by Amber Garza
I scrunch up my nose, wondering if I really want to wear some other dude’s swim trunks.
“I’ve washed everything,” she supplies. “I was planning to take it all to goodwill.”
“Okay.” I shrug, deciding it’s better than swimming in my jeans or boxers. “Hey, Zander,” I call to my brother as I pass him. When he looks up at me, his rainbow colored tower falls over, crashing to the floor. “I’m going to go out with some friends today. Wanna help me find some swim trunks to bring?”
“Sure.” Zander hops up and walks on tip toes toward me.
He follows me to the hall closet and I pull out a large brown box filled to the brim with clothes. As I rummage through it, I realize that Aunt Callie’s right. Some of the stuff in here is pretty cool. I check the size and wonder if the jeans will fit. It’s worth a try. I could sure use some new clothes and I don’t exactly make enough at the coffee shop to buy a new wardrobe. Zander helps me look through the box and pretty soon we locate a pair of board shorts. Thankfully they’re plain black and look like something I would wear. They look a little big, but they have a drawstring so I can cinch them if need be.
“Is your friend a boy or girl?” Zander asks, pinching his forehead together.
“A girl.”
“Like a girlfriend?” He gives me a conspiratorial look.
“No. She’s just a friend, buddy.” I bend down until our faces our level. “Are you okay with this? I can stay home today if you want.”
Zander shakes his head. “It’s okay. Aunt Callie’s taking us to the zoo.”
“You like it here, huh?”
Zander nods. “You?”
“Yeah. I like it here too,” I answer, the words hurting as I force them from my throat. If only I believed it would last. Then maybe it wouldn’t scare me so bad.
I spend the morning helping Aunt Callie get Bristol and Zander fed. Then I change into the board shorts and a tank top. I have one pair of old flip flops and I slip them on. When I glance in the mirror I feel like a poser. The surfer look’s not really my style. Then again, at least I still have my piercings in, and my tats really stand out in this shirt. Shrugging, I turn from the mirror and round up a towel. Aunt Callie only has one beach towel and it’s covered in Hawaiian flowers. Oh, well. It’ll have to do. Her shower towels hardly cover my ass.
At exactly noon Paige shows up. She’s wearing a strapless swimsuit cover up and white flip flops. The red bikini she’s wearing is plainly visible beneath the cover up, and my palms fill with sweat. It’s a losing battle to keep my gaze trained on anything other than her body. Her hair is pulled back in a bun and large sunglasses are perched on top of her head. Today she has on hardly any makeup, but she looks so good.
“Nice to meet you, Callie,” she says with a smile when I introduce her.
Callie wipes her hand on her jeans and then shakes Paige’s. “You too.” She adjusts Bristol on her hip. “This is Bristol.”
“Hi, cutie.” Paige grabs one of Bristol’s chubby fingers and in return gets a toothless baby grin.
“And you must be Zander.” Paige drops Bristol’s hand and bends down to greet my brother.
Zander’s eyes light up and I can tell he’s just as enamored with Paige as I am. It makes my heart twist. “Yep. I’m eight.”
“Wow. That’s pretty old.” Paige grins.
“Not as old as Colt. He’s really old,” Zander says. Then he grabs my hand. “But he’s still my best friend.”
“You’re lucky then,” Paige tells him. “Colt’s a good friend to have.”
She locks eyes with mine and I feel uncomfortable. I clear my throat, and extract Zander’s hand. “We better go.” I glance at Callie. “See you later.”
“I’ll have him home before dark,” Paige says before we head outside.
“Have fun!” Callie calls after us.
“You have a nice family,” Paige says, skipping up the walkway.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I feel the familiar pressing on my chest, wondering when it will all be taken away.
THIRTEEN
PAIGE
Driving to the lake I wonder if this seems too much like a double date since we’re meeting Tripp and Hadley. I glance over at Colt who is staring out the window. We haven’t really defined our relationship and I’m not quite sure how I would define it. He’s not my boyfriend, but there’s no way that I would describe him as just a friend either. A friend doesn’t make me feel the way he does. And a friend doesn’t hold me while I cry and then come close to kissing me.
My lips buzz when I remember how it felt as his lips neared mine. I wanted him to kiss me so badly. If only Hadley hadn’t chose that moment to come over. It seems that I’m just full of crappy luck lately.
“How are you, McAllistor? Feeling better than yesterday?” Colt breaks into my thoughts.
I nod. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, nothing’s really changed but I know I’ll get through it. I did last time.”
“You’re pretty strong,” Colt says. “For a girl.”
“Oh, yeah?” I peer over at him. “In my experience girls are way tougher than guys.”
“You must’ve been hanging out with the wrong guys.”
I flick on my blinker and turn a corner. “Yeah. Maybe I have been.” The next turn takes me right into the park. I pay the parking fee and then continue on. When the lake comes into view, I look around for Tripp’s car. Once I locate it, I park in the space beside it.
Colt offers to carry my bag and together we trek it over the grass and then across the sand until we find Hadley and Tripp. They’re lying on towels, hands intertwined, feet caked in mud and beads of liquid covering their skin.
“Hey, guys.” Hadley shields her eyes with her hand when we approach.
Tripp drops Hadley’s hand and sits up. He’s wearing blue swim trunks, his tanned chest well defined with muscles. He runs his fingers through his short brown hair and squints his dark eyes at us.
“I’m Tripp.” He waves in Colt’s direction.
They are such a contrast. I mean, I already knew it, but seeing them together really makes it obvious. “Colt.”
“Nice to meet you.” Tripp smiles. Then he glances down at Hadley, airing out his arms. “I’m dying out here. Wanna go back in?”
“Sure.” She leaps up. Hand in hand they run to the water, kicking up sand and mud in their wake. I cough, batting it away.
Colt sets down my bag and his towel. Reaching into my bag, I yank out my own towel and spread it onto the sand. Colt does the same and then we both plop down. The sun is hot and I can already feel it penetrating my sensitive skin. So I get out my sunblock. After squirting it all over my legs and chest, I rub it in.
Colt gazes at me, lifting his brows. “Need help with the back?”
The thought of Colt’s hands on my skin sends shivers of desire through my body. I will my face to remain neutral and nod. Then I roll over onto my stomach. After placing my arms on the ground, I rest my head on my hands. Cold lotion spurts out onto my skin. Then I feel Colt’s firm hands pressing down. They move swiftly over the planes of my skin, skimming over my shoulder blades and down my spine. A shudder runs through me and I bite back a moan. His palms slide over my flesh, rubbing into my lower back and sweeping over my shoulders. He stops for a moment before I feel lotion squirting out onto my arms. I inhale sharply as his hands travel up my arms, working into my muscles. Once he’s finished he moves down to the backs of my upper thighs and calves. I stay still, enjoying his tender touch, and the coolness of the sunblock on my flesh.
Once he’s finished, he leans down, his gruff voice in my ear. “My turn?”
I roll my head to the side, peering up at him. He wears a teasing smile, and my heart flips in my chest. Nodding, I sit up. In one swift movement, he pulls off his shirt and discards it into the sand. My gaze darts to his chest, my pulse quickening. The tattoo doesn’t stop at his shoulder as I first suspected. It swirls across his chest like a map over his hard muscles. Without thinking
, I reach out and trace it with my fingers. When I realize what I’m doing I start to pull my hand back. Only he grabs my hand in his and nods.
“It’s okay. You can touch it.” Then he winks. “In fact, you can touch a lot more than that if you want. I won’t stop you.”
I roll my eyes at him. “You wish.” Then I tentatively hold my arm out once again, my fingertip brushing lightly over the tattoo. “What is it? I mean, does it represent something?”
“You mean other than rebellion?” He snorts. “I learned how to forge my mom’s signature at a young age. When I was fifteen I forged my mom’s signature on a tattoo consent form and got this. It hurt like hell, and it pissed my mom off so bad. But you know what? It was kinda worth it because for once she actually noticed me. Makes me sound like a sicko, huh?”
“No,” I answer honestly. “It just makes you sound like someone who wants to be loved, just like we all do.”
“But it doesn’t really mean anything, I guess. It was just a design I liked.” A dark smile flickers. “I guess at fifteen you don’t really think about the permanence of a tattoo.”
“I think it’s beautiful. It’s unique and beautiful.” Staring at it, I trail the pads of my fingers over it, over his chest muscles all the way up to his shoulder and keep going until I get to his wrist. When I stop, he brings his fingers up to meet mine.
“I think you’re beautiful,” he says softly.
My breath hitches in my throat. I can’t look at him. This whole thing is crazy. My mom is sick and I’m at the lake feeling up some guy’s chest. What the hell is wrong with me? I frown, dropping my hand like it’s on fire.
“Hey,” Colt’s commanding voice stops me. “Someone really wise once told me that life is short so you should enjoy every minute. Don’t forget that.”
I snap my head up to his. “Okay. I’ll do my best to remember. But you have to stick around, okay? So you can keep reminding me.”
His eyes narrow and he bites his lip. Turning from me, he stares out at the water. “I don’t make promises. Sorry.”
My stomach drops. “I see.”
He grabs my hand. “Only because I don’t believe in them.”
“You don’t believe in angels or promises. What do you believe in Colt?”
“Pain. Dissapointment.”
I touch his face, my fingers catching on the stubble lining his chin. “How badly did your parents hurt you, Colt?”
He reels back so fast, I can’t even react. I hardly even see him get up. It’s all a blur. By the time I register what’s happening he’s down the beach, a tiny figure running in the sand. Stunned, I sit back and blow out a breath. Why did I push him? I should’ve known better.
“Where did Colt go?” Hadley jogs over breathlessly, water dripping from her hair into the sand.
I shake my head, furrowing my brow. “Not sure.”
Hadley puts a hand over her face and stares down the beach. “Did something happen?” The sun shines behind her like fire is coming out of her head.
“I don’t know.” I bite my lip, my insides churning. “I just asked him something and it seemed to upset him.”
“He definitely has the whole dark and brooding thing down,” Hadley observes.
Her words irk me a little. “I like him, Hadley.”
“I know, Paige. I just don’t want you to get hurt,” she says gently.
“Hey, you.” Tripp runs up behind Hadley, grabbing her around the waist. She squeals loudly as he spins her around. Her legs flail, the bottoms coated in wet sand. I splay my hands in front of my face to ward off any stray chunks of mud that may go flying. Tripp’s hands grip Hadley’s waist and he tickles. As she continues to giggle, my chest tightens.
“I’m gonna go cool off in the water,” I say loudly to be heard above Hadley’s screeches. Then I stand up and take off running toward the lake, the soft sand squishing between my toes. The minute my feet hit the frigid water, a chill shoots up my calf. I shiver and step in further. Sweat beads on my upper lip and forehead, so the coolness of the water on my legs feels good. I sense it all the way to the top of my head. I take a few more steps in until the water reaches my thighs. Once I’m waist deep, my lower half starts to numb, the water bobbing around my middle. I stay that way for a few minutes, allowing my body to adjust. Glancing back at our towels I see that Tripp and Hadley are still at it. Hadley’s shouts of protest and streams of laughter can be heard from miles away. I scour the area, searching through my sunglasses for Colt, but he’s nowhere in sight. My heart sinks. I wish I hadn’t upset him. Things were going so well between us. It really seemed like we were connecting. And I sort of feel like I need him right now. He’s the only person in my life who understands the pain I’m going through. Sinking further into the water, I allow it to come up to my neck. The surface is just below my chin and my hair skates across the top, swimming around me like tentacles. I use my arms to hold me up, circling them in the water.
Water swirls around me and out of the corner of my eye, I see movement. Spinning around I come face to face with Colt. He’s neck deep in the water as well. His arms come up around my waist and he pulls me to him. I allow my body to move forward willingly, my chest bumping his.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have run off.”
“I shouldn’t have asked about your parents.” My hands flutter over his chest that is hidden under the murkiness of the water. “You really don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to.”
“I just don’t like to talk about it.”
I think about how much I hate talking about my mom’s cancer. About how much easier it is to just keep it inside, tucked away safely. “I get that.”
“Can we just forget any of this happened and move on?” His hands grip my waist tighter, his fingers digging into my flesh.
“I don’t want to forget all of it, but I’ll forget the part when you ran away from me.”
“What part do you want to remember?” His face nears mine.
I smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” My body starts to drift from him, so he tightens his hold on my waist. I throw my legs out, wrapping them around his middle to cement my position in the water.
“Yes, I would actually,” he says seriously.
“This, Colt. I want to remember this.”
Colt clears his throat. “I don’t know about you but I, for one, will never forget this.”
I glance over at the shore and see Tripp and Hadley making out. Licking my lips I turn back to Colt. I wish he’d kiss me. I want him to so badly. The truth is that I think I’ve wanted to kiss him from the first moment I saw him. But there’s no question I wanted to kiss him after watching him lick his ice cream cone. However, the urge has been even stronger since he held me and allowed me to cry on his shoulder. There is so much more to Colt than just this bad boy persona he wants everyone to see. When he shows me his sensitive side I feel special. It makes me feel set apart, chosen. And it makes the whole edgy thing that much more sexy.
“What are you thinking about, McAllistor?” Colt’s fingertips dance over my back.
A boat speeds by in the distance, creating rocking waves. I lock my ankles together so Colt won’t drift away. I drop a hand on his shoulder while my other hand curls around his waist. It’s now or never. “I’m thinking about how badly I want you to kiss me.”
Colt’s eyes widen. “I want to kiss you too, Paige. Badly. It’s just that…” his eyes shift back and forth. “Remember when I told you that hugging was outside of my comfort zone?”
I nod.
“Well, kissing is even further out.”
I press my body closer to his, and stroke his face. “It is for me too, Colt. But we’ll get through it together. Isn’t that what you told me yesterday?”
He nods, swallowing so hard I watch his neck swell with the effort. “Okay.” One of his hands releases my waist and moves up to my neck. He grips my neck hard but it doesn’t hurt. It feels good. His fingers tangle in my hair as h
e angles his face toward mine. I curve my hand around his jaw as he moves his mouth closer. His lips find mine and close over them firmly, his lip ring brushing over my mouth. Our bodies bounce in the waves as his tongue licks over my lips, gently urging them open. Our tongues tangle together and his grasp on my waist deepens. His tongue bar rubs over my tongue and bumps the roof of my mouth. It feels silky and smooth, unlike what I thought it would. I stroke his jaw with one hand while the other skims over his chest muscles. My head spins as the kiss becomes more intense, more desperate. A splash nearby catches my attention and we separate. I allow my legs to fall away from him, but keep a grip on his shoulder. His arms don’t move from my sides. I feel dazed and heady. A few feet away I see Tripp and Hadley splashing in the water.
I smile at Colt. “Well, you should definitely go outside of your comfort zone more often. That was incredible.”
“Only because it was with you,” he says.
FOURTEEN
COLT
Kissing Paige is the single most exciting experience of my life. Never before has anything in my life been this amazing, this pure, this right. My existence up to this point has been a series of shitty experiences, all tripping over each other in effort to top the last one. But this moment just cut into all that, overshadowing all the pain and darkness with one colorful splash of light. I wish I could just hold Paige in my arms forever, to never stop feeling her lips on mine or her hands trailing up my flesh. If only I didn’t have to let go. If only this moment never had to end.
I squeeze her tighter, kiss her more firmly. Her mouth is like a soothing balm, her lips like a miracle drug, and her touch heals me from the inside out. For the first time in my life, I want to give of myself, to open up and trust another human being. I don’t want to run away again. In fact, I’m still a little angry with myself for running off earlier. It was a stupid move. I can tell she thinks it’s because I don’t want to tell her about my parents, but that’s not it at all. Paige is the first person I can see myself sharing the whole crappy story too. No, the reason I ran off was because of the look in her eyes. There was so much tenderness and compassion in them. It brought up a well of emotions that scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t stay there another minute while she looked at me like that. It would break me, and I didn’t want to fall apart in front of Paige. But as I raced down the beach, I felt like a dick. She was just trying to help, and I pushed her away. What kind of guy does that? A broken one, that’s who does that.
