“I keep thinking that I’ll wake up from some horrible dream and you’ll be here. I just can’t believe that you’re really gone. I had it in my mind that you were indestructible.” A few tears slid down my face and I quickly wiped them away. “Which is just crazy because we all bleed and we all die eventually. I just didn’t think I would have such little time with you.”
I picked at the grass by my feet and stared at his headstone. My chest ached so much and I wanted to break down in tears and cry just being here. “This just isn’t fair,” I whispered. “I wanted more time with you. Why didn’t you leave the building with me? We could have found another way. You didn’t have to die in there.”
My tears suddenly dried up and I no longer felt sadness, but anger. “You chose to stay behind when you should have chosen me. You should have walked away. The building was on fire and you knew that it was dangerous to stay, but that’s who you are, right? You were so sure that you could defeat him that you chose to stay behind and end him. Well, congratulations. You killed him, but you also managed to get yourself killed and leave me all alone.” I stood and kicked at his headstone. “You fucking idiot! You left me!”
I started crying uncontrollably and then felt strong arms wrap around me. For a moment, I was sure it was Garrick, but then I turned and saw Hunter’s sad eyes looking down at me. “He left me,” I cried as I pounded at his chest. “He knew better than to stay in that building and he chose killing Jensen over being with me.”
Hunter squeezed me tight to his body and ran a hand up and down my back. “I know. I’m sorry that he’s not here, but he did it for you. He needed to know you were safe.”
“I would have been safe with him next to me. All he had to do was walk out of that building and we would have found a way. Why couldn’t he do that for me?”
“Kate, he did what he thought he had to. We can’t change it.”
“I know,” I whispered brokenly. “I can still feel him. He’s always there and it’s so hard to deal with. Everywhere I go, I can feel him watching me just like he used to.”
Hunter sighed and pulled back to look at me. “Kate, I’ve been watching you. He asked me to keep you safe and I’ve been worried about you. Ever since you went back to work, I’ve been following you to make sure you’re okay. I’m sorry if that was overstepping, but I knew he would want me to look after you.”
I took a step back and wiped at my eyes. “So, all this time I wasn’t feeling him?”
“No. I’m sorry, Kate. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I nodded slightly and gave a slight smile. “It just felt so real. All this time I thought he was still here looking after me. I was just imagining it all.”
“Kate-”
“No. This is good. I really needed to know that it was just you.” I looked back at the grave and then back to Hunter. “He really is gone,” I said shakily. “I need to accept that and stop imagining that he’s here. It’s time for me to move on with my life and I can’t do that if I’m always thinking about him.”
“You don’t have to stop thinking about him.”
“Yes, I do. If I don’t, I’ll be stuck in this hell where I never move forward with my life.” I huffed out a laugh and shook my head. “You know, I never thought he would give up his job for me and it turns out I was right. He died doing his job and that’s what I should have expected.”
“He was doing it for you,” Hunter repeated. “He was trying to create a life with you.”
“You keep saying that, but he didn’t give up his job for me. He gave up his life to do his job and I have to remember that. Now, it’s time for me to move on with my life.” I started to walk away, but then I turned back to Hunter. “I’m sorry for blaming you. I know that you did everything you could and that you were just doing what he asked. There’s no excuse for the things I said to you. Goodbye, Hunter.”
I turned and walked away, knowing now that I would have never filled the desire that Garrick craved from his job. I was a distraction, but apparently not enough of one to make him choose me.
✯✯✯✯✯
It had been a year since Garrick died and I was determined to start living my life again. For the past six months, I had been consumed by work, determined to lose myself in the clinic so I didn’t think about Garrick. I hadn’t seen most of my friends since I first met Garrick, so when Samantha called and asked me out for drinks, I accepted without a second thought.
I dressed in a tight, black dress, wanting to feel sexy for the first time in a year. When I looked over myself in the mirror, I wanted to be happy that I was going out and that I looked good, but as I stared in the mirror, all I saw was a woman that trying to move on without her man. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I grabbed my purse and headed out.
When I got to The Pub, I swallowed down my nerves and entered the bar with as much confidence as I could. When I saw Samantha, my nerves melted away and I practically ran to her for a hug. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her. She didn’t know about Garrick or what had happened, so I almost broke down in tears when she came to me and hugged me. I wiped the few stray tears that fell and laughed off her concerned look.
“Are you okay?”
“Of course. It’s just been so long and I missed you.”
“Well, you shouldn’t work so much then.”
I didn’t tell her that I spent a few months wallowing in pity at home. Then I would have to tell her the whole story and I just couldn’t do that. We sat and chatted for a while as we drank down cosmos. She filled me in on all that had happened over the past year and showed me the brilliant diamond ring that now adorned her left ring finger.
“Oh my gosh! That’s beautiful.”
“I know. I can’t wait for you to meet Jeff. He’s just amazing.”
I put on my best happy face and listened to her gush over her fiancé for the better part of an hour. It was getting harder and harder to keep the smile on my face as the hour drew to a close. I was on my third cosmo and feeling no pain, so at least there was that. I had just ordered another drink when I felt him. Hunter was here to keep an eye out for me. He had continued to follow me whenever I went out after that day at the cemetery. He took his loyalty to Garrick very seriously. Well, if he was here to watch out for me, I didn’t have to worry about how drunk I got tonight and I definitely planned to let go.
Samantha’s eyes widened when he came up behind me and slid his hand around my waist, something he had never taken the liberty of doing before and I definitely didn’t like it. I wasn’t his and I didn’t want him to think he could claim me as his just because I had been with his friend. I stiffened at his touch and when his lips came down and grazed my neck, I jerked away.
“You’ve stopped looking for me.”
The blood drained from my face and I could feel my heart thumping wildly in my throat. Samantha was staring at me with a raised eyebrow and I desperately wanted to ask what the man looked like that was holding me, but my throat was so dry that I couldn’t have spoken if I tried. I swallowed hard and turned just enough to get a look at the face that was so close to mine.
All the noise from the bar faded and everything around me swirled in a dizzying, spotty pattern. The dark eyes that I had fallen so hard for stared back at me with a hunger that I used to crave. I blinked slowly, trying to snap myself out of whatever nightmare this was and come back to some normal kind of reality. It was no use. My whole body started shaking uncontrollably and my breathing became erratic. I knew that I should calm the fuck down, but I couldn’t. All I could think was that I was on the verge of seriously losing my shit.
“Breathe.” I couldn’t hear him, but I read the words on the lips that knew my body so well. The lips that I had dreamed about for the past year and had prayed many nights would come back to me.
“Garrick.” My eyes fluttered closed and I started to slip off the bar stool. Blackness took over as I fell into the arms of the man I loved.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Knight
I WATCHED HER from across the street like I always did, lurking in the shadows of the alley. This was her first time being out with friends and she looked absolutely stunning. She had done her hair and was wearing a tight dress that showed off what little curves she had left. I missed the feel of her body against mine and I had watched over the past year as she deteriorated into someone I didn’t recognize. That was my fault and I absolutely hated it, but if I wanted her back, I had to follow the rules Sebastian had set forth.
When she walked into the bar tonight, she looked unsure of herself and didn’t start to let go until she had a few drinks in her. By that point, I wasn’t entirely sure that she was looking out for herself. I didn’t want to approach her in front of others, but at this point, I didn’t see another option. She was putting herself in danger by drinking so much.
“Garrick,” she said, right before her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed into my arms. Looking at her friend, I grinned and lifted her up bridal style.
“I have that effect on women. I’ll make sure she gets home safe, Samantha.”
“Wait. How do you know me? You look familiar.”
I grinned at her and shook my head. “I only know you through Kate. Trust me, I’d remember a beautiful woman like you.”
Her eyes softened and I knew I had her. I carried Kate out of the bar and to my car, which was waiting down the block. After I got her safely tucked in the car, I pulled out my phone and dialed a number I hadn’t used in a year.
“Hello?” Pappy’s voice said like he was pissed off for being interrupted.
“Pappy, it’s been a long time, man.”
There was silence on the other end of the line and for the second time tonight, I had totally shocked someone.
“Who the fuck is this?”
“Hud.”
“Fuck you. Hud’s dead.”
He hung up and I sighed, calling him back.
“What do you want, asshole?”
“Just meet me at Kate’s house and I’ll explain everything.”
I hung up before he had a chance to respond. I knew he would show up there. He had been a good friend and watched out for her like I asked. There was no way he wouldn’t show up at the mention of Kate. I pulled into her driveway a few minutes later and carried her inside, laying her gently on the couch. I had been in this house so many times over the past year, watching her sleep and being tormented by nightmares. Sometimes I even laid down in bed with her, but I never allowed myself to touch her. It would break me to feel her skin and not pull her in close to me. So instead I watched her from her chair or just wandered around her house so that I could feel close to her. Now she would know the truth and I just prayed that she was willing to forgive me.
I heard the screeching of tires as Pappy pulled in the driveway and I hurried to the door so he didn’t break it down to get to Kate. When I flung the door open, his anger turned to complete astonishment. I grinned at him, hoping to break the tension. I didn’t expect the fist that flew at my face and knocked me on my ass. It took me a minute to figure out what the hell was happening. Pappy was on top of me, pummeling the shit out of my face and when I finally snapped out of it, I started fighting back. I managed to get behind him and put him in a chokehold. His hands were fighting to break the hold, but I had him locked in.
“Are you ready to listen and stop beating the shit out of me?”
He tapped out and after a moment I released him, letting him get his bearings as he turned on me with a sneer.
“You want to tell me where the fuck you’ve been for the past year?”
“I’ll explain everything when Kate wakes up,” I said, jerking my thumb in her direction on the couch.
“What the hell happened?” he asked, rushing to her side with concern. I narrowed my eyes, wondering if Pappy felt more for her than friendly concern.
“She passed out when she saw me.”
He pressed his fingers to her neck for her pulse and sighed in relief when she appeared fine.
“When did that happen?”
“She was at a bar with her friend, Samantha.”
“And you thought that was the best place to make your magical comeback?” he sneered.
“She was drinking too much. Why weren’t you there watching her like you were supposed to?”
“Why wasn’t I there? I’ve been keeping an eye on her for the past year. Where the hell have you been?”
“I couldn’t come back yet. I wasn’t allowed to.”
“By who?”
“Sebastian.”
He stiffened and his face darkened. “He knew? All this time he fucking knew?”
A groan from the couch had us turning to see Kate starting to sit up, holding her head. “Oh my God. What the hell happened?”
She winced as she swung her legs over the edge of the couch and then her eyes widened when she saw first me and then Hunter. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and then opened them again.
“I thought it was a bad dream,” she mumbled.
“Not a dream, honey.” I walked over to her and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in mine. “How are you feeling?”
She smiled at me and when she closed her eyes, tears slid down her cheeks. She flung her arms around me and cried into the crick of my neck. I swallowed hard and tightened my hold on her. I had needed this for the past year and now that I had her back, I couldn’t imagine ever letting her go again. When she pulled back, she wiped the tears from her eyes.
“How are you here?”
“It’s a long story and I promise to tell you everything. I just want to know that you’re okay first.”
“I’m fine. I just don’t understand any of this.” She looked to Pappy, back to me, and then back to Pappy again. When she stood suddenly, I almost fell backwards on my ass to get out of her way. “You knew?” she asked Pappy accusingly, not giving him time to answer as she continued. “All this time you’ve been pretending to care about me, to make sure that I was okay and you knew he was alive!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said, holding out his hands. “I just fucking found out about this. I got a phone call and I came right over. When I saw him, I was just as shocked as you.”
“Okay, how about we all just settle down and I’ll explain everything.”
Kate sat down and Pappy walked over to sit next to her. I ran a hand over the back of my neck, trying to figure out how the hell to explain all this. “I don’t even know where to fucking start.”
“How about you start with how you made it out of that building,” Pappy said.
I nodded and took a seat across from them. “Derek had called Sebastian earlier that night to tell him that he didn’t feel right about what was happening. Sebastian was on his way when we were first attacked. He showed up with Chance’s team and they were there when the fire spread. We didn’t have communications with them, but they made it inside and found me. It must have been right after you left,” I said, turning to Pappy. “I don’t remember much about how they got me out. I just remember waking up days later in a private hospital. I was in pretty bad shape and I didn’t get released for almost another week.”
“Why didn’t you come find me?” Kate asked with tears in her eyes.
“I couldn’t. Sebastian took one of Jensen’s men and tossed him in the fire where I was. He gave the guy a stab wound and everything to match mine. Everything burned and he knew it would. He had Becky switch my dental records with the guy he used to replace me. It took a while because the military wanted to do their own investigation to make sure I was dead. They wanted the case wrapped up tight before they officially declared me dead.”
“So why didn’t you come back after you were pronounced dead?” Pappy asked me.
“Because I had two lives. It’s fine for the military to declare me dead, but I had a whole other life as an assassin. Sebastian set things in motion for me to be killed on a job, which I officially was, but it took time and
a lot of planning to make sure it was done right. Then, we had to wait and make sure that word spread of my demise. I couldn’t just show back up in your life, Kate. Everyone would have known that I wasn’t really dead and then it would have all been for nothing.”
“You could have told me,” Pappy said. “I work at Reed Security. Do you honestly think you can’t fucking trust me? Even after everything I did for you?”
“It’s not that simple, Pappy. Nobody knew but the people that had to. Do you honestly think you could have kept this secret from Kate? I asked you to look after her for me. I couldn’t let you know that I was alive and risk you telling her. All it would have taken was one person to think that something was off and all my efforts would go up in smoke.”
“So why now?” Kate asked. “Why are you suddenly back?”
“Sebastian was able to get me a new life. He’s been working for months to make sure that I have everything I need to start over. I couldn’t see you until it was all taken care of. He finished up last month.”
“Last month, and you’re just now coming to see us,” Kate shook her head in disgust.
“It’s not like I could just walk back into your life, Kate. I’ve been gone for a year. I wasn’t sure how you would take me being back.”
She stood and shoved me back a step. “So you just walk into a bar and wrap your arm around me to let me know you’re back? Do you know what that felt like for me? Do you know how badly this past year has fucked me up?”
She stormed out of the room before I could respond and left me alone with Pappy. Sighing, I took a seat and scrubbed a hand down my face. “That didn’t go as I planned.”
“How did you plan it? Because that’s one fucked up way to walk back into her life. Do you have any fucking clue what she’s been through?”
“Yes. I’ve been watching. I was always watching.”
“You were watching, but you weren’t there to see her so depressed she couldn’t get out of bed. You didn’t see her standing by your grave on the six month anniversary of your death and watch as she broke down because she could still feel you. Christ, all that time, she was right. She said that she could still feel you with her. You were there the whole fucking time.”
Knight: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 4) Page 22
