by Scott, D. D.
“I knew it. Dammit. Why didn’t I consider that before?” She rubbed her tummy, thinking she should probably watch her mouth since she now had a baby on board. “I told Damian we were eating way too many phallic-shaped, penis foods. Too much asparagus. We were like rabbits this past fall.”
“Silly Rabbit,” Roxy said, her eyes sparkling with a mischievous twinkle, “didn’t you know tricks are for kids?”
“Good one…even though at my expense,” Audrey said, silently swearing off penis foods.
“You watched way too much television growing up,” Jules said, chiding Roxy at the same time she giggled at her play on the famous cereal jingle.
“Anything to lighten the mood,” Roxy said. “Look at us. We’re having a baby! Now…let’s see when.”
Roxy moved the finger-tip mouse seven days past August thirteenth.
“August twentieth,” Audrey said, staring at the date now maximized on her laptop screen. She took a deep breath and held it.
“Exhale, Sweetie. We don’t want to suffocate the baby,” Jules said, rubbing Audrey’s back like she always did when Audrey was obsessing about something.
Audrey just couldn’t wrap her mind around motherhood, not even as Roxy was typing “Baby Baker Due” on August twentieth.
I’m a mommy-to-be. That so doesn’t sound like me.
Wait ‘til her handlers then the media got a hold of this. And it wouldn’t take long. No matter how far she’d come, she’d never escape her family’s tabloid-fodder and prime-time news past. It was only a matter of time — now to be counted in weeks, according to the pregnancy bible.
• • •
Damian tugged the collar of his Carhartt closer to his neck. Damn it was cold. Even with two work shirts, a hooded sweatshirt, an insulated vest and his jacket plus two pair of wool socks and work boots, he was frozen stiff. His leather gloves were rock hard, ready to crack once they dried out from all the wet, heavy ass snow.
Yeah. He was nuts. No doubt about it. And from the incredulous looks on the faces of the three beautiful women watching his insanity from the breakfast nook window, he knew how much of a jack ass he’d been.
He’d stopped looking back at them awhile ago, unable to face the hurt bottled in Audrey’s expression. Hurt he’d caused by being such a wuss.
Life had forever changed for him when she’d told him they were pregnant.
Having a baby — being a father — was never what he’d wanted. To be brutally honest, he still didn’t. But dammit. Look what he’d made with the woman he truly loved? A child. Their child. That aspect was pretty amazing.
Was he going to lose sleep over their predicament?
Hell yeah.
His mind was racing in full fear mode. There was no sense denying it or hiding it. He was scared shitless.
But one thing was for damn sure.
This thing with Audrey’s workaholic, sleepless nights would end. He’d definitely confront that. She only thought he was protective before. She could bet her sweet ass she was going to be changing her lifestyle. She was caring for and carrying his baby now. And it was his job to protect them both.
He pounded his hands against the steering wheel.
Shit. Shit. Shit. He’d always counted on his John Deere to take him away from his troubles. His green buddy understood all about “me time”. Well…it used to. But not tonight.
Damian’s me time had become a family of three time. He couldn’t focus on the ride, only Audrey and the baby — his baby - growing inside her.
‘Course with the raging snow storm pelting him, the rural ambiance of the land he used as an escape mechanism wasn’t having its usual bliss-filled effect either. He was freakin’ freezing, wet clear through to his underwear, and cold as hell from fear. He was far, far removed from bliss.
He’d hoped ever since he’d hooked up with Audrey that this day would never come.
He tapped his boot against one of the running boards, not as much to clear it of snow but as a substitute outlet for his frustration.
His irritation wasn’t based on the fact Audrey was knocked-up. Something that did surprise him since God knew having a kid was the last thing he wanted.
Audrey knew that. In fact, both of them were in solid agreement that parenting wasn’t for them. They’d talked about it many times. And she would never have done it on purpose to trap him. That Damian was sure of.
It was an accident. Plain and simple. But one big ass accident.
Damian crossed over the concrete driveway — or at least what he thought was the driveway. The drifting snow made the surface disappear. Heading to the area which should be the gravel lane leading to his work shed, he lowered his chin, burrowing inside his jacket to block the fierce wind.
Once inside the shed, he punched the parking brake with his boot, pulled back the throttle then did the same to the choke. Brushing off the snow from the right side of the dash, he unburied the key and starter. His hands shook…and not from his body temperature plummeting. He shook because of the real source of his irritation…himself.
He couldn’t be more disappointed in himself for acting the way he did when Audrey told him she was pregnant. For an almost fifty-year-old man, he’d acted like a young jerk, timidly schlepping away from a problem instead of facing it with the grit of the man he claimed to be.
So what if Audrey was pregnant? Big deal. He loved her more than he thought it was humanly possible to love someone. Nothing could change that. Yeah. Their lives were about to change — big time. But together, they could handle the challenge.
Who would have ever thought the first room he’d be finishing in their dream home would be a nursery? He shook his head. The guys would crap.
Seeing some partly used paint cans in the corner of the shed, Damian’s mind wandered. Would he have to be careful what type of paint he used in the baby’s room? He’d never built a nursery. But he’d heard his crew discussing doing so for their wives. He’d see what he could find out.
Taking a rag off the hook on the pegboard next to his workbench, he wiped off a fingerprint on the side of his new air compressor, imagining how many tiny hand prints he’d soon find on his tools and equipment.
He’d treated himself to the compressor for his forty-fifth birthday. But he’d be doing less of that in the near future. He wanted the new house to be finished and perfect when their baby arrived. All his resources would go into that for now. He had nine months to get it done and done right.
He checked the grease-stained calendar on the wall. Well, they’d planned that part well without even knowing. By his best guess, the baby would be born sometime late summer, early fall.
‘Course that depended on when they’d gotten pregnant. He chuckled. Tough to nail that one down.
He still couldn’t get over how sexual of a woman Audrey was, although he took sweet comfort that she never turned him down. Hell. Usually, she was the one initiating the action. He sure hoped a baby didn’t change that.
But again…oh well if it did. He loved her. And above all, he believed in her love for him. The rest would take care of itself.
Sounded good, he thought, brushing off the snow that covered him from the top of his head to his feet. His boots were packed so tight he’d have to let them melt dry in the mudroom rack.
What didn’t sound so good was facing the firing squad seated around his kitchen table. If he hadn’t been so damn cold, he’d have stayed on the tractor longer, at least until Roxy and Jules left. Frost-bite was nothin’. Those two would eat him up for how he treated Audrey. And they’d be right to.
Time to suck it up, as Audrey would say, and take one for the team. And she was his team. All that mattered to him was taking care of, providing well for and protecting her and their new teammate.
Chapter Four
Audrey finished the mug of hot chocolate Jules had whipped up and went for a second round. She was drinking for two now, and the rich, frothy cocoa coupled with the mountains of marshmallows soothed her soul.
Hearing Damian in the mudroom, her stomach twisted.
Should she go to him? Or should she wait ‘til he came to her?
Part of her wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold on tight. But for the first time in their relationship, she wasn’t sure he would want that…or want her.
“Don’t you even think about going in there,” Roxy dared Audrey with her ‘I-mean-it’, dark espresso eyes along with a sterner-than-stern voice to match. “Make him do the work.”
Audrey looked at Jules, counting on her non-vinegar laced persona to be the bearer of good reason.
“I gotta say I agree with the ice queen on this one,” Jules said without the slightest hesitation. “Let’s see what Damian’s made of now that he’s conferred with his tractor.”
Audrey couldn’t suppress the small giggle caused by Roxy and Jules’ protective jabs. But the humor didn’t squelch the anxious twitters rattling her nerves.
Perhaps they were right. But what if they weren’t? Audrey’s instincts told her Damian needed her more now than he ever had. But she needed him too, and he had yet to come through.
Without actually hearing him come into the kitchen, she still knew he was there. It sounded corny, but she could always sense when Damian occupied the same space she did. Like the pull of the moon, she and Damian shared a forever-connected chemistry. Being in his presence, she felt so very much alive and bubbling with possibility.
She turned toward the hallway going from the kitchen to the mudroom and met his scared-out-of-his-wits eyes. His expression held a tangible exhibit of fear at the same time it suggested he wasn’t jumping ship.
She wanted to run to him, but her body wouldn’t allow her to, not to mention, if she made the first move, Roxy and Jules would be on her like crazy chicks. And they were right. She needed him to reach out first.
“I think we’ll finish our cocoa by the fireplace,” Jules said, getting up from the table and motioning for Roxy to follow.
“We will? I’m perfectly comfortable where we’re at,” Roxy said, her bottom lip stuck out in a challenging and quite theatrical pout.
“You won’t be comfortable at all if you don’t get your butt out of that chair. Move it, Sister,” Jules said, a command in her voice she rarely used.
Roxy cussed and discussed Jules’ sudden attempt at becoming an authority figure but begrudgingly followed her across the kitchen. “We’ll be right around the corner if you need us, Audie…listening to every word.”
“Whatever, Bad Ass.” Jules rolled her eyes and damn near shoved Roxy out of the room.
For what felt like a lifetime-worthy pause after the want-to-be hell-raisers left, Audrey held Damian’s gaze. Their eyes spoke the volumes of I’m sorry their mouths hadn’t yet found the words to express.
Damian’s eyes had always held a strong magic, an unconditional, quiet, patient understanding and strength…until today, when Audrey had told him they were pregnant. In that moment, the twinkle had vanished. In its place was an empty detachment, an expressionless void, more than unfamiliar.
Looking into the depths of his Lake Tahoe blues, she caught a glimpse of the bottomless sparkle she’d come to thrive on.
Was he back?
She so desperately needed him to be.
He walked toward her. The closer he got, the quicker he moved, until he swept her into his arms.
She clung to him, getting lost in his solid, steadfast embrace. Her shoulders and stomach quivered, unable to remain still from the buzz of energy his closeness generated. She exhaled, relaxing her body into his, letting her worries dissolve against his muscular frame.
Everything would be okay. They would be okay. Him once again holding her confirmed that.
Damian rested his chin on the top of her head, tucking and re-tucking strands of her hair behind her ears, a gesture Audrey would never grow tired of.
After planting tender kisses on her forehead and a few on her lips, he placed one hand under her chin, tilting her face to focus on nothing but him.
“I am so sorry. Please forgive me.” Tears filled his eyes and about spilled over their banks. “I will never walk out on you and our baby again. That was so wrong of me.”
As she struggled for the right response, Audrey’s chest caught with her breath. There was so much she wanted to say. But she didn’t know where to start.
“I love you, Damian Baker,” she whispered thinking it best to begin with what was most important.
Tracing his strong jaw with her trembling fingertips, she melted her lips into his for a lingering kiss before settling her cheek against his chest. “I know this isn’t what either of us wanted but sometimes we can’t control destiny. If I’ve learned anything from my farce of a life it’s that.”
Damian breathed deep, his chest rising and falling against her face in stuttered spurts, not the fluid rhythm she was used to feeling. “I pledged my love to you, Baby. I still and always will want to grow old — and older — with you.”
Audrey laughed then hiccupped. She’d been doing a bunch of that lately. The slightest change in air intake or out-take messed-up her whacked-out system. She hiccupped again.
Despite the seriousness of their conversation, and even though it obviously upset her breathing apparatus, she always found Damian’s concern over their age difference humorously endearing.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
Audrey nodded her head, gulping a large batch of air then holding her breath. Maybe that would do the deed.
Damian hugged her closer and tighter until she swore she was a part of his very being. A place she’d learned to find comfort in like no other.
“If being with you means with a little one at our heels, so be it. I’ll adjust. I love you too much not to.”
“Thank you for that,” she said, knowing theirs truly was a perfect, everlasting love, even if having a baby hadn’t been their idea of a perfect life.
Swarms of butterflies flittered in her tummy. At least she thought it was butterflies, dancing to Damian’s promise to make their future together work. But it could be her spirits soaring with the moon and stars filling the skylights above his head.
‘Course it could be Baby Baker voicing approval too.
“Do the girls hate me?” Damian’s voice cracked, probably anticipating the hell he’d be paying for his bad behavior. He’d been around Roxy long enough to know she wasn’t done with him.
“Not since I told them not to,” Audrey teased.
Although with Roxy, Damian wasn’t too far removed from his concern. She’d kick his ass in a heartbeat if Audrey and Jules would let her.
“Yeah, you’re lucky, Carpenter Boy,” Roxy said, seeming to appear out of nowhere as if she were Samantha on ‘Bewitched’ and always just a nose twinkle away. “I’d like to pound you a good one for being such an ass.”
“And I deserve it, Roxy. I was a moron,” Damian said, turning to face her, his arm protectively draped around Audrey’s shoulders.
He should probably be more concerned about his groin, Audrey thought.
“Well, since you’ve got your head out of your ass now, we’re good with that, aren’t we Jules?” Roxy inquired.
“Whatever she says. I just want to get her out of here before she changes her mind,” Jules said while giving both Audrey and Damian quick hugs.
Roxy retrieved her purse from the kitchen table then kissed Audrey’s cheek. “I’m not hugging you, Damian. I’m still miffed and don’t trust my knees to stay clear of your crotch.”
“Fair enough.” Damian shook his head, appearing to hold back a goofy grin. “Are you two sure you should be out in this storm?”
He helped them on with their coats.
“You seemed to do okay on your tractor, so I’m sure my SUV will handle fine,” Roxy said without so much as missing a beat.
“Well done, Rox,” Audrey said, stifling a giggle better than Jules was, after Roxy’s ball-buster dig.
“And well deserved,” Damian sa
id, chewing on his lower lip like he did while recovering from one of his own buddies’ brow-beatings.
Audrey and Jules’ poor shoulders shook with amusement all the way to the door, but they both knew better than to give in to their mischief-fed delirium or that would just spur-on Roxy even more.
“I love you both. Be careful and call us when you get home.” Audrey waved them off, realizing, like she’d done so many times, especially lately, how lucky she was to have them in her life.
She hoped her child would be blessed with those kinds of friends…the true ones who were so rare to stumble upon then rarer still to keep for a lifetime.
Damian closed the door behind the girls then locked Audrey’s mouth with his.
She drank in his sweet but needy plays on her lips and tongue, each pull and nip igniting her passion.
“I’m heading for the shower, Baby. Care to join me?”
His husky voice sent her senses reeling, but she was too wiped out from the day’s emotional rollercoaster ride to make good on his offer.
“No thank you. I took one while you were outside. I’m going to relax by the fire. But I will save you a seat.”
He let his hands linger on her behind, caressing the curves of the flesh that joined to her hips.
For the briefest flash, Audrey worried if being pregnant would still mean he’d find her attractive and desirable.
“What’s wrong, Baby?”
“I’m just a little tired. That’s all.”
“C’mon, Audie. This is me you’re talking to. Tell me what’s wrinkled that beautiful brow line of yours.”
He came up behind her, hugged her close and nuzzled her neck in the spot he knew drove her crazy.
“Will you still want me when I’m big as a barn?” With the feel of his moist lips at the nape of her neck, tingles descended her spine then dropped into her tummy.
“You know how much I love spending time in your…I mean my barn,” Damian said then laughed. “I can’t get enough of you, and you know it. No worries on that ever changin’.”
He turned her to face him, concern clouding his handsome features. He rubbed his hands across the late day stubble shadowing his jaw line. “But is it safe to make love when you’re pregnant?”
