Mac paused as the emotion welled up once again. Pauline gave his hand a little squeeze
‘Sorry where was I? Yes, anyway we’d been talking for ages about me taking some serious time off and going on a cruise. I’d even made the time to go to a travel agency and I was going to surprise her with the brochures but that night the surprises were all hers. I knew there was something wrong the minute I saw her face. She sat me down and handed me a letter, it was from our local hospital. The word ‘malignant’ jumped out and punched me in the stomach. I didn’t know how happy I’d been until I read that letter. She lasted less than three months. Everyone said that she’d have only been in pain but it was too quick for me, I’d have given my life for another half an hour with her. Anyway I’d been suffering from back pain for a couple of years but now it got much worse, I just didn’t have the resources to fight it any more. I couldn’t keep it a secret and soon after returning to duty they made me have a medical and that was the end of my police career. The MRI scan showed damage to my lower spine and they told me and my daughter Bridget that it was most likely secondary bone cancer. Poor Bridget was so upset. They said I might only have three months left too. So I started sorting out the insurances and stuff like that. At least Bridget would get enough from the police insurance to put towards a house and so I was resigned. Then I had a CT scan, to pinpoint exactly where the cancer was, but they couldn’t find anything. I remember Bridget was so happy, she wasn’t going to be an orphan after all.’
‘And what about you?’
‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
‘What was worse, losing your job or being told you were going to live?’
Mac’s head snapped up. He gave it a few minutes thought before he spoke.
‘I hadn’t thought about it quite like that but you’re right. The worst was being told I was going to live. If it had been cancer then it was all out of my hands. I’d be in pain of course, which I am anyway, but it would soon be over, no more pain, no more grief. Yes I’ll be honest, I wanted to die but I couldn’t admit it, even to myself’.
‘Why?’
‘My wife’s last words, she said ‘Live for me’. Not done a very good job of that, have I?’
‘You will Mac, you will. The world needs you, those kids upstairs wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. So what are you going to do now?’
‘I don’t know, work has always been my crutch in a way. I’ll try my best as a private detective I suppose.’
‘But you’ve been a policeman for so long, you must have learnt so much. Isn’t there some way you can pass on what you know?’
Mac thought of young Tommy who was so eager to learn.
Pauline continued, ‘The police force has been your life and leaving it has obviously hurt you. If you go into training you can connect with the police again, you can be of use.’
‘In all that’s happened you know I never thought of that. You’re very wise and, in that, you remind me of someone’.
‘What will you do now?’
‘I don’t know, I’ll think hard on what you’ve said to me for one. I’ve been pushing people away since Nora died and I don’t want to do that anymore, I’ve got a lot of catching up to do and I think I’d like to start right now. I’ve a sister in Birmingham, her name’s Roisin and we were always very close. She’s been to see me two or three times since the funeral but it’s like I wasn’t there, like I was a ghost. I think I should start with her. Oh, I was nearly forgetting that it’s my birthday in a couple of days too. It would be nice to spend it with Roisin and my old friends.’
Pauline smiled and squeezed his hand again.
‘I think you’ll be alright Mac, I think you’ll be just fine’.
‘You know I still haven’t met Georgy properly. I’d love to see Laura again and meet your Mick too, he sounds like someone I’d really like. Are you doing anything the Saturday after next?’
‘No, nothing.’
‘How would you like to come down to Letchworth then? If you come down on the afternoon I could show you the sights, such as they are. I could book you a couple of rooms in the hotel, the boys could have their own room. They do a nice dinner at the hotel and Georgy and Laura could join us, it would be my treat. If it would be okay I’d like to invite my daughter Bridget and my friend Tim too. I’ve spoken to them about you and Georgy and I know they’d love to meet you both.’
‘I’d love to meet them too,’ Pauline said with a smile.
‘I’ll get the hotel to send you the all the details. I’m looking forward to it already.’
Mac said good-bye to Pauline knowing he’d be seeing her again soon. He felt quite light headed as he drove home
Chapter Twenty Five
He’d quickly packed a bag and decided he was going to catch the train rather than drive. He hadn’t been on a train in ages. He was lucky and found a window seat free. He knew he was like a big kid in that respect but a train journey just wasn’t the same if he couldn’t look out the window at the world going by.
At the next station a man sat beside him and immediately got out his laptop and headphones. He started looking at the BBC News page and then Mac had a surreal moment as he watched Dan again at the news conference. The man noticed him looking over and sniffily turned the laptop around so he couldn’t see the screen.
He started to get excited as familiar names and places went by, Rugby, Coventry, Birmingham Airport and then finally the streets of Birmingham speeding past. As they neared the city centre he found he could still put a name to most of those streets, after all he’d played in them, roamed them as a teenager and then patrolled them as a policeman. He’d lived almost as much of his life outside Birmingham as he had in it but it was still home.
He waited until everyone had gotten out before he moved from his seat. While he’d been waiting for the train he’d made his calls to Bridget and Tim, letting them know where he was going, and finally one to his sister Roisin. She said she’d be a bit late picking him up so he was in no hurry.
He stood on the platform and breathed in the air of his childhood home. He was really looking forward to seeing his sister again and, not forgetting his friend Blue, who she’d married. He was hoping he could get at least one night out with Blue and his other old friend Liam. They’d grown up on the same street and they were part of his earliest memories, part of himself. He hadn’t seen them since the funeral but then again he hadn’t seen anyone since the funeral, not really. He had a lot of catching up to do.
He made his way to the pickup point and from there he could see the landscape of Birmingham spread out before him. Some didn’t think it was the greatest city in the world but Mac didn’t mind, it was his first love and you never forget your first love.
A few minutes later a bright blue Mini pulled up and a woman got out and ran towards him. It was his little sister Roisin. It still startled him to see her in a dress, for years she’d been a nurse and had lived in the uniform.
She gave him a huge hug and them cupped his face in her hands and looked deeply into his eyes. He soon saw her shoulders slump and her body relax.
She gave him a brilliant smile and said, ‘Denny, it’s so good to have you back again.’
Three months later
Mac rang the doorbell. Janet gave him a big smile when she opened the door.
‘Mac, how nice of you to visit us again.’
Mac could see Hetty. She was peeking at him from behind her mother as young children do, being both curious and a little frightened. She looked at her mother’s face. When it told her there was nothing to fear she jumped out and did a little twirl.
‘Hello, I’m Hetty,’ she said brightly.
‘How are you today, Hetty?’ Mac asked.
She thought about this for a moment and then said excitedly, ‘We’re making cupcakes today!’
Her mother smiled and ruffled her hair.
‘Well remembered Hetty. Oh, look your cartoons are on now.’
Hetty gave anoth
er little twirl and said, ‘I love cartoons’ and disappeared.
Janet gave Mac a slightly rueful smile.
‘She looks well enough and she seems a little sharper than the last time I saw her,’ Mac said.
‘Yes, the doctors say she’s making some progress but they keep warning me not to expect too much. They say there’s been some damage but they don’t seem to know exactly what that might mean. They even think there’s a chance it might be partly psychological, her retreating into childhood to escape the memories of what was done to her.’
‘You’re doing very well,’ Mac commented.
‘I have to now I’m a mother again. I know she’s been through so much and I’d have never wished it on anyone but there are times when I’m so glad I’ve got my little girl back. We have such fun together but then I feel so guilty about it afterwards.’
‘You shouldn’t. If it is psychological then I dare say that having some fun might help her adjust. If it’s not, well, if it’s not then you’ve got your young daughter back again and she deserves every bit of happiness you can give her.’
‘Thanks, I think I needed to hear that. Yes I have got my little Hetty back, she’s just the same she was when she was nine when her father was alive, the last time we were all happy. She still talks about her daddy sometimes and asks me when he’s going to come home.’
A fleeting sadness passed over her face.
‘I never knew how much I still missed him until Hetty came home. I’d decorated her bedroom and made it as comfortable as I could for when she came out of hospital but that first night she came into my room and said she’d had a bad dream. I took her into my bed and we cuddled up together. She’s slept there ever since. I can’t tell you of the comfort of waking in the middle of the night and finding another warm body close to you.’
‘You know when my daughter Bridget became a teenager and started moving away from us, becoming more independent, my wife said that it’s a pity we can’t keep a smaller version of them as well. She was so right. They’re so trusting and loving at a young age, I really miss that you know.’
Janet was thoughtful.
‘Yes I should say a prayer of thanks every day for having my young daughter back again and it’s not so bad. If she does recover then she’ll have been free of drugs for ages and there’ll at least be a chance that she can have the life I wished for her. If not, well if not I have enough money to make sure that she’ll be well provided for after I’m gone, so no, it’s not so bad.’
When he’d finished his visit he paused before getting into his car. He could hear the sound of laughter coming from the side of the house. He went and had a look. The window was open and he could see Janet and Hetty in the kitchen mixing something in a big bowl. Janet stuck her finger in the bowl and put a blob of cake mixture on the end of Hetty’s nose and they both laughed again. Hetty tried to lick it off with her tongue and the faces she pulled trying had her mother in near hysterics.
Mac felt a little hand in his and he looked down and could almost, almost see little Bridget looking up at him, a smile on her face and trust in her eyes.
For a moment he felt an intense sadness and said, ‘No, not so bad at all.’
THE END
Coming soon from Patrick C. Walsh
Two Dogs – The second Mac Maguire mystery
A Dead Squirrel – The third Mac Maguire mystery
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The Body in the Boot: The first 'Mac' Maguire mystery Page 25
