It was a challenge. He didn’t think she could look at him and turn him down. He knew she couldn’t resist him, but he didn’t know how afraid she was. How much she wanted to lose herself in him. How that scared the hell out of her so badly that she was ready to do whatever she needed to protect herself. No matter how good things could be, she knew that she couldn’t survive the fallout when they went bad. And things would go badly, eventually. They always did.
She steeled herself and faced him. The look in his eyes was worse than she could’ve imagined, searing her down to her soul. Wounded and so full of everything she’d always told herself she didn’t need. She’d never forget those eyes. Ever.
She took a deep, shuddering breath and he moved closer, pressing his hands against the door and stepping so close that she flattened her back to the door to avoid touching him. His breath whispered across her cheek as he spoke. “Go ahead. Tell me you don’t feel anything for me. That this is over.”
Only the knowledge that she was saving them both from greater pain later on allowed her to tell him the awful lie. “This was only ever sex for me, Nick. I’m sorry you got the wrong impression. Let me go.” The brutal flash of pain that filled his eyes followed her out the door. She made herself slam it behind her before she did something stupid like throw herself at his feet and apologize for making him hurt. But once the door was closed, she couldn’t move. She paused, knowing that he was still standing on the other side of the door reeling in pain, and she pressed her hands to the cold metal, longing to comfort him. Squeezing her eyes closed to fight back the tears, she pulled herself away and continued down the hall. Leaving now was the right thing to do. The sound of him smashing something in his apartment followed her, but she didn’t turn back.
5
Las Vegas—Present Day
Jules walked into Mizumi, the Japanese restaurant inside the Wynn resort, and scanned the crowd for Megan. Simple teak furniture upholstered in vibrant white, set against a dramatic backdrop of scarlet and gold walls, gave the place a distinctive Asian flair. Catching a glimpse of her friend, who was already seated at the sushi counter, Jules smiled and waved off the hostess. She forced herself not to run as she made her way past the crowded bar, its golden, slatted back wall lined with dozens of Noh theater masks.
“Megs!” She called when she was close enough to be heard through the din of the conversations going on around them and the traditional Japanese lute music playing in the background.
Megan turned and came out of her seat to give Jules a hug. “Oh my God, how has it been six months since I last saw you?”
“I don’t know. This past year has been crazy busy with work.” Jules hugged her tight and then pulled back to look at the woman she’d known for twelve years—at twenty-seven years old, she’d known Megan nearly half her life. Megan had always been petite, making Jules feel gangly and awkward the first couple of years they’d roomed together at boarding school. “You look great! You let your hair grow out. I love it.”
Megan ran a hand over her walnut-colored hair, woven through with subtle blond highlights. It fell in soft waves just past her shoulders. “Thanks.” She motioned to the empty chair next to hers. “Here, sit down. I had no idea it would be so crowded or I would’ve suggested someplace off the Strip. But I wanted you to get the whole tourist experience. I hope you don’t mind I couldn’t get a table.”
“I just need a drink and some sushi. Honestly, I’d be happy eating it on the roof as long as it’s with you.”
“Well, I’m here and so is the sake.” Megan picked up the white porcelain tokkuri to fill both of their cups. “Let’s make a toast and then we can order.”
Grabbing her small cup, Jules waited for Megan to pick up her own before raising it. “To you, for making me drag my butt out here to Vegas. I’ve missed you, and I needed a change.”
Megan was already shaking her head. “To you, for making the right decision.”
“Okay.” Jules laughed and clinked their cups. “To us. We both rock.” She took a sip of the sake, the cool liquid sliding down her throat and settling warm in her belly.
Back on their first day at boarding school, Megan had exuded an aura, a warmth that had somehow put Jules immediately at ease. She could feel that now, wrapping her in its familiarity and making all of the stress of the past couple of days fade. It felt good to be happy, even if it was just for a little while. Her job might not be quite what she had expected—not with Nick around—but she still had the chance to get to know her dad, and she’d never lived in the same city as Megan as an adult. She just had to focus on the positive. She’d learned a lot about that from Megan.
A few years ago, Megan had battled cervical cancer, undergoing surgery and chemoradiation. It had been an awful few months, but she’d come out on the other side happy, healthy, and ready to grab life by the horns. She’d even quit her job selling ad space for a large national newspaper to pursue what she really wanted to do: freelance journalism. If Megan could get through that, Jules was pretty sure she could get through working with Nick.“Let’s order. I’m starving and this place has the best overpriced sushi.” Megan picked up the small laminated menu and held it between them. They decided on two of the specialties—a mizumi roll and a rainbow roll—and called out their order to the chef, who gave them a wink.
“So how’s the apartment?” Megan asked, leaning back and taking another sip of her sake.
“It’s good.” Jules had found a furnished high-rise apartment tucked just off the Strip. She hadn’t wanted to make a bigger commitment given how uncertain she was about the new job, and figured if all went well, she could look around for something more permanent, something more hers, later.
She asked about Megan’s parents, both attorneys who’d generously welcomed Jules into their home for weeks on end during summer vacations. After the divorce, Jules’ dad had worked nonstop and her mom had been less than present when Jules had been home. It had been nice to hang out with a normal family.
They talked for a while about an article Megan recently had published in Vanity Fair. It was a major step in her career and she hoped it would lead to more in-depth pieces. Finally, about halfway through their second roll, Megan stopped eating and looked at Jules, one eyebrow cocked, chopsticks poised in her fingers.
“Okay, spill. How’s the job? You’ve been avoiding talking about it, so I know something’s up.”
In an instant, the past week replayed itself in her mind. Every single minute of every day had been consumed with thoughts of Nick. She’d been working ten-hour days, making arrangements for the campaign—meeting with the production people and working out some ideas—but she’d spent those long days hiding in her office, hoping she wouldn’t accidentally run into him. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop hearing him say he hated her. He hated her. She’d never thought that he cared enough to hate her. Sure, he’d been wounded when she left, but she’d assumed he’d long since recovered. She didn’t know how to handle the fact that he still cared that much.
Something must have shown on her face, because Megan touched her arm and said, “Oh, honey, is it really that bad?”
“No, it’s not bad.” Jules hurried to reassure her, dragging a piece of salmon from the rainbow roll through some aioli. “It’s actually pretty exciting.” Megan didn’t look convinced, so Jules hurried to tell her about her dad’s plans for the league and the new campaign. She really was excited about the opportunity to be a part of his vision, and she hoped that came through as she spoke.
“If it’s so exciting, why do you look like someone just stole your kitten?”
“What do you mean?” Jules asked, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Your eyes, Jules. I know you can play cool with the best of ’em, but your eyes aren’t happy. They’re hurting.” At her softened voice, Jules met her friend’s light brown gaze. The pain she’d been stifling in her c
hest suddenly bloomed and moved up to form an ache in her throat. “What happened? Did your dad say something? You know he doesn’t think before he speaks. I know he must be happy to have you here.”
“No.” She shook her head, but had to pause to swallow around the lump as Nick’s words played across her mind again. How was it possible that his words hurt so much? He’d been just a few weeks of her life. Taking a deep breath, she released it slowly and set down her chopsticks. God knew she didn’t know how to handle Nick on her own. Maybe opening up to Megan could give her some insight. “It’s not my dad . . . it’s . . . it’s Nick.”
“Nick?” Megan asked, tilting her head. “The guy from Chicago?”
“Yeah, but he’s here now. In Las Vegas.”
Megan snapped her fingers, obviously remembering. “That’s right. He was a fighter. But wasn’t he in some other league— Oh!” Her eyes widened as she realized what that meant. “Oh shit, Jules, you mean here here, like in the WFC?”
Jules nodded and explained the part she had omitted earlier, that Nick had recently joined the WFC, and that she’d be working with him on the marketing campaign.
“Huh.” Megan sat looking somewhat stunned as she processed that. “I’m guessing from the look on your face that this isn’t good.”
Jules let out a rush of air. “No, it’s not good.”
“But you said it was just a fling, right? Surely he’s moved on after a year.”
Jules squeezed her eyes shut before opening them, looking down at her fingers as they worried the crystal pendant on the bracelet her mom had given her for her birthday a couple of years ago. “I thought it was just a fling. I told you what happened in Chicago, how I left. I knew I’d hurt him a little, but . . .” She couldn’t bring herself to say everything he’d said to her two days ago. It hurt too much to even think about it.
Megan didn’t say anything for a minute, but when she spoke her voice was quiet. “So you’re shaken up because you hurt him worse than you thought?”
The skin on the back of her neck prickled and grew warm. Megan’s voice was too gentle to make out an accusation behind her words, but she still felt guilty. “I never meant to hurt him.” Jules looked up to meet her gaze. “We weren’t supposed to . . .”
“Oh my God . . . Jules, did you . . . did you fall in love with him?”
“What?” A bolt of pure terror shot through her. “No. No!”
“How did I not see this before?” Megan continued as if Jules hadn’t just denied it. “It makes so much sense. You were so down after that job in Chicago. I just assumed it was because your mom had broken up with that boyfriend of hers and was calling you every day. But you were missing Nick, and now that he’s here, you don’t know how to handle it.”
Jules shook her head. “That’s not true. I mean, yes, I missed him. I can admit that. But I didn’t love him.”
Megan raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “Then why are you so shaken up that he’s here? I don’t think a few weeks of ‘just sex’ would affect you this way.”
Jules paused to consider her words. So maybe it had been a little more than just sex, but she knew without a doubt that she did not love him. “I don’t know,” was the best she could come up with.
Megan rubbed her back and said, “It’s been a year, Jules. More than enough time to move on, but it seems like you haven’t. I’ve known you since we were fifteen, and I’ve never seen you fall for a guy. Not like this. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to explore this, to maybe see if it goes somewhere?”
Jules was already shaking her head before Megan had even finished. “I already know where it goes. I don’t get the happy ending, Megs.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. You’ve met my parents. I don’t think it’s possible for a relationship to be more fucked up than theirs was. And if what I had with Nick turned into even a fraction of their dysfunction, I couldn’t handle it.”
“That doesn’t have to happen, though,” Megan insisted. “Your mom got pregnant at nineteen by some boxer she was dating, and they had to get married. They were never meant for each other. You’ve met my parents, and they’re still happy.”
“I know they’re happy, and that’s great. And I’m not saying that you can’t find someone too. But for me . . . I can’t see it happening.”
“You are not your parents, Jules. You have as much right to happiness as anyone else. Their fucked-up relationship doesn’t change that.”
“I know, Megs, I do, and I was happy . . . before Nick. And now I’m not, and that just proves that guys are more trouble than they’re worth.”
Megan sighed and gave her that smile of hers Jules had seen a million times. The one that said Jules was being difficult, but she loved her anyway. “I think you’re only unhappy because you walked out on him.”
“I just wanted to be able to look back and cherish what Nick and I had for those few weeks. I didn’t want to watch it go sour, and it would’ve gone bad had I stayed. Everything was too intense.”
“Don’t you think that maybe you should at least talk to him about it?”
“Oh, we already talked.” Jules drank the last of her sake, but it tasted as bitter as the words in her mouth. “I think we said all there was to say.”
“Oh, Jules, I’m so sorry.” Megan closed her eyes and pulled Jules into a hug.
“It’s fine.” Her words came out muffled against Megan’s hair, but she waited until she could fight back the inexplicable prickling of tears before pulling away. “I’m fine.”
“Are you?”
Jules nodded. “I just feel bad that I hurt him. I just thought—”
“Oh shit!” Megan looked over Jules’ shoulder toward the main dining room, but then her gaze flashed back to Jules and she bit her lip, as if she hadn’t meant to say anything.
“What?”
“No, don’t look.” Megan grabbed her hand when Jules started to turn around. “I Googled him back when you guys were seeing each other and it’s been awhile, but I think I’d know that jaw anywhere. And that hair. Jesus.” That last was said in a breathy whisper.
Following the line of Megan’s vision, she saw Nick standing across the dining room near a table, wearing a well-fitted dark blazer over a black shirt. His hair was down around his shoulders. He was smiling at two men who were talking to him, animated in their enthusiasm. They looked to be fans who had come over to meet him, confirmed when one pulled out a phone and they all posed for a picture, Nick smiling that stupidly contagious smile of his. A thrill of excitement shot through her at just the sight of him, but it was far outweighed by the wave of pain that trailed on its heels.
From the corner of her eye, Jules saw Megan motion for the check. “Let’s get out of here. We need to hit a couple of roulette tables before all the tourists finish dinner.”
“That’s Nick.” The words seemed particularly sedate and out of place.
Megan nodded. “Let’s get out of here, huh?”
She glanced at him again. The memory of his wounded dark eyes surfaced to haunt her, followed by the anger she’d seen in them in her office. And she felt shitty for putting both emotions in them. She owed him an explanation, or at least an apology for avoiding him the past few days. They had to work together, and she was the one not being professional about it.
“Just a minute. I’ll be right back.” Jules grabbed her purse from the back of the chair and stood.
“Um . . . are you sure?” Megan’s gaze went from her to Nick and back again.
“Yeah, I’ve been handling this all wrong. I just want to apologize for our conversation the other day.”
“Are you sure now’s the time?”
“It’s fine. I’ll see him at the fights this coming weekend, and then we have to start working on the campaign next week. I’d rather get it over with now so we ca
n just move on.”
Megan chewed her bottom lip, but then shrugged. “I’ll get the check and meet you outside.”
Jules nodded, already turning and heading toward Nick. Her low heels clicked on the tile floor, her heart pounding in her ears in time with each step. When she made the transition to the dining room with its scarlet carpet, covered in large white-and-gold lotus blossoms, the two fans were saying good-bye and walking away, talking excitedly to each other. It wasn’t until they brushed past her that she realized Nick wasn’t alone. Of course he wasn’t alone. But he wasn’t with friends or other fighters like she’d expected.
He was on a date. The blond woman had been seated the entire time, blocked behind the two men so that Jules hadn’t seen her. Jules recognized her vaguely, but couldn’t place her. The woman smiled up at Nick, her gaze tracing over his broad shoulders as he took his seat across from her at the table. She wore a white dress cut low in front, the fabric held up by two of the thinnest spaghetti straps Jules had ever seen. The woman said something to him, but Jules couldn’t make out the words. He looked up from his menu and smiled at his date, and it was the smile he’d given Jules when he was being charming.
He’d used it on her enough that she had it memorized. Slow at first, just a hint on the left side of his mouth, but then widening as he made eye contact and took her breath away. Only, to say that he “used” it was unfair. He’d been genuine, which made her think he was being genuine now with his date. And the unexpected pain of losing him hit her all over again. That contagious smile, those strong hands, that amazing laugh . . . they’d all been hers, and she’d lost them. She could be sitting there with him now, if she hadn’t run.
As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she realized she had no business approaching him like this, encroaching on his date. But then it was too late to turn around, because she’d wandered too close to his table. His date looked up first and gave her a curious once-over. Nick followed his date’s gaze, turning in his seat. For a second he just stared, his eyes wide in surprise, but then they narrowed and his jaw clenched.
Dirty Boxing Page 5
