dick, it didn’t take long for me to spill myself inside her.
Knight: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 4) Page 10
