by Aurora Rey
Emerson didn’t give up. “Can we check it out tomorrow, maybe?”
“Sure.”
Emerson glanced at Darcy. “I really am sorry. I have no idea what happened to the time. I was in a complete work trance.”
“I tried texting you.”
“I know. I didn’t even hear it. Will got home and asked me if there wasn’t somewhere I was supposed to be.”
Darcy understood what it was like to lose track of time. If it was just the two of them, she might even be able to let it go. But it wasn’t just the two of them. And she’d given Emerson the rundown of why she didn’t let just anyone waltz into Liam’s life. At the end of the day, it hadn’t made a lick of difference. “It’s getting late. We should head home.”
Emerson squared her shoulders. “Have you eaten yet? Can I take you to dinner?”
It was after eight. Darcy resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “We ate before we came.”
“Right. I don’t want to keep you.” Emerson returned her attention to Liam, who was shuffling his feet and looking at the ground. “I’m really sorry, Liam. I’ll make it up to you, okay?”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything. Emerson stayed where she was, clearly not wanting to be the first to leave. Darcy, exhausted suddenly, wanted nothing more than to be home. “Okay. Come on, Liam, let’s go.”
They got in the car and pulled away. In the rearview mirror, Darcy watched Emerson stuff her hands into her pockets before walking back to her car. They got home and she let Liam get right into his pajamas. She changed her clothes before going to his room for their nightly reading session. She found him sitting in the middle of his bed, still looking dejected. The desire to lash out at Emerson returned full force. “Are you mad that Emerson missed your show?”
Shrug.
“Or sad, maybe?”
“I guess it wasn’t all that important.”
Darcy sighed. The last thing in the world she wanted to do was come to Emerson’s defense. But that’s what Liam needed, so that’s exactly what she had to do. “Of course it was important. Being on display at the library is a big deal. Emerson didn’t mean to miss it.”
“But she did.”
“I know. And I’m pretty sure she feels terrible about it.” She’d better.
“Yeah.”
“Doesn’t that happen to you sometimes? You’re working on something or watching a movie or reading a book and you completely lose track of how much time has passed?”
“Yeah.”
“I think painting is the same way for her.”
He nodded, considering her words. “That makes sense.”
“I’m not saying it’s okay. Friends shouldn’t let you down. But it doesn’t mean you aren’t important, or that Emerson hurt your feelings on purpose.” Darcy couldn’t believe how convincing she was. If only it worked on herself.
Liam nodded again, but with more feeling. “Thanks, Mom.”
They read together, then she left him on his own. She found another text from Emerson waiting for her, reiterating the apology. Without saying it was no big deal, or that she wasn’t upset, Darcy assured her they were fine. And really, she wasn’t all that angry. If anything, she was annoyed with herself for being so blasé about letting Liam get attached so quickly. She’d just have to keep a better handle on things moving forward.
She went to her own bed and picked up her book. She only got through a couple of pages before setting it down again. Her mind kept circling back to Emerson. Emerson’s apology and Liam’s disappointment. Emerson’s carelessness and Liam’s seeming forgiveness. One of the hardest things about being a parent was mediating the mistakes and hurt feelings, helping Liam develop a healthy sense of self that balanced compassion with good boundaries, flexibility and resilience. Usually, Liam was working through something with a friend or classmate, maybe a teacher.
In those cases, she only had to grapple with Liam’s feelings. This time, she had her own and Emerson’s as well. She didn’t want to consider Emerson, but that didn’t stop her. Darcy didn’t like the added complication, but she’d created the situation. She’d allowed their friendship to develop and so now it was her job to navigate it. She’d have to see how Liam felt in the morning, and if Emerson made any attempt to make things right.
As for her feelings, they might be the least of her worries. She turned off the light and tried unsuccessfully to hold onto that sentiment. She’d not been able to push Emerson completely from her thoughts since the night they spent together. Unfortunately, that was especially true in bed.
Chapter Sixteen
By the time Emerson made it home, she’d given herself a headache. She walked into her apartment and found Will sitting on the futon with her computer in her lap. Will looked up and gave her a funny look. “You’re home early.”
Emerson flopped next to her. “I missed it.”
“It wasn’t tonight you mean?”
She shook her head. If only. “It was tonight and I was late and I missed it.”
“Oh. How mad were they?”
“Hard to say.”
Will closed her laptop and angled herself toward Emerson. “How so?”
Emerson sighed. “Liam was definitely upset, more dejected than mad.”
“And Darcy?”
“Eerily calm.”
Will shook her head. “That’s worse than yelling sometimes.”
“Tell me about it. I can’t believe I forgot.” Emerson looked at her phone to see if there were any new messages from Darcy. There weren’t.
“It happens to the best of us. Did you apologize?”
Emerson nodded. She had, but she wasn’t sure how much good it did. “And I promised to make it up to Liam.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“His birthday party is this weekend, so I don’t think I can do much before that. Thanks to you, at least I got him a really great present.” She’d been pleased with the idea to get him whale watch tickets. So pleased, she’d imagined herself going along. With any luck, that wouldn’t be off the table.
“Hopefully that will earn you some points. You should show up extra early for his party, offer to help out.”
“Yeah.” It was a start, at least.
“What?”
“I’m pretty sure that will work for Liam. His mom is a tougher nut.”
“Mama bear?”
Emerson could still see the cool dismissal in Darcy’s eyes. “Something like that.”
“How are you going to make it up to her? Grand gesture?”
It was tempting, but she had a feeling anything flashy would backfire. “I think this is more of a tortoise situation than a hare.”
“Slow and steady.”
“Yeah, reestablish myself as reliable.”
Will laughed. “You appreciate the irony of this, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“You are the responsible one. You’ve always been the responsible one.” She reached over and squeezed Emerson’s leg.
Emerson cracked a smile. “Compared to you.”
Will put a hand on her chest. “You wound me.”
“You’d argue otherwise?” It wasn’t an insult. Will not only embraced her free spirit, she took pride in it. Emerson was always the square-pants.
“Well, no.”
“Exactly. Anyway, what are you up to? How was your first day?”
Will took a deep breath. “Good. I spent the morning in the shop learning the ticketing system and the afternoon on one of the boats.”
“Nice. Was being on the boat cool?”
Will nodded. “It was. I need to work on my sea legs, but it’s beautiful out on the water. I think I’m going to like the Dolphin Fleet.”
“I’m glad. Like, really glad.”
“And to add to the irony of the evening, I’m being responsible.”
Emerson raised a brow. “How so?”
“I’m looking for an apartment.”
“I thought you weren’t going
to rush into that.”
“I know. But I don’t want to wear out my welcome. Besides, I know I’m cramping your style.”
“You really aren’t.”
“We’re sharing sleeping quarters, Em. I know you aren’t going to bring your girlfriend back here as long as I’m crashing with you.”
Emerson rolled her eyes. “If only that was the only reason.”
“I don’t want to be any part of the reason.”
“Have you found anything? Rentals around here can be so overpriced.”
Will nodded. “Anything solo is totally out of my range, so I’m looking for a roommate situation. And before you say anything, yes, you would be my first choice. But I want my own room.”
Will had a point. As much as Emerson wanted to be welcoming and supportive, sharing a studio wasn’t a viable long-term solution. Besides, if Will got her own place, she’d be more likely to stick around than if she felt like an extended house guest. “I totally get it. Any luck so far?”
“A couple with potential. I’m going to go see one tomorrow.”
“Nice.” Emerson, happy for Will, but otherwise annoyed and restless, heaved herself off the couch. She walked over to the refrigerator. “Want a beer?”
“Sure.”
She grabbed two bottles, opened them, handed one to Will. She raised hers in Will’s direction. “Here’s to being responsible.”
Will laughed. She lifted her bottle and clinked it against Emerson’s. “To being responsible.”
Will returned to apartment hunting on her computer. Emerson wandered over to her painting area and picked up the notebook she used for sketches and lists and such. She’d already planned the thirteen pieces she wanted to include in her show. Nine were done and number ten was in progress. Even with a couple of commissioned pieces, she should have no trouble getting everything done on time. Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. She hadn’t planned a focal piece—a painting that tied the others together or was striking in its subject matter or size. Maybe that was a mistake.
Even more annoyed than she’d been a minute ago, she set the notebook down. She studied the painting she’d been working on earlier. She’d not intended it, but it reminded her of Darcy and Liam. Even though she’d chosen to paint a little girl, the posture was all Liam. She smiled over just how much the two of them had permeated her subconscious. Maybe this could be her focal point.
She realized she’d dumped her palette and brushes when she left. The upside of being home so quickly was that the paint had only begun to dry. She dunked the brushes into a cup of paint thinner, then wiped down her palette. Once she’d cleaned up the mess, she looked around. It was still only about nine. And there was enough nervous energy pumping through her, it would be hours before she’d be able to sleep. Might as well get some work done.
She dried her brushes, squeezed out some fresh paint. She got three strokes in before noticing the tap-tapping of Will’s fingers on the keyboard. She snagged her headphones and plugged them in. Then she realized she was still wearing a dress shirt. At least she’d managed not to muck it up. She stripped it off, leaving her in an undershirt and jeans. She cranked the music and slid her phone into her pocket. She picked up her brush for the third time, rolled her shoulders, and dove in.
By the time she came up for air, it was nearly three in the morning. The painting was done, Will was fast asleep, and for the second time in one day, Emerson had completely lost track of time. She pulled off the headphones and tipped her head back and forth, trying to work out some of the tightness in her neck. It might have gotten her in trouble, but it was a damn good painting.
Part of her wanted to snap a photo and send it to Darcy with another apology. But sending texts in the middle of the night was probably not the best way to win Darcy over. Or to prove that Emerson was a reliable, responsible adult. Tomorrow perhaps, after she’d returned to the library and seen Liam’s work on display. She nodded to herself. Tomorrow.
*****
Darcy opened the door and found her mom standing on the other side, holding two cups of coffee and what appeared to be a bag of malasadas. “Good morning.”
Darcy smiled. “Hi. You didn’t have to come bearing breakfast.”
Gloria handed her a cup and shrugged. “You seemed upset.”
They’d had a three-minute phone conversation, but it didn’t surprise her. Her mom had always been able to read her moods. “I appreciate that your answer to that is sugar and caffeine.”
“The answer is talking, but the sugar and caffeine don’t hurt.”
Gloria stepped inside and Darcy closed the door. “I can’t disagree with you there.”
“Liam’s gone already?”
“Yeah, his bus came about ten minutes ago. I can’t believe it’s his last day of school.”
“Summer seemed to sneak up on us this year, even after the brutal winter.”
“It always sneaks up on me, although I think it’s Liam’s birthday as much as anything else.”
Darcy grabbed a pair of saucers from the cupboard and they sat at the table. Gloria removed the lid from her coffee and took a sip. “I can’t believe he’s going to be nine.”
“You?” Darcy shook her head. She opened the bag and took out a pastry for each of them. “I’ve taken to pressing the top of his head and telling him to stop getting taller.”
Gloria laughed. “He’s going to take after his father in that department, I think.”
Liam’s dad was six-four, so it was likely he’d end up taller than her, but she’d expected that not to happen until he was in his teens. “Yeah. Although I think there are still a few girls in his class taller than him for now, so I shouldn’t complain.”
“Agreed. Height aside, is Liam’s birthday what’s bothering you? The fact that he’s growing up too fast?”
Darcy sighed. “No.”
“Do you want to talk about what is?”
“Yeah.” She’d told her mom about Emerson’s friendship with Liam. She’d not told her that Emerson was the woman she was seeing. She relayed the details—dating, keeping everything separate, thinking maybe she didn’t need to keep everything separate. She ended with the previous night, including Emerson not showing up and Liam’s disappointment.
Gloria made a sympathetic sound. “That’s complicated.”
Darcy took a bite of her pastry and sighed. “I’d figured that much out already.”
“But complicated isn’t always bad.”
“Are you sure? It feels kind of bad.”
Gloria put a hand on hers. “Complicated is usually a mix of good and bad. That’s what makes it complicated.”
“That’s deep, Mom. It doesn’t help me, but it’s deep.”
“You know, you’ve always been one for compartmentalizing everything.”
It wasn’t the first time her mother had pointed this out. As a child, she didn’t like her food touching. She kept her dolls and stuffed animals in separate groupings on her bed. When she’d gotten pregnant, the only thing that kept her sane was making lists of what she needed to do by category and order of importance. She liked to think she hadn’t imposed too much rigidity on Liam, but had a feeling that’s where her mother was going. “And you think that’s bad.”
“Not bad. Limiting.”
“Safe.” And it worked. Mostly.
“Yes and no.”
“You’re going to give me the whole ‘nothing risked, nothing gained’ speech, aren’t you?”
“Do you need it?”
Did she? She knew it by heart. It wasn’t that she didn’t get it, she just hadn’t come around to believing it completely. When life came with so much uncertainty, the price of feeling like a few things were under control seemed worth it. She wasn’t ready to give that up. “No.”
“Then I guess my question for you is the kind of example you want to set for Liam.” Gloria folded her hands and set them on the table.
“I want him to feel like he can count
on the people in his life. I don’t want him to worry, or be afraid.” Surely her mother could relate to that.
“And you think protecting him from hurt is the way to do that.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Is that what your father and I did for you?” Gloria asked.
For a moment, Darcy thought it was a trick question. She nodded slowly. “Yes. I never felt unsafe or unloved.”
“But you were disappointed from time to time.”
“But nothing huge.”
Gloria’s face softened and she smiled. “I’m glad you feel that way, but it’s not true.”
Darcy crossed her arms. “What do you mean?”
“We tried to keep you out of harm’s way, sure, but we didn’t try to keep you from failing. We tried to help you learn from those failures.”
“It didn’t feel that way.” She’d failed from time to time, but never anything major. Nothing she looked back on as traumatic or scarring.
“Life will have its share of failures and disappointments no matter what. I think being a parent isn’t about preventing that. It’s about helping children become resilient in the face of it.”
“Is this where I tell you you clearly did a good job?”
Gloria smiled. “I’m not fishing for a compliment, but I’ll take it.”
Darcy thought back to the night Emerson stayed over. The next morning, before Gloria brought Liam home from his sleepover, she’d been toying with the idea of signs and whether she believed in them. What happened at the library certainly wasn’t the kind of sign she was hoping for. Her mom was right about one thing—she’d gotten herself into a complicated situation. Now she had to figure out what to do about it.
“Is Emerson coming to Liam’s birthday party?”
The question snapped Darcy back to the conversation. “I don’t know. I haven’t uninvited her.”
“Maybe you should see if she shows up.”
Darcy sighed. That didn’t sound too difficult. “That makes sense.”
