“Cole, I need to say something.” I tell him, turning on my side to face him.
He reaches for the remote and switches off the TV, providing me with his undivided attention.
“Say it, baby. What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been thinking about what happened today, what you said nearly happened and-”
“You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you? You’re scared of me now and don’t trust me at all.”
“Please let me finish.” I beg him, touching his lips with my fingers. “What I want to say is difficult but I can’t think of any other way.”
“Go on.” He urges me, encouraging me to continue.
“What if we were to… to do other things?”
“What other things?” He says, sounding curious.
I can feel my cheeks turning crimson. This is absolutely mortifying for me to admit and the humiliation that it causes me cannot be explained.
“God, this is so embarrassing.” I confess, covering my face with my hands. “It is complete madness and I must be out of my mind to think of such a thing.”
“What are you proposing?”
He strokes my bottom lip with his thumb, lowering his eyes towards my mouth. I moisten my lips, no longer willing to fight the indescribable attraction between us or the sexual tension. It’s far too strong and my resolve is slipping more and more each day.
“I know that you and I can’t sleep together but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together in other ways.” I say, pausing for a moment. “In the past we were still intimate with one another but we never went the whole way… maybe we could do that again?”
“Serena, do you really think we’ll be able to control ourselves if we decide to do this? You actually think I’ll have the strength to restrain myself? You know I want you so badly, my whole body aches for you and that’s why I’m being so cautious. I really don’t want to come close to doing what I almost did to you today.”
“I understand.” I murmur softly. “It was just a suggestion.”
I can’t help feeling humiliated and somewhat rejected but try to conceal it, smiling weakly.
“A suggestion I want to take you up on.” Cole states boldly, taking me by surprise.
“Y-you really think we can do this?” I ask him, sitting up in bed.
“As much as I want you… I know we can’t take it any further, not now I know you didn’t bring your pills with you.”
“I’m sorry about that, I just didn’t think about them when we left.” I apologise.
“Serena, you know I never want to force you into anything you’re not ready for. I didn’t before we found out the truth and I still don’t.”
“How about if we start slowly.” I whisper. “And take things one step at a time.”
“That sounds good, baby.” He slowly moves towards me, taking hold of my face in his hands. “You know I would never hurt you, I just want you so much. You’re the only woman I want.”
His lips touch mine and my body ignites. Sparks fly as our mouths make contact and I moan loudly, opening my mouth for him so his tongue can slip inside. I’ve never wanted anyone or anything so badly in my whole life and I’m certain he feels the same way.
“God, I’ve missed this… I’ve missed you.” He groans, pulling me towards him until our bodies meet and are pressed closely together.
“I’ve missed you too.” I confess, struggling to catch my breath.
“Have you?” He growls, tightening the hold he has on me. “How badly have you missed me? I want to know how much you’ve been longing for this.”
“So much.” I whimper. “You have no idea.”
“So tell me.” He demands, forcing me to look at him.
“I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you and I’ve been aching for you since we’ve been apart, every single moment.” I admit.
My words encourage him and he grasps me more firmly, pushing me down onto the bed as he towers above me.
“I’ve never seen anyone quite so beautiful as you. You’re beyond perfect and if I could change what we now know, I would.” He speaks with reverence, staring at me intently.
“It’s ok.” I urge him. “I want to.”
Cole continues to support his weight above me, allowing his heated gaze to travel down my body. His breathing is heavy and his lips are moist from our last kiss, arousing me even more.
I’m trembling beneath him, desperately imploring him with my eyes to touch me.
“Beg me.” He whispers, speaking directly into my ear.
It’s as though he’s read my mind, using his subconscious powers to permeate my thoughts and say them out loud.
“Please… please kiss me.”
He complies at once and without hesitation, holding me still as our mouths collide. The passionate exchange between us is almost violent, frantic and aggressive as we both take what we have each been craving for so long.
I arch my back, raising my chest until it meets with Cole’s and delight in the guttural sound this elicits from him. He hastily removes his T-shirt, revealing his taut stomach and impressive abs.
I’m pretty sure I will never understand what on earth Cole sees in me, not when he looks this magnificent and could have anyone he wants. It’s a question I’ve often tortured myself over but soon came to the conclusion that somethings are beyond our ability to comprehend.
“Every ounce of goodness that I have exists in you.” He murmurs softly. “You’re all I want and you’re all I need. Just us, baby. That’s how I need it to be.”
“It will be.” I promise him, trailing my finger nails down his chest. “Just you and me.”
He takes hold of my wrists and pins them down on either side of my head, staring intently at my green eyes.
“You. Are. Mine.” He growls possessively, causing me to tremble. “And if you ever try to run from me, I will find you.”
“Why would I run?” “Why would I want to leave you?” I ask, struggling to understand the dramatic change in his behaviour.
“Because sooner or later you will be exposed to the true darkness which still exists inside of me and I’m not sure you have the strength to fight it.”
“I can handle it. It won’t scare me and I won’t be afraid of you.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“And you think you can keep your promise?” I challenge him. “Your promise to find me if I run?”
“Yes.” He replies without thought or contemplation. “You can run but you can’t hide, Serena. I’ll only ever be a few steps behind you and I will always find you. You belong to me and that’s a fact… don’t you ever forget it.”
Chapter Four
After a restless and tumultuous night of sleep, I wake up in Cole’s arms. We spent most of the night kissing, locked in an unbreakable embrace and the exertion from trying to resist one another has taken its toll. I’m utterly exhausted and I can see that Cole feels the exact same way.
“You didn’t sleep in your own room.” I say, wiping the sleep out of my eyes.
“I couldn’t. I didn’t want us to be apart and I couldn’t bring myself to leave you once you fell asleep.” He answers, tucking a stray strand of my hair behind my ear.
“I wish you had kept your mouth shut in front of that receptionist and then we wouldn’t have to worry about the financial implications of paying for two rooms.” I complain, still annoyed with him for his actions the day before.
“Believe me, I wish I hadn’t said anything to her either, I’m paying the price for it now.” He sighs deeply, rolling over onto his back so he can gaze up at the bedroom ceiling.
“It’s just that it’s going to cost us so much, especially now you have to pay for the extra room next door. How on earth can you afford this, Cole?”
“I don’t want you to worry about that, ok? It’s my problem and I’ll deal with it.”
“It is my problem as well as yours. We’re in this together, remember?”
“
We are but I’m the one who’s responsible for certain types of things and this is one of them.”
“Please don’t do anything you shouldn’t.” I beg him. “I already know you stole the car we got away in and I also know the money we’ve been spending so far isn’t really yours.”
“It is now and that’s all that matters.” He replies firmly, fixing those magnificent brown eyes of his on my own.
We spend most of our morning inside our hotel room until we both decide that we want to go out and get some fresh air in the afternoon. Cole orders a taxi to pick us up and take us into the city so we can have a look around and grab some lunch seeing as we’re both really hungry.
“I can’t wait to show you around London.” Cole says, taking hold of my hand as soon as we exit the taxi he ordered to drop us off. “I’m sure you’ll really like it there.”
“I’ve never been but I’ve always wanted to go.” I reveal, unable to conceal my excitement as the prospect of going.
“How come you’ve never been?” He asks.
“My mum used to promise me that we would go when I was younger but I knew it would never happen. She pretty much lost all interested in me once my dad left us.”
My voice goes quiet as I try and resist the memories which come flooding back to me surrounding my childhood.
“Same as mine.” Cole adds, guiding me through the busy crowds as we continue to walk. “I remember how she used to leave me alone all night so she could go out with some friends of hers or meet up with a new boyfriend of hers. I was only five years old but I soon learnt how to cook my tea and put myself to bed.”
“Cole, that’s awful.” I sympathise, picturing him as a little boy on his own and frightened.
“It’s no big deal, I soon got used to it.”
“But you shouldn’t have had to get used to it and that’s the point.” I reply, struggling to hide the resentment I now feel towards Cole’s mum for being so selfish.
“I started to behave badly at school, unable to cope with my toxic home life and the way things were with my mum. I felt old before my time and started skipping school before I even hit my teenage years.” He pauses for a moment and glances at me out of the corner of his eyes. “The truth is, I’ve been suspended more times than I can count and I’d tried every type of substance I could get my hands on before I turned fifteen. I guess I just needed something to block it all out and numb some of the pain I was feeling. I’d been tortured by it for so long, I just wanted to forget.”
I can tell he’s concerned about how I will react to this but as much as I want to reassure him, I can’t just pretend I didn’t hear all of the bad things he just told me.
“How about we stop here?” I offer, coming to a standstill outside a rustic little coffee shop to my right. “We can stop for a drink and talk properly.”
“Sounds good.”
Cole smiles at me in gratitude before we make our way inside, choosing a small table right next to the front window.
“So… you want to continue?” I ask him gently, taking a sip of my coffee as I watch him closely.
“I guess so. You’re going to have to find out about this sooner or later?” He sighs gloomily, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Find out about what?”
“I was involved in a few burglaries a couple of years back, as well as stealing a few cars and one or two fights when I’ve been drunk or high on something. I was arrested right before I moved here with my mum but the reason behind it is something I don’t think you’ll want to hear.”
“Just tell me.” I urge him.
“My mum got involved with someone that was bad for her and I mean really bad. I knew he was bad news from the first moment she introduced us but she wouldn’t listen to me, no matter how many times I told her to stay away from him. In the end I made her promise that she wouldn’t let him through the front door if I wasn’t home, at least then I knew she would have to meet him in public instead of being on her own with him.”
He goes silent, consumed by his own thoughts and memories as I wait for him to divulge the rest to me.
“So… what happened?” I prompt him eventually, growing more afraid as the seconds tick by.
“She didn’t listen to me.” He says, speaking slowly. “She never listened to me but that was the one time I really wish she had. I ended up bunking off from school one afternoon and came home to see his car on the driveway. I raced inside because I’d had this awful feeling all day that something was wrong and spotting his car at my house when I wasn’t there confirmed it. I found them upstairs together. He was in her room and she was practically unconscious due to the amount of drugs he had already given her. He was on top of her and he was trying to… God, I can’t even say it.” He groans, covering his face with his hands in an attempt to block out the recollections of such memories.
“You don’t have to.” I whisper. “I know what you’re implying.”
He continues anyway, as though he has to say it so he can come to terms with it himself.
“He was about to rape her and he would have gone through with it if I hadn’t turned up in time to stop him.” He concludes, clenching his fists in fury as he remembers.
“What did you do to him, Cole?”
He moistens his lips before meeting my unwavering gaze head on.
“I almost killed him.” He mutters softly, trying to keep our conversation as private as possible. “I wanted to kill him and I honestly don’t know how I didn’t.”
“Cole, you’re not a bad person and that’s why you’re not capable of doing something like that. That’s why you didn’t hurt him.”
“That’s just it, Serena. I am capable because that’s exactly what I did.”
“What do you mean?”
“I… I just lost control. I don’t know what I was thinking but I grabbed him, hurling him out of the bedroom and away from my mum who I needed to protect. Serena, I hurt him real bad, beating him until he was unconscious and then I threw him down the stairs.”
“You did what?”
I sound incredulous, powerless when it comes to hiding my disbelief.
“He was hurting her, Serena. What was I supposed to do?”
“You should have called the police.”
“The police arrived but it wasn’t me who called them, a neighbour must have done it when they heard all the noise or something. An ambulance soon followed, taking him away and a police car picked me up.”
“And when did they let you go?”
“It wasn’t too long after my arrest. I was underage and they could see what that bastard had been trying to do from the state my mum was in. In the end they decided to put me on probation for two years, under the strict instructions that I behave myself and not get into any more trouble. I agreed and that’s when they let me go. We moved here shortly afterwards and the rest is history.”
“You’ve hardly had a clean record since I met you.” I retort bitterly, mentally recounting each of the violent encounters that Cole has been involved with since I met him.
“I know and that’s why I knew I had to get the hell away before they caught me. They’re going to throw the damn book at me, I just know it. They can send me to prison now I’ve turned eighteen and I’m pretty sure that’s what they’re going to do if they catch up with me.”
I can feel the tension building up inside of me, causing my entire body to hurt. My mind is racing and I can no longer stop the intrusive thoughts and worst-case scenarios from multiplying. I’m overwhelmed by my fear and feel like I can’t even move.
“I’m scared.” I confess, wringing my hands together underneath the table.
“Of me?” Cole asks, sounding horrified.
“Yes. No. I-I don’t know!” I cry, extremely close to tears.
“Serena, I need you to look at me.” He speaks firmly, waiting for me to comply “You know I would never, ever hurt you.”
“It might not be intentional but what if you were to lose contr
ol? You’ve told me yourself that you’ve came close to taking things too far before now.”
“Sweetheart, that’s different.”
“How is it?”
“It just is.” He finishes, attempting to bring an end to the conversation. “You’re the only person in this world who matters to me, Serena. I don’t give a damn about anyone else and I’ll stop at nothing to keep us together.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you, Cole. I don’t even think I could survive if anything happened to you.” I admit, incapable when it comes to comprehending a life without him being in it.
“Listen to me. I won’t let anyone keep us apart. Ever.”
He reaches for my hand across the table, holding it in a vice-like grip.
“You can’t make promises like that.” I murmur.
“Can’t I? Just watch me.”
He says it like he’s already accepted my challenge, determined and decisive about what he needs to do. He has this gleam in his eyes which is enough to convince me that he means wat he says. He will stop at nothing to keep us from being apart, absolutely nothing.
After our tumultuous and exhausting conversation inside the coffee shop, we decided to spend the rest of the afternoon wandering around the unexplored city. We went inside so many different shops and then stopped to eat lunch at a small bistro we found down one of the side streets.
The food was amazing and I savoured every single mouthful. I soon realised that I had barely eaten anything since Friday due to the amount of stress and anxiety I’ve been dealing with since we ran away. Plus, the first motel we stayed at didn’t even serve food and we had been forced to rely on eating out for the two days that we spent there.
After we had our lunch and walked around the town for a couple more hours, we decided to head back to the hotel and phoned for a taxi to come and pick us up. During the journey back we discussed the possibility of dining at a restaurant instead of the hotel later on that night and that was the most significant part of our conversation.
Since Cole confided in me about his past, I’ve been somewhat uncomfortable in his presence. I almost feel suffocated by him but can’t really understand why. I suppose it could come down to the fact that he has sworn on several occasions that he will never let me go. To hear such a thing is almost frightening and not because I don’t long to be with Cole but because I believe him when he makes me that promise. A huge part of me knows that he will stick to his word and although this means that we will never be apart, it also means that my life as I have come to know it is now over.
That Summer (Part Two) Page 5
