by Leanne Banks
“If Adam gets bought, can he count on you to babysit?” Sara asked again.
“Of course I can,” Adam said. “Kaitlyn’s the kind of person you can count on.”
Kaitlyn thought about the last thing her husband had ever said to her. “I counted on you to put us first and you didn’t. That’s what caused the end of our marriage.”
She still didn’t have it all sorted out properly. Until she did, she couldn’t think about getting involved with another man.
However, she wasn’t going to get involved with Adam. She was just going to babysit for him.
Chapter Five
Adam’s time with Kaitlyn visiting at Raintree had been enjoyable. To his chagrin, he didn’t want that time with her to end. Back in Fawn Grove, she’d be going her way and he’d be going his.
As he drove toward town, he considered the bachelor auction he’d volunteered for. Sara had told him the list of bachelors would be circulated far and wide along with their photos. Their bios would be listed in ads from Sacramento to Stockton. He hadn’t protested. After all, the event was for a good cause. He glanced back at Erica through the rearview mirror. A drive always seemed to lull her into a peaceful sleep. He didn’t know what that meant for sleep tonight, but he was definitely in the go-with-the-flow plan right now. Checking his rearview mirror again, he saw Kaitlyn’s car behind his.
Impulsively, he pressed a button on the dashboard and said, “Call Kaitlyn.”
Seconds later, Kaitlyn answered, “Yes, Adam?”
“There’s an ice-cream stand about a quarter mile down this road. Let’s pull over.”
“It’s almost dinnertime,” she said with some amusement.
“We can get walnuts on a sundae for protein. Come on.”
“I really should get going—”
“You’re running again.”
Her silence met his statement. He wanted to know more about her before her background went public. He had the feeling it was something she hadn’t shared easily up until now, and he didn’t want to read about it in the newspaper or online. He wanted to get to know her better. But he wasn’t going to spook her by telling her that. Not yet.
Taking a lighter tone, he coaxed, “Ice-cream sundaes with hot fudge, whipped cream, a cherry on the top.”
She laughed. “Okay. It’s such a beautiful evening, I don’t want to go in yet, either. I’ll meet you there.”
Minutes later, he pulled into the parking area beside the small ice-cream stand. Kaitlyn could easily drive on by. But she didn’t. Her sedan pulled in beside his SUV.
There were only a few cars, and one person ordering ice cream at the window. Picnic tables dotted the back of the property near live oaks and some alders that gave shade. He climbed out of his SUV and unstrapped Erica’s car seat. As he carried it toward one of the picnic tables, Kaitlyn followed him.
He set it on the table and said, “She looks like a pink angel.”
Kaitlyn stood very close beside him and he would have liked to have dropped his arm around her shoulders. He would have liked to kiss her. When she looked up at him, he almost did. But a kiss could send her running for the hills.
“Do you want to watch her while I get the sundaes, or do you want to get the sundaes?”
“I’ll watch her,” she said, her voice all soft and tender as any woman’s would be who loved children.
“So is it hot fudge, or something else?”
“I’m going to be really decadent. Hot fudge over raspberry ice cream, a dab of whipped cream on top, no nuts, no cherry.”
“A woman with particular tastes.”
“What are you getting?” she asked.
“A double-decker sundae with an extra layer of hot fudge, extra walnuts, whipped cream and a cherry on the top.”
“A man with extravagant tastes,” she quipped.
He laughed and went to buy their ice-cream sundaes.
When he returned to the table, he set their sundaes in front of each of them. He sat close to her, their elbows touching, and she didn’t move away. Neither did he. Progress.
They ate in silence for a couple of minutes until she said, “We backed you into a corner with that bachelor auction. If you really don’t want to do it, you can back out.”
“I don’t back out once I commit.”
His words must have surprised her—her gaze rose to his.
“You might not believe it,” he said, “but even when I was a teenager, I was reliable. I tried to be for Tina. She’d had so much uncertainty in her life. I wanted her to be able to count on me.”
“But you went to college and couldn’t be there for her.”
“Long distance doesn’t mean out of mind, and I let her know that. When she came up to school to spend time with me, I made sure my calendar was clear. It’s always been that way.” He paused. “But I don’t want to talk anymore about me and Tina.”
He studied Kaitlyn as she swirled ice cream with her spoon, as she lifted it to her mouth, as she ate it and savored it. He practically groaned. He wanted her for the most basic reasons, and every little thing she did made his blood race faster.
He must not have hidden his desire as well as he should have, because her breath caught a little when their eyes met. Her hand stilled. Ice cream dripped from her spoon into the dish.
They seemed frozen in a little world of their own where remembering could get them into big trouble. He leaned closer to her, put his arm around her, let his jaw rub down the side of her face. She didn’t jerk away or tell him not to do it, so he did it again. He didn’t think she was wearing perfume, but there was a sweet scent around her tied-back hair that carried just as much potency.
His lips trailed down her temple to her ear and he whispered, “I want to kiss you, but I want to get to know you better even more.”
He leaned away, but kept his connection to her with his eyes. “Tell me what’s going to come out in the paper next week.”
Her eyes widened and she looked surprised, maybe even shocked. “Adam.”
“If it’s going to be public, why not tell me now?”
“It’s a personal story. Writing it down was therapeutic and I knew it would help others. Telling you face-to-face seems—”
“Too intimate? As intimate as kissing? As intimate as shedding our clothes?”
Her shoulders stiffened and she shifted away. “All right, you’ve made your point. Maybe undressing physically is a lot easier than undressing emotionally.”
This time he covered her hand with his and held on. He didn’t say any more.
Kaitlyn glanced at their hands, and he felt her release a resigned sigh. “Tom and I met when I was an intern. We got married later in my residency. He had a career in advertising and marketing for the wine industry. I decided to become part of the Fawn Grove practice, and we moved here though he preferred Sacramento. After we did, I got pregnant.”
Pregnant. Kaitlyn had been pregnant. He had a foreboding of what was coming because he’d glimpsed the sadness in her eyes when she held Erica. It was mixed in with other emotions, but it was there.
He squeezed her hand. “What happened?”
“Somehow, preeclampsia sneaked up on me.”
At Adam’s blank look, she explained, “It’s a condition that happens to some pregnant women. They start retaining fluid, their blood pressure spikes. Of course, I knew all the signs. But I’d been working long hours for years. I was used to pushing myself to my limits, physically and every other way. When I was pregnant, I got regular checkups, I watched what I ate, I stopped caffeine. That had kept me going a lot of the time, even though I didn’t want to admit it. But I had this case in PEDS—a premature baby who needed a couple of procedures. I don’t know if I was too focused on that—”
She shook her head. “I’
ll never know. But the preeclampsia caused a miscarriage when I was six months pregnant. A few months later, my marriage fell apart. I didn’t really get back on my feet until I joined The Mommy Club support group. That’s what helped me overcome it all. That group helped me see that I wasn’t to blame for everything.”
“Of course you weren’t to blame for everything,” Adam said gruffly. “I’m not a medical professional but even I know that. Stuff happens.”
He said it with such wry resignation that Kaitlyn looked at him with appreciation. “Thank you,” she murmured.
“For what?” he asked. “For knowing you’re human just like everyone else? I’ve got to admit, sometimes your composure is a little unshakable, and that can be scary.”
“Composure is just a way to try to keep in control.”
“When you’re feeling out of control?”
“Uh-oh. I think I’ve given away a secret.”
Adam shook his head. “I won’t hold it against you.” Then he asked, “So why did your marriage come apart?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
“No, actually it’s not. A tragedy like that sometimes brings people together.”
“Not in our case. Tom blamed me. I was a doctor. I should have seen what was happening. I should have known.”
Without thinking, Adam slipped his arm around Kaitlyn’s shoulders. “That was your ex-husband’s inadequacies talking.”
She shook her head. “I believed him. I think that’s what destroyed our marriage. I let him blame me.”
“And where was he in all this? Was he watching your physical condition? Was he giving you foot rubs at night? Was he close enough to see any changes?”
Adam easily saw the pain in Kaitlyn’s eyes when she shook her head. “We were up-and-coming professionals with careers. He wants to own his own advertising and marketing company someday.”
Adam would have asked more questions and held her even tighter, but at that moment his cell phone beeped.
Kaitlyn glanced at his belt as he released her and went for the phone.
“It’s Tina,” he said, snatching it and holding it to his ear. As soon as he clicked it on, he heard silence. “Tina?”
Her end of the line went dead.
He swore and speed-dialed her number but she didn’t answer.
“What am I supposed to make of that?” he asked the universe in general.
“Maybe she wants to let you know she’s okay.”
“That’s a funny way of doing it. If we don’t talk, I can’t tell her I care. I can’t tell her there’s help if she needs it.”
Looking thoughtful, Kaitlyn pushed her ice-cream dish away. “Maybe you can tell her. Maybe what Tina really wants is to make sure Erica’s okay.”
“I can leave daily messages on her phone as progress reports. That might work.”
“At least she’d know how Erica’s doing, and what you’re doing for her. You can tell her the cute things.”
Adam studied baby Erica who was still sleeping peacefully. “I can send her pictures, too.”
“A picture is worth a thousand words.”
He snapped a picture of Erica with his phone. Then he typed in a line about going for ice cream and enjoying the summer night.
To Kaitlyn he said, “I’ll leave a voice message for her later. I don’t want to bombard her, or make her sorry she tried to call.”
Kaitlyn nodded as if she understood every bit of it, and maybe she did.
His phone back on his belt, Adam dropped his arm around Kaitlyn’s shoulders again and turned her toward him. “Thank you for telling me about your ex-husband and your miscarriage. I know it’s not easy to share memories that still cause pain.”
“The pain turns into regret more than anything,” Kaitlyn said.
She was right about that. Maybe he and Kaitlyn were more alike than they were different. He didn’t know. He just knew he was monumentally attracted to her, physically and otherwise. But right now, the physical was taking precedence.
Taking her chin in his hand, he tipped her face up to him. She was watching him with such expectancy that he didn’t think twice about lowering his head. He didn’t think twice about covering her lips with his.
The alders and oaks sheltered them. The falling dusk enveloped them. The quiet seemed to intensify everything about the kiss. Adam wanted more. When his tongue slid into Kaitlyn’s mouth, he knew that she did, too. She gripped his shoulders tighter. She gave a soft moan. She tasted him back and that was the most exciting sensation of all.
She was everything he’d remembered and dreamed of in his long nights away, when that winery office and that night were across the world.
Kaitlyn was the one to break the kiss. She was the one to stop them before it went deeper. He wasn’t surprised. After all, she’d ended the passion once before. Now he could understand why a little better.
She wasn’t the type of woman who usually had affairs. She was dedicated and loyal—the marrying kind. Maybe he’d known that from the beginning and that’s why he hadn’t contacted her since they’d first met. He was loyal, but he definitely wasn’t the marrying kind.
“Wrong place, wrong time again,” he joked huskily, watching for her reaction.
“I’m not sure there will be a right place and the right time,” she confessed.
“Because of you, or because of me?” He was suddenly a little angry at that assumption.
“Adam, I don’t—”
“Sleep around?” he filled in. “Yeah, I figured that out. Sometimes, Kaitlyn, grabbing the moment can be as worthwhile as looking for a future.”
“Spoken like a man with no roots,” she said lightly, but for some reason her words unsettled him a lot.
“And what are your roots?”
She looked surprised that he even asked. “The Mommy Club, friends, my profession.”
“Roots, Kaitlyn. You do for The Mommy Club. You do for your practice. You probably do for your friends, too.”
“I don’t know what you’re getting at.”
“I think we’re both rootless.”
“You’re wrong.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time, but you have just as many walls as I do. Maybe a little sex could break them down.”
She looked outraged. “Maybe a little sex could get us into a whole lot of trouble. My heart isn’t detached from passion and desire. Is yours?”
“I don’t analyze it.”
“Maybe you should.”
He’d put her on the defensive, and he hadn’t intended to do that. When he reached out to touch her, she backed away, and he could have predicted the next words out of her mouth.
She said, “I’ve got to go.”
He nodded. Kaitlyn had become a woman on the go so she didn’t have to feel. She could feel for her little patients and she could feel for moms who needed help. But he wondered how much she could feel for herself. In many ways, he was the same.
Sweeping up the trash, he dumped it into the can close by. Then he went to Erica, picked up her car seat and walked Kaitlyn to her car.
As she slid in, he said, “If The Mommy Club has a list of possible babysitters, I’d appreciate it. I have to get some work done in preparation for my trip to Thailand. I also have that guest lecture spot coming up. I’d like to interview and check references of anybody I might use to take care of Erica.”
“Of course,” Kaitlyn said with a nod. “I’ll see that you get the list.”
“So you’re not going to call a social worker in on the case?”
“At this time, I don’t think that’s necessary.”
She was being polite and so was he.
So be it.
By the time he took Erica to his car and tucked her safely inside, Kaitlyn h
ad driven away.
* * *
Erica’s cries always tore at Adam’s heart. The following afternoon, he tried to tell himself babies cried to communicate with their world. At least in part.
After he scooped her into his arms from her crib, he picked up a bottle on the end table and sat in the armchair. She was still crying as he touched the nipple to her lips. But then she latched on.
As she greedily drank, he wondered what he was having for supper. There was leftover Chinese takeout in the fridge. He should go to the store, but handling Erica and grocery bags didn’t seem like a good idea. He was hoping Kaitlyn would call him or email him that list.
He had to admit, he wanted to see Kaitlyn again, and again, and again. He’d never quite felt this way about a woman, and it unnerved him. He looked down at the baby in his arms. Just as Erica unnerved him.
He couldn’t believe how he was actually coming to enjoy feeding her, rocking her, watching her fall asleep. He was beginning to wonder what would happen if Tina didn’t come back. He wondered what would happen if she didn’t want to be a mom. He certainly couldn’t let this little girl be put in foster care. On the other hand, did he want to be a dad?
He wasn’t sure.
Erica looked up at him with wide blue eyes.
“You know,” he said in a conversational tone, “I remember the first day I met your mom. She had pigtails. She was scared that she had to come live somewhere new. Your grandmother Jade told her I was her big brother and I’d keep her safe. I don’t even think I knew what safe meant back then. I thought it meant watching her so she didn’t fall or do any stupid stunts like I’d tried. But I’m not sure that’s what she meant at all. I think she meant I should create a bond with her that would last forever. But over the past few years, I think I messed up. I thought your mom was an adult now, and she didn’t need me watching over her. But that’s not true.”
Erica made a little sound, and he took the bottle from her and burped her. That was easier now, too, since Kaitlyn had shown him how to do it.
Adam had just put Erica on his shoulder and was patting her back when his doorbell rang.
