by Gail Sattler
Edwin stood stock-still, his face dazed, as if he couldn’t believe what he had done.
Doreen glared back, feeling just as stunned. What had passed between them?
His hand slid from her waist to her hand. Gently but firmly, he held on, refusing to let her go. His other large hand tenderly rubbed up and down her forearm. “Well.” He sighed, then raised his fingertips to her chin, keeping her gaze locked with his. “I’m not going to say I’m sorry, because I’m not.” His mouth curved into the most alluring, warm smile Doreen had ever seen. He winked, making an exaggerated sweep of the corridor with his line of vision proving that no one had seen.
She snapped herself out of her daze, and cleared her throat. “No, I don’t suppose you are.” As she spoke, she could barely recognize the airy voice she heard as her own. What was happening?
His fingers caressed her chin, his light touch sending pleasant shivers all the way to her toes. Almost painfully slowly, he lifted her face once more as he lowered his head until his lips were almost touching hers. “Are you sorry?” he asked huskily.
Doreen closed her eyes, lost. “No.” She parted her lips. He was going to kiss her again, and her knees trembled in anticipation. What was she doing?
Edwin kissed her mouth lightly, nibbled a few kisses to her lower lip, then stopped, giving his mouth enough distance from hers to feel the heat of her lips on his without actually touching. As much as he would have liked to kiss the stuffing out of her, this was neither the time nor the place. Most important, a change had occurred in their relationship, and he needed time to absorb it. His heart pounded as he drifted apart from her. His eyes opened to the sight of Doreen, eyes closed, waiting for more.
He longed to cover her mouth with his, to savor her, to kiss her senseless. But the moment had clearly caught her off guard, and he refused to take advantage. This was not something Doreen would take lightly. For that matter, neither did he take it lightly. How would she feel tomorrow? How would she feel in an hour?
He had to create some distance, but not let her get too far away. He needed to let her regroup. He needed to let himself regroup, but he didn’t want to be separated from her. Not yet. Instead of doing what he wanted, he released her completely. He had to be with her, but not let himself touch her. “I’m starving. Feel like pizza?”
Doreen opened her eyes and blinked dumbly up at him. He was thinking of food? Her world nearly spun off its axis, wanting him to kiss her again, and he wanted pizza? Her ego plummeted down somewhere into her shoes. All she could do was nod, completely at a loss for any better response.
Edwin grabbed her hand and proceeded to lead her out the door without pausing to say good-bye to anyone. She didn’t have the presence of mind to do anything other than follow him to his car.
❧
By the time they entered the late-night pizza establishment, Doreen managed to clear her head. No matter how she felt, no matter how confused, she refused to make a fool of herself. Casual relationships were not her style, and casual was all Edwin would ever be. She lived her life, to the best of her ability, to honor and serve God. She had no time for frivolity or foolishness. Although she enjoyed herself as much as the next person, she had a focus in her life, and he didn’t. Before she left him for the evening, she planned to tell him so.
She never got the chance. Edwin kept the conversation lighthearted and casual. Every time she tried to change the subject to more serious matters, he came out with a comment so far out of left field she didn’t know how to respond. Finally, she gave up and let him talk, telling her stories of his life and friends. At first she let him prattle on, but before she knew it, he had her joining in and bantering back with him.
Against her better judgment, she enjoyed his company, and time passed quickly. Before she knew it, it was three o’clock in the morning. She hadn’t known there was an all-night pizza restaurant in town. Now she knew. She didn’t even notice that Edwin knew all the staff.
By the time Edwin dropped her off at her door, she greeted a very sleepy Gretchen. Edwin followed her into the house, made sure everything was safe and secure, then left quietly.
Doreen waved through the window as he drove away, allowing the events of the evening to come back to her mind with astute clarity. She also thought back to the day she had first met Edwin at Bill’s pet shop, how cute and endearing he was when his dog embarrassed him so badly at the store. Then she thought of his first awkward phone call, the first time they went out, and how things had changed.
For a guy who didn’t have a serious bone in his body, this relationship was getting far deeper than she could have anticipated.
As she changed into her pajamas and went into the washroom to brush her teeth, thoughts of Edwin still raced through her mind. She stared back at her wide-eyed reflection in the mirror. She couldn’t get thoughts of Edwin out of her head.
She rested her hands on the edges of the sink, closed her eyes, and lowered her head to pray.
Lord what is happening? I’m so confused. I feel called to be with Edwin, to help him develop a relationship with You, yet here I am, falling in love with him.
Her head shot up as she gasped out loud. Was she falling in love with him? Doreen covered her face with her hands and lowered her forehead to touch the edge of the sink. It was too late to deny it. She had fallen for his charm, his easy manner, his open sincerity, and fallen badly. But that was impossible. She couldn’t take the man seriously at all. He was sloppy, undisciplined, he always said exactly what he felt no matter what, and he treated everything so lightly.
Raising her head, she looked at her somber reflection in the mirror once more. She could almost feel the heat of his lips on hers. He was a great kisser. Her eyes shut again as the force of realization hit her. Edwin!
How did he feel about her? She really didn’t know. While obviously flirting with her, he also flirted, although to a lesser degree, with almost every woman who paid him any attention. While he seemed to want to spend time with her, he had never done anything else that would suggest anything other than sharing a fun evening together. And now this! After he kissed her like that, her head had spun. For a while, she thought he was actually jealous of Gary. Now she realized he was just carrying a joke past its foregone conclusion—so typical of Edwin.
Her watch beeped the hour, indicating four o’clock, the latest she had ever been out.
More thoughts of Edwin tumbled through her brain, each question posing conflicting answers. She rubbed her eyes. The reason she wasn’t thinking straight must be because she was exhausted. It had to be. She certainly did not love the man. He was all wrong for her. He didn’t know her Savior. Besides, falling in love was supposed to make you happy. Doreen did not feel happy.
Carelessly, she threw her toothbrush back into the holder and crawled off to bed, knowing that it would still be a while before she fell asleep.
ten
Doreen opened one eye, trying to determine the origin of a horrid scraping sound, somewhat akin to fingernails on a chalkboard. When a single bark followed more scraping, both eyes sprang open. Gretchen scratched at the bedroom door again, signaling her need to go outside. Doreen bolted to a sitting position and jumped out of bed. Gretchen never woke her to go outside unless she was about to be sick.
With the sudden change from sleep to running came a wave of dizziness. She staggered to the door, opened it, then supported herself in the doorway to watch Gretchen make a beeline to the doggie door.
Doreen blinked the fuzziness out of her head. If Gretchen hadn’t been sick, why had she needed to go out so badly? As she passed the living room on her way back to bed, she stopped dead at the time showing on the VCR. She blinked, rubbed her eyes, and checked again, just to be sure. It was nearly noon.
This was Edwin’s fault.
Her stomach grumbled, but she didn’t know whether to respond with lunch or breakfast. She chose the quickest. Breakfast.
As she rinsed her cereal bowl and placed it in the dishwash
er, she thought more about the night before. In all fairness she couldn’t blame Edwin; what had happened was no one’s fault but her own. She had invited Edwin to volleyball, and she had the choice to go out for a snack or come home. Even then, no one forced her to stay until such a late hour. Truthfully, she thoroughly enjoyed listening to him tell his tall tales. And if she’d lain in bed for hours staring at the ceiling, she had no one to blame but herself.
At the stroke of noon, the phone rang. “Hi, Edwin,” she answered without waiting for a voice.
For a moment, pure silence hung on the line. “How’d you know it was me?” came the mumbled reply.
“I just knew.” She giggled.
“Oh. Are we still on for our obedience lesson?”
“Sure, I think I can teach you a thing or two about obedience. Your dog can come too.” She giggled again.
Again, silence echoed on the line. “Doreen? Is everything okay?”
“Just fine. Why do you ask?”
“Never mind. Have you had lunch?”
Doreen checked the clock on the wall, shaking her head. She still couldn’t believe it. “Are you kidding? I’ve barely finished breakfast.”
“I know. Me too. I’m not even sure I’m awake yet. I never realized that playing volleyball was such hard work.”
She opened her mouth to respond, but Dozer’s sharp bark came over the phone loud enough for her to hold the receiver away from her ear. Following that came a clattering and scrambling as Edwin fumbled with the phone.
“Hey, listen Doreen, I’ve gotta go. Dozer knows I’m ready to leave and he’s driving me nuts. See you in half an hour. Bye.”
She barely had time to mumble her good-bye before the dial tone buzzed in her ear. One day she would figure out how he did that.
❧
Half an hour. Half an hour? With a frantic groan she dashed into the washroom to shower. As she hurriedly washed her hair, her mind began to race. How would he greet her? How would she greet him? Had things really changed? The man had kissed her. So what if she’d almost melted into a little puddle on the floor. It had obviously not been a very earthmoving experience for him if his first thought afterward was pizza. Obviously she hadn’t captivated him. The thought stung, but what was happening between them?
Certainly she meant more to him than merely a mealtime companion, or an obedience trainer for his dog. For the most part, she’d been quite reluctant, yet he kept calling. At times, he really knew how to turn on the charm, but maybe he always behaved this way with women. What if he wasn’t treating her any differently? Then she was ten times the fool.
She scrambled into jeans and a blouse and pulled her hair back in a rubber band to dry. She had just walked into the kitchen, and was thinking about starting some coffee, when Gretchen barked and ran to the door.
Curiosity got the better of her, and Doreen peeked through the curtains, to see whether Edwin would try another impressive demonstration with Dozer. Only this time, she hoped he would let the dog out of the car first.
Edwin exited the car empty-handed. Dozer hopped out behind him, but before the dog ran to the door Edwin honked Dozer’s nose and walked away, leaving the dog sitting impatiently beside the car.
Dying to see what would happen, Doreen opened the door and stepped onto the porch, with Gretchen waiting beside her.
Edwin walked up the path, nodded, winked, and strode past her into the house without speaking. Doreen also didn’t speak as he continued into her office, then ducked behind the door.
“Dozer, come!” he called, and was silent.
Dozer came. He ran to her, stopped, looked around, and then plowed past her. Up to the challenge to find his missing master, he ran into the living room, sniffing the air as he loped along. He ran into the kitchen, checked under the table, then started eagerly checking the other rooms.
However, it would have been more of a challenge if Edwin hadn’t started to snicker. Once Edwin started laughing, it took Dozer exactly ten seconds to find him, hunkered down behind the door.
“Good boy!” he praised his dog, patting him proudly. Edwin raised his head, peering up at Doreen from his cramped position on the floor. “Well? What do you think? Great, isn’t he?”
“I suppose,” Doreen said weakly, unable to evaluate the performance until she determined if this was a genuine training exercise or a game.
Edwin grinned. “Got a cookie for him?”
“A cookie? I don’t give cookies to dogs, it’s bad for them. I’ve got plenty of dog biscuits, though.”
“That’s what I meant.”
“He’s a dog, they’re not called cookies.”
He ruffled Dozer’s ears and kissed him smack in the middle of his big, black, wet nose. “He’s my friend, and they’re cookies.”
Doreen’s stomach churned. “He’s a dog, and he’s a pet.”
Dozer licked Edwin on the mouth. Doreen covered her mouth with her hand. She had kissed that mouth? Edwin merely laughed while her face turned green.
She glared down at him. “You are so exasperating!”
He waggled his eyebrows at her. “You’re so cute.”
Silence dragged; the only sound in the room was Dozer’s panting. As Doreen continued to glower down at him, Edwin hugged Dozer from his position on the floor, and two sets of brown eyes stared up at her. If she hadn’t been so annoyed, she might have been amused. Maybe.
Remembering one of the reasons she had anticipated his visit, Doreen stomped into the living room. Behind her, Edwin cleared his throat, muffling the sound of what she knew was him trying not to laugh as he followed her.
“I’ve got something for you,” she grumbled.
“For me?”
“Here.” She picked up her Bible from the coffee table and thrust it into his stomach, suddenly ashamed of her huffy mood when giving him something so important.
He held it reverently with both hands and stared at the leather cover. Head bowed, he lightly grazed the embossed gold lettering with his fingertips, then clutched it to his chest. “Wow. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, softening at his sudden change in demeanor.
“I think I promised to read the whole thing, didn’t I?”
She nodded. All her irritation dissolved as Edwin became thoughtful and opened the Bible. He read a few words, flipped to another section, rested his finger on one of the highlighted verses and read a little more. His brows knotted and his lips moved as his finger rested on one of the longer, complicated Old Testament names.
He closed the Bible, grasping it tightly shut with both hands. “I’m probably going to need help reading it, you know.”
“You’re a big boy. Read it yourself.”
“Very funny.” For once, he didn’t smile. “I meant, I’ll probably have a million questions, and I was hoping you could help me with the answers.”
“I’ll do what I can, and if you have anything I can’t answer, I’ll find someone who can. If you want, you can come with me to a Bible study once a week.”
“Bible study? I don’t want to go to school to study it, I only want to read it and ask a few questions.”
She found his inexperience rather refreshing. “No, it isn’t like school. I go to Bible study on Tuesday evenings. It’s an informal group, and we meet every week at the same house. We take turns picking a topic, one a week, and see what the Bible says about it. Anyone is welcome.”
“Even me? I’ve only been to your church once.”
“Especially you.” She would never have believed that inviting a new Christian or an unbeliever to Bible study could be this easy.
“Well. . .I don’t know.”
“We have cake and coffee afterwards.”
He grinned ear to ear. “What time shall I pick you up?”
She knew that would do it. “It’s only a few blocks from your house, actually. I can either pick you up on my way, or leave my van at your house.”
She watched his smile fade, then brighten. She wo
uld never forget his silly plan to waylay her van the day she had joined him for dinner after the Baldwin’s wedding.
“Okay, I’m new at this, but why would you go to a Bible study? Doesn’t the pastor tell you everything you need to know? And how is this going to help me to know God better?”
“Say you have a question the pastor doesn’t address Sunday morning. What would you do, wait Sunday after Sunday, hoping it will come up, or take a few minutes and look it up yourself?”
“I think you know the answer to that, I mean, since you put it that way. Okay, I get it.”
“And don’t be afraid to pray. Prayer is simply talking to God, and sometimes you might be surprised at the way God answers prayers.”
“You make it sound so easy, but if that’s all there is to it, I trust you.”
“Go at your own speed, and remember, you’re not alone.”
He nodded. It was true. He wasn’t alone. And praying really wasn’t so hard. Over the past week, he’d thought a lot about the pastor’s words explaining God’s commitment to His children. He’d been happy and content rolling through life until a few weeks ago.
Nothing had changed, not even the smallest detail, yet a little voice deep down that he’d never heard before kept nagging him that something was indeed missing. It was time to quit drifting, but his life held no paths to even choose from. His life was an open field, and he was running in circles in the middle of it. Then he met Doreen.
He thought if he could earn her affection, then he would be a happy man.
She was weakening, he knew it. She hadn’t turned him down without a good reason so far, although he tried his best not to give her the opportunity. And when he kissed her and she kissed him back, he thought he’d died and gone to heaven. But still, it wasn’t enough. He’d lain in bed all night staring at the dark ceiling, thinking.
All night his thoughts had drifted between visions of Doreen with her eyes closed and her lips moist from his kisses, and thoughts of still being alone. He’d talked to God. He didn’t know what to say, but his thoughts seemed to tumble out, and in doing so, he knew God was listening. And he knew God cared.
