by Jen Calonita
"Unbelievable." The words spill out of my mouth and tumble over each other. "I've never felt like this when I've acted. Thank you, Forest." I'm getting choked up. "This has been..."
"Now, now, don't ruin your makeup." He holds up his hands to stop me just as the makeup artist rushes in again. "Keep it up. I know you will. We'll celebrate after, okay?"
Dylan swings by my door next and I freeze. "Great job out there, treacle." I know now that's the British term for friend. "Did I tell you so?"
"You did." I hug him on impulse. Dylan's really been there for me this week and I can't thank him enough. Dylan hugs me back and neither of us moves. I'm very aware that Dylan's hand is on my lower back.
A voice over the backstage loud speaker crackles through my small dressing room. "FIVE MINUTES."
"I should..." I should what? Oh yeah, get ready!
"Me too. Got to hit the loo. And remember to keep my mic off." Dylan gives me a lopsided grin. "See you out there."
I take a few deep breaths to center myself. I'm not sure what has me more worked up: act two starting or Dylan, but I can't think about the latter right now. Instead I head to my spot on stage across from Riley. The curtain is down and our mics haven't been turned back on yet. She smiles at me.
"You're doing splendidly," she says. If I could, I would practically fall through the curtain and into the orchestra pit. "Of course, I wouldn't have ended the last scene the way you did. It was a row, but I pictured Andie having a more delicate touch. What do you think?"
Riley likes to pose the question as if I have a choice, but I don't. She's usually right. She's been at this a lot longer than I have and no matter how uncomfortable she makes me, she usually has a point. "I didn't think of that."
"No matter." Riley waves her hand away. "There is always tomorrow night for improvement, even if the critics have already made their decisions."
Groan. The critics. Does she have to keep reminding me they're watching? I've never acted in front of a critic before. Whenever they reviewed FA or one of my films, obviously I wasn't there to see their reactions. It's sort of unsettling to know there are people in the audience paying attention to my every line and emotion.
Riley laughs. "Bollocks! I didn't mean to upset you. You can't help it if your insecurities show on stage. It is your first time up there and, well, no one compares to Meg Valentine so don't you worry! I'm sure your press will be lovely." She looks pensive. "Just maybe tone down your attitude in this next scene. It's a tad overcooked, don't you think? Anyway, break a leg!"
Oh God. Maybe I am bad at this. Maybe I don't have what it takes to be up here. Maybe... I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"She's being a proper arse," Dylan whispers in my ear. "You're brilliant. Give the second act all you've got." I blush at the feeling of his breath on my neck.
Dylan's right. All I can do is my best--whether critics are watching or not. No one calls "cut" in a play. No one asks to "do that take again." No one has a meltdown and berates a crew member. You keep going no matter what happens.
The second act flies by and I can't believe it's time for me to stand in the middle of the stage and take a bow. I'm holding hands with Dylan and Riley and the rest of the cast, and the audience is going wild. There are even people standing! A standing ovation! I look for Austin and see he's whistling. Then I look up at my family and friends and see they are smiling and clapping. Dylan is handing me a huge bouquet of flowers, since it's my opening night, and I bow again to even more applause.
What a rush! I feel like the First Lady!
And then the curtain falls again and everyone backstage is hugging and congratulating me and my head is completely spinning. I thank everyone for helping me get through my first night, even Riley. ("Don't worry! I'm sure you'll be stronger tomorrow!") I hug Forest, talk to everyone in the chorus, and make my way to the dressing area to change into my party dress (a fuchsia Plastic Island with spaghetti straps and a silk chiffon tiered bodice). On my way, Dylan stops me.
"You were brilliant! We should celebrate," he says with a cute grin. He's unbuttoned his shirt and I'm trying not to stare at his abs.
"I can't," I manage to say. "My--"
The word boyfriend gets caught in my throat. Whoa. What's that about? Why did I hesitate to say Austin's name?
"My boyfriend." Oh good, I've said it. "He's here and we're going out with my family." I still feel weird, though, and I can't look Dylan in the eye. That is so odd. What is happening to me? I know Dylan and I have been spending a lot of time together, but my heart belongs to Austin even if he's not here with me. Right?
RIGHT?
Dylan nods and looks at me wistfully. "A raincheck then. Have a great time."
"I will." Why do I feel all tangled up inside? There's no time to dwell on what I'm feeling. I have to get changed. Rodney is waiting for me to take me out the side door where fans will be waiting.
HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER TEN: If you want to get up close and personal with your favorite actor, seeing them in a Broadway show might be one of the best ways to do it. Most actors emerge from a side entrance of the theater--never the front doors where crowds are--and take a few minutes to sign autographs or pose for pictures before they jump into a waiting car. They usually do this night after night after every show they perform in. Seth told me it's a great way to appear as down to earth as the rest of the cast. I like to think of it as a way of giving back to the fans who shell out anywhere from forty to sometimes two hundred dollars for a ticket.
Rodney has my arm as we open the side door and people start screaming. I can't help but smile. I was a little worried no one would be out here tonight, but the area is crowded with teens and adults. Some news outlets are out here too. I smile politely and wave to them, but my focus is on the fans. I scribble my name on as many Playbills as I can, take a few pictures, and then I'm in the car.
"Surprise," Austin says when I slide in pretty much on top of him, my chiffon dress gliding over the seats.
"What are you doing here?" I squeal and envelop him in a huge hug.
It feels good to hold him and as soon as I do, any insecurity I have about this increasing weirdness with Dylan seems to melt away. He's here! Austin is here. And if he's here, everything is going to be okay. It has to be.
"Rodney snuck me in," Austin says. He's wearing a navy suit and a yellow tie for the occasion and I couldn't be more touched. Plus, he fills it out perfectly. Liz and I were just complaining that no one dresses up for the theater anymore and it seems like such a shame. I remember coming to New York with my mom when I was seven for a Family Affair event and she took me to see Beauty and the Beast. I had on this poofy red dress and little black satin shoes and I felt like such a big shot sitting on a booster seat in the theater. I reach out to touch his tie, just wanting to be close to him. "Burke," he says, looking at me seriously with those big blue eyes of his, "you were incredible. I know I missed your calls a lot this week and I feel stupid because I know how stressed you must have been getting ready for tonight."
"It's okay," I say even though two hours ago it wasn't. I don't want to talk about bad things right now. "I know you're busy too." He's busy, but I've still managed to leave him encouraging messages about camp.
"It's not okay," he insists. "I've been a bad boyfriend, but I'm here now and I'm going to make it up to you. You looked amazing up there." He leans in to kiss me.
If I was at all unsure before, I know for certain how I feel right now. When Austin kisses me it feels like we haven't been apart at all even though it's been two weeks. I reach up with my right hand, my oversized silver clutch bracelet sliding up my arm, and touch his cheek. Austin's fingers interlock with my other hand. I'm starting to feel so much better. Anything I was thinking about Dylan before must have been in my head. Austin is the only guy for me.
"So tell me everything," I say when we come up for air. "How are the scrimmages? Do you like the camp a lot? What are your coaches like?"
Austin chuckles. "I kn
ow we haven't talked a lot this week, but I want to hear about you tonight. Did you feel like you were going to throw up?"
"No!" I swat him. "I was feeling faint, but in a good way. It's such a rush. Now tell me about your dorm mates. Who do you hang out with?"
What I really want to ask is if there is a girl who has been hanging out in his room when he isn't there. But I don't. Nadine, Liz, and Sky--amazingly she agreed with Liz and Nadine on this one--said I shouldn't bring it up. They said that I was overreacting and that the girl was surely a friend and Austin adored me (well, Sky didn't say that, but she did say he was that school boy I didn't shut up about). I know he adores me. I just hate that I can't see what's going on when I'm so far away.
"Murray and I pretty much stick together," Austin gives in. "The other guys seem cool. Some of them have been playing much longer than us. There are a few that are on more than one team. It never even occurred to me to be on a school team and a local one. Who has the time?"
I play with the uneven hem of my dress, feeling the purposefully frayed edges of the fabric. "You practice every afternoon. When would you work with another team?"
"I know!" He sounds incredulous. "But I guess that's what I have to do next year. I'm lucky the local league had room for me, you know? They even okayed the fact that I'll miss the first week of practice since I'll still be at camp."
"You signed up for the other league?"
"Yeah, I told you about that." Austin gives me a strange look. "One of the coaches is a coach at the summer camp so I had an in."
"No you didn't." I know I'm being argumentative, and ungracious, but I just can't stop it from coming out of my mouth. Things were so perfect a second ago!
"I could have sworn I did." Austin scratches his head, making his hair look even more tousled than it was a second ago. "It was during that call where you told me about the SNL review that said you and Sky should do a sitcom."
"I didn't tell you about that." I swallow, trying not to get annoyed. Austin is bringing up all the things that annoy me on the phone. "I wanted to, but you were half-asleep when I called."
"Oh, I must have read that on my own then." Austin plays with the band of his gold Citizen watch. "All my scrimmage scores are online to read too, by the way, in case you were wondering about how I was doing."
I'm always wondering how he's doing! Geez!
Okay, Kaitlin, stop.
Austin is here for a short time and I don't want to fight. I want to have a good time together. "I'll check them out," I say even though it kills me.
That seems to make him happy because he stops bickering too. "I can't believe I'm with you in New York City." He takes my hand. "And I'm here all weekend. Thanks for setting stuff up to do while you're working, but like I told my mom and sister, during shows, I'm going to be at the theater."
God, his eyes look amazing in the glow of the city lights.
"You can't watch me all weekend," I protest, even though I find the notion incredibly romantic. My boyfriend sitting in the front row, staring at me and only me on the darkened stage. Sigh... I think Broadway is making me more mushy.
"So," he says, and rubs my hand, "that was Dylan, huh?" He doesn't look at me when he says it, but then when he finally does look at me, he's sort of serious.
Sigh. Why does he have to bring up Dylan now? Just hearing Austin say Dylan's name makes me feel guilty, which is weird because I haven't done anything wrong.
I think. Is it wrong to have all these strange thoughts running through my head?
"The guy playing Leo?" I try to sound nonchalant. Austin nods. "Yeah, that's him. He's cool. He's been helping me with my lines."
"As long as that's all he's helping you with." Austin stares at me long enough that I can tell he means it. "He'd better not be hitting on my girl."
Is Austin jealous? No way. He's not the type. "I don't think so," I assure him, even though a tiny voice at the back of my head is screaming Dylan is interested in you!
"So Hollywood Nation has this one wrong--he doesn't have a major crush on you?" Austin asks slowly.
They wrote that? How did I miss that article? Nadine usually always shares that sort of stuff with me. "There is nothing going on there," I protest a little too strongly, and Austin looks at me oddly. Okay, even if Dylan is interested, I'm not. I just think he's cute and charming and very considerate. Which is allowed. I think. But I don't say any of that out loud. "My heart belongs to you." Wait. Did I just say that out loud? That was sort of corny. I blush a little, but it actually seems to be the right thing to say, because his full lips turn back up into a smile.
"Good." Austin doesn't have dimples like Dylan but his smile is even better. "So let's go over this again--I'm watching you work all weekend." I attempt to protest, but he puts his hand on my lips and levels his blue eyes on mine, tucking his chin in like he's administering a scolding. "That's why I'm here, Burke, to see you. In the morning we'll do some tourist stuff, and we can have dinner between your two shows tomorrow and brunch on Sunday. Burke, I want to be with you as much as I can. After this weekend, I won't see you..." He stops.
"You won't see me for at least a month," I finish glumly. We both looked at our calendars and realized the next few weekends--well, Mondays and Tuesdays for me--are crazy for both of us. Austin has back-to-back games and some aren't on campus. I have events that Mom booked in the Hamptons and here in the city. The first chance I'll have to go to Texas is the end of July. Then both Austin and I head home to Los Angeles in August.
"But I'm here now." He kisses me again.
While we're kissing I feel a vibration on my leg. I pull my phone out of my jacket pocket, and stare at it strangely. My phone isn't even on. "It must be yours." Austin pulls his own phone out of his suit jacket and looks at the screen before breaking into a wide smile. Then he starts texting.
"Is that Hayley?" I ask casually. "Tell her I swear we will find time to hit Bloomingdale's while you guys are here."
"Actually, it's someone from camp." Austin is still texting. "This girl Amanda I'm friends with. She wanted to know how your show went."
Amanda? Hmm... "She didn't happen to answer your phone the other day when I called, did she?"
I know I said I wouldn't bring it up, but I can't help myself. Austin gave me an in!
Austin looks up, confused. "When did you call and I didn't answer?"
"The other day." I try to sound nonchalant. "I wanted to check on brunch reservations, but this girl answered and she acted like she didn't know who I was."
Austin nods. "If it was Amanda she was probably confused," he says. "She's been hanging out with us a lot. She just broke up with her boyfriend, Kevin, who's also at camp, and she's been pretty upset about it. We can't get her off our couch." He laughs. "But if it was her, I don't get why she didn't know you. I talk about you all the time." He looks worried, which makes me worried. Is he worried because there is something going on or worried because he thinks I'll be mad? He's not flirting with this girl or spending a lot of time with her, is he? Because that is so wrong!
It's wrong, but isn't it the same thing I'm doing with Dylan?
"I'm sure she didn't hear me right," I say quickly, feeling bad now for even bringing it up. "Besides, she knows who I am now, right?"
His phone buzzes again. Austin reads the text and laughs.
"What?" I ask, a frantic edge to my voice. Oops.
"Amanda again. She said something funny about camp, but it's too hard to explain."
Oh. A camp thing. Between Austin and Amanda. The A-Team. Fun.
Chill, Kaitlin. Don't act like a jealous girlfriend.
Austin texts back quickly and then, to my surprise, turns off his phone. "But that's enough for tonight. Tonight is about your Broadway debut." He puts his arm around me and I lean into his shoulder, feeling content. "And I can't wait to celebrate."
Friday, June 26
NOTE TO SELF:
Sat. AM: Empire State Bldg., St. Pat's, lunch @ Shake Shack
Sun. AM: Res. at Bubby's w/ A's fam, my parents, Matty, Liz
Matinee then dinner--Gramercy Tavern following show (is it still open??)
Mon. Off!
Tues-Sat.: B @ theater 5:30 PM-6 PM. Wed. matinee @ 2.
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BLOGS SIGHTINGS BIOS ARCHIVE
Kaitlin Burke Goes Broadway!
Tuesday, June 30th
A totally biased review by self-professed #1 Burke fan, Carly Asiago, age 16
No one was more excited to see Kaitlin Burke take the stage than me, but there were plenty of others in the audience who seemed pretty stoked to be there too. Kaitlin had a huge turnout for her debut, including her parents; her brother, Matty; security, Rodney; assistant, Nadine (sorry I don't know all their last names); cute boyfriend, Austin Meyers, with his mom and his sister, Hayley; and some of Kaitlin's friends, like Vanessa Hudgens and Taylor Swift, who gave me an autograph. Kelly Ripa was also there with two of her three kids. But let's get to the show itself.
The story is AWESOME. They totally nail how it feels to be in high school and deal with peer pressure. I love how they talk about the different high school cliques and what it's like to be an outsider. Kaitlin actually cries on stage at one point, has to kiss a boy (Leo, played by Mr. McHottie Dylan Koster), and has to display a huge range of emotions that are really tough to do. I don't care what the NY Post says about Kaitlin's lack of stage presence--this girl can act and she wasn't wooden at all. Kaitlin expresses all her emotions perfectly, just like she did on Family Affair. I especially liked the part when Kaitlin (I mean Andie) realizes that her crush on Leo is really just a high school crush and it might be too late for them to have their chance now that high school is over. That was a hard part to watch, but completely true because sometimes when you love someone you have to let him go because you know it will never work out. I would suggest that the critic from the Post go back and watch Kaitlin again. That guy from Newsday too who said, "Kaitlin shows potential but needs to work harder at commanding the stage rather than fearing it." If they had seen Kaitlin the second and third night--like I did--they would have seen how much more comfortable she was up there. Everyone has opening-night jitters. I know I did when we performed Spring Awakening last year at my school.
