by Riley Murphy
“Yesterday, I found out your father told you about the accident.”
Oh, God. They were going to get a divorce. Her mother never wanted Lacy to know and her father had broken their pact. All this was happening because Lacy had told David in a moment of weakness. Her palms started to sweat. Any minute she’d be dizzy.
“You were never supposed to know. I’m so sorry.” She reached out and took hold of Lacy’s hands. Hands that were shaking, because she knew what was coming. “If I’d ever thought he’d tell you, I would have told the truth. I swear to God I would have.”
Now Lacy’s whole body trembled. “What truth?” When she looked away, Lacy insisted, “Mom, tell me.”
There were tears streaming down her face when she turned back. “I was the one who caused the accident. I left that pot on the stove with the handle sticking out for Laurie to grab. Not you. You and I were setting the table for lunch. You always helped me set the table, and Laurie…he was right beside us playing with his trucks. One minute, not even, thirty seconds and he was at the stove. Screaming. Screaming so loudly I thought I’d pass out.”
Lacy let go of her hands and sat back. She was still trying to understand what her mother had told her. The story her father told her about her throwing a ball that knocked the pot off the stove was so vivid. It was so real to her, but then why wouldn’t it be? She’d had nightmares about it for years. And now…?
All she could do was shake her head.
“You were never supposed to know the other version of what happened. The version I told your father so he’d have no one to blame.”
“He blamed me,” Lacy said, but her voice didn’t sound like her own. It sounded hollow. Dead.
“Never. Never did I imagine he’d say anything to you. How could he? You were just a child. His child. Accidents happen, and I thought…I thought…I believed he’d forgive you before he’d ever forgive me. I was the mother. I was supposed to protect my children. You know your father.”
Point was, she did know her father. Only too well. She learned firsthand he didn’t forgive easily, if ever. Did that make this any better? No, it made it worse because now she had two parents who’d let her down.
“You haven’t told him.”
“No. I was too upset yesterday when I realized what he’d forced you to live with. If only I’d known. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
It was Lacy’s turn to look away. She wanted to feel empathy. Sadness or anger. Hell, she wanted to feel anything, but there was nothing there. Just a profound numbness. The one feeling she’d worked years to be rid of was back with a vengeance.
“When I confronted your dad yesterday about this, he was more upset that you’d told someone about it than he was that he’d told you himself. I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching since then, because I’m not sure I can live with a man like that. I’ve made concessions, I’ve tried to be the wife and mother he wanted me to be. I’m not proud of the fact that I chose to lie about the accident so our family would have a chance for a happy life together. At the time, I thought that was the only choice I had because I feared he’d never forgive me. I never imagined—never—that he tell you about it. He was never supposed to. Never. Deep down, I always knew he held a grudge. I saw how he catered to Laurie. I tried to make up for it. I tried.”
The walls were closing in on her. Now she knew why her father was so adamant about her breaking up with David. David never would have let him continue to hold her down, like he’d held her mother down all these years.
That didn’t excuse her mother’s behavior, nor did it make learning all this any less painful. The most it did was make her want to run away from here. From them until all of this went away.
“I’m going to go take that bath now.”
Her mother grabbed her hand as she went to stand up. “Would you like me to leave?”
The old Lacy would have shook her head or shrugged. Not the new Lacy. “Yes, and please leave the spare key on the counter when you go.”
***
It had been two days. Two full days since Lacy had walked out of his office and he still felt like shit. Scotch, rye and then vodka hadn’t helped his mood. Poor Phil didn’t know what to think, David was sure, as he’d let the dog sit on his desk while he ate his dinners. He’d let the pooch into his bed last night while he tossed and turned, trying to find sleep. And now that he was lying awake, pissed off and waiting for E to show up this afternoon to no doubt read him the riot act, David let Phil out of his room, effectively giving him free run of the house. He knew the little guy was taking advantage of it when he heard Andrew yelling downstairs. Andrew never yelled, but then all the staff was on edge because of him.
Damn.
David stood and put a hand to his head, groaning. It had been a decade since he’d woken up with a hangover. The sun coming in through his bedroom windows went through him like daggers to the eyes. Bitch of it was? That lump of bitter disappointment he’d been trying to drown last night was still there. Gnawing at him.
He dragged his sorry ass to the bathroom, intent upon a shower. Stooping to down what felt like a half gallon of ice cold water from the tap before he shucked off his sweats and cranked on the shower. Once the water heated, he stepped under the hot misting spray for the worst half hour of his life. In the solitude he couldn’t ignore the echo of Lacy’s words. They played over and over in his head.
What if… What if your final rejection gave her the strength she needed to finally get clean, because she’d lost something more important to her than the drugs?
By the time he was done, he dressed and got ready to face the day. It had to be better than the one he had yesterday. After all, he was feeling more like himself now that he’d showered. At least good enough that he didn’t give a shit if what Lacy had said was true. What did it matter? He was half into swallowing that crock of crap when he stopped on the stairs and looked back. He didn’t like what he saw. Himself running. Who was the wanderer now? He was no better than Lacy. She escaped the present, but wasn’t he escaping his past?
He took a deep breath and turned around. Deciding it was time to stop. He went back into his room and collected the box from his closet. Texting Andrew, he told him he’d be having breakfast in the library, as he had some reading to do.
The first few letters were hard to take. Even back then he never wanted to believe that Elaina was an addict, and reading it in black and white along with her acceptance made it undeniable and real. But as he went through each letter that followed, a sense of calm came over him. A peace around the topic of her that he’d never had before. Elaina may have had the potential to live an epic life, but she didn’t have the strength to maintain it. She’d known this about herself all along.
David put the letters back in the trunk. When he was done, he stared out the window. The beautiful morning had turned to rain, and all he could think about was Lacy. She loved the rain…
A picture of her that night at the party in the garden came to mind and his stomach knotted. If things had turned out differently, she was a woman he would have given his heart and soul to possess. She was a survivor.
“Have you put the scotch down yet?”
David turned when he heard Ethan come in. “Yeah. Andrew told me you were coming.”
“Listen, the guy was worried about you. I don’t know why, you look fine to me.”
Ethan came to the table and sat down. “On second thought, you are looking a little rough around the edges. Are you done with those eggs?”
“Sure.” David pushed the plate of cold food his friend’s way and asked, “Did you draw the short one or…?”
“You wound me.” Ethan placed his hand over his heart and fell back against the chair with a lopsided smile. “Do you think I’d leave the chance to see you wallowing to picking straws? We were all fighting over who got to come here. You can thank me, by the way, because if I hadn’t put my foot down, I think Jo would be sitting here instead of me.”
Even tho
ugh David knew E was joking, it still galled him. He wasn’t the one in the wrong here and best they all knew it. “Jo’d be welcome. It isn’t like I’m the one who wronged Lacy. Far from it.”
The smile slid off E’s face and he sat forward. “Are you sure about that? Before you answer, I want to let you know I talked with Ted and he told me about the shit you’re dealing with over Elaina.”
David snatched a piece bacon off the plate. “You two are worse than a pair of teenage girls. What else did you talk about?”
“Giving head, PMS and finals. What do you think we fucking talked about? You. Lacy. Her leaving for the Dominican in a matter of hours.”
David didn’t want to react. He wanted to feel nothing when it had anything to do with her, but he couldn’t. His heart steadily beat faster and so did his pulse. Fuck. He didn’t want her to go, but he couldn’t ask her to stay. They were nothing to each other. Nothing.
“What she does is none of my business.”
“She’s hurting, D. Bad. Her mother told her some stuff that’s torn her up. Colin’s worried she’ll get on that plane and never come back.”
“She has to. She’s got the clinic to think about.”
Ethan plucked up a crispy slice of bacon and bit it. Chewing, he gave a shrug. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. She’s pretty mad at her father. After her mother laid it all on the line, the guy showed up with his checkbook and tried to buy his way out of feeling guilty over it. Lace was pissed.”
David sat forward. “Guilty over what?”
“Seems she’s been paying for something she didn’t even do. That childhood accident she supposedly caused? She didn’t. Turns out it happened on her mother’s watch and her mother thought her man wouldn’t forgive her, so she blamed it on Lacy with the understanding that Lacy was too young to have known any better so it was never to be discussed. But you know that wasn’t the case. So right about now? Her father is eating humble pie. He’s in real danger of losing both his daughter and his wife for being such an ass.”
David was stunned, but then it all made sense. Her mother’s reaction at the party. The father blaming him for upsetting Lacy’s mother.
“I’m glad she finally got the truth.”
“She did, and she told Colin it would serve him right if she didn’t return. He’d be back doing general practice full time until they found a buyer, and her brother would be stuck doing all his grunt work. Apparently, it came to light during their family meeting, what the brother had been doing to Lacy behind their backs. His punishment, seeing as how they’ve been supporting him all these years, is that he has to work cleaning the kennels once they’re open for business.”
David had to smile over that. He could see Lacy suggesting the idea. But then his smile disappeared because he could also see her wanting to stay away. Hadn’t he already figured out this was how she survived? Absenting herself?
“Yeah, it’s starting to sink in, eh? So what’s all this really about? Are you good with the way it went down with Elaina? Or is Basel right and you’re letting that shit create shit between you and Lacy?”
David thought about that and then shook his head. “I can’t trust her, E. I’ve tried and every time I did, she’d break that trust. Does the past situation with Elaina have anything to do with that and how sensitive I am about it? Yes, but nothing changes the fact that a man like me can’t be with a woman he can’t trust. You know that better than anyone.”
Ethan tossed the last piece of bacon back onto the plate. “Fuck. I was afraid of this. Sorry, man. You’re right.”
David wanted him to say something else. Something different. Something that would matter and make a difference, but he didn’t.
“I hear you’re playing the piano again.”
David nodded.
“Well, that’s one good thing to come from all this, I suppose.”
When Ethan left, David felt worse than he had before. Ethan and the rest of the guys were his last lifeline to helping him fix things and he’d exhausted it. Worse, E hadn’t even tried to talk him out of it, or into some other way to skirt the issue because there was no getting around it, was there?
Yes there is. There’s always a way.
The thought of Lacy going to the Dominican on her own and “bumming” rides from strangers had him looking for alcohol again.
He was going to text Andrew to bring more scotch when he decided to go hunt down Phil and get the liquor himself. He was just passing the desk when he saw the book…and the note. Captivating Z. He shouldn’t have hesitated. He should have ignored it. Thrown both in the garbage before he was tempted to read either of them, but it was too late. His eyes landed on the yellow slip and the first thing he noticed was there was no smiley face — sad, quirky or otherwise— anywhere on the page. He picked it up and read the one short and to the point line.
This is our story!
He snorted and was going to put it down when he thought better of it. It had been awhile since he’d read this one. Skimming through it, that bitter taste in his mouth was back.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lacy sat on the plane and stared out the window. Of all the afternoons to be stuck on the tarmac. She craned her neck to see over the seats in front of her. Sheesh, they hadn’t even closed the door yet. Settling back into her seat, she took comfort in the fact that it was raining. No bug under a magnifying glass in the sun today for her. She watched the droplets skid down the small circle of glass as she tried unsuccessfully to put thoughts of David out of her head.
She couldn’t help it though. Now that she understood what drove her to do the things she did, she could control them. In the future she wouldn’t be looking for an escape, or a way to divert attention from herself. David had told her often enough that she had guts and she did. He said she could live an epic life and she would. If only she’d realized this sooner, she could have lived it with him.
“Sorry.” The large man next to her bumped her arm for a second time.
“It’s okay.” She turned and was going to ask him if he needed more room when she stopped cold. “Where did you get that?”
He looked down. “The Post-it Notes? At the newspaper stand in the terminal.”
“Why yellow?”
“That’s the only color they had. Would you like a few? I’m doing a presentation to a land developer once we arrive and I’d thought I’d jot down some pointers. These are perfect. They’re sticky. See?”
“I see. Yeah, n-no thanks. I don’t need any. I was, ah, just curious.”
She turned back to the window and shook her head. It was as if the Gods were telling her something. First the airport limo guy’s name was Andrew. The guy’s name at the ticket counter was David. It was raining, and now the Post-it Notes?
Ridiculous. She took a deep and cleansing breath, but it didn’t stop that small voice inside her from screaming.
If I get one more sign, I’m going to get off this plane.
She wasn’t going to do that. She wasn’t one of those women that went back. She wasn’t—I think you have to start concentrating on what you are instead of all the things you aren’t—David’s words came back to her, and she admitted he might have been right about this. So what was she?
An image of him standing in that window that first day. Pressing his palm against the glass. Looking down at her as she pleasured herself so she’d pleased him came to her. Her heart rate picked up speed and her mouth went dry as other images surfaced. Her kneeling between his legs, him holding her against the brick wall, his eyes brimming with laughter as he stared down at her while she was bratty, and she knew what she was. She was the woman who wanted to be his special girl. She wanted to feel the sting of his belt, the slap of his hand against her backside in play or for discipline. She wanted the weight of his body pressed against her at night. The hardness of him buried in her heat every morning. She wanted his cock in her mouth and his words messing with her mind.
Quite simply, she was his. Still. May
be forever, so it was a good thing she had guts because she was going to have to use them now so she didn’t fall apart.
What a joke. Guts? If you had real guts, you’d go to him and tell him what a stupid fucking asshole he was for letting you go. That thought was so crystal clear she actually looked around to see if someone had spoken it to her. No one had, but then before she shifted back to the window she happened to spy the one word the guy next to her had written on the top Post-it Note.
Angel.
“That’s it.” She pulled her backpack out from under the seat in front of her and plopped it on her lap. “Now why did you have to go and write that word?” She pointed to the page.
“Excuse me?”
She stood up and said, “No, you’ll have to excuse me. I have to get off this plane. Can I have it, and some of…?” She didn’t finish that question because his answer didn’t matter. She reached down and took the top one, and a couple more pages besides, off his pad.
“Lady!”
She stood in the aisle and adjusted her bag on her shoulder, saying, “Look I’m sorry, but well, this was the last sign I needed for me to know I was making a mistake. This word”—she stabbed a finger into the thin stack of papers in her hand— “out of all the words in the English language you could have used, you used this one? This. One? That clinched it for me.”
The guy frowned up at her and then looked at paper. “Angle?”
Angle? She did a double take and then waved off the mistake. “Close enough. Thanks.”
Damn. David was too late. He missed her plane. Standing at the glass, he watched it take off as he debated on whether to wait for the next commercial flight that was scheduled to go in three hours or to hire a private jet. The difference was several thousands of dollars so yeah, he was going with the private jet option. Maybe he’d catch her before she bummed a ride to God knows where. With God knows who, and he’d have to spank her.
