She’d left soon afterward.
And just like that, the man who had nearly destroyed her life was back in it. In spirit if not in body, which somehow made it a great deal worse. She could have slammed the door on him if he’d been on her doorstep. This missive haunted her as she tried to go about her morning as if nothing had happened. So far, she hadn’t opened it. And she had fished it out of the trash three times. Which, as far as she could see, made her a prisoner not just of indecision, but of her father as well.
She hadn’t said anything to Trent about the letter, because she didn’t want him to know that thoughts of dealing with her father could still make her break out in a cold sweat. Besides, she didn’t want anything distracting him from working with Cody. Except for maybe, momentarily, chocolate chip cookies. With a toss of her head, Laurel willed a smile onto her lips and walked into the family room.
She took one step across the threshold before stopping. One step before she realized that she wasn’t listening to the sound of Trent’s voice, nor to the sound from the She took one step across the threshold before stopping. One step before she realized that she wasn’t listening to the sound of Trent’s voice, nor to the sound from the large-screen TV that Cody used for his games.
The small, childlike voice she heard belonged to Cody.
The tray slipped from her lax fingers, hitting the carpeted floor with a jarring noise. The pile of cookies rose into the air, then fell, dispersing along the tray. Only a couple wound up on the floor.
Trent was on his feet and beside her in a flash. “Are you all right?” he asked, concerned.
She’d looked preoccupied when he’d come over today. Even when he’d spoken with her, he had a feeling she wasn’t completely processing what he was saying. He’d tried to coax her into talking, but she had brushed him off with a faint smile and a denial, telling him that she was fine. He hadn’t believed it for a second, but he knew better than to press her. She’d only wind up internalizing whatever it was that bothered her, making it that much harder to decipher. He tried to tell himself that she’d turn to him when the time came. After all, hadn’t they come a long way since the time when she’d just vanished on him? He supposed that he still lived with that fear of putting his heart on the line.
“He’s talking,” Laurel said hoarsely, staring at Cody in wonder. Dazed, she was afraid to believe what her ears had heard. Afraid of the disappointment that would prove to be so much sharper if she was wrong. Her eyes shifted to Trent, pleading for confirmation, for reassurance. “I heard him talking.”
Trent beckoned the boy over, casually slipping his arm around his thin shoulders. He acted as if this was the most normal thing in the world instead of an outstanding breakthrough.
“Of course he’s talking. Cody’s been talking since he was, what, nine months old?” he asked, glancing down at Cody for confirmation, even though there was no way the boy could remember that.
In response, Cody bobbed his head up and down solemnly. “That’s what Mom said. Right, Mom?” he asked, turning to her. Laurel dropped to her knees before her son, taking hold of his shoulders, afraid that it was all a dream and that he’d vanish on her. But it wasn’t a dream. He was still here. She searched his face. It was true. He was back.
“Oh Cody, I’ve missed the sound of your voice so much.” Breaking down, she threw her arms around the boy and held him to her, her tears dampening his shoulder. For a moment, Cody gave in and put his arms around her as best he could, taking comfort in the warmth, in the feel of being united with his mother again. And then, the part of him that was a male child striving for independence rallied, and he squirmed just a little.
“You’re getting my shoulder wet, Mom.”
She laughed then, rocking back on her heels and wiping away her tears with the heel of her hand.
“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.” And then she beamed. “But you’re talking. You’re actually talking.” Her attention shifted to the miracle worker she’d invited back into her life and she looked up at Trent. “How did you do it?”
Happy, at a loss how to frame her question, all words seemed to escape her.
“It was just time,” Trent told her simply. And then, because he knew she needed details, he said to Cody, “Why don’t you start on the snack your mom made for us? I’d like to talk to her for a minute or two.”
Why did that sound so foreboding to her? She’d just received the best news in the whole world, so why did a feeling of dread weave in and out of her? Solemnly, the boy nodded and turned his attention to the cookies that he’d helped gather up.
Trent gently took hold of Laurel’s arm and moved her over to the far side of the room, leaving Cody to happily sample what she’d baked.
“What did you say to him?” she asked. Trent’s statement that it was time for Cody to start talking again was all well and good, but it didn’t begin to explain what had happened, what had finally prompted Cody to abandon his world of silence. And she desperately needed to know.
“I didn’t say anything. I played back his own words to him,” Trent told her. “Did you know that he was the one who made the nine-one-one call to the police?”
She slowly shook her head. “No. I just assumed it was the other driver, or someone passing by the accident. I thought Cody had stopped talking when he saw that his father was dead.”
“He didn’t realize he was,” Trent said. “According to the paramedic on the scene, Cody thought your husband was unconscious. Asleep, not dead,” he clarified. “He only found out when he overheard the policeman talking to the other paramedic.”
She tried to make sense out of it but was at a loss. “And that made him stop talking?”
Trent turned his back to Cody so that the boy couldn’t make out his words. “No, guilt did.”
What kind of guilt could a five-year-old boy have? “Guilt?”
Trent nodded. “He told me that your husband was angry with him, that Matt was reprimanding him for something and not paying attention to the road when the truck came around the bend. Cody said he screamed out a warning and Matt tried to avoid hitting the truck at the last moment. You know the rest.”
She was still somewhat confused. “You said you played his own words for him?”
“I got a copy of the nine-one-one call he made. I thought that maybe if I jarred him a little, if I had him relive the event to an extent, I could get to the root of what made him stop talking.”
The 911 call. She hadn’t even thought of that. “How did you manage to get the tape?”
He shrugged carelessly. “I pulled a couple of strings, or had Travis do it. He knows a few people on the police force.”
And he’d done all that, gone through all that trouble, for her. For Cody, which was like doing it for her. “I don’t know how to thank you.” How many times had she said this to him in the last two months? It seemed so paltry as repayment.
He stopped her right there. He knew that people had a tendency to think that once a breakthrough was reached, that was the end of it. But it wasn’t. It was just the beginning.
“It’s not over yet, Laurel,” he warned her. “Just because Cody’s talking doesn’t mean that he’s out of the woods. He’s going to need some more therapy for a while to help him deal with his feelings of guilt.”
Guilt. The boy had nothing to feel guilty about. It was an accident, pure and simple. But Trent was the expert here, so she’d go along with what he thought was best.
“Well, fine then. You do what you have to do.”
Instead of agreeing, she was surprised to see Trent shake his head. “No, I think he might be better off if someone else saw him now.”
Her nerves were tight.
“Why not you?”
“Because I’m too close.” Kate had been right. He needed to turn this over to someone else. He’d made the breakthrough, now it was time for a fresh perspective. “I told myself before that caring about Cody could only help him in the long run, but at this point I think
he’d be better off with someone more impartial.”
All she could think of was that Cody would start to backslide again. Cody needed Trent in his life. And God help her, so did she. Was this payback? she wondered suddenly. Was Trent stepping back, walking away because she’d done the same thing to him?
“He won’t talk to anyone else,” she heard herself saying, her voice echoing in her head.
Trent smiled as he shook his head. He glanced back at Cody for a second. “I think you need to give him a little more credit than that,” he told her. “He’s a brave, strong boy, capable of getting through this.”
The hurt she felt was incredible. She could barely breathe. Her only thought was that Trent was leaving her. Leaving them. “So you’re just going to hand him over to someone else?”
She looked pale, he thought. Why? “Not just ‘someone else,’” he assured her. “I have someone in mind. There’re a couple of other psychologists in our office who could step in.” He hesitated mentioning Kate because she was, after all, family, and the idea was to have someone outside the circle take over now. “They’re both fine, caring people.”
“But not you.”
“No, not me.” Didn’t she understand that he was doing it for Cody? That now that there’d been this breakthrough, progress could be better achieved if someone else handled it? Besides, he had a different role in mind for himself.
How could she feel so awful after something so wonderful had happened? Her son was talking. He’d finally come out of his trance, his coma, his self-imposed death sentence, to rejoin the living. She should be overjoyed.
Instead, she felt abandoned. Left stranded on some ice floe in the Antarctic. Trent was leaving her, just as she’d once left him. She wanted to plead with him, to ask him why he was doing this. She wanted to beg him to stay.
But even as she thought that, Laurel knew in her heart that she didn’t want him on those terms. She only wanted him if he wanted her. If he wanted to remain, not go.
“I see,” she murmured. “All right, I’ll have him see whomever you think is best for him.” She turned her eyes to his face. “I guess we won’t be seeing you anymore, then.”
There was an odd expression on her face, he noted. Was that what she thought? That he was trying to disengage from them? Or was that what she wanted? “Not professionally,” he said cautiously.
He watched her mouth curve with a bitter smile. “Was that all this was? Just professional? Might make an interesting article, treating mother and son at the same time. Bringing them both back around. Guess that probably puts you in the running for psychologist of the year.”
Trent watched her, stunned. What in God’s name was she talking about? “Laurel, what’s wrong?”
“Wrong?” she echoed. “Nothing’s wrong,” she declared, barely holding back her anger, her hurt. She struggled to keep her voice down so that Cody couldn’t hear.
“What could be wrong? You gave me back my son. Showed me sex didn’t have to make me feel terrible. Everything is perfect.” And then she stopped abruptly, hearing the hitch in her own voice. “I’m sorry. I think I’m just a little overwhelmed here. I thought that you and I—oh, never mind.” She waved her hand dismissively.
“I never liked a half-finished sentence, Laurel,” he told her. “What about you and me?”
“Nothing.” It was all she could do not to snap at him. “There is no ‘you and me.’
Don’t you think I realize that? You were just trying to help me deal with my own demons. And you did. You helped a great deal and don’t think I’m not grateful. I am. Very grateful.” She tossed her head, sending her hair flying about her shoulders. Her mind scrambled for a plausible excuse. “It’s just that I’m not used to being happy and I’m having a little trouble processing all this. But don’t worry, I will.”
Trent wanted to demand to know why she was pushing him out of her life again. But he’d been on this route with her before, going from elation to confusion, to indescribable hurt. He had absolutely no desire to be on the receiving end of something like that again. At the very least, they needed some space between them. “Look, maybe I’d better leave.”
“All right,” she replied stiffly, even as her heart broke in half. “If that’s what you want.”
No, that wasn’t what he wanted. But there was something happening here, something he needed time to understand. “I’ll call you with the name of a good child psychologist.”
“Great.” She nodded, suddenly feeling restless again. “I’m sure that whoever you pick will be very good.” Not as excellent as him, but then, who was? Damn it, she couldn’t think like that. If she did, she was going to fall apart.
“Just let me say good-night to Cody,” he said, retracing his steps to the boy.
She almost said, “Don’t you mean goodbye?” but she bit back the words because Cody had to be protected at all costs. Even if he hadn’t started talking again, Cody was very attached to Trent.
They both were.
Cody looked confused. “You’re going away?”
“No, not away. I just have to leave right now.” Needing an excuse, he had said the first thing that had come into his mind. “I have another patient who needs me tonight.”
“Just like me?” Cody asked.
“No one is just like you,” Trent told him with affection. “But close, yes.”
Cody seemed sad at the prospect of his leaving, but he nodded his head. “Okay. But I’ll miss you,” he said out of the blue. Makes two of us, champ, Trent thought as he ruffled the boy’s hair.
“I’ll be right back,” Laurel promised Cody. “I’m just going to walk Dr. Trent to the door.”
Turning away from the family room, she walked in front of Trent, trying not to think. Trying to pretend that he was just another person passing through her life and not, as she’d come to briefly believe, her soul mate.
She was to blame for everything, not him. With great effort, she forced a smile to her lips. “Again, thank you very much for what you’ve done.” Then, before she broke down in front of him, she quickly shut the door, then leaned her head against it, willing herself to go numb. She wouldn’t have been able to bear it any other way. Trent didn’t even know how he found himself on the other side of the door. One minute she was talking to him and he was debating asking her what was wrong one more time, the next, he found himself staring at beveled glass.
The way he saw it, he had two choices. He could either make a scene and demand to be readmitted, or he could just accept the fact that he had done something special for her son and move on. If Cody overheard them arguing, it could undo his progress. Trent couldn’t risk that for his own personal satisfaction. So, with a suppressed sigh, he turned on his heel and walked away.
Laurel watched his shadow recede through the prism-like glass on the upper portion of the door. For a moment, she fought the very real urge to yank the door open again, babbling apologies, pleading temporary insanity or whatever it took to get Trent to come back in. But she knew it was better this way. A clean break as opposed to a lingering one. That he would leave was a given. She’d hurt his pride twice over and couldn’t expect that to just fade from existence.
Squaring her shoulders, Laurel turned around and walked on rubbery legs back to the family room, as large a smile as she could manage pasted on her face. She prayed that Cody wasn’t insightful or intuitive the way some intelligent children could be. She didn’t want him seeing past her smile, into her heart, to the ache that was there. No, this moment was going to be all about him, she insisted silently. She’d waited a year for this to happen, for him to speak again. Now he was better and it was all that mattered.
Cody was all that mattered.
When she walked in, she saw that the boy wasn’t playing his game. He’d finished picking up the tray of cookies and had placed it neatly on the coffee table. His blue eyes raised to hers the moment she crossed the threshold.
She flashed her smile at him.
“
Okay, Cody, start talking,” she instructed cheerfully. “We’ve got a year to catch up on.”
Cody’s smile was almost shy. It went straight to her heart and almost erased the pain she felt.
Almost.
Chapter Fifteen
Trent stared at the rectangular piece of paper he held between his fingers. He’d been peering at it since Rita had dropped the envelope on his desk a few minutes ago. It was a check, written for an obscene amount of money.
A check.
Laurel had written him a check.
“For services rendered,” the note on the bottom-left corner of the check read. She was paying him for helping Cody. Paying him as if they’d had nothing but a working, professional relationship.
As if they meant nothing to each other, beyond therapist and mother of a patient. Which made the time they’d spent together in each other’s arms feel tainted, unsavory.
Instead of good and special, the way it had felt at the time.
He hadn’t heard from Laurel in a week, giving her space even when he wanted nothing more than to show up at her door and reclaim what had been building so steadily between them.
“Damn it.”
For some reason, the words, uttered more loudly than he’d meant, summoned Rita to his doorway. Apparently his administrative assistant had guessed at the envelope’s contents.
She gave the impression that she’d been hovering in the vicinity of his office, waiting for some signal that he’d opened the envelope.
“I’m heading out to the bank,” she told him as if this were a new venture rather than something she did every Wednesday and Friday morning. Rita nodded at the paper he held. “Want me to deposit that along with the other checks?”
For once, she didn’t stride into the room as if she owned every square foot. Instead, she stood in the doorway, waiting for an answer. Maybe after all this time, a vein of sensitivity had finally opened up within the woman, Trent thought.
“No,” he answered. “I’m going to take care of this myself.”
[Kate's Boys 03] - Mistletoe and Miracles Page 14
