That’s my boy.
I closed my eyes and held him close.
Dreams.
Maybe they did come true.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I glanced at the side-view mirror, watching as Riggs hung his helmet on one of the handlebars of his bike then turned his eyes in my direction, giving me a glimpse of that face I missed waking up to.
Most girls in my situation would hope their baby didn’t look anything like the father, but I was the opposite. I wanted Pea to look like Riggs. I wanted the reminder of the happiest few months of my life. I know my baby will fill the void of Riggs, and once I lay eyes on him or her, this pang in my chest will melt. I’ll be so overwhelmed with love for Pea, I’ll forget about the love I lost.
I’ll forget all about Kitten and Tiger.
I opened the car door, preparing myself for the awkward discussion we were about to have as I stepped out of the car. I walked around to the back of the car and leaned against the trunk as I waited for him.
He laughed along with his brothers, breaking my heart with every chuckle.
His laugh.
His smile.
They were the things that tugged at my heart strings, the things that first hooked me to the hooligan that came looking for me one crazy night in a bar. The same hooligan that told me to take a detour, to trust him because I’d end up exactly where I was supposed to be.
Here I am.
And he’s walking toward me.
Exactly where I’m supposed to be.
With him.
I pushed off the car, my feet making the choice, siding with my heart and not my head as I started for him.
A truck pulled into the lot, distracting me momentarily and I froze in my tracks, watching as Pipe started shouting at the driver.
“Park the truck over here,” Pipe hollered to the driver. “Over here!” He demanded. “What the fuck, are you assholes deaf? Park the fucking truck over here,” he shouted.
“Shit! Get down.”
I felt my heart lurch into my throat and my eyes widened as Pipe tried to warn us of the danger before the back of the truck opened and men started firing machine guns.
“Lauren, get down!” Riggs, hollered.
“Riggs!” I cried, knowing he probably couldn’t hear me over the gunfire.
No. This can’t be happening.
My eyes darted around the property fearful of what was happening.
There was nowhere to turn, nowhere to hide and it was pretty damn impossible to stop, drop and roll with this belly.
“Get down,” Riggs shouted.
I crouched down as low as I could get and tried to run toward the clubhouse. I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at Riggs.
“NO! NO! NO!” Riggs screamed. “Lauren!”
I never thought I’d die young, but we already know all the plans I’ve made for myself have been a joke. Maybe that was why they all went astray, not because God was a prankster and I was his victim, but because he knew I was going to join him and never be able to fulfill any of my plans.
He had a greater plan.
One that didn’t include Kitten and Tiger.
One that didn’t include Pea.
Or maybe that was his plan, maybe I was the detour, the unexpected turn in Riggs’ life. I was just a means to a cause. I was here to unite Riggs with Pea and that’s it.
God’s plan for me was to give them to one another.
As I pulled my hand away from my chest and looked at the blood coating my fingertips I was certain of it.
I felt the burning sensation in my chest; my heart physically felt as if it was being torn apart by the bullet and knew this was my ending and their beginning.
I love you Riggs.
Mommy loves you, Pea.
My eyes locked with Riggs’ before Bones came into my view charging at me and throwing me to the ground.
Heaven.
It’s not some grand garden, or a blissful oasis of clouds and I must’ve missed the pearly gates because it’s pretty dark where I am. I feel like I’m under water as I strain my ears to listen to the muffled sound of a baby crying.
Pea.
The cries are louder and this time I hear someone else’s husky voice cry my name.
Riggs.
They need me.
Me.
We passed the forty-eight hour mark hours ago and Kitten still hadn’t opened her eyes. I’ve been going back and forth between the NICU and ICU, and I’m starting to lose it. Every time I look at our son, or hold him in my arms, I’m crushed because these are moments Lauren’s missing, moments that were robbed from her by a fucking bullet.
It wasn’t fair.
It was fucked up, so fucked up.
I paced her room, staring at the ventilator from the corner of my eye wishing like hell she’d wake up and that fucking noise would stop. It’s a noise that will haunt me for the rest of my life—that along with every fucking minute of the last few days.
I rubbed at the scruff that lined my jaw, knowing it was more like a premature beard than a five-o’clock shadow at this point.
“C’mon, Lauren,” I hissed. “Where’s the girl with the bat? Open those eyes of yours baby, come out swinging for me,” I pleaded.
Nothing.
Just that fucking machine.
I took my place beside her bed, dropping my head onto the mattress as I wrapped my hand around hers, trying to think of something else to say that would get her to come back to me. I’ve told her about the baby, I’ve told her how much I love her and I gave her a hundred different dreams we were going to fill when she woke up, and still I didn’t get to stare into those blue eyes that owned me.
Then it came to me.
I lifted my head, reaching into my pocket for my phone and quickly thumbed through my camera roll to the videos. After Pea was fully taken off the ventilator and only had the feeding tube, I started videoing little things here and there so Lauren wouldn’t miss these moments. Like when he opened his eyes or when I caught him yawning and my absolute favorite was his cry. It was the most adorable sound my ears had ever heard. I brought my phone close to her ear, raising the volume before I pressed play.
Pea’s little cry filled the room and hopefully Lauren’s ears.
“Lauren, do you hear that? That’s your son, Kitten, your little boy,” I said, replaying the video again.
“He needs his mom,” I added.
“So do I…please, wake up, Lauren,” I begged. “Listen to him, listen to me, we need you, Kitten,” I rasped, watching intently as her eyelids twitched in response. “Lauren?”
My eyes traveled the length of her looking for another sign of movement. I took her hand in mine before diverting my eyes back to her face.
“Come on, Lauren! Damnit, please wake up,” I cried.
She squeezed my hand. Startled at the movement, I glanced down at our joined hands and saw her squeeze me again. My eyes widened as I lifted them to her face just in time to watch her eyes slowly flutter open.
I blinked, unsure if my eyes were playing tricks on me but when my eyes re-opened they found Lauren’s.
I dropped my phone onto the side of her bed and lifted my free hand to the side of her cheek as I hovered over her, staring into her wide eyes.
“There’s my girl,” I whispered hoarsely, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat, trying to smile at her. I wanted to look into her eyes, touch her all over, just so I knew she was real and not a figment of my imagination.
I can admit it now, looking into her eyes, but I was beginning to doubt I’d ever look into the eyes of the girl I fell in love with. I was nervous she wouldn’t ever know how I felt about her or how grateful I was for all she’s brought to my life. And most of all I was heartbroken she wouldn’t get to see the boy she brought into this world.
But there she was, looking back at me with uncertainty in her eyes, my ferocious kitten. She came ba
ck to me.
To us.
She reminded me that she wasn’t a quitter, sure, she gave up on the whole nursing school gig but that’s because she was meant to be something more than being another face in the ER, she was meant to be my one and only. In a world full of faces, hers would always stand alone in a crowd; those eyes would always find mine and remind me of a dream that came true, one I never even knew I wished for.
“You’re really awake,” I stated, attempting to hang onto this moment for as long as I could before I had to share her with everyone else. I bent down, pressing my lips to her forehead, careful of the tubes and wires, pulling back to look at her some more. “I knew you’d come back to us,” I rasped.
“She’s awake? Why didn’t you call us?” Maria questioned from the door. “Nurse! Get the doctor. My daughter is awake,” she shouted over her shoulder before she charged into the room, toward the other side of Lauren’s bed.
“She just woke up,” I explained.
“Oh, thank you, Saint Anthony,” she exasperated, making the sign of the cross ten times before she leaned over Lauren and kissed her. “We were so worried about you.”
Lauren’s eyes shot back to mine, still wide but not with confusion as she slowly lifted our joined hands, bringing them close to her stomach. The machine beside me started beeping, causing me to glance over and see her heart beat spiked.
I turned back to her, squeezed her hand as I leaned close to her ear, nuzzling her slightly.
“It’s a boy, Kitten, we have a son,” I whispered, giving her the answer to the unasked question shining in her scared eyes. I pulled back, staring at her as tears escaped the corner of her eyes.
“He’s small but he’s perfect. Really, perfect,” I said. “Thank you,” I added as I winked at her before turning to Maria. “Tell her, grandma, how great our little guy is,” I urged Maria, as I bent down and kissed Lauren’s hand.
“Oh, my God, he’s beautiful, Lauren,” she said, as she ran her hand over Lauren’s head. “And this guy here, has been taking good care of him, waiting for you to wake up,” Maria said, meeting my eyes.
“Thank you,” I mouthed to the crazy woman that I was beginning to like as two nurses and a doctor charged into the room.
“We need you both to step outside for a moment,” the doctor ordered, walking to the machine reading Lauren’s stats.
I tore my eyes from Maria’s to Lauren’s and shook my head.
“I’m not leaving her,” I growled over my shoulder at the doctor.
The doctor proceeded to insist I was in the way and that he needed to thoroughly check Lauren out. I knew logically they weren’t requesting something so crazy and that they could have my ass kicked the fuck out of her room by security but I didn’t want to leave her. I just got her back and maybe a part of me still didn’t believe she was really awake.
The funny thing about dreams is once you believe in them you don’t know when you’re dreaming or when you’re really living the dream.
Especially, when your dreams are Lauren and you know she’s too good to be true—and a man like me doesn’t deserve goodness like her.
But I’ll take it anyway, I’ll take all the goodness that comes with Lauren and work my ass off to be worthy of it.
Lauren…
The girl next door with the killer rack and pretty eyes.
The girl who took a chance on a guy like me.
My Kitten, who took the detour and got reckless with me.
One reckless night that resulted with the most perfect boy.
The girl who gave me my heart.
Lauren, the good girl who completed this bad boy.
For a man who never stepped foot inside of a church and had to be taught how to pray it was pretty ironic that I found myself back at the chapel, in front of God and not Satan. I made the sign of the cross as I slid into the first pew and stared up at the altar.
We may not be the best of men, me and my brothers, and Lord knows we all have our sins but I like to think that God took Bones and spared him Hell. I want to believe that saving Lauren’s life and the baby’s life earned him a ticket to Heaven and washed away his sins. I wanted to think that sitting here in the chapel, where people pray and talk to God and their loved ones, was where I could go to talk to Bones because right now he was the only person I wanted to speak to, the person I wanted to run to and tell that Lauren was okay and so was Pea.
Thanks to him.
Thanks to his sacrifice.
And I wanted to ask God to forgive me for all I was about to do.
I walked to the candles and lit one for Bones and one for my soul before I made one last bargain with God, asking him to watch over my family and forgive me of my sins.
I walked out of the chapel, checked in on Pea, and on my way back to Lauren I made the call to Jack.
“Parrish,” he answered.
“It’s me. I’m hungry, Jack,” I clipped, as I stared through the glass window at Lauren.
“Yeah, I bet I know what you have a hankering for,” he replied.
“Make it happen,” I ordered, before disconnecting the call and shoving my phone back into my pocket.
Heart.
It keeps you from being reckless.
Heart.
I wouldn’t be reckless but I was going to fucking settle the score. My way.
For Bones.
Chapter Forty
I was shot…in the heart. I had a baby, a little boy I have yet to meet because…I was shot. But there was a silver lining and that was Riggs. He turned from the hooligan my mother hated to her best friend, but more importantly he went from a man who didn’t know he wanted kids to the best father I could’ve imagined.
Pea was lucky.
We were still calling him Pea until I got to see him, then when I looked into his eyes I’d know his name. I’d know if he was a Robert or an Anthony, or maybe a Joseph.
And today was the day.
The day they took the tube out of my throat since I was able to breathe on my own. I was finally able to meet the boy who stole his daddy’s heart and claimed mine without ever meeting him.
With the help of a nurse, Riggs situated me into a wheel chair and pushed me through the hospital to unite our little family once and for all.
“Riggs?”
“Yes, Kitten,” he said, pushing the elevator button.
“You never told me how Bones was doing? Can we see him? I’d like to thank him for well…everything,” I said, looking up at him, watching as he turned around and stared back at me.
“What? Did they discharge him already?” I asked, but as the question left my mouth I had an unnerving feeling that I knew the truth. If I was still here there was no way Bones had been discharged before me. I felt dread wash over me as I saw the solemn expression take precedence over Riggs’ features.
“Lauren,” he began, bending down so he was eye-level with me and his hands were braced against the arms of the wheelchair.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head, as I brought my hand up to my mouth. “Don’t say what I think you’re going to say.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, as his eyes glistened back at me. “Bones didn’t make it, baby,” he added, confirming the horrible truth I knew already.
What’s that saying? Some people come into your life for only a short while but they leave footprints on your heart forever? I think that’s it.
Every breath I take is because of him. Every beat of my heart is a gift from him.
Every breath my son takes is because of him. Every beat of his heart is a gift from an Uncle he’ll never meet.
Footprints?
He left more than footprints—he gave me and my son our heartbeats. He gave us life.
Tears fell from my eyes as Riggs kneeled down and reached out to wipe my tears with the back of his hand.
“I’m sorry, Riggs. I’m so sorry. I know how close you were,” I cried, reaching up
and wrapping my arm around his wrist.
“Bones will always live here,” he said, as he took his hand and beat it against the center of his chest. “And here,” he added, taking that same hand and lifting it to my face before he leaned into me and pressed his lips gently against mine.
The elevator doors opened and he pulled away from me, glancing over my shoulder at the empty elevator before his eyes found mine again.
“You know how we can honor his life? By giving our son the best life we can. Let’s go hold our boy and make losing him mean something,” he said huskily.
I nodded and he rose to his feet before he wheeled me into the elevator. I’d never get to thank him or say goodbye. Riggs was right though, the best way to honor him was by giving Pea a great life, a life where he grew up to know the uncle he missed out on knowing.
I was still reeling from the blow of losing the unexpected friend I found in Bones as Riggs brought me into the NICU. The nurses smiled at us, and the one specifically appointed to take care of Pea introduced herself to me as she led us to our baby. He was still in the incubator but didn’t need the ventilator anymore.
“Someone is anxious to meet his mommy,” the nurse enthused, as she opened the incubator.
Riggs helped me stand up, moving the wheelchair out of the way as he laced his arm through mine and brought me to the chair next to the incubator.
“Are you good? Comfortable?” Riggs asked, as he eased me into the chair.
“I’m fine,” I assured him, turning my eyes to the little bundle the nurse was holding and felt my breath catch as I positioned myself and waited for her to place him into my arms and reunite me with Pea.
“Oh, my,” I whispered, as I held him for the first time, staring down at his face, memorizing all his features. “Hi, my angel, I’ve been waiting for this moment since I found out about you.” I bent my head and kissed the tip of his tiny nose. “I love you so much,” I whispered to him.
I’ve experienced love. I love my family. I love Riggs. But I never knew the true extent of my love and how much someone could mean to me until that very moment. I glanced at Riggs as he took photo after photo with his phone.
Reckless Temptations (The Tempted Series Book 4) Page 34
