by Simone Elise
Closing her car door, she leaned against it. “Kade, we need to talk.”
“Got nothing to say.” It was the truth now. I had shit to say to her and had been trying to tell her for the past week. Now she was ready to talk, so we should? Fuck that.
“I’m sorry for freaking out.”
She continued the conversation, even though I didn’t want any part of it.
“Doesn’t matter.”
She wanted to twist me around, and I sure as fuck wasn’t interested in that anymore. I wanted nothing to do with the shitstorm she was creating.
“Abby, from now on, shit between you and me is simple. Got it?” I straddled my bike.
“I guess you’re glad I freaked out then.” A hint of disappointment lingered in her voice.
I cocked my head to look at her. She was standing on the footpath beside me now, looking unsure of herself. Her hair blew across her face, and if you didn’t know it, you would think she was innocent. “You didn’t do something you would regret; you should be happy with that.” I kicked the bike to life. “Drake’s inside.”
“Where are you going?” she yelled over the roar of my engine.
I could tell her, but she didn’t really want to know the answer. Hell, she wouldn’t like it. “Be best if you don’t know.”
Her hand covered mine, which was wrapped around the handle. “So are we just going to pretend that everything I said the other night didn’t happen?”
“Thought that was what you wanted?”
“I’ve had a hard week. I’m sorry that I pushed you away.” Honesty coated each of her words. “Look, Kade, if you want to just leave us as friends, I’m ok with that, but I need to know because I can’t keep going on like this.”
We were never friends to begin with. I just wanted to fuck her, and that was what started the sick, twisted relationship that had trailed over many years. How did I put that into words? But if she meant that little to me, why the fuck was I thinking about her and overthinking things she said?
“I need to go,” I grunted.
“Just give me an answer.”
“Answer to what, Abby?”
“Are we... are we going to keep this...” She frowned. “Whatever this is, going?”
“No.”
Her face became devoid of expression. “But I thought you liked me.”
“I do, and that is why I don’t want this to keep going. I can’t promise ya I won’t hurt ya, and so far Abby, that is all I’ve done.” I was no knight or gentleman, and the sooner she moved on from me, the better. “Got to call this for what it is. It’s fucked up, and I’m not ok with it.”
I didn’t just like her, I was obsessed with her. The attraction and feelings I had for her were sure as fuck not healthy.
“Then I guess you’re right; you should go.”
She took one step away from the bike and once she was out of the way, I revved the engine and rode off. I left her standing on the sidewalk. I knew what I said wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she didn’t know that I was far from good for her. She needed closure. She needed to move on. While a small part of me was happy to admit that she and I were over, a larger part was twisting and spewing that I had been the one to end it.
Abby
I had royally screwed up any chance of Kade and me, all because I got a classic case of nerves. Why did I have to pick that moment in my life to go all girly and scared?
Kade didn’t want a relationship. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I wanted a relationship. All I knew for sure was I didn’t want to be ‘that girl.' The one that hovers around blokes who aren’t interested.
Kade had every right to call it. Now I wished I hadn’t shared my inner thoughts with him. I think when it comes to Kade, I regret everything.
I slumped down on the lounge, hanging my legs over the end. Maybe I should just try and be Kade’s friend. I’d rather be that than nothing at all. Maybe that is all we were meant to be.
“Abby, you home?” Drake called out.
“Yeah, in the lounge.”
Drake’s footsteps got louder as he approached. “How is your sister?”
A groan escaped my lips as I recalled why I hated this week so much. Kim had broken up with her boyfriend. I didn’t really see it as a big deal. However, the same couldn’t be said for my sister, who had gone all emo on Aunty Amanda.
For Aunty Amanda to call and say that Kim needed me, I knew things were getting desperate.
“Fine, just getting fatter by the moment. I swear the girl has eaten her own weight in chocolate ice cream.” I answered.
“Why did they break up?”
“No idea.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Could barely understand one word she said. She wouldn’t stop crying, or stuffing chocolate in her mouth.”
“Poor girl.”
I raised my eyebrows at him, “It’s Kim we are talking about.”
“Still,” Drake shrugged his shoulders. “She seemed really hung up on the kid.”
“I’m sure she can do better than Four Eyes.”
“Can you really do better than a doctor?”
“He’s studying medicine,” I corrected him. “He is still a pizza boy at the moment.”
Drake shook his head and gave me a dry expression. “Can’t give the kid a break, can you?”
“Doesn’t matter anymore. He is one of the many now.” I didn’t know why Drake was suddenly all Team Trent. “Where was Kade off to?” I asked, bringing up a conversation that I really did want to have.
“It’s Kade now, is it?” Drake’s lips twisted with amusement.
“Fine. Where was Reaper going?” I reworded my question, seeing as Drake was reading too much into it.
He crossed his arms. “Don’t know.”
“Fine, don’t tell me.”
“No, I really don’t know. He was secretive.” Drake’s expression hardened. “He’s bored, and when bored, he goes looking for trouble.”
“Well, I can’t blame him. This town is about as thrilling as middle school.” I grunted, pulling myself up to sit properly. “Maybe he has finally seen reason and will head back to his biker friends.”
“Or go join another.”
Disgust rolled across my face. “As if. Reaper might be many things, but a traitor isn’t one of them.”
“You’re very opinionated, aren’t you?”
“I might not be part of them anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in what they stand for and when it comes to Satan's Sons, you either stand with them or against them.”
“Thought you had nothing to do with the club.”
“Like I said, you either stand with them or against them. Just because I left doesn’t mean I stand against them.” My heart would always lie within that club. “Just because you leave doesn’t mean you stop being a part of the club. To be honest, I’m surprised Reaper hasn’t been called back by now.”
“He left for good reasons.”
I gave him a challenging look. “Reasons that you created.”
“Blood is blood. Reaper knows that.”
“Yes, but you made him choose between the two. So if anyone is to blame, you are.” I stood up. “Drake, admit it, you caused him to leave, and if I were you, I would be feeling really guilty about that.”
Drake and I weren’t arguing. It was more like a passionate conversation, one that was centered on Reaper. It was odd because I thought I would want to throw darts at a picture of him considering the dish of rejection he gave me earlier.
“Then you must feel real guilty for taking him away from his patch?”
I rose and slowly turned around to face him. “What did you say?”
Drake’s face was awash with confidence. “I said you must feel real guilty for making him turn in his President patch.”
For once, Drake was actually talking about something that I knew nothing about. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?” No way would Reaper hand that over. I had thought he lost it because of something he had
done. Like he had been replaced or something.
“You see Abby, my brother doesn’t hold his tongue after he has had too many,” Drake explained. “So I may have used this to my advantage to get my answers.”
“So you got him drunk.”
“Yep.”
“And he told you what?”
“All about your little hotel fling, and how he was so hung up on you that he left to sort shit with the clubs. Apparently, from what I could understand, he left you in the motel room while he went to get you breakfast. Came back and you were gone. Didn’t think much of it. Handed his patch over a few days later, and then took over as your dad’s Vice President. Then shit got real messy between the two of you.” He frowned, “I think he said something about you turning into a bitch and locking him out of your life or something.”
I knew Drake was giving me very little detail, but the detail I was getting was enough to send a flood of guilt through me. “So it was my fault he ended up leaving the club.”
“No, I think that was all me. You just cost him his President patch.”
“You don’t get it. If Kade was still President, he wouldn’t have had to answer to anyone. He wouldn’t have had my father making him pick between you and the club.” Realization hit me harder by the moment. This was all my fault. No wonder he wanted nothing to do with me.
I was the walking reminder of what happened. And he’s forced to live with the person who ruined his life. I felt terrible, and the guilt mixed with anger swirled within my stomach.
“I have to find him.” I turned sharply, picking my handbag up on the way.
“Abby, wait!” Drake called out to me, and when I didn’t stop to listen, he followed. “Come on, you don’t even know where he is.”
“I’ll call him.”
“He won’t answer.”
“Well, I don’t care.” I pulled the door open and turned to look at Drake. “It is my fault your brother is all depressed and gloomy, and I’m going to fix it.”
“I didn’t say he was depressed or gloomy.” Drake pointed out. “Come on, he will be home tomorrow, tell him then.”
“No, I need to tell him now.”
“Tell him what? That you are sorry? What will it matter now? Really, Abby?” Drake was trying to reason with me. “Just talk to him in the morning. I doubt he wants to be tracked down by you tonight. Fuck, he didn’t even want me knowing where he was going.”
My body slumped and I exhaled slowly. “I just feel real bad about it.”
“And you can tell him that,” Drake grabbed my hand and pulled me back inside, closing the front door, “tomorrow, when he is back.”
“You don’t think he is going to do anything stupid, do you?”
To my surprise, a grin spread across his face. “It’s Kade; all he does is make one stupid mistake after another.”
My expression faltered. “Thanks for reassuring me.”
Drake laughed. “Don’t know why you care anyway. I thought you hated him.”
Little did Drake know. I didn’t hate Kade at all. I suppose that was the problem to begin with.
***
He didn’t come home that night or the next. In fact, three days had passed and he had still yet to show his face. Drake was acting calm and okay about it, but I had caught him calling Kade a few times, but Kade didn’t answer.
I hoped he hadn’t gotten himself into trouble. I prayed he was still breathing, but all I wanted to know was that he was ok. I didn’t even care if he was having a full-on sex marathon with a group of whores. All I cared about was that he was ok.
Therefore, when I noticed Drake calling him again, I hoped there would be an answer.
Disappointment flooded through me when I heard Drake leave another voice message.
My eyes shot back to the laptop in front of me when Drake walked into the kitchen. “How is the hunt going?”
I pretended like I hadn’t been listening to him for the past ten minutes. “Um yeah, nothing yet.”
“I’m sure you will find something.” He shot me a reassuring smile.
I started to scroll through the course list again. I tried to find something that I wanted to study. Heading back to university seemed to fit with my new plan of getting myself a life. After all, it wasn’t like I could really earn good money without qualifications, and I didn’t see my career as ‘bait’ lasting long.
“I’ve got a job going at the club if you are interested,” Drake asked. “Cash in hand. It’s just bar work, nothing flashy.”
I suppressed a grin because I knew how much he didn’t want me to work in his clubs. The mere mention of me dancing in little clothing always caused an argument.
“I’ve sort of got something going on the side.”
He dragged the chair out next to me. “Really?” He had a disbelieving look on his face. “Since when?”
“It’s not anything flashy.” I threw his words back at him. “And also it isn’t any of your business.”
“Ouch.” He faked a hurt expression. “You’re not spreading your legs for a living, are you?”
I whacked his arm. “Don’t be disgusting.”
“Just checking.”
“You’re a jerk.”
The sound of the front door opening caused us both to go silent. Was it... could it...
“You home, brother?” Drake yelled out while looking at me.
“Who else would it be?” His gruff, hard voice filled the kitchen as soon as he entered.
I had been living with this stomach full of guilt for days now, so I was quick to get up. “Kade, I need to talk to you.”
“Abby, at least let the man get a beer,” Drake said, amused.
“No, Kade, I’m serious. I have to...” My words dried up, and my mouth slowly fell open as I looked at him for the first time.
It had been three days. Three days!
Kade’s eyes widened. “About?” He prompted me to continue, but I couldn’t.
It was not the fact that he had shaved his head and got rid of that six o’clock shadow on his face. No, it wasn’t his appearance. It was the colors, or more importantly, the leather club vest he was wearing.
“You joined the Vikings?” Bitterness wrapped across my face. “YOU JOINED THE VIKINGS!?”
“Wow. Abby.” Drake got up quick to block me. “Calm down.”
“Calm down?” I shouted in Drake’s face. “He’s a traitor!” I pointed an arm at Reaper. “How could you?”
Reaper didn’t even seem fussed by my reaction. He just strode past us, heading for the fridge.
“I thought you had something you needed to tell me?” Reaper grasped a beer.
Right now the last thing I felt was sorry for him. The guilt I had quickly boiled into disgust then exploded into raw anger. “You’re scum, you know that?”
A smug smirk spread across his stupid face. “No need to talk dirty to me, babe.”
“I hate you.”
“Don’t really give a fuck.” He cracked the can open. “Go on, storm off now, Abby.” He gestured for me to piss off.
“I don’t think so.” I crossed my arms, standing my ground. “I hope they burn your tattoos off” I spat in his direction.
Everyone knew when you joined a new club, you got rid of your old club’s tattoos. Normally they are blacked out, but in Reaper’s case, I hope they burned them off.
“Didn’t have any to be burnt.” He seemed smug about that. “Now leave, Abby. I need to talk to my brother.”
“His name is Drake!” I spat out, sick of the ‘brother’ references. “And he doesn’t want to talk to you.”
I didn’t normally speak for Drake, but in this case, he had better keep his mouth shut.
“Fuck off, Abby. Now.” Reaper’s voice hardened.
How could I have ever loved him? EVER! How did I ever have a single ounce of love towards him?
Drake placed his hand on my shoulder. “Go on, Abby. We’ll talk later.”
“No.” I shook my head. I c
ouldn’t rip my glare off Reaper. “You’re right I wanted to tell you something. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I am so sorry for leaving that hotel and ruining your life. I’m sorry you gave up your patch for me. I’m really sorry that you ended up at my father’s club.” Small tears of anger and perhaps raw guilt slid down my cheeks. “I’m sorry you had to leave the club that you loved because of my father. But most of all, Reaper, I’m sorry that I ever got mixed up in your life because clearly all I have done is fuck it up.”
Never in my life had I had so much to say, but now it seemed like I just couldn’t stop. Reaper’s face was still calm, blank of expression, not giving anything away.
“So there it is.” I wiped the tears away, “I’m sorry.” I turned sharply, pushing past Drake and moving as fast as I could. I scooped up my car keys off the counter and handbag off the hook. I had to get out of there. I had to get away from all of this.
***
The attraction I had towards Reaper never made sense. Why had I been pulled to a man that was guaranteed to hurt me or worse, one who could kill me? In a way, Reaper had killed me; he had killed my innocence.
“Abby?”
My head snapped up, Kim’s voice pulling me back to the present. “Sorry Kim, what were you saying?”
Her expression dried with little amusement. “Again? Seriously, Abby, why did you even bother coming around here if you aren’t going to listen?” She huffed at the end, crossing her arms.
I was beginning to ask myself that same question. Why had I come here to talk to Kim? It wasn’t like we got on. But then I guess desperate times called for desperate measures.
“So Trent hasn’t called then?” I chose to change the subject. “Why don’t you just bite the bullet and call him?”
“The dumpee doesn’t call the dumper.” Kim rolled her eyes, clearly not impressed with my lack of knowledge when it comes to break ups.
“But you miss him.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m going to crawl back to him and beg him to change his mind.” She started pulling the kitchen cupboards open at random, looking for god knows what.
“Why did you break up?” All I knew for sure was he was the one to end it, but that didn’t really make sense to me because Trent seemed pretty into her. Hell, they rarely were apart.
