by Wilder, L.
“They’re trying their best to adjust to me being gone, but they adore Eric, especially Mom. She just goes on and on about how lucky I am to have found such a great guy.” She took a sip of her coffee, then said, “I have to wonder what she’d think of Rafe.”
“What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
“Come on, Marlie. You know exactly what I’m talking about. The guy is hot and all kinds of swoon-worthy, but that’s really all you can say about him. He’s a biker with no education, and his family isn’t much better. His dad is a mechanic for God’s sake.” When she saw my expression, she reached over and placed her hand on mine. “I don’t mean to sound harsh, Sis. It’s just...you can do a lot better than that guy.”
Until then, I hadn’t really thought about the conversation Rafe had with her at the club. I could only imagine how rude and pompous Kate must’ve been with him, which made me instantly regret ever leaving him alone with her. I pulled my hand away from hers as I snapped, “Not that it matters to you, but I happen to think Rafe is wonderful and feel lucky to have him in my life.”
“You don’t have to get all defensive about it, Marlie. It’s not like you’re married to the guy.” She cut her eyes as she reached for her coffee. “You have time to find someone else, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be.”
“I have no intention of finding someone else, Kate.”
“Why not?” Her brows furrowed as she scoffed, “Are you in love with him or something?”
“And what if I am?”
“I don’t know...I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” She motioned her hand around my apartment. “I mean, look at this place ... and that crazy job of yours. Seems you’ve settled in more ways than one.”
“Have you always been so judgmental, or is this something new?”
“I’m not being judgmental, Marlowe. I’m just being honest with you. You had everything you could possibly want, and you gave it all up. And for what? This?” She threw her hands up in the air as she grumbled, “A hole in the wall apartment and a job bartending at a strip club?”
“I’m happy here, Kate. I like my life. I like my apartment and my job.” I ran my hand through my hair with a sigh. “For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m not stuck in your shadow. I have something of my own, something I can be proud of, and I don’t understand why that isn’t enough for you. Why can’t you just be happy for me?”
“Are you being serious right now?” Kate’s cheeks flushed red as she stood up and snarled, “You’ve always been so self-righteous—even more so now that you’ve gotten out on your own.”
“Self-righteous? Really?”
“Yes, really. Even after everything Mom and Dad did for you it was never enough. You always wanted more ... expected more. You couldn’t just be thankful they took you in and put a roof over your head.”
“As parents, that’s what they’re supposed to do, Kate. They did the same for you, and so much more. It’s almost comical how much more they did for you than they did for me, and they didn’t even feel the least bit bad about it.”
“That’s because I’m their daughter.”
“I’m their daughter, too.”
“You aren’t listening to me, Marlie. I am their daughter. Their flesh and blood.” She jabbed her fingers into her chest as she shouted, “Me! I was theirs. You were just some kid they took in.”
Enraged by her declaration, I stood and took a step over to her. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on. Don’t stand there and act like you didn’t know!”
“What exactly are you saying?”
“How do you not know this?” She took a strand of her hair in her hand as she spat, “I mean, really. I have blonde hair and blue eyes just like Mom, and you have dark hair and dark eyes.”
I didn’t know if it was the fact that I didn’t believe what she was implying or the fact I didn’t want to believe it, but I needed her to spell it out for me. It was the only way my brain would fully accept the insanity she was dishing out. “Are you trying to say I’m adopted?”
“Ummm, yeah. Duh! God, you can be so thick-brained sometimes,” she grumbled as she walked into my living room and snatched our family portrait from the mantle. She lifted it with the photograph facing me. “It’s time to face the fact. You’re not a Davenport. Never have been. Never will be. Clearly, you can’t even play the part. Just don’t have the genes for it.”
“It has nothing to do with genes. I was never given the chance to be a real Davenport. You’re the one who got all the lavish clothes, drove the fancy car, and found a way to take whatever small scraps were tossed in my direction. When that wasn’t enough, you found a way to steal what few friends I had. God forbid, I actually brought a guy around. Hell, you’d snatch him up in a second. I had nothing. You made sure of that. You all did.”
“Oh, well, let’s just have ourselves a little pity party, why don’t we?” She propped her backside against the counter as she crossed her arms and snarled, “You’ve always been sooo good at that. God, you were constantly whining about something ... trying to make Mom feel guilty for ev-ery-thing she ever did for me. It was insane. You leaving was the best thing that ever happened to us.”
“Then why are you even here?” I snapped. “If you were so happy to see me gone, which you clearly were, why not just leave me the hell alone! It’s not like I asked you here. I certainly didn’t ask for any of this!”
“To be honest, it was Eric’s idea. I tried to tell him it was a waste of time, but he insisted. He’s so enamored with me, he wanted to know everything there was to know about me, even if that included my estranged sister.” Every word out of her mouth cut me like a knife, but I swallowed back my tears, refusing to let Kate see she’d upset me. Not that it mattered. It was pretty clear she didn’t care as she shrugged with indifference. “I tried to talk him out of it, but when he insisted, I figured we could play the old family card one last time, and from what I can tell, it’s worked so far.”
“Well, it’s over now. I’m done playing charades for you and your little boyfriend.” I pointed to the door and told her, “It’s time for you to go.”
“There’s no reason for this to change anything, Marlie. We’re still the same people we were ten minutes ago.”
“Yeah, you’re still a royal bitch. That’s never going to change.” Boiling with a mix of rage and heartbreak, I pointed to the door as I ordered, “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.”
“Oh, for goodness sake. You really are second class.”
Her heels clomped across the kitchen tile as she stormed out. Once she’d gone, I went over and slammed the door behind her. Then, and only then, I let the tears fall, and man, oh man, did they fall. Feeling like my whole world had been turned upside down, I sobbed and sobbed. I don’t know how long I’d been crying when I finally made my way into the living room. I picked up one of our family photos off the mantle and carried it over to the sofa. I sat there studying the way Kate sat in Mom’s lap and how Mom and Dad had their arms around her, adoring her, while I stood off to the side like I was just there—imposing on their special moment, and it was like everything suddenly became so clear. I wasn’t crazy. They did love and adore Kate more than they did me, and I guess they had every right to do so. She was their child, their own flesh and blood, and I was just some stranger they’d brought into their home. I just didn’t understand why they’d never told me.
After sitting there for over an hour trying to sort through the mess in my head, there was a knock at my door. Worried it might be Kate coming back for more, I quickly stood, wiped the tears from my face, and straightened my clothes. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing my upset, so I took a couple of deep breaths and put on a brave face. All my efforts were dashed the second I opened the door and found Rafe standing there. Before I even had a chance to speak, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t even want to know.” I left
him standing at the door as I walked back into the living room and plopped down on the sofa. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you had to go to the clubhouse.”
“I did, but I’m here now.” He closed the door and started over to me. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, nothing much.” Sarcasm dripped from every word as I told him, “Just had myself a wonderful conversation with Kate, and she dropped a bomb on me that still has my head spinning.”
“Hmm.” His brows furrowed as he sat down next to me. “What did she say?”
“She basically informed me that my whole life has been a lie.”
“Not sure I’m following.”
“She informed me that I was adopted.” While I sounded mad, I was more hurt than angry as I told him, “So, basically everything I was ever told about my family was wrong.”
“Yeah, that’s a pretty big bomb there.”
“No kidding. You should’ve heard the way she told me.” I dropped my head into my hands and grumbled. “I’d forgotten what a bitch she can be.”
Trying to lighten the mood, he smiled as he said, “She definitely has a strong personality.”
“That’s the understatement of the year.” I looked over to him. “She was just so hateful and mean about it all. It’s like she enjoyed hurting me.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
I picked up the picture of us all at Christmas and showed it to him. “I don’t know how I could’ve been so stupid. It was all right there in front of my face, and I was just too blind to see it!”
Rafe looked down at the picture in my hand. “The mind sees what the mind sees until it doesn’t see it anymore.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You were just a kid, Marlowe. There was no way you could’ve known, but now that you do, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do about it.”
“I don’t know what I want to do. I’m still trying to process the fact the people who I thought were my parents really aren’t my parents! There’s also the fact that I don’t even know who my real parents are! Where did I even come from? And why would they adopt me if they were going to treat me like they did? None of this makes sense.” I accentuated my words as I pushed, “Do you get what I’m saying here?”
“Yes, Marlowe. It’s a lot to take in, but we will figure this thing out.”
“I don’t get it. Why does it seem like you aren’t all that surprised by this?”
“Because I’m not.” He ran his hand down his throat like he was considering what he should say next. After several moments, he finally admitted, “It came up when Menace did your background check.”
“What?” I gasped. “You tell me to open up and trust you, but then you don’t even tell me something as big as this! What the hell is that?”
“Don’t twist this around to make me the bad guy here. You gotta know I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you, Marlowe. Hell, until last night, I assumed you knew.”
“And you didn’t think about mentioning it then?”
“I was about to, but you shut me down with the whole leaving the past where it belonged bit.”
“And this morning?”
“Well, we were otherwise detained, unless you’ve already forgotten.”
Against my will, a tiny smirk crossed my face as I remembered our little romp on the kitchen table—how incredible Rafe’s hands and mouth felt on my body. “No, I haven’t forgotten.”
“Look, I hate you found out the way you did. I hate it even more that I didn’t press the issue and ask you about it, but it’s out there now. You just have to figure out what you’re going to do about it.”
“That’s just it. I have no idea. I’m still in shock.”
“You just need some time.”
He reached into his pocket for his phone. When he started dialing a number, I asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m calling Lisa. Telling her she’ll need to cover your shift tonight.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Ignoring me, he told Lisa just that, then slipped his phone back in his pocket. “Thank you, Rafe, but you really didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I did.” He leaned over to me and kissed me, then said, “I’m supposed to work my shift tonight, but I could get Widow to cover for me.”
“No, Rafe. You don’t need to do that. I’m fine. I just need a little time to wrap my head around all this, and it’s best if I do that alone.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely, but thanks for offering.”
“I’m here for you, babe.”
“I know, and it means the world to me.”
Rafe stood as he said, “I’ll be back after my shift. Should be around one.
“Okay, that sounds good.”
I got up and followed him over to the door. He gave me another kiss, long and full of much-needed tenderness, and then said, “This doesn’t change who you are, Marlowe. You’re still the same amazing woman you’ve always been. Don’t forget that.”
After one last peck goodbye, he was gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I considered wallowing a bit longer, but the more I sat there thinking things over, the angrier I became. I found myself remembering all the times I was made to feel like an outsider, especially by my mother. All the hugs and kisses she would give to Kate, whereas I rarely received any attention at all unless I practically begged for it, and even then, Mom’s hugs were cold and distant. I could remember one night in particular when I was sick with a virus.
I was only about nine or ten and had gotten sick in the bed. Panicked, I called out for Mom. It was late, well past everyone’s bedtime, and it was clear from the way she staggered into my bedroom that Mom was still half-asleep. “What’s wrong?”
“I got sick.” I motioned my hand over to the soiled spot on the bed as I muttered, “I’m sorry, Momma.”
“Oh, Christ, Marlowe.” She stomped over to me and jerked me out of bed, then quickly started pulling off all the bedding. “Why didn’t you get up and go to the damn bathroom?”
“I tried, momma, but I didn’t make it in time.” I hated seeing her so upset with me and desperately wanted to fix it. “I’m really sorry.”
“You can be sorry all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you made such a mess.” When she finished removing the sheets, she looked over to me and grumbled. “Change out of those pajamas, and if you feel sick again, go to the damn bathroom.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
With a heavy heart, I watched as my mother, the one person who was supposed to love and take care of me unconditionally, gathered my bedding in her arms and stormed furiously out of the room. I was starting to change my pajamas when my stomach turned sour once again, and I knew I was about to get sick. Not wanting to make another mess, I rushed into the bathroom where I spent the rest of the night alone, dealing with the worst stomach bug I’d ever encountered. The next morning, I awoke with my face pressed against the cool tile of the bathroom floor. My head was pounding, and every muscle in my body ached as I pulled myself up to a sitting position. I considered calling out to Mom for help, but then I remembered how angry she was with me and decided against it.
I finally managed to get back to my room and crawled into bed where I remained for the rest of the day. The only time I laid eyes on my mother was when she came to put the clean sheets on my bed. There were no kind words of encouragement or care. She just made the bed and said, “You need to drink something, Marlie. You don’t want to get dehydrated.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
With that, she left me again and didn’t return. Not even once.
If it had been Kate who was sick, my mother would’ve doted on her all night, making sure she had everything she could possibly need. So yeah, even if it was just some silly stomach bug, it hurt that she’d showed such little feelings for me. Thinking about that night had me reaching for my cell phone. I dialed my mother’s number, and as soon as she answered, I aske
d, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what, dear?”
“That I was adopted.” The line was suddenly filled with dead air. Her silence was a clear indication she didn’t know Kate had revealed their dirty, little secret. “Kate told me everything. I know you and Dad aren’t my biological parents. What I don’t know is why you never told me.”
“I didn’t see any point in bringing up the matter.”
“You didn’t see any point? Are you kidding me?” I snapped. “You’ve lied to me for years, and for what? So, you could continue to hurt me?”
“I’ve never intentionally tried to hurt you, Marlowe.” She used my full name—a sign she was becoming upset with me. “I did the best I could under the circumstances.”
“What circumstances?” When she didn’t answer, I pushed, “You made the decision to adopt me. Why bother if you weren’t actually going to open your heart and love me?”
“You’re asking questions I can’t answer.”
“Okay, how about this one? Who are my real parents? Why did they put me up for adoption?”
“Again, more questions I can’t answer.” Her voice was low and strained as she whispered, “Not now. Not ever.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It’s just best to leave it all alone, Marlowe. You have your life there now, and from what you’ve told me, things are going good for you. Just let this all go.”
“I can’t just let this go, Mom.”
“You have to.”
I was getting more frustrated by the second and found it difficult to control my emotions as I spat, “Why are you being like this? Why have you always been like this? Don’t you care about me at all? Even a little?”
“I care more than you will ever know. I’ve done what I’ve done because I didn’t have a choice. I wish I could explain more, but I can’t.” The sadness in her voice tugged at my heart and I wanted so much to push her to just be honest with me, but I didn’t get the chance. “I’m sorry, Marlowe, but your father just walked in and I have to go. You take care, and please...leave this alone.”
